


Being Orpheus

by tothineownelfbetrue



Category: Disenchantment (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Cerberus - Freeform, Charon - Freeform, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Journey to the Underworld, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, au as of the end of Part 1, but Luci will pretend he knows, hinted Bean/Luci/Elfo, hinted poly shipping, like so slow seriously, mention of greek mythology/other mythology, no beta we die like men, tensions rising during the rescue, they have no idea what they're doing, they're my ot3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 38
Words: 188,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24270553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothineownelfbetrue/pseuds/tothineownelfbetrue
Summary: Bean lives what many consider to be a semi-charmed life as the princess of a fabulous fantasy kingdom, but when a demon and elf come into her life, it begins to redefine her outlook on the world and herself.These three dorks grow and learn together and when the worst happens, they find that there's more to their bond than they could have anticipated.  It leads them down a path that could cost everything... but one that might still be worth it in the end.or: that weird really long, slightly Greek Mythology inspired slow burn coming of age/romance fic.  Because I love these crazy kids.
Relationships: Bean | Tiabeanie/Elfo (Disenchantment), Bean | Tiabeanie/Luci (Disenchantment), Elfo/Luci (Disenchantment)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story concept that originated right after Part 1 of Disenchantment aired. It's rendered completely canon divergent by the events of Part 2, but I'm amused at how many of the original concepts I had that still overlapped with some of the events in Part 2.
> 
> This story overlaps canon for the initial chapters and diverges right after Elfo's death in Part 1, ep 9 "To Thine Own Elf Be True".
> 
> Chapter count is approximate. I'm still in the process of cleaning up the first draft for posting so there may be more/less chapters when that's complete. Chapters will update on Tuesdays.

  
  


It started with the demon. 

That was really the prelude to everything else that was about to go strange in her life and in hindsight, maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to open a random talking box. But she’d been desperate, really. Bean had spent the last few months watching from the sidelines as her father and his advisors decided to muck about with her life. She’d been left out of even the most basic decisions regarding her own welfare. 

Honestly, she should have been used to it by now. She was always treated like this by the people around her. If it wasn’t her royal title dragging her down, then it was her status as a woman that seemed to give every court official and random lowlife cause to look down on her… as though simply by virtue of having a dick, they were somehow better than her. She was not worth the time or consideration to listen to or get to know. Was it any wonder she acted out?

Reason and decorum dictated that she shouldn’t open a weird little box that bounced around on the floor like a living thing. Either because of protocol - she wasn’t allowed to open the wedding gifts, though they were in her name, they were the property of her future husband - or because… well, it was a talking, bouncing box. That wasn’t normal, outside of stories. Even in the stories it wasn’t usually a good sign… it meant something magical and mysterious was afoot… like ghosts.

It fit, didn’t it? 

There she was, ready to be married off to a man she didn't know, didn't like and had no desire to know or like, and what should happen? Obviously the entire situation was ready for further disaster, and she found hers in the appearance of a weird gift on the floor of the castle, bound in an ornate box tied with a ribbon.

Even then, she might not have opened it at all, except for that nagging voice in the back of her mind that sounded suspiciously like her dad’s chancellor, reminding her that she had princessly duties to attend and that she shouldn’t be mucking about. It made her grit her teeth, her fingers clenching on the ribbon and then yanking out of sheer defiance. It slid off, writhing like a live creature as the lid of the box popped off.

The blackness within the box was absolute, until an eye opened in it, bright and piercing. "Princess Tiabeanie! You are hereby cursed, from the deepest depths of the underworld!" Her attempt to silence the strange black creature by cramming the lid on again did nothing and instead the creature inside came out, small and black, moving like an unholy cross between a cat and a shadow. His fangs were sharp and so was his grin. "You look great though!"

People didn't generally compliment royalty unless they wanted something or unless they were threatened with imminent punishment for refusing to bow to the royal ego, and there likely wasn't any way to make a strange magical box goblin-cat bow unless he really wanted to. So Bean could only try to stuff him back into the fancy box he'd come out of, "Help! A weird ghost is attacking and complimenting me!" Her voice echoed through the room, making the shadowy creature cringe all the way down to his pointy tail. Bean found herself with a mouthful of something that seemed to both exist and not-exist at the same time.

"Shhhh-hhh!" The shadow-cat sputtered out, his pointy black ears gone flat. "Silencio!" From the wriggling motions of him trying to twist his head around and look about the room, he seemed nervous. "I'm not a ghost!" She could feel the uncanny sensation of something long and whiplike against the roof of her mouth. "I am a demon." 

Understandably, Bean had never met a demon before, though as a child many people had compared her to one, with her rambunctious nature. She'd expected a bit more from a creature that was - according to stories and the boring sermons that she had largely tuned out - a being of pure concentrated evil. "You're a demon?"

"That's right!" The demon-cat preened, more confident now. "In fact, I'm your personal demon!" His sharp little fingers pressed against her cheeks as he looked down at her, still sitting on her tongue like a lump of heavy nothingness that tasted faintly of brimstone. "Better get used to it-" he purred, unbearably smug. "You're gonna be stuck with me for all eter-"

Bean had been chastised for rudeness on many occasions growing up and, of course, had never spared such accusations any thought because the people accusing her didn't matter. She wasn't about to let some strange tiny demon sit in her mouth and tell her about her cursed life. So, of course, she spat him out, with a force that most, more dainty, princess would not have been able to manage, sending him flying into the stone wall of the castle where he clung for a moment before sliding to the floor.

The small black creature groaned a little, his tail giving a twitch as he pushed himself up, trying again to get in near her. She didn't have the patience to deal with another complication in a life so full of problems already. "Everything is messed up enough already!" She glared at him. "I don't need some demon making my life worse!" Seizing up a weapon from the pile of gifts - and silently thanking whoever it was who was thoughtful enough to give a useful item like this - she brandished it. 

A childhood of sneaking out and swinging play swords behind the backs of the castle staff was proving useful now, as she managed to bring the heavy weapon down onto the demon's small black body. 

"Ow!" For an infernal being, this demon was remarkably easy to knock around, and he flattened against the table beneath the spikes. "That's no lady's mace!" Bean's lips twisted in a smile. It wasn't often that a girl could brandish a weapon against a beast from Hell. There were no stories like this in Bunty's repertoire. Hers would be the first. The demon was made of sterner stuff than she had realized though, picking up his squished-flat form from the table, his body plumping up again. 

"Look..." The demon grumbled, far less gleeful than he had been upon first appearing. "You're stuck with me for all Eternity."

In response to his words, Bean wasted no time, smacking the demon across the room with another determined swing of her mace. The heft of it felt great in her hand, even more so when she encountered very little resistance in striking the demonic creature and sending him flying. He soared through an arched entryway and tumbled down a long set of circular stairs. Bean let the mace rest across her shoulders, smiling. "And that, my friends, is how you return a gift."

As she turned, somehow the demon was there again, dark and battered, with his pointed ears sitting at a frustrated angle as he looked up at her. He looked cowed, and despite her own frustration at this infernal creature being so hard to rid herself of, she felt a surge of satisfaction at his dismay. "If you don't settle down, this is going to be a long Eternity."

Bean's eyes narrowed, meeting the demon's dark gaze. She slowly lowered her mace.

"Okay." She said, at last. She swept out with her foot, knocking the battered demon over again. "You win." 

From the grumble emerging from the black splotch against the floor, it was possible to ascertain that the demon had also lost.

-

His name was Luci.

Bean wasn't sure what kind of name that was for a demon, but as Luci was so quick to point out, Bean was hardly a dignified name for a princess either.

Having a personal demon, as it turned out, was not as interesting or as devastating as it promised to be. The demon was intractable - which was expected but still frustrating - and he constantly refused to do her bidding. On the one hand, this made him a pain to be around. On the other... he was also one of the few people in the palace, aside from her own father, who could tell her no with impunity. It was a bit intriguing, even if she wasn't enjoying this lack of catering to her every whim.

She didn't have too much time to think about it though, not with the wedding looming in only a day. As the big day arrived, she sat in the back of the chapel, awaiting the signal of her own upcoming doom and drank communion wine that Luci poured for her. As they sat side by side, she could only consider her options and how few of them she really had. 

"This isn't how I saw my life going." She confessed, watching the slight perk of the demon's ears as he looked up at her. His tail was coiled around the neck of the wine bottle. His silence invited her to speak more, especially as the wine began to loosen her tongue. "Drinking wine with a demon... not exactly the wedding day of my dreams. I don't even have my real mom." The blue-skinned woman sitting at her father's side was the ultimate frustration for her, second only to the boy who'd taken her place and her importance away. 

The demon was surprisingly silent, the only sound from his claws tapping against the base of the wine bottle. "Well..." Was he uncertain? If so, she couldn't fathom why. He was evil incarnate. Perhaps he merely meant it to gloat for a moment. "Who needs a mom when you have bridesmaids, right?" As Bean shook her head, inwardly scoffing at the notion of bridesmaids when she didn't even know any other women aside from Bunty and her noxious stepmother, Luci backpedaled. "No bridesmaids. Friends?"

"Just drinking buddies." If they could have been termed buddies at all. She was sure that the majority of them would have killed her with the provocation of a few coins or an abandoned mug of ale. 

Luci shifted by her side, looking up at her, his little ears perked with determination. "Here's to drinking buddies!" He raised the wine glass high. "Better than bridesmaids! Better than friends!"

She drank to that.

-

She surprised herself. Standing in front of her father and the members of the court and the visiting royalty who were going to be her new in-laws. She heard her own voice in her ears, even afterward. 

"No!"

No. She did not and would not take this man to be her husband. There was no way. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol surging through her system or some other reason. Perhaps she had just been pushed too far. Whatever the reason, her hand flew out and smacked the ring from the prince's hand.

Just as she hadn't expected to say the word, she hadn't expected the consequences of it either. As her would-be groom impaled himself on the poorly designed throne, Bean watched her already complicated life begin to twist on itself even more. If anything, the arrogant buffoon who came forth from the wings to be her new potential husband was worse than the idiot she'd led into an accidental demise.

She stood there, resigned. What could she do that wouldn't make this worse, somehow? Everything she did only seemed to exacerbate the problems, miring herself even more in this unfortunate fate she'd been trying hard to avoid. Problem after problem, piling on until she couldn't stand under the weight of them all. She was too weary to protest this latest development, despite the strong pull to resist. 

So she waited for the inevitable. Or for the improbable. If there was something out there that could save her from this fate. But no... she already knew that would be ridiculous.

But it happened, just the same.

It took three simple words. Just three simple words changed the course of Bean's life in ways that she hadn't thought to anticipate.

"Hi! I'm Elfo!" 

-


	2. Chapter 2

-

  
  


Bean looked at the small green figure perched across her knees, her eyes wide for a second. The poofy wedding gown she was wearing had padded her enough that the fall from the window hadn't hurt her, and the alcohol still in her system prevented her from feeling much in the way of pain. But when she gave the trailing end of her dress a tug to free it from the glass of the broken window, the elf had fallen right into her lap.

So this was an elf? She'd heard of such creatures before, back in her younger days. Her caretaker, Bunty, had told her stories about little magical people and the things they would get up to. They had always been so serious, these stories.

"Always skulking about beneath the castle and stealing babies. Oh, those poor wee babies..." Exactly what the little people did with all the babies they supposedly stole was a question that Bunty had never been able to answer. By the time Bean hit double-digits, she'd already figured out that Bunty's "little people" and their magical exploits - and all of the things like that - were nothing but a load of horse shit.

Yet now here one was, right in front of her.

Had she asked - at some point in a drunken state - for the help of some kind of magical being to get her out of this sham of a marriage? She was hard-pressed to think of any other reason why not one, but two supernatural creatures would have shown up at her feet over the past two days. As Bean vaguely wished she could remember anything from Bunty's stories, the sound of a pursuit hot on their heels drove the thought of magical help and its inevitable cost out of her mind. 

Luci was infuriatingly casual as Bean and her new companion picked themselves up from the cobblestones, shaking off the broken glass from the window. "How'd it go?" Curls of smoke escaped the demon's lips from the cigar he'd found somewhere. As the two darted past him, he followed behind as her father's men and her would-be fiance ran hot on their heels.

Bean was pretty sure that none of the stories she'd been told involved magical creatures being so helpless. While Luci, the demon-not-a-cat, seemed to have some idea of what he was doing, his entire task was centered around getting Bean into trouble and corrupting her, which probably made his reasons for joining her ultimately nefarious. Elfo, on the other hand, barely seemed like he could survive in the world. His short legs didn't carry him far or fast, and he was slower than Luci who was smaller.

At least he was light. He was a warm weight in her arms as she picked him up. Unlike Luci, who brought the smell of brimstone along with him, clinging to his dark body no matter how far they were from an actual fire, the little green elf carried a sweet, vaguely-familiar smell.

She would have been more curious about it if they hadn't been running for their lives.

Her would-be fiance and her father's men were all idiots and as they sat in the tree and watched the four men wandering away to find their lost trail, Bean felt the first semblance of relief. It was heightened as they sat around the fire Luci created for them. A weight had been lifted from her... something in the dark, in the company of a demon and an elf, gave her a comfort she hadn't been expecting.

It had been a very long time since she'd spoken of having dreams. She barely knew her two companions - one of whom was objectively evil - and yet...

"What is this feeling I don't want to drink away?" She could feel the weight of Elfo and Luci against her leg, solid and reassuring.

"That's hope." The elf said, soft but excited. It made Bean smile, even as Luci chimed in.

"You know what they say in Hell: Hope's for Dopes." For some reason, that only made her smile more. 

-

When they were finally caught, in the most unceremonious way possible, it seemed like that hope couldn't last. She expected it to go away, back in the castle with the inevitable wedding looming over her again. But this time, there were new voices, besides the ones that had been telling her about her duties as a princess and a 'lady'. 

Yes, said voices belonged to a troublemaking demon and a foolishly naive elf, but they were different voices, at least.

When Bean returned to the castle from a day of potentially disastrous choices spurred on by Luci's bad advice, she found their companion in a bad state. Despite what her father had said, the sight of the elf locked in a cage and slumped weakly against the bars made her feel an unfamiliar emotion. Was this what sympathy was like? 

She'd never felt something like that before. While Sorcerio went off with her father to talk about what other horrifying experimentation they could do to their captive, Bean stood at the side of Elfo's cage and awkwardly patted at his arm while the blood continued to slowly drain into the flask. Now that they weren't running for their lives - and now that she knew a little bit more about elves and their bizarre culture from listening to Elfo whining about it - the smell from the elf was obviously the scent of some kind of candy. Maybe the smell was stronger because of the blood on the air.

"Are you okay?" She asked again, glancing over her shoulder as she reached for the latch. There was no way she'd be able to walk out with Elfo in tow though, not considering how badly her father wanted the elf for his stupid attempts to become immortal. The most she could do was ruffle his hair awkwardly as she looked down at the slow drip into the glass vial.

It was going to be a very long night...

None of them directly brought it up, but Zog's threat was still there, lingering in their collective awareness. Elfo wrung his hands as he kept looking at the glass where there was only a small pool of slightly gleaming blood. "I'm an optimist..." he said at last, though his voice sounded less than confident. "I say the glass is half full."

"It's not." Luci's voice was flat.

The demon had a point, even Bean was willing to concede that much. There wasn't even enough to cover the entire bottom of the glass. Elfo was going to wind up ground into a paste and for some reason, it really bothered Bean. It wasn't just that he'd saved her life... he hadn't really, he'd only delayed the inevitable... but he was one of the few people she'd met to actually treat her like a real person and not some kind of untouchable royal.

She was a royal, of course, but it didn't mean she didn't want to be treated like a normal teenager. There was little hope of that in Dreamland. It was funny, up until she’d run into someone who just treated her like a person, she hadn’t really stopped to consider whether or not that was something she was really looking for. Now that she knew, the fact that she was about to go back to being treated like a princess - or worse, some royal douchebag’s queen slash arm candy - was even worse. It made her insides twist. 

If she had to be someone’s queen instead of her own person, at least it might have been tolerable if she had people around who still treated her like she was an individual. She couldn’t just stand by and let her dad turn Elfo into paste.

“There’s got to be some way…” She mused out loud, only to have her already fleeting train of thought thrown off track by the loud squealing of pigs outside. She groaned, rising to her feet and snatching one of the glass flasks. Stupid animals. She was trying to think here! “Shut up you stupid pigs!” She froze partway through the motion of actually throwing the flask out the window. Several thoughts flitted across her mind in quick succession, a jumbled mess of information trying to put itself together as her hand held up in the air, unmoving. 

The flask… they needed to fill it with blood. Her dad said if it wasn’t full of blood by morning, he’d do something worse to Elfo.

But - and this mental voice sounded an awful lot like Luci for a second - He never said it had to be elf blood, right?

She ran his words through her brain again. Sure, it was implied, but it wasn’t like he would know the difference if it wasn’t. It wasn’t like elves were that common… and besides…. both her dad and his pet sorcerer were idiots. So maybe…

“Ohhhh…” The word finally escaped her, the breath that had been caught in her throat slipping free. Of course. She had a plan.

-

“Did you know pigs are ninety percent blood?” Bean said as she hoisted the animal up, the rope around its fat middle keeping it suspended as she unclipped the blood draining cuff from Elfo’s arm and slipped it around the pig’s foreleg. 

“Not anymore,” Luci said, his tail swishing. The comment was sardonic, but his expression was one of amusement. Bean suspected that he just liked the sight of someone getting drained of blood. Demons probably dealt with a lot of blood and torture in Hell. At least, that was what she gathered from the - admittedly vague and often contradictory - information that their new religion was passing out. She made a mental note to ask him about it sometime later. At the moment she was busy patting herself on the back.

Elfo rubbed at the spot it had been, a few droplets of blood still oozing out onto his green skin. He didn’t make any effort to squeeze the spot to stop the blood flow and for the first time it occurred to Bean that maybe he didn’t even know the basics of how to take care of wounds. Could he really be that naive? Bean wasn’t exactly an expert but even she knew better than to not apply pressure to stop the bleeding. It wasn’t that much blood, especially not by human standards, but considering how much her dad’s lackey had already leeched from him, she didn’t suppose he could spare too much more. She reached out without thinking, catching hold of his arm, just above the wrist. Her fingers circled easily around the width of the entire limb as she squeezed and she felt him jolt at her touch, his eyes wide as he looked up at her.

“Just...hold still, Elfo.” She said, trying to reassure him. In the brief time they’d known each other, she’d concluded that he was prone to panic in these tense situations and she didn’t want him to overreact or think she was trying to hurt him. He was tense for a second, probably because he’d been manhandled by Sorcerio for the past several hours and being grabbed like this had to have been some kind of prelude to more of the man’s experiments, but he settled after a few seconds

He was quiet as they watched the pig blood drain steadily into the glass flask, the drip of it was the only real sound other than Luci’s occasional cough or puff at his cigarette. She felt the urge to say something, to break the cloying silence. Was it awkward that she was holding onto him like this? How long did she need to apply pressure anyway?

Now that she wasn’t running for her freedom or being chased around, she was actually aware of the strange texture of his skin when she touched him. He was warm, but nowhere near Luci’s furnace-like heat, and the feeling of his skin was strange. It wasn’t fuzzy, the way that Luci’s demon body was somehow both fuzzy and also kind of malleable, but kind of plush. Her thumb moved, tracing back and forth over the spot and it was only when she noticed Elfo’s gaze darting to her hand that she realized what she was doing and drew herself up short with a soft cough. She pulled her fingers away, feeling the lingering warmth and the odd tingle in her fingertips as she finally released her grip.

She cleared her throat, rubbing at her own arm as she darted her gaze away. “So… this should get my dad off your back, at least for a bit.”

Elfo turned to look at her again, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile, his voice soft but carrying. “Thank you, Bean. I’m glad you’re here to help me.” His hands curled together, fingers twiddling for a second as he gave a soft cough, his legs swinging in the air. He looked like he was going to say more, as if she needed more gratitude for doing a halfway decent thing, but Luci’s groan cut in.

“Don’t you two go getting all sentimental on me now. Gross.” The demon prodded Bean in the arm with his tail tip. “We’re just here to get Elfo out, which we can’t do until your dad and his dumbass wizard show up again. We’re going to have a long day tomorrow so you should probably get a little sleep.” His eye narrowed. “You’ll want to be at your best when you’re murdering your fianc- _mff_ -?!” She clamped her hand down on his muzzle to shut him up, her gaze going to Elfo, who still looked dazed. As far as Elfo knew, she’d decided not to go through with a murder plan and she didn’t want to get the day off to a bad start by sharing that information too far ahead of time where he could spend a while worrying about it.

Fortunately, Elfo didn’t seem to have noticed what Luci had been going on about, because he smiled at her guilelessly. It was time to get back to her room while she still could, just in case he was slow to get it and would think to ask questions in a moment. “Luci’s right though. We need to get to bed. You should get some rest too, Elfo.” 

The elf nodded, shuffling in his tiny cage to rest his head against the bars. She felt a little bad as she headed back to her room. Her own pillows were tremendously soft, as was everything else about her bed, and Luci - still grumbling from her earlier attempts to shut him up - curled into one with a kneading motion of his paws. Elfo was going to spend the night in a cage by himself… She sighed as she rolled over, facing the ceiling.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Luci said, without ever looking in her direction or uncurling from his comfortable coil. The tip of his tail flicked, thumping against the pillow. She frowned skeptically. What could he know about what she was thinking? He flicked an ear, smoothly cutting into her thought, “We’re bonded, remember? I’m bound to your soul. I know you better than anyone.” There was a note of humour in his voice. “Hell, I probably know you better than you know yourself. Right now you’re thinking about how Elfo’s all locked up in a cage and we’re pretty comfortable, right?”

Yeah. Okay, so it seemed like he actually did have her pegged. She sighed, turning away from him, her cheek squished into the pillow. “Yeah… I guess so…” She let out a sharp breath. “I mean… what is my dad even thinking? Does Elfo even actually have any magic? Other than being kind of… small and weird and green… he doesn’t seem to be much like those stories Bunty told me.” Elves in the stories had all kinds of weird powers, usually somehow related to the baby stealing, but Elfo just seemed like a normal person who was smaller and dorkier. “And it’s not like he’d run away, so he doesn’t even need to be in a cage.”

“Bean, there’s one thing you’re overlooking here.” Luci said, his tone surprisingly reasonable. She turned over to look at him, frowning.

“What’s that?”

The demon stretched, catlike, spreading his toes so she could see each tiny claw. He was leisurely throughout, making her wait for his answer. It was only after he settled again that he finally spoke. “People are stupid, Bean. Here in Dreamland, they’re even stupider than most… something I didn’t think was even possible, to be honest.” His tail batted at the back of her hand where it rested against the blankets. “And you can’t do anything about it, so why feel guilty. It’s not like you put Elfo in the cage, anyway.”

“...that is true.” It wasn’t like her to spend too much time worrying over things she couldn’t control. She’d always been a ‘live in the moment’ sort of princess. She tried to remind herself of that. There was nothing she could do that she hadn’t already done. Elfo would be free to join them soon enough, thanks to her plan with the pig… she had nothing to worry about.

It was what she told herself as she closed her eyes, trying to sleep. She remembered - only belatedly - that she hadn’t bothered to get plastered before passing out and that meant she was probably going to lie awake for hours trying to decide whether to sneak out to a tavern again.

She was pondering on the logistics of it when she fell asleep anyway.

-

  
  
  
  


As they came to the room the next morning, Bean belatedly realized that she’d underestimated how much of the pig blood would fill the flask. Still, looking at the brimming flask and the expression on Sorcerio’s pinched face, she felt a wave of satisfaction. Not only had she successfully saved the weird little elf, she was also getting to stick it to her dad in a way he wasn’t going to be able to trace back to her very easily. It was win-win, as Luci would have put it.

It was a bonus when her dad was standing ankle-deep in pig’s blood and actually consented to allowing her to take Elfo with her on her party barge trip. Elfo, on the other hand, was a bit unsteady as she helped him down from the cage. She wasn’t sure that he understood what was going on… he’d still had quite a bit of blood loss relative to his size, but once they were there, she was sure he’d have a good time anyway. Besides, if he was out of it, maybe he wouldn’t be as upset at finding out about the whole murder thing...

-

She had to admit, she threw a good party when she put her mind to it. She’d invited as many people as she could, in order to make sure it was a convincing bachelor party for Merkimer, but given how quickly he seemed to forget about anything but the stories he was telling about himself to everyone else, she suspected she might have been able to just grab a few random homeless guys off the street and still have the same effect. 

It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like she had to pay the soldiers to come and party. They got drunk rapidly while Bean was still carefully regulating her intake of booze - with a little help from Elfo, when he wasn’t being used for entertainment purposes. He came staggering up to her in a way that she would normally have interpreted as being drunkenness but in his case was probably just because he’d been spun several dozen times in a row. 

“My head feels weird,” He said as he leaned against the table leg, looking up at her. She almost felt a little bad for him, he seemed so earnest, but there was kind of a lot going on that she had to focus on. She just nodded absentmindedly and reached out to pat him on the head.

Luci came up beside them, hopping onto the table and pouring himself another drink. “So, almost time for the plan, losers. Got everything prepped?” He speared a piece of cheese through with his tail and took a lazy bite of it.

Elfo pulled himself up as straight as he could manage, even though he had to briefly grab hold of Bean’s knee when he almost fell over. “Yes!” He said, as chipper as he could manage, then he paused, brows furrowed in confusion. “I mean… I don’t know.” He looked at Bean who only nodded, tight-lipped.

There wasn’t a lot to her plan, admittedly. It was as basic as something could get, but as Luci had pointed out, that was probably a good thing in this instance. Something about idiots screwing things up… 

The captain’s voice rang out, letting them know they were nearing mermaid island and to get prepared. There was no time to think about whether or not this was a good idea or whether she was ready for it, because it was happening. 

As the soldiers and other partygoers were being lashed to the masts, Bean was thinking about what would happen afterward. She hadn’t considered it before, but her dad was probably going to be pretty mad about this. Not that he could do anything about it. As Luci had pointed out, having witnesses of Merkimer’s untimely demise due to mermaids ought to be enough to get her off the hook. Her dad could rage and sputter but what else was there for him to do if her fiance was dead? Besides, he really wanted this stupid alliance, he could marry the damn king of Bentwood himself instead of making her marry a pig like Merkimer.

She hadn’t anticipated Elfo failing in this regard, but she supposed she should have. Even in the very short amount of time she’d known him so far, he seemed a bit worried about rules. It was an odd sort of concern for someone who’d broken into her wedding and encouraged her to ignore the traditions of her kingdom in favour of following her own heart, but maybe it was just that murder made him squeamish. Considering her own reluctance to use poison, she could understand a bit.

“I couldn’t do it.” He whined aloud and she let out her breath in a sigh, wondering if she was relieved or just further frustrated over it. 

Luci growled low, “Elf defense? Try self-defense.” He tossed her a knife with an easy gesture and she caught it. It made sense, she was here for the sole purpose of offing her would-be fiance to avoid having to deal with this whole wedding nonsense… but she couldn’t pretend she wasn’t at least a little disappointed that her new ‘friend’ hadn’t come through for her when she needed him.

In fact, he seemed determined to prevent her from killing her fiance. 

She watched as he and Luci fumbled over the knife and it was eventually knocked aside, leaving her as the one who had to make the decision over how far she was willing to actively go in the murder of her soon-to-be husband.

As she watched Merkimer break free of the chewed ropes lashing him to the mast, she felt the surge of victory, followed shortly after by defensiveness at the discomfort Elfo was showing at being party to murder. She reminded herself that he could have turned down going entirely if he was that upset about offing someone, but it was hard to be as frustrated over his failure as she might have otherwise. He had specifically come along to spend time with her and be a supportive friend, not to be an accessory to murder. Fortunately, he seemed to be easily distracted from bad thoughts, so she could just bribe him later and he’d probably forget about it.

It occurred to her that she shouldn’t have been worried about his feelings when she’d been the one counting on him, but… well, he wasn’t human and maybe he just didn’t get how human friendships worked.

Some small part of her was nagging at her that she didn’t exactly have a lot of room to talk when it came to the nature of human friendships, considering she’d never had a friend before in her life, unless you counted Bunty. But she put that to the back of her mind for the moment.

All that mattered currently was the fact that their mission had succeeded. It was time to head back home. 

-


	3. Chapter 3

-

As it turned out, Merkimer wasn’t quite as dead as she hoped. If his reappearance hadn’t saved her life, she might have been more upset about the fact. Luci’s dig about wanting a husband who slept with thirty walruses was enough to make her want to punt him into the ocean - she didn’t - but it was Elfo’s snide comment from earlier that stuck with her on the trip home.

“It was both of you, you both killed us.” She wasn’t used to having to think about her actions, but the elf had a point as much as she really didn’t want to admit it. This could have turned out a lot worse… Luci had openly admitted that he was around to encourage her to make bad decisions so going along with his suggestion had probably been the ‘wrong’ choice… but Bean was so used to making decisions entirely based on how much she felt like doing whatever it was at the given time…

With the slow trip home in the sodden barge, she had more time to think about it and she wasn’t necessarily liking that fact. She sighed, looking over at Luci who was preoccupied with watching Merkimer show off a severed head to the rapt soldiers. Her gaze darted to Elfo who was sitting on the railing, legs dangling in the air as he looked down at the water. She cleared her throat, easing up to him. “Hey.” She said. Quiet.

“Hey.” Elfo looked up at her, startled but offering a small smile anyway. If he was still mad about the whole debacle earlier, he wasn’t really showing it. 

Bean cleared her throat, leaning her elbows on the railing. “I know it’s been a bit crazy…. What with the wedding and the attempted murder…” her gaze darted away for a second as she remembered his earlier protests about her plans to off her fiance. Seems like he’d been wrong about her. The fact that she hadn’t managed to actually kill Merkimer didn’t mean a lot when she’d definitely tried. So much for being a good person. “I just... “ she swallowed, her eyes going back to him. For a moment she wanted reassurance that she wasn’t sure she deserved. Being told she wasn’t a bad person… she hadn’t been able to handle it before… but she had to admit there’d been some appeal that she couldn’t understand. She’d never been told she was a good person or even an okay one. 

Dreamlanders in general were hardly the most caring, compassionate or worthwhile sorts and she’d never realized how much she took that for granted. She didn’t need to be good or to be liked… except… maybe she really wanted to be liked. The thought that her one new friend might have cause to decide she really was just an awful jerk made her feel pretty low.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay…” she said, not able to articulate the other words and feelings. She let the words hang awkwardly on the air, followed by a small cough. She ducked her head to watch the water lapping around the straining planks of the ship’s sides.

The long pause had the anxiety licking at her and she darted a quick gaze in his direction after a few seconds, expecting to see anger. She was used to angry people. It was the default state for most of the dreamland residents she’d known. Instead, his expression was just plain flabbergasted, his eyes wide and the corner of his mouth pulled in an expression that was trying and failing to be a smile. When he noticed her looking at him, his head dropped for a second, his gaze going to his feet as he cleared his throat dramatically and for far longer than necessary.

“Why would you-” he cut off, then switched to a different line of thought. “I mean… of course you just wanted to see if I was okay. That’s not a weird thing to ask.” While Bean was contemplating whether it actually was something weird she was asking about or whether Elfo was just being strange, the elf continued, “But I am! Okay, that is. I’m definitely okay.” He tilted his head, looking at her from the corner of his eye. “I mean we’re alive.”

“Yeah. We are.” Bean bit her lip, then let her breath out in a sigh. “I just mean… I kind of dragged us all out here and…” She couldn’t utter the words ‘I’m sorry’, but she let them sit on the air between them anyway.

Elfo’s gaze got soft for a moment and he reached out a hand to pat at her arm. “It’s okay, Bean. It all worked out, didn’t it?”

That was definitely open for debate. Sure, she hadn’t actually killed someone which meant her only claim to murder was her ex-fiance who’d stabbed himself through the head and that was debatable in her overall culpability, but on the other hand. “But… I still have to get married.”

That was the real rub, wasn’t it? As much as she hadn’t wanted to murder someone, the fact was…. Killing Merkimer would have spared her this whole nonsense of a wedding and all of the things to inevitably follow. She groaned, covering her face with one hand. 

Elfo had no reassurance for her. She had no doubt he would have tried to say something if he could have thought of it, but his silence stood out that much more because of it. He did pat at her though, awkwardly, looking out across the water as though he was hoping for some answers or a magical solution. If there was one, Bean wasn’t seeing it.

-

It was the big day. Bean sighed, brushing her hands down the front of her wedding gown. It had been hastily repaired but it still looked out of place on her. She didn’t recognize herself in the mirror. The misery on her face was the only part that felt familiar and it was hardly the most reassuring consistent aspect of her life. She’d lived with it so long that the idea of seeing a genuine smile in the mirror was foreign. The closest she’d come to some feeling of not-awfulness had been when they’d camped out in the woods.

Hope, yeah. As the demon would have said “Hope’s for dopes.” And there was no bigger dope than herself for ever thinking that this inevitable arranged marriage was something she could circumvent. Bean looked at her new companions where they sat on the windowsill. Luci’s expression was as impassive as ever, unreadable for more reasons than the fact that he was basically a shadow in the vague form of a cat. Elfo was wringing his hands as she drew near.

“Well, this is it…” Her voice sounded dull to her own ears. “Freedom was nice while it lasted…” Funny how the few hours she’d spent running around in the woods with an elf and a demon had been more freedom than an entire lifetime up until then where she’d ostensibly not had any real responsibilities. She wished they’d made it. Elfo held his arms out to her in an offered hug and she leaned into it for a few seconds. It was a tiny gesture that made her feel better up until it was over and she was reminded that no one who mattered really cared about what a princess was feeling.

She sighed, turning away from the two small companions, leaving them behind as she made her slow march toward her future.

-

She joined Zog in front of the chapel and even he didn’t seem as into it as she had expected given all of his fuss over the cake and the preparations. It was almost worse that he wasn’t even getting enjoyment out of this. What was the good of some stupid alliance that didn’t even have the decency to make the one forcing her into it happy? It was bullshit, wasn’t it? He took Bean by the arm and led her forward. A day ago, she would have been fighting her way down the aisle. Now she simply went along, beaten.

As they stood, waiting for Merkimer to join her - something that was taking far too long even for a self-absorbed layabout like the Bentwood prince - Bean wondered where there was to go from this. She was going to be married to this ass and presumably bear him some number of children that he would need to have heirs to his kingdom. Her dad would get cash in exchange for her like he was selling a cow or something, and he’d just blow it with his dumb decision making and leave Dreamland as destitute as ever. Really, who was it benefiting?

Her attention was drawn away from this train of thought as Merkimer entered. The man was as oblivious as ever and in far too good a mood for such a solemn occasion. As he swaggered down the aisle, grinning like an idiot at random women - and men - he passed by, He offered to invite them all to join him and his - soon to be - wife after the ceremony. Bean grimaced. She hadn’t had any objections to the thought of casual sex, hell, she enjoyed hooking up with marginally attractive men in an effort to distract herself from the tedium of her own life, she didn’t appreciate being offered about like a piece of meat.

As he came closer, she caught a glimpse of Elfo and Luci, who had decided to show up despite Elfo’s earlier sad protestations. She felt herself briefly perking as she saw them, then tried to school the reaction and bring herself back down to earth. It was a solemn event, god damn it. There was no place for hopeful feelings about two weird little creatures she’d just met a day ago…

As the thought crossed her mind, she was distracted by a gasp from the audience and she groaned. The last thing she needed was more trouble from the peanut gallery and she was almost ready to say so out loud when her gaze traveled to what the random person was looking at.

The change in front of her eyes was uncanny and terrifying. Merkimer’s body grew shorter, his proportions shifting and changing. Parts of himself bulged and squeezed in different configurations as he dropped to all fours, and the sound of his new hooves against the carpet almost covered the soft giggle from the back that drew Bean’s gaze to Elfo. He and Luci were both standing there together, watching the proceedings with expressions of varying delight. She had no idea how they’d done it, but… somehow they’d taken her comments about Merkimer being a sexist pig to heart. By the time the Bentwood prince reached her, his status as a pig was more than just figurative.

“Hey.” He said, and the absurdity of it finally hit Bean full force. She looked at her dad, incredulous.

“Really?!” She’s reached a point where the absurdity is too much, she could almost laugh if it wasn’t a matter of her life and happiness at stake. “You’re okay with this?” Her father’s face was twisted in a grimace and she could read the hesitation in him finally. He’d been all about this stupid alliance and the arranged marriage because it didn’t affect him personally, but there had to be some limit on what even he could tolerate. She sensed he’d finally reached it and she pushed, trying to make sure. But the words that came out of her mouth were more for herself than her father. “Isn’t there a time in everyone’s life where they have to figure out who they are?” She didn’t know herself but she felt like maybe she’d met a girl there, in the woods, in the company of a demon and a weird little elf, who she wanted to get more familiar with. “Are we standing in that moment right now? I don’t know a lot, but there’s one thing I know… and I know it really intensely…and that’s… I don’t want to marry this pig.” Just saying the words made her feel a little stronger, a little more steady on her feet.

Maybe it wasn’t actually a decision about what she wanted in her life, but it was good to at least be able to point to something and declare “not this. This isn’t what I want.” The crash of breaking glass and an ear-splitting squeal drew her attention - and that of the crowd - to the nearby stained glass window where a naked version of Merkimer was standing. It should have been weird, but given everything else she’d already been through, she took it in stride. “Or that one either.”

Her father’s grunt reached her ears and she turned to look at him, already knowing what hew as going to say from the furrow of his brows and the grimace on his face. “Bean is right. This whole goddamn marriage is a disaster.” The acknowledgment of not only the inevitable dissolution of their stupid arranged marriage idea but of her own rightness, made her feel warm inside. It was almost as good as the feeling of getting plastered.

The king of Bentwood wasn’t nearly as excited by this as Bean, approaching her father aggressively. Bean stepped aside as the two of them faced off, turning to meet Luci and Elfo who were running over to join her. Luci hopped up onto her shoulder with an easy flick of his tail. “Good job, Bean. You ruined a politically important arrangement and Elfo turned some dumbass into a pig. I think we all need to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done!” 

She looked to him for a second, vaguely amused at his enjoyment of the situation, before meeting Elfo’s gaze. The elf had an earnest look, but his cheeks coloured at Luci’s damning praise. “Did you really turn Merkimer into a pig?” She’d been grateful for Elfo’s intervention in her marriage the last time when it had been a clear case of ‘wrong place, wrong time’. There was a deliberateness to actually changing some jerk into an animal that went above and beyond. Bean had lucked into some good friends.

“I…” Elfo rubbed at the back of his neck, letting out a nervous chuckle. “I guess so?” There were a lot of questions that sprung to mind at that, not the least of which was how he’d done it, but she suspected everything relevant could be answered simply by the fact that he was a magical elf. 

She’d ask again later though, in case it was something she might be able to use again… like on her dad, maybe. Or her annoying little brother.

For the moment, she was far more concerned with getting some booze into herself, something that Luci was very obliging about because he’d managed to pull a flask from nowhere. With the press of bodies crowding forward to watch Zog and King Lorenzo duke it out, the chant of ‘king fight, king fight’ loud on the air, she instead scooped an arm around Elfo’s middle, hiking him into the air as she climbed up onto one of the overhanging [windowsills] above the crowded chapel floor.

As they sat there, overlooking the mess, she took a drink from the flask and grinned. “Thanks for making my wedding a day I’ll always remember. Now let’s see how fast we can forget it.”

-


	4. Chapter 4

Bean was already stumbling drunk, looking across the table at her two companions before they made their slow way back to the castle. She was so used to getting drunk on her own that the fact that she had to wait up for two people with far shorter legs than her own made things a little awkward at times. She paused at the mouth of an alley, looking back at Elfo who was falling over his own feet and giggling, and she couldn’t help but smile as well. He looked ridiculous… a tiny green bit of fluff in a dumb purple hat… and when he had his face pressed to the cobbles, it was even more evident just how strange he was.

“Hey! Street.” He observed, his cheek pressed against the cobbles. She laughed, making her swaying way back over to him. “Bean! I found the street.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you did. Good job, buddy,” Bean dropped to one knee beside him and felt the world around her do a little dip, giving her vertigo. She slid an arm around his solid little body and pulled him to her chest. His chin rested on her shoulder but he didn’t protest being manhandled in such a manner. “Let’s get back before my dad realizes we’re gone.”

The sky was already getting light outside and it meant she really needed to get into her own bed so she could drunkenly snooze through the day until it was time to get plastered again. For some reason, holding Elfo helped her focus a little. He was warm and solid and weirdly soft… it was a bit like she was holding a living, breathing plush toy. When they reached the castle again, she set him down, but only reluctantly. 

Once they were in her room again, sprawled out on her bed, she reached out her hand at intervals, brushing her fingers against his cheek, ruffling the softness of his fluffy sideburns and mussing his hair idly. It was soothing. For all of Luci’s catlike appearance, he wasn’t actually quite as satisfying to touch, mostly because he didn’t like it and glowered at her. Elfo just closed his eyes and leaned into the brush of her hands without any attempt to be tough or dignified. She liked that about him. There was a certain honesty to his reactions that was refreshing, especially given how she was used to being sucked up to.

“Ugh…” She covered her eyes as the light came in the window, grimacing. Sure, she’d been out on the town drinking, but that didn’t mean she didn’t _want_ to sleep. Unfortunately, her dad being an asshole made it hard for her to just zonk out for the remainder of the day. “You use your curtains to escape once and your dad is like “no more curtains”.” Rude.

She let out a sigh, wishing she had more booze on her. “I need something to take the edge off…”

She eased to her feet, swaying a bit, but more from exhaustion than anything. The drunken buzz had worn off already and she was left with the vaguest pressure of a headache pressing against her temples and a near overwhelming thirst. God, she could really go for a beer… She leaned her hands on the windowsill as she looked out over the gardens. Down below, Oona emerged from the castle door and started making laps around the fountain, her voice rising in a high animal screech.

Bean’s eyes widened and she leaned forward far enough that for a few seconds she was worried she might lose her balance and fall out. Oh. Nice. She knew her stepmother was probably dealing with a lot of shit too, not that she was ever feeling generous enough to give the woman any credit after she’d usurped Bean’s mother in Zog’s life, but Oona also had the advantage of some good drugs too. She’d never tried any of Oona’s stash herself but as she watched the woman running around the courtyard like a hopped-up lizard, she was intrigued.

“I need Oona’s little helper…” She muttered aloud.

Elfo, predictably, didn’t understand. “She has a friend like me?” He sounded hopeful. 

On the other side of him, Luci let out a snort, leaning over the foot of the bed frame and letting his tail. “She doesn’t have any friends.” The demon hopped down, padding over to climb up Bean’s leg, using his new, higher vantage point to look at the Dankmiarian woman running laps around the fountain. “All she has in her life is a drug that makes her happy.” She knew what he was going to say before the words left his mouth, but he grinned and said them anyway. “Let’s steal it!”

-

It might have gotten a little out of hand.

To be fair to Bean, though, she couldn’t really remember just what they’d done while they’d been hopped up on Oona’s drugs. Other than some vague impressions of running around town, the majority of the evening before their whole grave robbing thing was a mindless blur. Her hip was sore where she’d landed on it after tumbling into the crypt, and she couldn’t meet her dad’s gaze for a moment after he pulled her hood off.

There was probably something she could have said to make this mess a little bit better, but she wasn’t the best speaker even when she wasn’t coming down off of an extended drug trip. So all she could manage was a soft, “Hi dad.”

Zog sputtered at the sight of her and she would have found it amusing to watch him flounder if she hadn’t known that she was the one who was going to get into trouble. He was looking at the poorly drawn poster of her - with a mustache? Why? - and then at Odval. “There’s no way you’re going to convince me that my daughter is a criminal!”

Of all the times for her dad to decide to have faith in her, it seemed weird that it would be the time when she’d actually done what she was accused of. She would have been hopeful about it for a second, but the herald’s voice rang out loud and obnoxious and she really wanted to punch him for a second, just for good measure.

“Presenting victims one through nine!”

“God damn it!”

Bean stumbled through an attempt at an explanation as the people shuffled in. “Look… I know I ran a tad wild. But what can you expect from someone who has no control over her own destiny?” Now that the words had come out, she found herself having to consider the truth of them. It made sense, didn’t it? She couldn’t control the mess that was her life, but she could control sneaking out and drinking, or stealing drugs and sharing them with her personal demon and their weird elf friend. She continued with more conviction than before. “So… so I turn to drinking, drugs and my evil little friend…”

Luci hissed up at her, fiercely. “SHUT UP.”

“Your weird cat?” Zog latched onto Luci’s involvement immediately, much to the demon’s dismay. Considering it had been Luci’s prompting that had gotten all of this started in the first place, Bean was tempted to let him writhe under the angry king’s scrutiny, but she jumped in anyway.

“No! Not him… I mean-” She flailed about for words, someone else she could blame who wasn’t a person she personally knew. Maybe she could find a more suitable scapegoat... ? But no one was coming to mind who fit the details of her statement. She didn’t know that many little folks and there was no way that Zog would buy it if she pointed at Vip and Vap who were the first people to immediately come to mind. But while she was struggling to come up with an answer, Elfo was already stepping in on her behalf.

“She meant me!” His voice rose high and wavery as he looked up at Zog. “I’m so bad! Oh, I’m bad…”

Why he would choose to jump in during her efforts to keep Zog from putting a cucumber beside Luci or petting him the wrong way, she wasn’t sure. He’d been the one who’d almost held them back from their drug usage with his need to be peer pressured into it and she knew he didn’t like getting in trouble. As thoughtful as it was for him to try and throw himself at Zog’s mercy to help, it also wasn’t very realistic. She would never have bought it herself and even if her dad was an idiot, there was no way he would either.

“No you’re not!” Zog sounded amused, “You’re a marshmallow with legs!”

It was a funny mental image as she looked down at Elfo while he was getting his belly poked by her father. But it was also weirdly true. He was soft and squishy and very sweet. Definitely a marshmallow. An occasionally shrill and squeaky marshmallow.

Well, even if Zog hadn’t fallen for it, at least he’d tried. She made a mental note to thank him later, if her dad didn’t murder her over all this.

Beside her, Luci was unrepentant and fully uncaring of the prospect of Bean - or even Elfo- getting in trouble. Now that Zog’s attention wasn’t on him, he leaned himself against Bean’s leg and radiated a bit of smugness. It really didn’t help Bean’s case, or her peace of mind. She wished she could be as blithe about the inevitable consequences of their wild evening as the demon was, but when it came down to it, she was the one who was about to get some kind of punishment. Her dad was always so angry when she’d get into these kinds of things, like it was somehow her fault that she had to make these desperate cries for attention. She darted her eyes up at him, biting her lip as she heard him sigh.

  
  


“Well, I got into all kinds of shenanigans in my day but my mom never lost her head…” The words actually sounded relatively calm, for once, and she almost didn’t even recognize her dad’s voice. Was he seriously going to not blow a gasket? Bean’s lips parted slightly, almost ready to say something… she wasn’t sure what. Then it all went to hell.

Funny how stealing your own grandmother’s skull could come back to bite you on the ass…

“I don’t even know what to yell at you,” Zog groaned, letting the herald do it for him. Bean suspected that if it hadn’t been for the servant’s need to insult her dad, that she would have probably gotten off a lot worse. As it was, she was just sent to her room to wait for whatever punishment her dad could come up with.

It was then that she was finally able to confront Luci about his part in their whole ‘shenanigans’. He’d been keen on taking the blame when it had been amusing to him, but not so much when Bean was trying to have a serious discussion about how he was ruining her life. 

She expected him to revel over the fact, not stalk off like he was offended by her words.

She was left with Elfo as company and he climbed up to sit beside her on the edge of her bed, awkwardly reaching out a hand to pat at hers. She smiled a little at the gesture. “Do you ever just feel like your life is out of control?” She wasn’t thinking about the words, they just slipped out. Once they’d escaped, she found more followed them. “I don’t know what he expects… I don’t have the freedom to do anything. He gets to do whatever he wants because he’s king and then he expects me to just…. Ugh!” She flopped onto the bed on her back, staring balefully at the ceiling.

The bed shifted a little bit with Elfo’s meager weight. He eased onto his hands and knees, looking along the length of the bed to where Bean had an arm thrown across her eyes. She could tell he wanted to say something, probably try to reassure her, but he was just bad at it. She let out a soft grunt, reaching out with one arm and snagging Elfo by the front of his shirt, pulling him over to her with an easy tug. 

He yelped as he landed face-first on the coverlet and was dragged a couple of inches until Bean was squishing him against her chest like a pillow. Her motions were rougher than warranted as she worked out some of her frustration by idly mauling his marshmallowy body in a hug. 

Weird. She wasn’t used to hugs until she’d met Elfo… her family wasn’t huge on shows of physical affection so the first few times the elf had offered hugs, she’d been weirded out. Physical contact tended to come in the form of actual blows - or roughhousing in general - or, in Bean’s case, the times when she managed to hook up with some guy for random sex. The hugs were definitely nothing like that and it had taken a few times for her to figure out that it was just supposed to feel nice.

Bean hadn’t exactly meant to hug Elfo in her frustration, but now that she was doing so, she found a bit of her rage and helplessness starting to settle. Her grip loosened up a little as she felt him struggling to breathe. “Sorry.” She muttered low, her arms still a bit tense as she expected him to push away now that she wasn’t half-strangling him. She turned her head away a little but didn’t let go just yet, waiting for him to wiggle out of her grasp.

Elfo made a small wheezing sound for a few seconds, then let out a cough. “It’s okay.” She felt his small hand patting at her shoulder, gingerly at first and then with a little more confidence. “I think it’s normal to feel a bit out of control?” He didn’t sound certain, which was okay because she wasn’t looking to be told how she should be feeling. “It can be hard.”

Yeah. It could be. Hard and confusing as well. She shuffled a little, her grip finally loosening up enough that the elf’s body was slumped against her. “It just… I just want to feel like I’m important, you know? I’m sick of my dad treating me like I’m inconvenient. Why would he even _have_ me if he just thinks I’m going to be a pain?” She paused a second, unable to help a slight laugh. “I mean...I am a pain. Sometimes! But it’d be nice if he didn’t make me feel like that’s all I’m good for.”

“You’re not!” Elfo’s voice rose high in protest, breaking into her self-deprecating thoughts. She darted her gaze to meet his, amused a little by his earnest expression. “Just because you’re not what he expects you to be, doesn’t mean you’re a pain. You’ve just got to live your own life! Do what you want to do-” He paused, flustered. Given how much he’d been worrying about rules and getting into trouble since arriving here, the sudden switch to encouraging her to do what she wanted with her life should have been more jarring.

Except… wasn’t that what he’d said to her all along, right after they’d met. His whole thing about how her life was worth living. What had it been? They’d kind of gone right off a cliff and then been captured shortly afterward so it was all a bit vague in her memory.

“But I don’t know what I want to do…” She said, voice soft enough that she almost had to strain to her it herself. Her hand moved, sliding along his shoulder and up to ruffle in his hair idly, stroking him like he was a small fuzzy animal. He made a little sound but he didn’t actively protest her actions and just let her pet his hair. She was silently grateful because the motion was soothing to her jangled nerves. She stared off into nothing for a minute or two, just losing herself in the petting sensations. 

A lot of her life had involved all the things she didn’t want to do. She didn’t want to get married, she didn’t want to be reduced to some meaningless pawn for her kingdom’s advancement. She didn’t want to be treated like she was useless. 

But what did she want?

Elfo’s voice broke past her thoughts, soft, like he was hesitant to interrupt her. “You don’t have to decide right away though? You can always change your mind.”

Hmm… an interesting point. Bean gave her head a slight shake. She still had a bit of a headache from their bender earlier and it was starting to get worse from all of this _thinking_. She could put it off a little longer… at the moment she was feeling sorely tempted to nap. “Yeah. I guess so.” She stretched a little where she was lying down and flopped her head onto her pillow, sinking into the softness of her blankets. “What I want right now is to just sleep away this hangover…”

The elf nodded, looking a bit amused and wry with the twist of his lips. He probably had a hangover too, now that she thought about it. “Okay! I’ll be in my cage when you wake up.” He moved to ease of off the bed and Bean curled her arm more securely around his middle, arresting the motion partway through. “...Bean?”

Bean made a noncommittal noise as she reeled him in, she’d only just gotten used to having a soft warm pillow to maul. “Hey. Just stay a little bit. The cage’ll be there later.” She didn’t elaborate because her eyelids already felt heavy and she rubbed her head against her down pillow before tucking Elfo with his back securely against her chest and his hat against her cheek. He smelled like something sweet that she couldn’t identify, like cookies baking in the oven. It made her think of running around in the castle and getting into the kitchens as a little girl.

She closed her eyes, her hands still idly rubbing at Elfo’s hair, almost knocking his hat off as she dozed.

-


	5. Chapter 5

  
  
  
  


She woke up to an empty bed. She wasn’t surprised, but she was equal parts grateful and frustrated. When he’d left, she couldn’t tell, but he’d probably gone back to Sorcerio’s study again. Luci was also nowhere to be seen and she pushed herself upright, peering out the door into the hallway. Her head was still throbbing a little and she angled down the stairs. Maybe she could nip some ale or even some cooking wine out of the kitchen. Anything to take the edge off for a moment.

Bean only got partway down the spiraling staircase before she drew up short at the sight of a familiar - but unwelcome - figure coming up the stairs in her direction. Pressing herself up flat against the wall, she waited, hoping that her dad would simply walk past her and keep going.

No such luck though, as Zog drew up short a couple of steps below her. “Yeah, you know I’m not blind, right?”

“Well, I could still hope,” Bean mumbled, then let out a sigh as she peeled herself away from the wall, slouching in front of her father. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing much.” He said in a voice that sounded suspiciously cheerful. “I was just looking for you.”

That was ominous. The happy tone was even more so. Bean readily acknowledged that she wasn’t the smartest person - though as a resident of Dreamland, she was definitely pretty high up there - but this, frankly, stank to high heaven. “Oh?” Zog’s hand rested on her arm, nudging her to walk alongside him as he went back down the stairs. 

“So, I know we’ve been having some troubles lately. With you robbing graves and all that. But I thought we could put it behind us. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

A surprise? Curiouser and curiouser. “Will I like this surprise?”

In the end, the only actual surprise was when she stepped into Sorcerio’s lab and Elfo was already there, sitting in his cage. “What are you doing here?” Considering the trouble her dad had gone through to get her up here - getting off of his fat ass - she’d been thinking that this was going to be all about her.

Elfo turned toward her, blithely cheerful as he held up his half-eaten cookie. “Oh, just eating cookies. Makin’ blood.” He held up his other arm and Bean could see the tube draining slowly into another vial. She shook her head a little, always a bit baffled by Elfo’s easy acceptance of being used as a pincushion for Sorcerio. Considering the times he’d told her to follow her own path, it really didn’t add up.

She didn’t have too long to think about the contradictions of it before Sorcerio was stepping in, moving to back her against a wooden ‘table’ that was somehow held upright. Well, this was going about as well as she might thave expected. If she hadn’t still been suffering from a headache, she would have put more effort into her protests. As it was… well… it wasn’t like she had a lot else she was doing at the moment. She watched as Sorcerio clamped her into the device.

Given Sorcerio’s level of stupidity and ignorance - which was actually somehow _higher_ than most of the folks in the castle - the fact that he’d pieced together Luci’s presence here was impressive. “You know about the demon?” She was prepared to launch into some attempt at defense. She was mad at Luci getting her into trouble… well… the part where they’d gotten caught at it, anyway… but she didn’t want them to actually hurt him.

If they even could. Could you hurt a demon? All of Bean’s attempts to clobber him when they’d first met had been only the most minor inconvenience to Luci, even when he’d acted like it hurt. He just sprang right back with no real evidence that he had any permanent damage or determent of his mischief.

“Hey, meow, losers.” Speak of the devil… literally. Luci padded into the room, striding right up to where Bean was strapped to Sorcerio’s device and leaning against her leg with a too-casual air. “What’s up?” Bean squinted down at him, trying to think of some way to tell him to get out, that he was in danger, without making it too obvious that she was warning him. 

“Oh, It’s your friend, the talking cat,” Sorcerio commented and Bean’s gaze went to him for a second, eyes wide as it sank in that he thought she was possessed but still somehow hadn’t put together the fact that Luci was a demon. Maybe her original assessment had given him too much credit… and she hadn’t even thought that was possible.

Well… at least if he didn’t realize Luci was a demon, he wouldn’t be looking to eliminate him. But then…

Bean looked at one of her clamped wrists, frowning. Why was she in this contraption then?

She had her question answered quickly enough, unfortunately, as the quack magician took her through all of his applications of ‘science’ in an effort to rid her of Luci, who was a helpful asshole, standing around cheering the man on the entire time. Between that and her worsening headache, Bean was barely able to stagger back to her room afterward.

But at least he hadn’t found anything and had seemingly given up on getting rid of the demon…

-

Except then they brought in that guy, Big Jo. She barely got to interact with him outside of the weirdness that was going on while she was trapped in her own body with Luci in charge. She was vaguely aware of what he was doing while he was in her, but when Big Jo finally managed to trap Luci in a bottle and take him away, she had a sense of numbness and loss that had nothing to do with a lack of drink.

She was aimless as she wandered through the castle in her white robe, pausing as she spotted Elfo from the window. He’d made himself suspiciously absent throughout the entire process. She knew he and Luci didn’t always get along - or rather, that Luci enjoyed tormenting Elfo who seemed to think they were good friends. She was surprised that, given Elfo’s view of their relationship, that he hadn’t brought it up to her.

Bean continued down to the garden to join him. He was strangely focused on picking flowers to fill a basket. He didn’t even look at her initially as she came up beside him. She watched him for a few seconds, swliping her tongue across her lips as she considered what to say. For some reason anything that came to mind felt awkward, especially since her thoughts just went back to the same place over and over. She let out a soft sigh and then just said exactly what she was thinking, to get it over with.

“So, is Luci really gone…?” She wasn’t sure she wanted an answer, but Elfo gave one anyway, out of habit.

“It depends on what you mean by gone.” His voice was too light to match what he was saying. “If you mean carted away, never to return… then yes.”

  
  


“Well…maybe it was for the best...” It was refusing to sink in. She kept expecting to look over and see Luci smirking in her direction, ready to ply her with more bad advice. The words came out of her lips but they barely sounded like her own voice. “I mean life with him was fun, but I would probably have been dead in a few weeks.” Between the mad rush of stealing that carriage and all of the things they’d done on their drugged up adventures through Dreamland, it was amazing that she hadn’t come off worse for wear.

Still…

Elfo still wasn’t looking at her and though the elf usually wore his heart on his sleeve, the way he was acting made him inscrutable. “I will miss how he always pointed out my foibles and mocked me ruthlessly…” He talked with a distance that she was unfamiliar with from him… but it reminded her a little of the way she was trying to put her own thoughts in perspective… like he was trying to convince himself of what he was saying as he turned toward her finally. “But we’ll be okay.”

He moved to fidget with the greenery again, deliberately not meeting her gaze for a second before he took a short sharp breath and looked at her with a smile that was too wide. “You’ll be amazed how much fun I can be on my own.” Bean looked at the flowers growing scattered across the ground and reached down to pick one, to join him in his attempt at distracting himself with activity. As she dropped it into the basket, she heard his pained wheeze. “That’s… not a daisy…”

Just like that, his pathetic attempt at stoicness collapsed rapidly in front of her eyes. “Y-you put a dandelion in the daisy basket.” He pointed at the yellow flower Bean had just provided, like it was a big deal that it was there among all of his white ones.

Bean stared at him, the depth of this problem apparently escaping her. “So?” It was a flower, right? She wasn’t sure why it was a big deal. Flowers were flowers.

“So… We’re making a daisy chain, not a dandelion chain...” She could tell he was trying to hold it together but failing. She kind of felt that way a lot of the time too. His voice was getting louder and she knew he probably couldn’t help it, but she was still reaching for the basket anyway. Him getting hysterical wasn’t going to fix anything and more than that, it was only adding to her own issues with Luci’s absence. Luci would have been able to get Elfo to quiet down, or at least their argument would have been more amusing to watch than the elf’s slow breakdown over flower crowns. “Why even bother to call it a daisy chain if you’re just going to-”

She upended the basket right on his head. It wasn’t dangerous or even particularly mean, especially considering Luci was normally the one interrupting Elfo. But it did get him to sputter to a stop after a few seconds, his hands moving to brush away the flowers spilling down all around him. “Oh god…” Elfo almost whimpered, dropping to his knees like he’d been struck. “I’m so sorry!”

He acted like it was the end of the world, this one small white lie. It was the sort of thing Bean would have done on a regular basis, especially when dealing with her dad or… well… anyone at court, really. To Elfo, the small lie was a much bigger deal. Maybe it was because he was so short? Either way, he rolled over onto his side, then his back, knocking the basket away as he sobbed up at her, “I’m not really fun!” Bean couldn’t help the slight twitch of her lips at that. Despite her own frustration at the shift in dynamic that came with Luci’s absence, Elfo’s reaction couldn’t help but be a little amusing. She could see why Luci enjoyed tormenting him, even if she would have found it a bit too much like kicking a puppy herself. Her hands reached out, settling at the sides of his hat, steadying his rocking motions as he continued babbling. “The pressure! It just got to me! And then the pressure to sustain the lie!” He rolled over, hands clasping around her own as he cried. “Oh god… it was a nightmare.”

Yeah. This wasn’t going to work… not that she had anything against Elfo… in fact, when he wasn’t being a neurotic sobbing mess over an obvious lie, he actually was fun to be around. But it wasn’t the same as the kind of fun she could have with Luci. And being around Luci seemed to make Elfo somewhat less neurotic which was something she sorely needed right now. She couldn’t be expected to keep herself together _and_ try to do the same for someone else too. That was far too much for one usually-drunk princess to manage.

“We need to find Luci.” She tightened the grip of their hands as she rose to her feet, pulling him with her. His gaze rose to meet hers, and he nodded silently in agreement.

-

The rest happened so fast, Bean was impressed at how quickly she’d adapted to the situation, but in the back of her mind she was also more than a little impressed by the fact that Elfo had been so game to keep up with her. He was always such a little worrywart that the idea of running headlong after a possibly dangerous creepy exorcist should have had him warning Bean away. Instead, he reached a hand up to her in an effort to mount his own horse and was able to keep pace with her during their entire wild run.

When they were stopped by the brigands - when she learned that horses came with built-in brakes, at least when presented with offered hay - she expected to have to kick their asses herself. She could have done it… she was pretty angry, not just being tricked by them the last time, though that had largely been on her and her friends, but also at the way they flaunted around her Bebaw’s things. There was a certain satisfaction when she kicked the gender-nonconforming ruffian in the chest and took back the necklace that had been her grandmother’s. As she turned, she caught a glimpse of Elfo apologetically, but determinedly, hitting one of the other thieves in the face.

“You really got that guy,” She said, once she’d dragged him onto the back of the horse with her. “I didn’t know you knew how to fight.”

Elfo looked at her up at her before turning his head away. She caught only a glimpse of his face in this position, with him sitting behind her there was no easy way to see what his expression was. There was a sort of soft shyness to his tone that came across as faintly proud, but she couldn’t know for sure. “I just did what I had to do.” He cleared his throat, his hands gripping at her sides as he tried to peer around her. “We need to get to Luci.”

It was a dismissal, and one that made sense considering the urgency of their current mission, but she wasn’t going to forget about it. She’d underestimated him and she wasn’t sure if it was all elves, from the vague stories she remembered from Bunty… or that she’d just made the wrong assumption about Elfo specifically, based on the fact that he was small and cute and kind of squishy. Either way, he did pack a little bit of a punch and that was… respectable. She wasn’t sure it would ever help her win in a bar brawl, should she find herself in one, but who knew? There was always the possibility that he could catch someone off-guard.

-


	6. Chapter 6

  
  
  
  


After the rescue of Luci, things settled down for a while, falling into a routine. Zog and his council members had apparently learned from the incident and didn’t do much of anything to try and deter Bean from whatever she was up to. She was accepted as a force of nature and the only thing she had to worry about was dialing it down enough that she didn’t make her dad completely blow a gasket. He had a lot of other things he spent more time worrying about than having to deal with her and that was just the way she liked it.

Having Luci around made it a little more complicated since he leaned so much into the more over the top things that would have pissed Zog off if he’d gotten wind of most of them. Elfo always had to step in. His arguments were rarely more convincing than Luci’s, but she did tend to at least pause to hear him out before mostly doing what Luci suggested anyway.

It had kept her from trying a couple of the more out-there notions, or from directly choosing to harass her dad to get back at him for things like… remarrying and having Derek. Both of those were things that Bean had never been able to forgive him for, even after numerous threats against her little brother’s stuffed animal collection.

Maybe it wasn’t Derek’s fault that he was the burr under her saddle, but it didn’t mean she had to like him. It also didn’t mean she’d hesitate to make him cry, especially with Luci’s voice loud in her ear.

But there had been times when Elfo looked up at her with big eyes, wringing his hands and asking if it was all really necessary and wasn’t she better than this… and she’d paused in what she was doing to consider it. Was she better than this? Well… not really. She’d kind of accepted that she wasn’t going to be accomplishing much in her life since she was a princess who would never be king and even more than that she was, as even Elfo had acknowledged, ‘a violent drunk’, which meant she didn’t have much in the way of redeeming features.

Still… there was something about the way he asked at those moments, when she remembered that he’d been quick to encourage her and stand fast in his proclamation of her inherent goodness. She had no idea what kind of delusion he was suffering to think she was a nice person, but… sometimes she wished she could indulge in it herself. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel so frustrated and hopeless all the time. There’d been a few moments where she’d felt that strongly enough… the wistful wish to be the giving, caring princess that Elfo had up on some kind of crazy pedestal… that she’d actually turned down Luci’s attempts to goad her into mischief and had settled for just another night at the tavern drinking until she couldn’t stand anymore.

At least when she was plastered off her ass, she didn’t have to think about whether she was a good person or not.

Still, even with Elfo’s influence, there was nothing that was going to take away from the sheer vindictive joy she felt at watching her dad moaning and groaning with the pain in his gut. Even she had the [werewithal] not to drink something that looked more like ink than actual water, and the sheer enjoyment she got from the schadenfreude of watching him suffering the consequences of his own stupidity made her forget about her own insecurities and self-doubts.

Besides… it was also, as Luci was so quick to point out, an opportunity.

-

For once, Luci’s suggestion was one that didn’t sound like an actual bad idea. She knew that he was a demon and so his ideas were always going to be bad ones, it was the entire point. But normally they were bad in a way that Bean could recognize as actually malicious or negative. Like stealing or lying or things of that nature. Throwing a party though… that just sounded like fun. And if her dad never asked her directly about it, she would never have to lie.

It was a win-win situation. One that was also hopefully going to help her with another problem she’d been having over the past few weeks.

Namely: Getting laid.

Ever since her almost-wedding, it was getting harder and harder to find guys who were willing to look away from the fact that she was the princess. Of course, before the whole stupid wedding alliance thing, Zog hadn’t really cared all that much about what she got up to in that respect. It wasn’t until Odval started whispering in his ear about ‘propriety’ and how important it was for the union that she was seen as being pure and virtuous, that her dad had even gotten his head out of his own ass for long enough to notice that she was even interested in guys. And of course, once he knew, he’d cracked down on it hard.

And for some reason, all it took was a few heads on pikes for guys to think twice about whether they were going to hook up with her. So she’d spent more than one night with only her own fingers for company… and that was also a little awkward when Luci and Elfo both had a tendency to show up unexpectedly.

It was getting to the point where she wouldn’t have cared about having a demon walk in on her… it wasn’t like he probably hadn’t seen worse, considering he was from Hell. But even if she didn’t care about that part, there was still the challenge of even getting a guy to look in her direction and risk her father’s wrath.

“I can’t believe they’re all so scared of my dad.” She grumbled, looking out the window at where her dad’s cart had already disappeared in the distance. “You’d think someone in this whole kingdom would have the guts to stand up to him.”

“You mean, the balls to stand up to him.” When Bean stared blankly in the demon’s direction, Luci put his ears back. “You know, because you’re trying to get la- oh never mind.” Luci waved a dismissive paw. “It doesn’t matter anyway. You’ll get someone drunk enough to risk it if you have enough free alcohol.”

It was a fair point and Bean was completely intending to provide as much free booze as it took to get herself a bit of fun this evening. She glanced in Elfo’s direction. He’d been very quiet there, in his corner. At the moment he was tugging at the hem of his shirt, fingers wringing in the fabric until it stretched out of shape. When he caught his gaze on her, he bit his lower lip and let out a whine. “Elfo?” She took a step toward him. “You hanging in there?”

Luci let out a snort that was accompanied by a curl of smoke. She wasn’t sure where he’d gotten the cigar but he took a long puff on it then blew a few more blasts of scented smoke in the elf’s face, making him cough and wave his hand, trying to clear the air. “You’re chickening out. Man, now is not the time for that.”

“I’m just- ack…” Elfo turned his face away, wheezing for a few seconds before composing himself, his eyes watering a little. “I’m just not sure this is a good idea. May I remind you that Zog threatened to cut off my arms?!” His voice rose in a shrill pitch at the end of that question and Bean couldn’t help but glance at Luci, who seemed unimpressed by this.

Normally Bean would have been a little more sympathetic to his plight, but… well… she was a horny teenager, goddamn it. She couldn’t be expected to just deal with this for much longer. “That’s what he said, but did he mean it?” Surely her dad wouldn’t actually cut off Elfo’s arms. He needed him for his blood. “We’ll find out.” She could see Elfo tensing out of the corner of her eye and she turned away from him to stare in the other direction, already envisioning the evening in her mind’s eye.

Some drinks, some dancing. Music. Some faceless, nameless guy with strong arms.

Yeah. It was good. Very good.

It was worth a few little risks to life and limb, to finally scratch that itch that had been plaguing her for weeks now. Behind her, Luci was talking to Elfo and she could tell the demon was thinking along the same lines.

“People hook up. Often the most regrettable hookups.” She had no doubt that anyone who hooked up with Luci would probably regret it in one way or another. If she hadn’t been far more interested in her own potential hookups, she might have said so, just to knock him down a peg in his sheer smugness, but from the sounds Elfo was making, she realized that the demon probably wasn’t even talking to her.

Elfo let out a small sound, a weird little chuckle that made it clear that he was finally on board. She wasn’t exactly sure what had prompted this, but as long as he wasn’t standing in the way of this idea anymore, she didn’t have to worry about any potential elven guilt trips. She was home free.

-

If only actually accomplishing said hookups was as easy to manage as talking about it. Despite her attempts to make sure that there were lots of non-Dreamland guys, the majority of the men she spoke to still knew who she was on sight. She shuffled up to the nearest man, a soldier who was in the midst of picking up a drink. He was wearing his full armor, with the eye-shield down, so maybe he wouldn’t realize it was her before they got into the midst of things.

As much as she wanted to get laid and it was her goal, she was willing to start with something less ambitious. “Hey,” She cleared her throat, standing just beside the man. “Would you like to dance?”

He turned, drink in one hand as he moved to flip his helmet open. “I love to dance!” It was so far so good, up until his eyes fell across her. She knew she should have waited to let him take a few drinks, it might have made him bolder… or at least blurred his vision enough that he wouldn’t have immediately recognized her. As it was, she could see him go pale, fingers shaking on his drink a little before he clenched it in a firmer hold. “You’re King Zog’s daughter!” He blurted out.

Bean winced, knowing where this was going and trying to stave it off. “Yeah, but he doesn’t have to know-” She couldn’t get through the entire sentence before he recoiled from her as though she had the plague. “I’m sorry. I just remembered I have to be at a crusade!”

There was no crusade that she knew of and even with her reluctance to pay attention to court politics, she was sure she would have heard her dad complaining continously if there was. She didn’t get hte chance to call him out on his lie though because he was working his way through the crowd to get away from her. She eased after him, not because she had any hope of convincing him to dance with her now that he’d recognized her, but because she had no idea what else to do. She froze in her steps as she heard his voice again, just a short distance away.

“Oh, I love to dance!” 

Her heart sank as she watched him through the slightly thinned crowd, dancing between two other young women, neither of whom was in the unfortunate situation of being a princess in a kingdom with an ax-happy king and a very large display of heads on pikes out front of the castle.

It was no use. Calling him out on it wouldn’t get her a dance, much less get her a roll in the hay. She supposed she could have done something to get him in trouble… she was still the princess and had at least some capacity for humiliating revenge if she wanted to exert her power that way. At one point she might have, but the thought just didn’t make her feel any better. Instead she looked around for someone else to ask.

But no matter how many times she tried, she got nearly the same response. Some interest until the inevitable realization of her identity and then an immediate ‘no’, usually accompanied by some not very convincing excuse. 

By the time one guy in his early to mid-twenties had waved her away with the excuse that he was dying - complete with several theatrical coughs and a fake collapse onto the ground - Bean was despairing of even getting so much as a dance, much less actual sex. She walked away from the dance floor, head down and a sigh bubbling on her lips. 

What now? She’d asked literally everyone at the party aside from the band. She’d even asked two women, one of whom she’d mistaken for a very pretty man.

There weren’t exactly a lot of options left. There was Luci, who would probably scoff about it and - from the brief glimpse she got of him scoping out the shadow of some woman at the party - was already preoccupied. And then there was…

Yeah. Elfo. 

She hadn’t thought about him much during the evening, other than her amusement at his cuteness when he appeared in his party outfit. He wasn’t exactly anyone’s first choice for a dance partner - and absolutely not for anything more than that - but he did actually… y’know… dance. And as her friend, she was fairly sure that he wouldn’t refuse if she asked. She’d already given up on her initial goal of hooking up at the party, but what was the use of any of it if she couldn’t at least get one dance in?

Bean sighed shuffling toward the snack table, glancing around occasionally trying to get a glimpse of the elf through the crowd. He was so small and there were plenty of people around, meaning it was even harder to spot him. Maybe she really should give it up as a bad try…. As she finally made her way to the wall, she paused a moment looking into the throng, wondering if she should bother. Then she felt a small hand tapping at her shoulder and there was only one person it could be, unless that weird gnome guy was still hanging around. She turned with a slight smile as Elfo cleared his throat.

“Hey, Elfo.” Well, now that he was actually here, that made her decision a bit easier. She was still really hoping for a dance, if nothing else. “Would you look at us, huh? Just a couple of wallflowers…. Standing over here by the snack table, eating chee-” her gaze flicked across the table where there had been a fairly nice array of cheese cubes laid out when the evening had started. But the tray was completely empty now and it made her falter for a second in her train of thought. “Wait… what happened to all the cheese? There were like… over three hundred cubes over here…” had she not planned well enough for this event? Maybe that was why the party wasn’t going quite as she’d hoped…

She didn’t have the chance to dwell on that particular train of thought because Elfo was clearing his throat and cutting in on her words in a way that was pretty strange for him. He wasn’t usually so forward. “Oh Bean, Bean, Bean…” He gave a soft cough - or maybe a laugh - and shook his head, looking at her directly. She bit her lip. What was with that look?

Elfo coughed. “Um, well, can I be honest with you?” As if he had to ask. She’d never known him to be anything but painfully honest in their short time together. Still, he was looking for an answer and she didn’t want to leave him hanging. 

“Of course.” Her gaze was on him, earnest, and a lot of his initial confidence - or bravado, anyway - melted away slightly as he fidgeted, standing on the table like he wasn’t used to being at the same height as a human. “When I left Elfwood, I had no idea why… but then, here, tonight, I feel like I finally know why…” His usual awkwardness was bleeding rapidly into his body language and it was a little painful to watch as he shifted, his hands clenching like he wanted to yank at the front of his shirt. Whatever he wanted to say was something he was having trouble with, but with Elfo that could honestly have meant anything… Still, he persisted. “Heh… oh… I don’t know how to say this…” His hands rose to his hair, ruffling at it, leaving it standing in messy spikes as he darted a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. He was on the verge of running, she sensed, but she had no idea what was going on and she needed to know…

“Go ahead.” She tried to keep her voice soft, encouraging. This wasn’t how she’d expected the evening to go, but she leaned into it. “Say it.” If nothing else, maybe getting whatever he was worried about off his chest would help him to feel more at ease. Then she could ask about a dance…

He turned toward her and there was a hopeless, almost wild look in his eyes, like he was a skittish horse. His voice came out high and helpless. The words were nothing she’d expected. “I’m into big girls.”

It didn’t really sink in. It felt so out of nowhere… If there was anything she’d thought he’d say, it would be something about the party or how he was worried about what would happen if her dad caught them… or even that Luci had been picking on him as he often did. But this… it was completely out of nowhere. “What?”

Elfo raised his hands defensively at that, almost stammering, “Just… just hear me out…” He coughed, deflating slightly. “Before I left… I didn’t have any idea that my… size… my stature… was...what do you call it?”

What _did_ she call it? Her mouth opened before she could ponder on the question too much. “Dinky?” It was the wrong word, she could tell when his face instantly fell. 

“What?” He swallowed for a second, whatever he’d been planning to say devolving into a series of soft sputters as he struggled to continue. “Well… I-I don’t know if I’d say… dinky…” He fidgeted at the silly ruff around his neck before slowly turning to look at her again, “I guess… what I’m trying to get at…and… not so eloquently… but…” Well, the inability to say things in an eloquent manner was something she could sympathize with… she wasn’t exactly known for her tact… She felt a little bad that he was so put on the spot but given how frustrated he already was, she was amazed that he was still continuing to speak. It was a lot more determination than he usually showed. “Could you…” His eyes flicked up, meeting hers for a fleeting second. “...ever go out with a guy who’s… dinky?”

This was… different than she’d expected. It wasn’t the question she thought he’d ask and she’d been so caught up in her own decision to ask him to dance with her that she was off-guard for a second. Her hand rose, moving to play with her hair in a gesture she only ever used when she was self-conscious. Why, she had no idea, Elfo was the least threatening guy she’d ever met and probably the most embarrassing as well. He wasn’t going to judge her… not over her lack of ability to… word… well. 

Would she? She flicked her tongue across her lips, eyes fixed at a point slightly past his shoulder. The honesty in her voice surprised even her. “Well… I have been drinking a lot tonight…” She rubbed a hand against the side of her face, feeling even that motion making her balance feel a bit wobbly from the booze that was really hitting her system. It occurred to her that eating some cheese cubes before starting on binge drinking would probably have helped, but it was a little late for that now. “So it might just be the grog talking… but…” She swallowed, looking at him directly, fingers still tangled in her hair. “You know… I think maybe I-”

Maybe she would… what?

She was never going to know what the answer to that question was herself because she heard someone yell out in alarm and she jolted at the sudden sound, whirling around to look, even though it made her stomach decide to do a bellyflop inside her.

“Oh god… Vikings!”

Vikings? Well… given the way the rest of her evening had been going, she wished she could say she was surprised.

-


	7. Chapter 7

It seemed like maybe the evening wasn’t going to be a total loss. She wasn’t sure what the name of the Viking she was currently making out with was, but he seemed to have at least some minimal experience with what he was doing. His hands were big and warm, calloused across the palms and rough where they slid beneath the hem of her shirt to caress at her sides. It was good. God, she’d missed this. She’d spent far too much time not being manhandled and it was enough to earn the ire of any princess...

As much of a disaster as she’d been expecting after every guy at the party had refused to dance with her-

_well, except for Elfo. She’d never gotten around to actually asking him to dance_

-this wasn’t so bad. Now to cap the evening off with a proper climax… and all of her efforts would finally be worth it. Even if her dad came back and caught her afterward, there was nothing to worry about. Worth it. Absolutely.

And then there was the sound of small feet entering and Bean’s run of good luck ran out.

Elfo was in a snit. She’d rarely seen him in such a mood before… the last time she could honestly recall was that time on the ship when they’d almost died at the hands of the Bozaks. He’d been snarky then, but she’d been so relieved just to be alive that she’d chalked it up to just being some stress from their impending death. That would stress anyone out.

But there was no such excuse here… it was starting to sink in that maybe there was a side to Elfo besides the kind of doofy little cute friend she dragged around the castle and into trouble. She almost growled at him as he gave her a slow stare, his voice arch as he came toward them. She almost didn’t notice the Viking’s question, she had too much of her attention focused on the elf approaching. 

She was going to wring his little green neck. She was going to… to toss him out the nearby window. God, she was going to _kill_ him for this-

Elfo climbed up onto the bed and it took everything in her to not slug him, especially when her Viking companion was being surprisingly personable and concerned for the elf’s health and wellbeing. Of course, the man would choose right now to decide to actually grow a personality beyond Mr. Tough-Guy-I’m-Not-Afraid-Of-Kings. She hissed a little as Elfo settled back against the headboard. “I’m going to kill you…” her voice came out low and shaky but Elfo gave her a long smug stare and for a moment she hated him.

“You can’t kill me.” He said and Bean was seeing red around the corners of her vision, her body clenching as it realized that she wasn’t going to be getting any, not with Elfo taking up residence in her bed like the little asshole he apparently was. His gaze went to the Viking, his smile more than a little condescending. “Her dad needs me for the Elixir of Life.”

Of course he did, damn it. Actually killing her erstwhile friend for cockblocking her was just going to piss her dad off, if this party didn’t. She didn’t need another reason for Zog to blow a gasket and punish her _forever_. “Elfo-” she began, not sure what kind of threat she could actually enforce, but it turned out not to matter.

Her Viking beau was slipping from the bed, looking at her with a measure of actual regret as she just stared at him, disbelieving as he turned her down. The man wasn’t even afraid of kings! There went her best chance to actually get some long-awaited sexual gratification. 

As he left the room, she finally rounded on Elfo.

Maybe she couldn’t kill him, but she was definitely going to let him know just how badly he’d fucked her over. Without someone else to interrupt or defend Elfo in a weird roundabout way, the elf was suddenly cowed, cringing back from her anger slightly. “Why did you do that?!” Her voice came out higher, more hurt than she anticipated. 

But fuck, he had hurt her and she hadn’t expected it. Maybe Luci was someone she would consider stabbing her in the back - for fun, if for no other reason - but Elfo? He was supposed to be on her side. 

“This was my one chance to have fun!” Even in her anger, she was still finding herself being painfully honest with him. Even if he didn’t deserve it. “You’re just like my dad! Just a little green Zog!” Why hadn’t she seen it before?

She surged to her feet, turning her back to him and hearing his former confidence fully melting away as he tried to sputter something, some justification. She had no time for it. She didn’t want to hear it either because the last thing she needed was to actually agree with his stupid reasons for ruining her party. To think she’d been _this close_ to asking the little asshole to dance with her…

“I’m sorry!” His footsteps chased her down the hall and she wasn’t sure why she bothered listening to his pitiful apology as he struggled to catch up with her. She found herself slowing a little, despite her anger at him. Knowing Elfo, if he had to keep running to keep up with her, he’d probably kill himself tripping and falling down the stairs again. “I’m sorry!” 

But no. Sorry wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Sorry wasn’t going to cut it. If he was so ‘sorry’ over it, then why had he done it in the first place?

“I was being too aggressive!” What was he babbling on about? She didn’t know. “I’ll go back to being passive-aggressive… because that worked _so_ well…”

She closed her eyes, glad that she’d walked this staircase drunk so many times that her feet could find the steps without any effort on her part. “It’s fine.” She said at last, her voice small and tight. It wasn’t though. She heard his steps falter at this pitiful attempt at reassurance and she let out a sigh. “I just want this night to be over… I want to curl up in bed with my favourite book…”

“The hollowed-out one with the booze in the center?” 

Bean’s lips twisted a little in sardonic humour. “Yeah. I can’t put it down.” Not until after the entire flask was gone anyway. But before she could retreat to her room and lick her proverbial wounds… and maybe… hopefully, figure out whether she could ever forgive Elfo for this… before that, she still had to clear out the party so at least her stupid useless evening wasn’t also going to wind up getting her in trouble with her dad. Wouldn’t that just be the capper on her entire shitty day?

She was brusque as she entered the room, giving her head a slight toss as she tried to portray some confidence and command. “All right people, time to get out of here! Look alive!”

It was Elfo’s tone that clued her in. There was a soft gasp that escaped him in response to something and she finally turned her head to look into the actual throne room, just as his soft, shaky voice reached her ears. “I don’t think they _can_ anymore…”

So… that was how it was. An evening that was full of dead bodies and a lot of sexual frustration instead of being full of booze and debauchery. This was her life, wasn’t it? She grabbed for a sword, her anger finally bubbling over and now she had an outlet. She was going to kick some Viking ass!

Luci joined the two of them as they charged into the room - Bean faintly aware that Elfo had grabbed a dagger from somewhere and was running almost alongside her in a reckless rush that she wouldn’t have expected from the timid elf. Well, this was probably going to get them all killed, but at least her dad wouldn’t be able to do it… As the Vikings finally circled around them and they gave up the battle, the inevitability of their forthcoming deaths was cinched.

Then came the even better news… her father was about to arrive back at the castle. She wasn’t even going to get a dignified slaughter at the hands of angry Vikings.

“My dad is going to kill me!” She lamented to Elfo, forgetting that she was angry with him for a moment. They were about to die anyway, so what was the use? “And then the vikings are going to kill my dad.” She wasn’t sure herself if that was a positive or a negative. Either way, it was still not part of the plan. Had she been remiss in not planning for a bunch of land Viking party crashers slaughtering the entire guest list?

...well… maybe.

She didn’t have a plan now, anyway… or…

“Where is the elixir of life?” The Viking - she didn’t remember what the hell his name was - was asking for something. The Elixir of Life, again? Why was everyone so obsessed with it? People just wanted to be immortal for whatever stupid reason and she couldn’t fathom it. Life was terrible enough when there wasn’t the prospect that it would go on for all eternity… She didn’t have an answer for him and that meant her short, pathetic life was about to come to an ignominious end because she had no idea how to make the elixir of life to give to their captors…

Wait.

Her eyes narrowed, the beginnings of a plan starting to flicker across her mind. She didn’t give herself any time to second guess it. “I’ve got an idea…” she muttered to her companions as she rose to her feet, moving to approach the Viking with the full knowledge that she might be about to get murdered. “I’m switching sides!” While Luci was muttering something under his breath, Bean approached the seated Viking. “I’m joining forces with our fierce captors!” She spoke a bit too loudly, wanting them all to hear. 

It was just fortunate for her plan that the Vikings, while muscular and moderately attractive, were also about as dumb as a bag of rocks. She simply had to convince them that they had the Elixir of Life and that they could offer it in exchange for not getting slaughtered. It was simple!

Except that Elfo was almost as clueless as the Vikings and she was expecting that the insane amount of winking she was doing was going to clue the Viking leader in on her clever plan. Why was Elfo not getting it? Elfo was too busy sobbing and trying to be a supportive friend-

_a bit late_

-to realize that she wanted him to lead the Vikings to the water that had already managed to fell the king of Dreamland. She felt a wash of relief as he finally - **_finally_** \- clued in. Well, that was one hurdle down at least…

-

She hadn’t been expecting it to work. Not with the way the rest of her evening had been going. During the entire period, she was expecting Sven - finally! A name! She was going to get to forget it soon enough, thank god - to realize that what she was saying was nonsense. There was nothing substantial to the plan, but the water they were drinking, on the other hand, had a lot more to it. As they swallowed down the insect laden poison water, she waited. 

When they made a beeline for the portable outhouse they’d brought in - something she was going to have to thank Luci for, later on - the demon pulled the king’s lever and down they went. All but Sven, who was still trying to get to her. There was no charm left to him now, not in his words or the way he clung to the edge and alternated between pleading and ire. Her lips curled at the edges as he realized his mistake, treating her like a possession rather than a person.

Men. She’d run into this so much in Dreamland… people thinking they owned her… or that their feelings and wants mattered more than her own. It was one of the reasons she’d been so angry at Elfo, now that she really considered it. He’d seemed different from the rest of them… like he actually cared about her as a person, but then he’d gone and done something that most of the guys in her dad’s command would have done. He’d talked down to her, treated her like she needed to be sheltered and not be allowed to make her own decisions.

As stupid as it had been when he hadn’t realized her attraction to Sven had been part of her master plan, he had still tried to be happy with her for a decision he surely thought was a huge mistake. It took some of the edge off of her anger from earlier. It was more in line with what she’d expected from him.

She could hear him behind her, retching into the bucket. His expression when he’d been about to drink the water, to prove its safety to the Vikings when they proved a little more canny than anticipated, had been one of misery and maybe a little regret. Sparing her a moment’s glance that portrayed a more effective apology than his attempts to placate her back on the stairs. 

Okay. So he’d tried. She was still upset and still going to be mad horny after this was all over… but it was something. It was more effort than any other guy had offered her. The acknowledgment that she was a person and she had a right to be treated as such… she’d experienced it so rarely that it was amazing to find how good even such a tiny thing could make her feel. “You guys are all the same.” She said, looking down at Sven. Now that she wasn’t in close with him, groping him, wanting him for his big hands and his hard abs and his masculine form, now he looked like what he was. Another pathetic, misogynist who only cared about how he could use her. She had enough of those. “Look at you. You’re pathetic. You’re a coward just like every other guy out there…” Another loud gurgle hit her ears, the familiar sound of someone’s stomach contents being heaved into a bucket and she paused, softened her words a little. “Except for that guy back there… with his head in a bucket.”

He wouldn’t understand. That was okay because she didn’t need him to. The only person who needed to understand it was herself. Elfo wasn’t less of a coward than this man because he was tougher or braver when it came to confrontation or combat. He was tougher because he could just let her be strong, let her be _right_. Make her own decisions. He’d screwed up earlier and he wasn’t doubling down on it the way that Zog or other men she’d interacted would have done.

Elfo wasn’t brave… but he was still the bravest man she’d ever met.

She was thinking about the dichotomy of it as she pried Sven’s fingers free of his death grip and watched him plummet. It was taking away a little of her attention as Luci made a comment about how many men she’d just killed and she could only answer with a distracted. “They’ll all just fall in the ocean…”

It was the sound of heavy bodies hitting the rocks far below that made her jolt back to attention, peering out of the trap door and seeing the carnage below. It wasn’t quite as bad as the carnage still lying around in her father’s throne room, but it was still impressive. “Oh.” Her voice came out flat. “I guess it’s low tide.”

Bean thought she might feel a bit bad about it… later on. They had been trying to kill her and had managed to slaughter a ton of knights and random guests, so they probably had a messy death coming. Karma. But they’d still died at her hand - kind of - and she wasn’t sure yet if it was going to bother her in the long run.

She eased over to stand beside Elfo’s puke bucket. “Hey Elfo… I just wanted to thank you…” Her words trailed off as he didn’t move. He was alarmingly still, even in this awkward position with his head braced above the bucket. He was so small that he looked like he might topple in headfirst. “Elfo? Hey… Elfo?” She tapped her foot carefully against the bucket, earning a groan that proved he was still alive.

“Bean…” His voice came out soft, shaky. “Can… can you save this…” He managed to pull his head out of the bucket long enough to look at her from the corner of his eye. HIs face was even greener than its usual shade, but also somehow paler. There were strings of saliva at the edges of his mouth and she felt a twinge of sympathy. She’d been on benders that had ended with her emptying her guts before and it was never fun. “Save this for a time when I can appreciate it…”

It was a fair point. She gave him a slight smile, trying to be reassuring while also trying to find something to focus on that wasn’t what had just happened and whether or not she should harbor any guilt for apparently single-handedly killing a bunch of Vikings by accident.

She didn’t have a lot of time to ponder over it before the royal messenger stepped in again with news of her father’s impending approach. Questions of morality would have to wait… at least until she found out whether or not she was going to wake up tomorrow dead by kingly rage.

-

Cleaning was something Bean wasn’t used to, she struggled through using the broom and it occurred to her that this was probably an essential skill for a fair amount of the castle staff, so it was vexing that it was so difficult for her. She groaned, finally giving up and just using it to shove bodies across the floor. She crammed a bunch of half-eaten food out the same trapdoor she’d used to get rid of the Vikings and could only hope that the tide would come back in and wash away all the evidence of the wild evening before her dad decided to dump someone again.

She would have been more surprised at Odval coming in and helping, but she was also doing her best to not actually look at him standing there in nothing but his underwear. No questions. Right. She didn’t want to ask any, anyway. She was afraid she might actually get an answer.

As she passed by Elfo, she noticed the elf was looking at their unexpected allies with a weird twist to his lips. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but she paused long enough to bap him on the shoulder, to remind him that this was time sensitive. He darted a glance toward her, still a little more green around the gills than usual, but thankfully he took the hint. She did notice, in passing, that he occasionally paused in his activities to cover his mouth and she felt a little bad. She’d seen what the water did to her dad and Elfo was a lot smaller than him.

Once the last of the dismembered body parts had been hidden and the crumbs had been swept up, she was able to spare a moment as they rushed to greet the returning king to rest her hand on Elfo’s back. He darted a glance at her, startled, still ruffled and sickly looking but that wasn’t what caught her attention as much as the lingering guilt. He rubbed at his arm, eyes flicking to the floor. “I’m sorry about earlier…” He said, words faltering. They both knew what he was talking about and given what he’d done for her, there didn’t seem to be any real need for other apologies, but it was Elfo and he was a stickler for protocol. He continued on, heedless of the fact that it was already forgiven - and likely soon forgotten as long as Bean could get her hands on some alcohol. “It’s not up to me what you decide to do. It’s not up to anyone but you.”

It was… refreshing… to hear that. Especially when she’d been ordered around by people all her life. For a princess, a member of the royal family, she spent an awful lot of time listening to other people instead of the reverse. It hadn’t occurred to her until just now why that bothered her so much. She wasn’t allowed to be her own person… and the sense of helplessness at that made her angry and frustrated more often than not. It was a big part of why Elfo’s meddling had pissed her off so much… she didn’t need more of the same. Not from her friends.

“Yeah.” She said, the only answer that immediately came to mind. “It really is…” Her tone was soft, wondering. There was a flash of confusion in Elfo’s eyes and she paused a moment to add. “Thanks, Elfo. For everything. I appreciate it.”

While Elfo gave her a smile, Luci scoffed on the other side of them, though he sounded more amused than actually disgusted. “All this mutual admiration is making me gag.”

Then the royal announcer came in and her dad followed fast on his heels.

-

Elfo was sitting on the balcony when she stepped out. It was still dark, the salt spray of the sea heavy in her nostrils as she came in close behind him. There was a hint of light touching the sky in the distance, across the vast expanse of open water. She knew he’d come out here before because where he came from there weren’t a lot of views like this. Big and open. 

She looked out across the ocean herself, for the first time really seeing it. She’d grown up with a view like this. Her world was big and open, even as it was restricted by the increasing number of demands on her from those around her. She’d never really spent a lot of time thinking about the world as seen from the top like this. Sure, she’d been up here for the sunrise, but it was usually on her way to finally passing out in a drunken stupor, never - mostly - sober, like this.

Her breath caught in her throat.

It was a good view… She bit her lip as she cleared her throat, not wanting to startle him. She didn’t think he was foolish enough to fall off the balcony if he was caught off-guard but she couldn’t entirely dismiss the possibility either. His ear twitched in a way that was almost animalistic, one of the things that reminded her that despite being fairly human-looking, he was still something entirely different. He turned his head a moment later, looking at her. His smile was hesitant.

“Oh! Bean!” He laughed, softly, cleared his throat as he looked back over the water, his hands fidgeting in the fabric of his shirt. “I thought you’d be heading to sleep.”

“I thought about it.” She agreed, walked in closer and bracing her hand on the stones before hoisting herself up. This was so much easier when she wasn’t drunk… She sat, long legs dangling in the open air. Elfo fidgeted beside her, she could see the slight, rapid, rise and fall of his shoulders as he thought about what to say. She took pity on him and filled the awkward silence herself. “I wasn’t tired. I just… I had too much to think about.”

“Like what…?” Elfo asked, then clapped a hand over his mouth with a squeak. “No. Wait, don’t tell me. You don’t have to…” She couldn’t help but be amused. 

“I don’t mind.” She said. “I don’t mind talking to you, I just… don’t have a lot to say right now. It’s been… a night. A long night.” She sighed, raising a hand to scrub at her face. She felt the brush of his hand patting at her upper arm and smiled sidelong in his direction. “Thanks.” They sat there for a moment, just looking out over the world

It was… nice… being out here. She wondered why she hadn’t bothered before. She supposed it was always just too quiet, to just sit and watch the day starting to unfold in front of her. Even if she hadn’t usually been on the verge of collapse from her nightly shenanigans, she would probably have found the entire idea too dull to consider. She took a few breaths, feeling the pull of the air in her lungs. 

Behind them was the patter of small paws, then Luci jumped up onto the ledge beside her, his tail bumping against her hand as he shuffled and then dropped into an ungainly sitting position. He was a little more unsteady than usual, but at this distance, Bean could smell the smoke on him. She had no idea what he was thinking about since he was uncharacteristically silent. She was expecting a jab and when she didn’t get one, she relaxed again, turning to look at Elfo.

With the bands of sunlight finally hitting them, she could see his face properly. He wasn’t looking at her, for once, instead, he was watching the sunrise with an odd, keen expression on his face. It was a look like yearning and she didn’t understand it, but it still touched her on some level. She remembered his words back before the party, though they’d barely registered with her at the time. He’d talked about this. Wanting this. She felt a little bad because it looked like both of their goals were proving to come to nothing in the end.

“Hey.” She said, trying to salvage something. She hadn’t gotten her dance - much less anything else - but maybe it wouldn’t be a total loss? “At least you get to watch the sunrise with a girl…” There was something in his stance for a moment, a hitch in his breath and she thought she’d made it worse instead of better, her voice soft with apology. “I’m sorry it’s just me.” Why was she so awkward? It wasn’t even like she didn’t know him well, they’d seen each other in some of the most humiliating ways that two people could and this was the part that made her ears turn red? Her inability to be a reassuring friend?

She was going to go on with that train of thought, lashing herself for her inadequacies, when Elfo laughed softly, wonderingly. It was like he’d hit on something in his watching the light on the waves, a realization that she didn’t share. “It’s okay.” He turned his head to her again, and this time his smile was hesitant and a bit tight, but still very genuine. She relaxed again, returning it as he patted at her hand with his small fingers. “Maybe you’ll get your wish too.”

It was a foolish thing to hope for. Her father wasn’t going anywhere and neither were his stupid rules about what she was allowed to do… but… hey, she could still hope, right? It was nice to be able to actually _hope_. 

“You never asked me what I wished for.” Luci grumbled, beside her, his voice a bit unsteady still. She gave her head the slightest shake, fighting back a grin because Luci really was the most ridiculous thing when he was stoned. She didn’t usually get to enjoy seeing him in that state because she was almost always further along in her state of inebriation than he was. He was rambling, something about his dreams, and she closed her eyes and just drank in the warmth on her skin.

Her arm moved, curling around Elfo’s sloped shoulders to draw him in to rest against her. That was how they stayed while the world continued its slow crawl to dawn.

-


	8. Chapter 8

  
  


She’d been confident right after her father had kicked her out. With Elfo and Luci in tow, she was set to prove him wrong and, even more importantly, get back into the castle. She’d really been looking forward to that hot emerald massage, damn it. She had no idea where she was going, though. Her normal instinct when out on the town was to go to the tavern and start getting plastered, but it was far too early in the day for that. Stupid laws. Morning was as good a time as any to start drinking… if only Dreamlanders could be trusted to not get totally wasted when they had to be doing ‘useful’ things.

Her two companions weren’t being helpful either, even if she was happy to have them along instead of having to deal with this exile alone. Elfo was chattering on endlessly and while she was normally fine with it - or at least was able to tune him out - it was a bit hard when it went on and on like this. “I just can’t believe Dad kicked us out of the castle!” He concluded and Bean couldn’t help but give him a sharp sideways glance at that particular bit of wording. She would have said something if Luci hadn’t piped up just in time to interrupt the thought.

“I can’t believe he called you a useless buck-toothed degenerate!”

Bean’s slight frustration at Elfo took a back seat when she was confronted with this new accusation from Luci and she felt herself tensing, defensive, at this description of herself. But Luci was just being a terrible friend, like always. Right? “He didn’t say that…”

_Just shut up._ She sent the thought in his direction, trying to think it as hard as possible so he might actually hear it. Could he do that, over their bond? They had some kind of weird connection, for sure, but she had no idea if she could utilize it to send him some angry, murdery threats to shut the hell up.

Apparently the thoughts got lost somewhere in translation because he continued heedlessly, “That doesn’t make it not true!” Well, that just made it worse… a lot worse, because she was forced to wonder about it. Surely she wasn’t… actually… a failure? Not like that. She had value! It wasn’t like she was just some trash to be thrown out because no one wanted her anymore-

Bean barely managed to draw up short as a heap of trash came down right in front of her, splattering across her boots. “Whoa!”

A voice, high and irate and also very familiar, rose from somewhere above her. “I told you strumpets to stay away- oh!” The words cut off as the woman recognized her distinct white hair and blue outfit. It would have been hard to mistake Bean for anyone else, even if this wasn’t already someone who was very _very_ familiar with her. “Your highness!”

“Bunty.” Funny. Bean hadn’t realized the woman lived out here. “Why were you throwing trash out the window?”

“Oh!” The woman made a soft sound of amusement. It was rare that Bunty got to be the smart one at Bean’s expense. “We’re far too poor for windows. This is our trash hole.” The logic didn’t want to sink in, how a ‘trash hole’ was different than a window… but Bunty only compounded it by continuing. “We only just got a door when the horse ate the wall.”

...she couldn’t have heard that right, but as she looked down to where Bunty was gesturing, going on about how eating a wall apparently ‘hadn’t agreed’ with the animal in question, Bean was forced to concede that her ears had been working just fine. There was a dead horse lying in the alley near the broken section of wall and only a thin curtain blocked entry into the house. Going inside was madness… this was the height of the filth and squalor she’d seen in the city…

But in they went. What else could she do?

It was an eye-opener. She’d never been around poor people like this. Sure, there were plenty of them in the bar and coming to her father’s outdoor audiences and of course plenty of them when they were being executed, but just… spending time in their presence was new. Luci crowded in close to her legs as the kids looked like they might be too grabby. He probably couldn’t have actually been cooked in a pot, but that didn’t mean he would have enjoyed someone trying to make him into a soup.

Elfo, on the other hand, was fast to make himself at home once Bunty scooped him up. Bean watched him as he sucked on the bladder of pig’s milk along with the rest of the small children. It was gross, but also a little fascinating, much like everything else in this den of squalor. She blinked, trying to not be too insensitive as Bunty started talking about another of her dead children. It was kind of sad… if also very confusing with Bunty’s tone changing with each further clarification. She didn’t want to think about some girl getting torn apart by street dogs, even if they _were_ puppies.

It was Stan, Bunty’s husband, who really brought the relevant point to her attention though. “She was just a year from retirement.”

Bean frowned at that, something about the entire thing didn’t seem right. “She had a job?” Wasn’t the girl in question just a kid? Nine years old seemed like a pretty ‘kid’ age to her. Derek was only a few years older than the girl in question and he was useless. Bean, herself, was only a decade older and she wasn’t sure she would have been equipped to hold a job. Especially not one as a midwife, as one of Bunty’s smaller children apparently was.

But wait… the ludicrousness of the rest of it aside, it finally struck her. “Jobs!” A bit belated, she could tell that her pause in digesting this information had caught Luci’s attention at least. He was grinning at her in that way he had. For the moment, he didn’t say anything, probably afraid to bring attention to himself while there were hungry mouths about. “That’s what people do all day!”

Well, if some nine year old could do it… she definitely could. She had even more experience than some kid. Right? She pushed to her feet, ignoring the bowl of cat soup that Bunty had passed her. “All right guys, I’m off to get my first job!” Luci hopped up onto her shoulder, smirking against her ear. But there was still something missing… “Elfo? You coming?” She turned to look at him, in time to see him in an odd position. Given that Bunty had already tried to nurse him like a baby, the fact that she was now powdering his bare butt shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it did catch Bean off guard anyway. She turned her eyes away as quickly as she could manage, trying not to be too obvious about it, even if Elfo probably wouldn’t notice. He was a little preoccupied.

The thought of what she’d almost seen made her all the more embarrassed for the fact that she was perfectly comfortable with seeing nude people. In Dreamland it was a common occurrence. The only nudity she really had a problem with was when her own family members decided to shuck their clothes and not give a damn… which happened far more often than she was comfortable with sometimes. Just the thought made her give herself a shake, but at least that bit of revulsion was better than having to think about Elfo with no pants.

-

It wasn’t going well. She agreed with Luci on that point as she came back to Bunty’s home at the end of the day. She settled herself to sleep on a pile of straw that was being used as a makeshift bed for more than one of Bunty’s kids and tried to sleep. She could only spare a moment of envy as she glanced across the room to see Elfo tucked with the other babies in what seemed like a relatively comfortable crib set-up. There was an actual blanket, for one thing!

She sighed, turning her face toward the wall and curling her arms around herself. She’d been too preoccupied with everything to even get drunk… the end result was a long, miserable night. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to sleep, not with the sounds all around her, the snores of her hosts, the creak of the flimsy structure around them moving with every bit of wind, and the cry of her father’s announcer as he stalked through the streets to call out the hour. It was too much input to handle without the benefit of her tipsy, or outright drunken state. There was simply no way she’d ever-

-

She woke stiff, groaning. Her hair was mussed and a few bits of straw stuck out as she managed to drag herself to the table. She wasn’t sure what it was Bunty was serving… maybe some kind of eggs mixed together with a bland looking mash paste. She prodded it with her spoon, but her grumbling stomach reminded her that she’d been too busy trying - and failing - to find a job to actually eat. So she shoveled it down her throat as quickly as possible before turning to the business at hand… wallowing in her own self-pity.

“I can’t do this.” She sighed, resting her head in her hands. “Oh god, I really am a failure….”

Luci was as unflappable as ever, just prodding her with the tip of his tail. “Of course you are!” When she darted a glance in his direction, his gaze was mostly serious. “But that’s fine. Some people are just losers. Embrace it! Now would be a great time to go out and start getting drunk… familiarize yourself with the feeling of being boozed out and in the gutter, rolling in your own filth!” 

That didn’t sound good, but for a moment she did seriously consider it over the alternative. It was only Elfo deciding to finally pipe up from where Bunty was holding him, that she was briefly jolted from this line of thought. “It’s okay Bean.” He said, his tone cajoling. “Part of being an adult is just accepting that some things take time.” What a thing to hear from a guy who was wearing a diaper and being burped like an infant. She gave her head a little shake, turning it away from that sight, as Elfo let out a burp and then mumbled something that Luci couldn’t resist a snide remark to.

Bean was too caught up in her own despair as she realized that Luci was right. Her only options were to give up and resign herself to a future of being a homeless street person or… 

She let out her breath in a long sigh. “I’ll have to go crawling back to the castle…” She had no idea what she would be able to say to convince her dad that she’d gotten her life together enough to let her back, but he did have a short memory sometimes. Maybe she could use that to her advantage for once… She could try, anyway.

The demon perked his dark ears as she spoke, immediately pulling away from his disagreement with Elfo to scuttle across the table to look up at her. His fingers tapped against each other eagerly as he grinned. “Ooh… if you’re going to go crawling back, can I ride you like a horse?” She looked at him, then at Elfo who was still perched in Bunty’s arms, looking at the two of them with a slight furrow of his brows. He probably didn’t think it was a good idea for her to let Luci ride her like a horse, but there was really no point in fighting it either. 

Bean nodded slowly. “Yeah… I guess…” She slid out of her chair, easing to her knees. At least crawling back with a demon riding on top of her would be only the third or fourth most humiliating way she’d ever returned to the castle Out of the ones she could remember, that was.

Luci was gleeful as he hopped up and Elfo, for once, was silent. It was the arrival of Bunty’s husband that actually saved her from the current crisis. She stared up at him, still on hands and knees, as he made her his new apprentice.

Well… this was… something. She hadn’t ever intended to be an executioner, but it was marginally better than admitting she was wrong to her dad. It had to be.

-

She walked from the site of her latest failure, not even willing to go back to the castle. Her dad had been there, in the audience, and she’d hoped that somehow he’d be persuaded to take her back. But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t just murder some old woman in cold blood. Maybe the witch was crazy, but since Luci - and especially Elfo - had shown up in her life, she’d found herself reconsidering some things she’d taken for granted before. Like how morality worked.

Elfo had been a bad influence. He kept worrying about stuff like ‘doing the right thing’ which Bean wouldn’t have given a shit about most of the time because doing the right thing was inconvenient and usually counter to the things she desperately wanted to do. Like getting drunk and stoned and cheating some dude out of his winnings at poker or stealing a carriage or… well… most of what she did when she was out on the town, really.

Luci snorted as the thoughts were racing. “You think too loud.” He said, voice bland. “You let Elfo get to you, didn’t you? I tell you Bean, Murder’s not a big deal. It’s just one of those things you do on occasion, like when you’re trying to cover up your other crimes… or when you’re bored!”

“Yeah.” She let out a sharp breath. “I know. I’m just… I’m not comfortable with killing someone I barely know.”

“So, what I’m hearing right now is that we should go back to the castle and murder your dad. Great plan! I knew you had it in you, Bean.”

“What?” She grimaced. “No! We’re not going to murder my dad!”

Luci hissed softly, speeding up his steps to trot alongside her. “Then where _are_ we going?” He drawled out the words in a way that made it abundantly clear that he considered murder the preferable plan.

She had no answer for him. Truthfully, she didn’t know where they were going. She just needed to be away. And ‘away’ at the moment, led her feet to the edge of the city, down the dirt path toward the forest. She was halfway across the field before it really registered where she was heading. Once she knew, she didn’t have the energy or wherewithal to stop. It wasn’t until she reached the edge of the forest that she paused, sinking down onto a nearby rock.

“I”m not good for anything,” she swiped a hand across her face, feeling the burning tingle at the corners of her eyes that was tears threatening to escape. She looked down at her own hands, resting across her knees. “The only thing I _am_ good at is sitting here on this rock and crying!” Her breaths were hitching in her throat and she bit at her lip as Luci stood in front of her, his gaze impassive.

The ground trembled under her. No… wait, it was just the rock she was sitting on. It was moving and she would have jumped off if she’d had more energy. She was too weary to get to her feet as a head popped out from one end of the rock. Dark, dark eyes fixed on her. It was a weird, creepy turtle.

“I ain’t no rock,” The beast said, monotone in voice but giving her a glare that could cut daggers. “And I’ve seen better crying.” Then the creature moved, giving its rounded shell a shake and knocking her off, flat onto her ass. She winced, rubbing at her hip as she watched the creature move away. Weird creepy asshole turtle, then.

Bean braced her hand against the ground, trying to muster the energy to get up. Luci had been silent throughout the exchange. He was padding back and forth in front of the path to the forest, his tail moving in a slow pendulum swing as he stared at something. Bean didn’t care though. She sighed, feeling the hopelessness welling in her and she shifted, flopping onto her side since getting up was just too damn hard right now. “Just… just bury me here next to these elf tracks…”

  
  


When Luci spoke aloud, it wasn’t to her. “I wonder where he was going?” He wasn’t looking in Bean’s direction as he spoke, instead staring at the ground slightly to one side of where the princess was sprawled.

“What?” Bean felt the word slip from her lips, unbidden. “Who?” She had no idea what Luci was going on about. Did he mean the turtle? Why did it matter where a turtle went?

From the look Luci was giving her, she was missing something obvious. He snorted after a second, rolling his eye. “Well, we can add detective to the list of things you’re not good at.” He moved to climb up on her arm, sitting slightly on top of her. “There’s only one elf in town.”

What? She sat up abruptly, the motion tossing Luci off of his perch. She barely noticed, she was too busy staring at the elf tracks she’d already spotted and then dismissed without much thought. Of course. How had she missed it? And Luci was right, what could Elfo have been doing all the way out here? Wasn’t he supposed to be at Bunty’s house?

“Elfo!” She felt a new surge of energy. It was a relief to have something to focus on that wasn’t her current string of failures. “What could he be doing out here?” 

Luci grunted, springing back to his feet and giving her a sharp stare for a second before padding forward to examine the tracks. He ran his paw over them, tracing the shape before he started to venture into the forest itself. “It looks like he ran into a tree.” He examined the bark of a tree where the tracks intercepted, then cut off abruptly into a mess of overlapping scuffs. “He kicked it, hopped around a bit and then stumbled over here, where this demented squirrel stole his shoe.”

Bean would have asked how Luci could figure out what had happened with such detail, but there was a demented squirrel right there and it was holding Elfo’s shoe in its buck teeth. It gave the shoe a shake, looking up at the two of them and giving a hissing growl. Bean narrowed her eyes and hissed back in response. That squirrel wasn’t the biggest, baddest thing with buck teeth around here. The animal put its ears back, tail puffing, then it finally abandoned its bounty to run back up a nearby tree.

As soon as the animal was out of range, Bean snagged Elfo’s shoe and tucked it into her pouch. If they found him, he’d need it. It wasn’t like there were a lot of tailors and shoemakers who made things in elf-sizes. And they would find him, she was sure of that. Luci was proving to be a surprisingly good tracker. She wasn’t sure if the demon was going by scent or by actual tracks, since they reached a point where they were so faint that she couldn’t make out much of anything, even before they hit the mossy trails that wound through the forest.

This place was enchanted. Everyone knew that. It was called the Enchanted Forest for a reason. Mostly it was to keep people from venturing into it and abandoning their babies - a feat that seemed impossible since people were apparently stupid enough to ignore the warnings - but there was actually some documented cases of magic too. The witch came from there and she was a witch, after all.

...of course, Bean hadn’t seen her actually do anything very witch-like other than being an old woman who cackled a lot, but there had to be some precedent for naming a place like this… 

Besides… she could just… feel it. Every time she stepped beyond the tree line, there was a tingling sensation on her skin that went all the way to the back of her eyeballs. She wasn’t sure what kind of magic she was feeling, but it was there and the longer she was in the forest, the more it seeped into her awareness. A creature like Elfo, who was already magical, should have been right at home in a place like this. 

He’d mentioned coming from here and she wondered briefly if maybe he’d decided to go home. She bit her lip at that, wondering at the sudden pang in her chest at the thought of the elf deciding to leave. Surely he wouldn’t, though? She sped up her steps, to the point where Luci threw her a narrow-eyed glance and a slight growl to ‘back off my ass, Bean’. She couldn’t make him go faster, but she was feeling a more urgent need to track down Elfo. What if they never saw him again?

Funny… not too long ago, she wouldn’t have said there was anyone she would be that bothered at the prospect of never seeing again… especially not her family or… really anyone in dreamland. They were nuisances at best and actively made her feel bad more often than not. Maybe that was the difference. Elfo was kind of bad at most things, but she never got the sense that he didn’t take her seriously… and there were times-

_Like the thing with the Vikings_

-where she said things and he actually listened. It was such an unfamiliar sensation that she wasn’t sure how to deal with it, other than to enjoy it. She had fun with Luci too, probably more fun than with Elfo, but she didn’t feel like he really needed her around. 

Speaking of the demon, Luci was doing his best to speed things up, probably because he was getting sick of Bean’s silent fretting. He really didn’t handle human emotional displays very well. Bean bit her lip and tried to back off a little. It wasn’t like Luci wasn’t doing his best and he was more useful right now than she was. 

It didn’t take too long for him to figure out which way to go, it just felt like longer than it was. “This way.” He darted through some trees, going off the slight path they’d been following and into the woods themselves. She hesitated before following, looking at the stone markers that were scattered along the edges of the one safe path through the woods. Stepping outside of them was even more dangerous than just entering the forest itself… this wasn’t the way people were supposed to travel through here…

“Are you sure…?” She hesitated just at the edge of the treaded dirt pathway. “We’re not supposed to…”

The demon’s sharp gaze shut her up immediately. “Oh, we’re not _supposed to_ ” he made a gesture in the air with both paws. “I’m Bean and I like following the rules like a chump. I’d never take risks because I’m a chicken. Bawk bawk.”

It was the most juvenile taunt Luci could have used but it was still far too effective. She stiffened as she watched him make the ‘chicken’ gesture, tucking his hands in close to his body and flapping his arms. She wasn’t scared, damn it! ...okay, she was, a bit, but she wasn’t going to let him mock her over being scared. 

“Shut up, you!” She gritted through her teeth as she stepped forward, her foot coming down on the ground outside the established path. She waited for a few seconds, expecting something to come crashing down on top of her, or something to show up out of nowhere and eat her. But there was nothing. As she glanced around, nothing seemed any different.

Well, she’d gone off the path before, back in their escape from Merkimer’s attempts to drag her back to be married… so maybe the path didn’t actually _do_ anything? Luci was already getting a bit far ahead of her and not showing any signs of pausing to wait while she decided how insecure she was at the prospect of a magical curse or something. She sped up her steps, trying to catch up while also glancing around, expecting some magical thing to happen at any moment.

“Are you sure you can find Elfo?” She asked, once she no longer had to jog to keep up with the demon. “I don’t see any kind of trail… or path… or anything really. This place is just…” She gave herself a shake, wondering what the feeling settled in her gut was. Unease perhaps, or low-key excitement. 

Luci flicked an ear in her direction but didn't turn around. “Believe me, Bean. If you humans had any sense of smell to speak of, you’d think this was a pretty obvious trail too. Nothing I’ve run into before smells quite like Elfo. He reeks.” His nose wrinkled and he paused as he reached a spot between two trees. 

Bean was about to ask why he was stopping when she got close enough to peer between the trees herself. It was pretty obvious what he’d seen because the bright candy-decorated cottage sitting in the clearing ahead would have been hard to miss even if she’d been blind and deaf. The smell of it was strong enough to cloy her nostrils, even from here. “...You think he’s there?” Elfo had talked a lot about his homeland of Elfwood, though Bean mostly tuned it out or was roaring drunk by the time it came up. She did know that candy was a big thing for the elves, something that was rare in Dreamland for anyone who wasn’t rich or nobility. This much candy just sitting out in the middle of the woods… she was surprised no one had ever mentioned anything like it before.

Of course, if it were common knowledge among Dreamlanders, they would have eaten it down to the ground already. 

The demon pattered on ahead while Bean was considering the implications of a house made entirely out of food. Would it go bad? Could it go bad? It was magic, right? Luci’s interest was more focused as he moved toward the front door, neck craned. “From the height of these tongue-marks, this has recently been licked by an elf.”

Bean saw the faces in the window before Luci did and she paused a few steps back as someone peered out the door at them. What kind of people lived in a candy house? Her questions were answered as a voice reached her ears, the person behind the door possessed a rather thick German accent, from this distance it was hard to work out his exact words since he was mumbling, either to himself or to someone else in the house. Maybe Elfo was in there?

“Hey. Have you seen someone else out here?” Bean asked. “Has anyone else come by here today?.” The eyes behind the candy-cane ‘bars’ on the door narrowed for a second. Then there was the click of a lock being undone and the door opened.

-


	9. Chapter 9

The man standing in the open doorway could only be described as ‘portly’ and his outfit was one too embarrassing even for a Dreamland resident, giving no good idea of where he was from or why he might have come to be hanging out in a candy house in an enchanted forest. As he was eyeing the two of them, probably confused by what a princess and demon might be doing this far out in the middle of nowhere, a woman eased up behind him, looking over Bean and Luci with a small smile. She raised her fingers to press against her lips with a smile before tapping the man on the shoulder.

The two strangers’ met eyes, then the man looked to Bean again. “No, but come in.” He said, with a smile. “Make yourself casserole.” He corrected this strange slip quickly enough that it only registered as mildly curious, “I mean, make yourself _comfortable_.” Luci was looking around already, stepping inside and Bean followed with a slight shrug. 

She couldn’t necessarily trust Luci to give her good advice in her personal life but when it came to finding Elfo, she was more than willing to go with his instincts. If he said Elfo was here, then he had to have come around at some point. Besides… if there was any place that was tailor-made for an elf, it had to be this. Everywhere she looked, it was nothing but decadence and sweets. Even as a princess, surrounded by - relative - luxury, she wasn’t used to seeing a spread of candy and baked goods like this. It would have put even her wedding cake to shame.

Luci hopped up onto the table as soon as they were gestured to sit and Bean eased into the chair, surprised that she didn’t stick more, considering the surface of it was also apparently made of candy. This was all a bit much, wasn’t it? She gazed down at the polished surface of the plate set out neatly on the table and she could see her own reflection in the spun sugar. She was impressed. 

Their host sat down in the chair across from her, leaning forward with a smile. “Well, you’re just in time for supper.” 

She hadn’t had a good meal since before she got sent to the convent. Hot dog water and cat soup just didn’t cut it. She was a healthy young woman and she had an appetite. The woman, their other host, pulled something from the oven and the smell in the air was delicious: rich and meaty. Bean’s mouth watered. She really should have resumed looking for Elfo… from Luci’s reaction earlier, she doubted he was too far away… but her stomach growled loudly and she was reminded anew that she shouldn’t let herself get too weak or she wouldn’t be any help to Elfo anyway. A quick meal couldn’t hurt.

Bean tilted her head as the woman approached the table and the aroma of that meat really hit her. Yeah, she wasn’t going anywhere until she had a bite or two… 

“Do you like ham?” Their host asked. What was his name again? “This is like ham.” Ham? She could do ham. Bean ran her tongue across her lips as the pan was set down in front of her. Yeah, that definitely wasn’t ham. It was pretty odd, honestly. But… also kind of… adorable in a weird way. “How cute!” She smiled, looking at the meal. It was the best thing she’d seen in four days. “It looks like a little monkey, all roasted up with onions.” She’d ahd monkey a couple of times, like when Zog had tried to get a menagerie for the palace and had promptly forgotten that animals needed to be regularly fed. The royal family had been eating jerked ostrich and cutlets of stringy lion meat for a couple of weeks.

“Yeah, it does.” The woman said. Her accent was heavy and strange. Bean couldn’t identify where she was from. “But it’s not. Eat”

Did it matter what it was, though? Not to Bean’s stomach. She stabbed her fork into the pale cut of meat, slicing off a piece before popping it into her mouth. It was definitely more flavourful than the ostrich, or even the more tender giraffe loins. Her hosts might have been weirdos who were obsessed with candy to a frankly alarming degree, but they knew how to cook a roast. And considering all that she’d had to eat was a few sips from Bunty’s watered-down cat soup, the taste of actually well-cooked food was something she realized she’d been missing.

Okay, so maybe she was a little spoiled, being a princess and all, but honestly, she didn’t understand how anyone could live on the sort of gruel that Bunty and her family had as their diet. She ate with less dignity than would have ‘befitted’ one of her status - as long as she wasn’t the King, who could apparently just stuff his face with a whole chicken with no consequence - but she didn’t care. It was not just good, it was one of the best meals she’d ever had.

“I like this!” She said, then, when looking at her hosts who were still giving her that weird stare, she realized that her reaction might have been a bit too intense for just a meal. She backtracked a little, “but… as a friend.” Well… okay… it hadn’t been the best way to save that earlier comment but… hell, she’d tried. The only thing to do was to pretend she hadn’t said anything awkward.

Luci was also eating, beside her, and she was pretty sure he didn’t actually need to eat or even have any sense of taste, considering half of the things she’d seen him cram into his mouth before. His method of just jamming his tail into the meat and then dangling it in the air as he took bites of it was somehow even less elegant than her eating with her hands and she was almost grateful that she wasn’t the only uncultured swine to be sitting at this fancy candy table.

And what a table! This place was like something out of a children’s book. The walls gleamed with bright candy colours…. No… just bright candy. She’d never seen anything like it. Even in Dreamland castle, where they were able to indulge in a lot of the more difficult to find delicacies, this would have been so much sugar that it would have been considered obscene. To make a whole _house_ out of it?

The inside of the house was made out of candy too. Was everything made of candy.? Maybe.

Except for their meal, which was amazingly savory… She still had no idea what it was and she was making a point of not looking at their hosts, just in case they remembered that she wasn’t a great guest. Instead, she continued her examination of the room, only partially distracted by stuffing her face. 

Her eyes fell across something, not settling for a moment. There was an open book across from her. She wondered idly what kind of candy it was made out of. What would be a good candy to make into a book? Her mind idled over the thought. Maybe taffy? That would be malleable enough to make turnable pages? 

Elfo could have answered the question on what the best type of candy for any kind of item would be if he were here. As soon as she was done refueling, they were definitely going to have to resume their search. And once they found him, maybe Bean would bring him back here. She was pretty generous like that…

_Wait..._

Something wasn’t sitting right and it wasn’t the food, exactly. Luci was still snarfing down the food laid out in front of them, but Bean paused, still holding the leg of meat up, her teeth partly suck into it. Her eyes flicked over the book again.

No. It wasn’t taffy. It did actually look like a normal book…

A normal book with… a picture of an elf? Why were they looking up elves in their book?

The rest of the details didn’t sink in immediately, but once she realized that what she was seeing was definitely a crudely drawn image of an elf, the rest of her suspicions started to take shape. Why would they have a book open to pages about elves? Weren’t elves rare? No one had seen an elf for centuries before Elfo had wrecked her wedding…

It sank in, far too slowly. Her teeth were still embedded in the roasted meat as the words on the book and the way the elf image on the page was neatly divided into sections clued her in. It was familiar, all right. She’d been a good butcher - and terrible pet shop assistant - only a day ago…

That chart… all the parts were labeled - and she could actually read, unlike a lot of Dreamland residents… cuts of meat. But…

Her eyes flicked down to the meat she was eating. It was on the bone, much like a leg of chicken, but it was definitely not chicken. 

_It’s like ham… but it’s not ham_

The words rang through her mind as she pulled off the frill on the leg she was eating. Beneath, instead of a safe, easy to ignore, bit of bone was an actual tiny foot. She barely registered what happened next as all the pieces came together in her mind, an explosion of thoughts jumbling over each other. 

_Not ham_ No. No… it couldn’t be… But the book… and the foot… and…

“Y-you served me Elfo?” She could feel her gorge rising, the intense need to puke. That was the most immediate reaction, but there were other realizations fast on its heels. Did this… it meant Elfo was… was… 

_dead_

Oh god. The last time she’d seen him he’d been in Bunty’s house, dressed in a diaper. What kind of goodbye was that? How could this be even remotely fair?

Luci was still on the table, so snarky and unmoved in the face of their companion’s death that she almost wanted to smack him. “And I thought I didn’t like him.” The demon smirked as he shoveled another cut of Elfo into his mouth and Bean was too numb to respond.

The woman - Gretel - looked across the table at her with an expression of disdain. Like she was the strange one here for not being excited at the prospect of eating one of her only two friends. Bean would have laughed at the absurdity of it if the woman hadn’t opened her mouth with the need to correct her. “Don’t be ridiculous. Elf is dessert meat! It’s still cooking!”

Still… cooking? Bean’s head jerked around, her eyes raking over the small, brightly coloured kitchen. There was an oven there, she could see the light of the flames inside and it galvanized her to action. She shoved the plate aside, and any unsettling thoughts about who might have been on it if not Elfo. “Elfo!” Her hand grabbed for the door to the oven and the immediate searing heat made her yelp and stagger back.

“Beeean!” The voice was muffled and screechier than usual, but it was such a welcome voice in the moment that she almost wanted to sob with the relief washing over her. As she strode forward again, reaching for the oven with her bare hand even after she’d already been burned once, Luci jumped in with a snort.

“Never let a princess do a demon’s job.” He said, his dark paws landing easily on the open surface of the oven. He was immune to fire, at least that was what she’d gathered from their whole run-in with Big Jo, and he slipped into the oven easily.

She didn’t have a chance to watch the rescue as it happened though because there was the shock of something hooking around her middle and the rest of their situation sank in, a cold splash of water on any excitement at the prospect of rescuing their missing elf. _Oh. Yeah._ Somehow she’d forgotten about the presence of their ‘hosts’. If they’d been willing to cook up Elfo, then a lot of other weirdnesses somehow made sense.

“Oh… make yourself casserole… now I get it.” She muttered, trying to kick free of the grip from the murderous siblings. Without any need for pretense, they were making an effort to actually catch hold of her and she knew she didn’t want to be at their tender mercies if they were the sort of people who would try to cook an innocent elf. There was nothing for it but to try and fight back. Bean felt the adrenaline surging, her heart starting to pound as she dodged one of the siblings. She wasn’t thinking too much about her actions, just rolling with it, moving on instinct to grab one of the gumdrops off of the wall and ram it down on Gretel’s head as the woman brandished an ax at her.

It succeeded in making Gretel drop the weapon as she struggled for air and Bean quickly snatched hold of it. Hansel moved in to assist his sister. As he ate away portions of the gumdrop covering his sister’s mouth, Bean felt revulsion rising in her again. This was one of the most disturbing things she’d ever seen… and she’d used the castle baths which were semi-public. The way they both turned to her in unison, swiping their tongues across their lips, made her flinch and cringe a little with disgust. 

“Ugh… can you stop it with the tongue thing?” She held the ax up in both hands, expecting them to rush her again. It was made of candy, much like the rest of the house, but even to her untrained eye, she could see that the head of it was sharp. There was a shining gleam to it and she brandished it as the two siblings eyed her hungrily. God, what was wrong with them? She tensed, her grip tightening, but at the last minute, the two of them turned and ran instead.

That should have been it… with them fleeing and Elfo freed, the wisest course would have been to just let them retreat to wherever they were running off too. But what if they had other weapons? More effective ones? What if there were other prisoners? Was she even sure she could get back here if she headed back to Dreamland now? The Enchanted Forest was always a pain to navigate at the best of times…

All of this flitted across her mind but truthfully it was just the need to feel safe, to _know_ for sure that these two were dealt with, that actually spurred her to move. She darted after them, defying all reason. 

Outside of the deceptively cheery kitchen, the rest of the house was proving to be a nightmare. As she dashed down the hallway, her motions were drawn up short, abruptly enough that she almost fell on her face. “What-?” She looked down, to find her feet were stuck to the floor where they’d laid down a strip of sticky taffy. 

Who would even think of something like that? Bean groaned, yanking her feet out of her boots and continuing on. At least the floor was smooth and not covered with rocks and brambles…

There was a staircase heading down and while her brain was screaming at her that down was probably bad, that the two of them were going to ground like animals in their den, her feet were still moving. Her heel hit the top step and then vertigo, as the entire staircase collapsed under her, sliding her down into the dark.

She landed in something soft and cushiony… and sticky. It clung to her limbs as she moved. Was this… cotton candy? She struggled a little, trying to pull herself free, but finding that she was sinking deeper instead. Her motions caused something else to move nearby and she turned her head to look.

A desiccated corpse stared back at her from empty sockets. It was withered, still entangled in this mass of sugar-sweet death. Bean yelped out in panic, flailing even harder to pull herself out, only to find that it was having the opposite effect and sinking her deeper. The pink stickiness was creeping over her face…

Her body was smart enough to find a solution, some animal hindbrain kicking in to save her from the inevitable fate that her mind was refusing to grasp. She swung the ax she was still carrying in a sweeping arc and felt it hit something solid. It didn’t pull out, giving her something she could cling to. Hand over hand, she pulled herself from the gripping candy, finally able to jump to a safer spot on the floor.

Bean’s heart was pounding, a loud thrum in her ears as she continued forward, more cautiously. The room was dark but there was light enough that she could see the creepy hell she’d stumbled into. There were bones scattered about haphazardly and the stench of blood and rotting meat were heavy on the air. Her bare toes scraped along the ground and she didn’t dare to look down whenever she felt something slightly gooey or rolling loose against the floor. There was no telling what it would be. 

She could hear the echo of laughter all around her but in the dim light, it was hard to pinpoint the source of it. She paused in place, trying to get her bearings, trying to fight back her rising gorge so she didn’t waste what precious little focus she had by having an uncontrollable urge to vomit. Whatever -

_ God… whoever... _

-she’d eaten was not sitting well in her stomach at all. If she had time, she would have tried to make herself throw up what was probably part of someone’s dead kid… And they wouldn’t _stop laughing_. Something wet fell onto her shoulder and she jerked a little, looking up to see some decapitated heads hanging from the ceiling. Of course… it couldn’t just be a normal creepy candy house that was the territory of a couple of cannibalistic murderers. They just had to also go and ruin the only shirt she had since she’d been kicked out of the palace… That was the point. It was too much.

Bean gripped her ax more tightly, grimacing. “Okay, guys… the creepy laughter has to stop before we can have a real conversation.” She managed to keep her voice a little steady as she spoke, not wanting to reveal any weakness. Frankly, holding onto her courage was doing wonders for keeping her from freezing up at this insanity. They were obviously a bit unhinged but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be reasoned with...right?

She eased another step forward, eyes darting across the room. “Guys, give yourselves up. Everyone would understand why you went crazy after the witch imprisoned you for so many years.”

“Oh, we were crazy long before we met the witch.” Gretel’s voice rang out, echoey, impossible to place.

"We ate our parents." Hansel's voice was so level and reasonable that the words didn’t want to sink in.

“A-and then the witch kidnapped you?" Bean was trying to piece it together in her head, trying to calm the racing of her heart. They were close, her mind was screaming at her about the danger, but she couldn't see them, could barely focus enough with the macabre surroundings to try and pinpoint where they might be.

"Nein,” The calm in Hansel’s voice was more chilling than even the earlier creepy laughter had been. “She adopted us and gave us candy. But not enough. So we tied her to the sink and started eating people.” 

It made no sense. Not even by Dreamland standards, really… Bean heard the sounds around her again, a noise like footsteps, and she struggled to turn in the direction they were coming from. She couldn’t see down here-

Then there was a movement from the corner of her eye and a voice that would have been familiar even without the sudden spike of recognition across her senses. Luci was here. She could feel him along their bond. She expected that Elfo wasn’t far behind him either, but she couldn’t afford to look in their direction. Couldn’t do anything but listen and _move_ as a high, familiar voice called out to her. “Bean! Behind you!”

Luci's voice followed quickly on the heels of Elfo's warning, vibrating with aggression. "Bean! Kill him! Do not wuss out!" Unlike his usual goading, there wasn't even a hint of teasing or mischief in his tone.

"I don't think I can!" Her own voice was soft, desperate but pained even to her own ears. She was seizing up. There were too many things to consider. I mean, even with everything they'd done, did they deserve to die? And if they did... was she really the one who was qualified to decide between life and death for someone? She was barely able to dress herself without Bunty's help, for god's sake!

Luci's voice rose again, a wordless growl, his urgency battering at her across the bond. Bean forced herself not to think, trying to drop into a place of pure animal instinct as she brandished her bright candy weapon high above her head in a wide swing. It was the motion she hadn’t been able to complete back in the square when it would have condemned an apparently innocent woman to death. This time it sank in behind her, met flesh and bone. She turned her head to see Gretel, impaled on her ax. Bean’s fingers clenched helplessly, the death not sinking in. It hadn’t even been deliberate. 

There was a cry from behind her and she turned back to see Hansel skidding to a halt, looking past her to where his sister’s head was split open on Bean’s ax. His eyes were wide and wild. Alien and animal. “Gretel, no!” He howled out. His voice dropped, went quiet for a moment in an agony that might have been easier to sympathize with if he and the woman in question hadn’t just been trying to murder her. “We were supposed to grow old together,” he said, almost wistful, and Bean could only stare. “Eat a family…”

The words reminded her of who - of _what_ he was. Her hands shook when it came time to bring the ax to bear again. She couldn’t… she couldn’t do it. She was clutching, the way she’d clutched back in the square… except that this time it mattered.

If it hadn’t been for the presence of her two companions - and Luci’s bloodthirsty urging - she might have remained paralyzed in her own thoughts long enough for Hansel to actually strike back against her. As it was, she felt herself go numb, her entire body tensing as she finally moved, galvanized by both the voices egging her on and the reminder that if she failed at this, the way she’d failed at her short stint as an executioner, that not just herself but also her two companions would be in danger.

_And she remembered the fleeting moment of panic at thinking these crazed cannibals had fed her roasted Elfo… how much worse would it be to know that her friends getting cooked was her own fault for not being able to do something?_

The ax swung through the air, heavy with the clinging weight of Gretel’s impaled body still attached to it. The crunch of it sinking into Hansel’s skull sank deep into her awareness. Her heart was pounding so hard that she could barely register that it was over. She stared into their lax, bloody faces, her fingers stiff on the handle of the ax until she felt the brush of a small hand against her arm. Luci padded in on her other side to inspect her handiwork, his tail swishing in approval.

"Bean, Bean, Bean!" Luci was positively ebullient "Look at me!" As she lowered her eyes to his small black form, he immediately corrected her, "Don't look at me. Look at the corpses. You did it. You finally killed someone intentionally. I'm so proud of you."

"It was self-defense!"

"Don't be modest. You killed these mentally ill siblings fair and square." Luci rested his hands on his hips, not bothered at her attempt at protest.

"And I got roasted alive," Elfo piped up, eager to be part of the conversation. "I guess we all did our part."

She honestly wasn’t sure how she felt about it. It wasn’t like she hadn’t killed people before… inadvertently… But this was different. It was the first time she’d actually taken a weapon and brought it to bear on someone. Luci wouldn’t get that, how it was different. She bit her lip a little, moving to the stairs. All of a sudden she just needed to get out, to breathe. It felt like there was a tight grip around her lungs. As she drew near the door up the stairs, she had to pause a moment to lean against it and Elfo managed to catch up with her.

Bean blinked down at him, uncomprehending, as he held something up to her. It took a few seconds for her to place what it was he was giving her. Her boots. Funny, she hadn’t even thought about them, there’d been too much going on. As she took them, there wasn’t even a hint of stickiness on the leather soles and she had the impression that Elfo had probably licked them clean on the way down. She shook her head, trying to clear that weirdly unnerving thought. It was far from the worst thing she’d ever seen Elfo put in his mouth.

“Thanks.” She mumbled, bracing her back against the wall before sliding the boots back on. “Let’s get out of here.”

Elfo nodded, looking past Bean at the mess of a basement and its assortment of dead bodies in various states of intactness. “What…” He took a breath and then swallowed, tongue flicking across his lips. “What should we do with… all of this?” Bean didn’t want to look, but she knew what he meant, even without him piping up again to clarify. “I mean… should we… try to bury them? Find their families?”

That would have been hard, even Bean could figure that part out. But did she owe it to any of these poor people to actually do something now? Most of them weren’t even recognizable enough that she was sure they’d ever be able to find their families… and doing so was bound to be a long, tedious, and ultimately probably futile process that Bean didn’t have the energy to do. She felt bad… really she did… but…

“I… I don’t think…” She faltered on the words, looking down at Elfo who had a haunted expression on his face.

“They’re just bodies,” Luci said, and Elfo rounded on him, probably to point out the utter callousness of the demon’s words. Bean reached out a hand, grabbing hold of Elfo’s shoulder. She wasn’t sure what point Luci was trying to make, but there was something coming across their weird soul bond that made her think there _was_ a point he was getting to… just in the most assholish way possible. Luci was unaffected, padding in close to the two of them and looking up with a steady stare. “Don’t give me that look.” He said, ears flicking back just a little.

Interesting.

“I know you mortals have this stupid obsession with doing things with dead bodies. Putting them on display, burning them… for these weirdos, even eating them. But bodies aren’t people.” He reached down, picking up a nearby skull and holding it up. “Once the person is dead, their soul is gone.” He rapped his knuckles against the skull’s brittle cranium and watched it crumble under the touch. “There’s nothing here anymore. Whoever this poor sucker was, he or she went to Hell or Heaven or wherever they deserved to go.” He paused for a second, his muzzle wrinkling. “But it was probably Hell. It usually is with you mortals.”

Well, yeah. That was obvious even to Bean. Knowing the citizens of Dreamland as she did, she wasn’t exactly expecting that a lot of them would be getting into a place like Heaven. “Look, we all know mortals suck and go to Hell, but what is the point of this whole speech?” She was getting more antsy by the moment, ready to leave this place for better or for worse.    
  
“I didn’t say that all mortals go to Hell. Just most of them. And there are other alternatives, you know?”

No. She didn’t know but it also wasn’t important. “Luci-”

The demon sighed, much put upon. “Look. It doesn’t matter what you do to the bodies. It’s not going to change the fact that they’re dead or where they’re going. So I say stop worrying so much about it. Let’s just get rid of the evidence here and go.”

“It’s not that.” She groaned, pinching at the bridge of her nose. Well, it mostly wasn’t that. “It’s just… a lot of evidence to get rid of.”

“Oh.” Luci bobbed his head. “I getcha. So this is laziness talking and not some kind of stupid morality thing. Well, see now that I can get on board with.” He clambered onto her shoulder, curling strands of her pale hair around one small paw. “You had me worried for a moment there.” 

Elfo cleared his throat and Bean dipped her head to meet his gaze. For the first time in all this craziness, it really registered that he was there. More importantly, he was alive and not part of someone’s cannibalistic meal. She still had no idea how the hell he’d gotten all the way out here or why he’d left Bunty’s house to begin with, but she could ask later if she didn’t get so drunk she forgot about it. “Bean…” he hesitated, his head tipping up slightly as he sniffed at the air, brow wrinkled.

“Yeah, Elfo?” She was still semi-distracted by the knowledge that there was an entire houseful of dead bodies and what it meant. The witch was innocent. Should she let her dad know? She remembered the woman’s face when she’d had her head on the chopping block and felt a stab of that same weird sympathy from earlier. So maybe it was best that they took care of this place…

“I think something’s on fire.”

The words took a second to break through her current thought process and she stared down at him blankly for far longer than she really should have before replying. “...what?” As soon as the word escaped her mouth, she could smell it too. The smell was coming from above. “Uh… Luci?” 

“Sup?” 

“Did you leave the oven open?” 

The demon twitched his ear thoughtfully. “Yeah.”

Bean didn’t have to say more. The image of that exploding blow pop came to the forefront of her mind and she tried frantically to remember if there had been more of them in the room… or elsewhere in the house that she’d seen. “Uh…”

Luci prodded her with the tip of his tail. “Yeah. We should probably get out of here. There’s a whole stack of those things upstairs.” He paused long enough to let the words sink in before adding a bit of unnecessary clarification. “I put them there.”

“You did _what_?” The words came out in a screech but Luci was unmoved and was still giving her that calm stare. Bean grimaced a little, reaching down with her hand to snag Elfo by the back of the shirt and pull him up into her arms as she darted up the staircase. Once they were back on the main floor, she could see the fire creeping across the floor. The stack of offending explosives was some distance away from the main portion of the fire, but it would eventually reach if left unchecked. It wasn’t quite as dire as Luci had made it out to be from his earlier comment. She smacked him off of her shoulder after her initial sign of relief.

“Oof-” the demon hit the floor and growled up at her. She ignored him, setting Elfo down, a bit more gently. “What was that for?”

Elfo reached a hand down to assist Luci, who was still grumbling about ingrates and how he’d known she wouldn’t be able to take care of the problem so he’d done it for her. Bean might have countered with the fact that setting off a precariously timed explosion while she was still in the house and fighting a couple of murderers was a bad idea no matter how he tried to frame it, but she knew he wouldn’t listen. Elfo tsked as he helped the demon to his feet. “Luci. You should wait for Bean to okay it before we decide to blow things up.”

“Whatever. Don’t act like you didn’t help. Suck up.”

Bean ignored the two of them, lost in her own thoughts. She’d already been worried about dealing with all the dead bodies. If the house blew up, that was one less thing she’d have to handle in the long run. It really would make things a bit simpler and if anyone asked, she could always tell them her cat knocked over a lantern or something. There would be no need to specify that the ‘cat’ had done it on purpose to blow things up.

Was it a cop-out? Maybe. But given the way the rest of her day had gone, it was one she was willing to take. “Come on boys. Let’s get out of here.. 

The two of them paused in mid-argument. Luci’s muzzle pulled into a smug smile even as Elfo shook his head a little. Bean glanced back at the stack of haphazardly stacked blowpops and the thin line of fire leading up to them and then turned her back. As she reached the door, her two companions finally caught up with her and the three of them left side by side by side.

  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

It was only the third time she’d been to Dankmire. Even though she was riding high - literally in one respect, as she spent part of the trip half-perched atop the highest point on the front of the boat - she was still being dragged back down to earth by both of her companions, albeit in differing fashions. Luci was a vibrating ball of fur and evil and he was making no pretense about the fact that he was along on this trip to cause the most trouble possible. It was to be expected, given the nature of the demon, and Bean was learning to roll with the things that he would inevitably toss her way.

Elfo’s excitement was no surprise either, though she was more than a little astonished at the knowledge he could actually _read_. It wasn’t a common skill in Dreamland, or in most of the human-occupied lands that Bean knew of. The only reason she knew how to read was because it was considered a useful skill for a member of the royal family, and because she’d been taught before Derek had come along to muck things up for her. She’d only passed Elfo the book on Dankmire because he’d had so many questions, expecting that he would look through the few pictures and be entertained for a little while. This in-depth exploration of Dankmirian history he was doing would have been admirable if it wasn’t also a reminder of her stepmom and brother.

“This is fascinating stuff, Bean.” Elfo said, padding toward her, book held out in his hands. “Dankmirian society is so different from Dreamland. And it’s very different from Elfwood too. It’s so formal!” He flipped the book around to show her a diagram of a Dankmirian noble. “Even little things like the direction or location of a sash or the specific cut of a shirt can mean completely different things! For example, did you know that if you wear the sash with the bow tied in the front, it’s an indicator that you’re not in a relationship?”

Bean cleared her throat, hoping he would get the point and shut up already. If she wasn’t interested in Dreamland fashion - as evidenced by her usual manner of dress - then why would she be interested in Dankmirian styles…?

As she cast her gaze about for something else to distract either her or Elfo, her eyes fell across Luci who was looking at her with a smug quirk at the corners of his lips. She mouthed ‘help me’ to the demon and he let out a soft snort, hopping down to the ground beside Elfo. 

“So, what does that book say about drugs in Dankmire? Or booze? You just know a society this uptight has to have a pretty wild side somewhere under the surface…” Elfo frowned, looking from Luci to Bean like he suspected that this was an effort to distract him.

If he had any confirmation to his suspicions though, it didn’t show since he immediately flipped through the pages of the book, clearing his throat. “Well, I mean most of the alcoholic beverages in Dankmire are actually made from rice or a type of marsh plant called a Dankmirian Lily.” He spread the book out on the deck of the ship, tracing his fingers over the images and slowly walking Luci through the steps of the distillation process while Bean took the opportunity to move across the ship to hang out just behind her father’s temporary throne.

-

Things had been going… okay. She hadn’t expected to have to cover for her father quite so many times. He was actually a pretty awful diplomat… she had no idea how he’d managed to broker some kind of treaty to begin with. She let out a long sigh, raising her hands to knead at her temples. There were a bunch of events and meetings scheduled for the day and she still had only the vaguest idea of what she was even supposed to do during any of them. There were so many details and specifications and it was clear that as much as she griped about her father’s court, Zog played fast and loose with all of his rules more often than not. She wouldn’t have expected to find the way her dad ran the kingdom to be preferable to anything, but this was sorely testing her resolve to not give him any credit.

Bean had been doing pretty well at covering for him, but it was clear that she wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long. She sighed, pacing in the small - for royals, anyway - guest quarters. She wasn’t the only one there, but Luci was busy cat napping in the corner, saving up energy for more trouble later on. She almost jumped as she heard the sound of a knock at the door, coming from far too low to be a Dankmirian. 

She made her way to the door, pulling it open to peek out and looking down to meet a blessedly familiar green face. She was so relieved that it wasn’t a creepy Dankmirian child that she let out an audible sigh of relief. “Oh, Elfo!” She twirled a strand of hair around her finger because she was seized with the urge to hug him but she couldn’t risk being seen giving such an open display of affection, especially with someone who wasn’t even a member of her own family. “Come on in.” She gestured with one hand and he trotted in. Bean immediately shut the door behind him, dropping to one knee and finally pulling the little elf into an embrace. “I’m so glad to see you! Where did they even put you?” 

The elf made a slight face, a wrinkling of his nose that Bean caught immediately. “I got put in the servants quarters. I think they mistook me for one of Dad’s little servants.” He clapped a hand over his mouth at that slip, but for one Bean didn’t bother commenting on how weird it was that he treated Zog like his own dad.

“Who? Vip and Vap?” She frowned at that. “I mean… I guess I could see it, but you’re kind of…”

“Green?” Elfo laughed at that, not bothered by her attempt at tact. “I guess not.” He let out a soft cough in the wake of those words and the silence went on for far too long… well past the point where it would have been companionable and straight into an awkward territory that seemed to be happening more often lately for some reason. Whyever it was, Bean didn’t like it one bit and she cleared her throat deliberately. Elfo immediately switched topics, fumbling with the book he was carrying, which Bean had only belatedly registered that he still had on him. “So… uh... “

_So painful. What was going on? Why was this weird?_

The elf’s voice went a bit screechy on a note and he cut himself off, shaking his head before continuing with the most inane question possible. “So… how are you doing, Bean?”

Really? Bean shook her head though, feeling a slight wash of relief at the prospect of actually getting to vent for a moment. There was no way she could do it in front of all of these people… or even worse… her dad. “I mean… I’m not terrible…”

For once, Elfo was perceptive, his voice soft with sympathy. “But you’re not good either?”

Was it really so obvious?

Bean reached up a hand to pinch at the bridge of her nose, letting her breath out in a soft sigh. “There’s… not something wrong. I mean sure, there’s this whole possibility of offending them and starting a war but…” She shook her head. “That’s not even what’s getting to me. I know they’re different here and I’ve been trying my best to get a handle on them but man… my dad… he’s not making it easy. It’s like he thinks that he can just act the way he does back in Dreamland and everyone just has to go along with it because he’s the king.

“But he’s _not_ the king here. And he’s… just such a pain!” The last word tore out of her throat and she clenched her hands, teeth gritting as she glanced at the door, hoping that no one had actually heard her.

“He’s trying his best…” Elfo soothed, but something about Bean’s expression must have gotten through to him what she was unable to say out loud, that this was _not the time_. “A-Anyway… if you need help with something, maybe there’s something I can do.”

It was a sweet offer, but she wasn’t sure there was any way that Elfo could actually help out with her having to write a speech to present to the Dankmirians. Even still, she gave him a little smile, a bit wan but genuine. It wasn’t surprising that he wanted to help. It was honestly one of the traits she found kind of endearing, especially since Dreamland residents - and humans in general, in her experience - tended to be almost uniformly unhelpful. Nor did they actually… care about being unhelpful. She was used to having to do things on her own because she just couldn’t get anyone to _listen_ to her even in the rare moments where she did want help.

“Thanks Elfo. I’m just not sure there is much you can do. Unless you were secretly a speechwriter back in Elfwood.” It was a joke, but she couldn’t help a tiny bit of hope that maybe she’d lucked out and Elfo had some kind of hidden talent that would prove immensely useful in this _really specific_ situation.

He rubbed at the back of his neck, feet scuffing. “Well… not really. I mean when someone needed to give a speech, they’d usually just have Speako do it. And if someone wanted something written, they’d go to Writo. ...Unless it was poetry.” He grimaced a little on that last word and she couldn’t help but feel a little intrigued.

“Really? Elf poetry?” They were a lot like real people, weren’t they? When you got right down to it.

“I’m not sure it counts…” Elfo mumbled, noncommittal. “There is a Rhymo but…”

She knew that expression. It was the same look he got in those very _very_ rare times where he actually tasted something that he didn’t like. Just the slight pinch of his lips and the wrinkling of his nose. And considering Elfo would literally put almost anything into his mouth, she had to wonder just how bad this Rhymo guy could possibly be to warrant such a response. “He’s bad?”

Elfo ducked his head a little at her question, guilt flickering across his face. He bit his lip and Bean couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at the expression. It was too cute. She couldn’t resist. She leaned down a little, easing to one knee in front of him. “Hey, this is a safe space. It’s just us. I mean if I can be honest about my dad, then you don’t have to worry about some guy back in Elfwood. It’s not like I’d ever be able to tell him anything you said anyway.” Unless by some crazy chance she was to actually travel to Elfwood - or even less likely, that someone from Elfwood would come to Dreamland - it was not much of a risk, anyway.

“...that’s true.” Elfo mumbled, then smiled at her, an expression that made her ache to pinch his cheeks. “Thanks Bean.” He cleared his throat, his small hands balling into fists for a moment and a look of determination coming onto his face. “It’s not… I mean… everything he writes does actually _rhyme_ , you know? But that doesn’t…” He coughed, faltered, then tried again. “It doesn’t make it _good_! I mean... “

The floodgates were thrown open then. A rush of words that came spilling out so fast that they barely registered. Something about syllables and the use of ‘Iambic Pentameter’ and a bunch of other things that sounded very technical. She had questions… and then she had a lot of confusion that she wasn’t sure any amount of answers would actually be able to clear up. So she rested her fingers against her lips and kept her mouth shut and just let him talk himself out.

It took a while. But she’d had similar moments in the past, where she’d rambled on and on about something that frustrated her and… well… it was important that she try to be a good friend. She was still getting used to that concept as a whole and Luci’s usual advice wasn’t always helpful in that regard so she was taking a page from Elfo and just… letting him talk.

He fell silent after several minutes and then glanced at Bean sidelong, a hint of red tinting the green on his cheeks. “Sorry…. That was…” He let out a small sound, a wondering laugh. "That was a lot…”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Bean flailed about for a moment, looking for words. She wasn’t good at reassurance. In her defense, she didn’t exactly have any good role models to look up to in that regard. Her dad sucked at it and her stepmom… well… who knew what Oona was actually thinking about anything? She could be better though. Hell, she could hardly be worse at it. “It’s something that means a lot to you.”

She was struggling to remember the way Elfo had phrased his attempts at reassurances earlier on in their friendship. It was the only real model she had to go by. Acknowledge that he’d said something. Try to be affirming. Something like that.

“Have you uh…” Words. “Have you considered writing poetry yourself?” She hadn’t understood most of what he’d been saying about form and composition but it seemed like he had a better than passing knowledge of the skillset. Come to think of it, she didn’t really spend a lot of time asking Elfo what skills he had. Maybe he _was_ a poet in Elfwood? But no... probably not considering that whole rant...

The look he gave her was incredulous, his golden eyes wide and the corner of his mouth twitching for a second before he let out a soft, breathy laugh. Bean stared at him, not sure what she’d said wrong. Were her attempts at reassurance really bad enough to be laughable?

_ But she didn’t think he’d be **that** mean… at least not to her face. _

Elfo wasted no time in clarifying his humour, though his tone had an odd note to it, some mix of desperation and matter-of-fact-ness. “Oh Bean. That’s not how it works.” He started to pace slightly, just a few steps back and forth, still in easy arms reach of Bean. “If I wanted to be a poet, I’d have to be born with a name like Rhymo. Or maybe Composo… though I think that’s more for songs. Or…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “But we both know that’s not the case. I’m Elfo!”

Somehow that didn’t clarify anything. She was starting to get the hang of how elf names worked but it was still confusing. One thing did manage to come through clearly… it seemed like elves were pretty stuck in their roles from the time they were kids. Now that… _that_ was something she could understand. She’d felt much the same way about her own life growing up, once she realized that being a princess was really just a role that came with expectations attached and little consideration for her own needs and desires.

“Hey.” She touched his shoulder. When he glanced at her, hesitant… shy, she offered him a smile. This time the words came easily. “You’re not in Elfwood anymore. You know that, right? You can do whatever you want with your life.” She cleared her throat, straightening up and reaching into her pocket to pull out the blank index cards. “You don’t have to just do things because it’s the role you have to play in life. You can make your own purpose.”

Bean was still talking to Elfo, but she was also talking to herself. She’d spent a lot of the afternoon despairing at the lack of Zog’s guidance in this matter, wondering what she was supposed to do when she had no real template for how to handle things. He had to know, she’d reasoned, because he’d been involved in these negotiations before. But what little he’d given her didn’t work and trying to be Zog, to fill his shoes and do things his way… that wasn’t going to work.

For the moment, she was a diplomat, not a princess. She couldn’t let all the hangups of being a princess and her role - or lack thereof - back in Dreamland get in her way. She could do this.

“You know… I think you should try it.”

“Poetry?” Elfo asked, baffled by her insistence. But he hadn’t had the epiphany that she’d had or the realization that she could do more. She could throw out the entire rulebook and start on a new one. 

“Yeah. That too.” She reached out, resting her hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going to let this get me down. Just because I haven’t written a speech before doesn’t mean I can’t do one.” She clenched her hand into a fist and the cards in her other hand were blank but no longer mocking. She was determined. “So… let’s get this thing written.” 

When Elfo gave a hesitant nod, still confused, Bean offered him a smile. “By the way… thanks, Elfo.”

“You’re welcome.” He said, after a few seconds. She could explain what she was thanking him for later. Right now the important part was to get this thing written while she still had a bit of momentum. She snatched up her pen and the rest of the cards, tongue flicking across her teeth as she reached for the door. She just needed to get out of here for a little bit and avoid the inevitable: her father or brother showing up to interrupt her. That was the last thing she needed right now.

Somehow, despite being soundly asleep, Luci had awoken at the sound of the door opening. He was on her shoulder before she even registered that he’d moved. She blinked at him and he draped bonelessly, blinking slowly at her. “Sup?”

“I’m going to write this speech.” Bean shrugged her shoulder a little but it didn’t dislodge him. Well, having him along was inevitable at this point so she turned to Elfo who was still staring up at the two of them.”You coming, Elfo?” 

He perked at the invitation. “Yeah!” Darting forward, he took her offered hand. As they headed out of the guest chamber and down the hallway, there was a long pause and then Elfo piped up finally. “You really think I should write poetry?

-


	11. Chapter 11

-

The world was blurry around Bean, the sense of vertigo keeping any particular point from being properly up or down. The force of the impact as she landed - _up down somewhere_ \- was almost negligible, but it did give her something concrete. She lay there for a few seconds, eyes still closed. She could barely remember who she was, let alone _where_.

_Right. Bean. She was Bean._

Then a sound cut into her thoughts, a bit of a high pitched squeak, accompanied by another thud. It was a little familiar. Then something heavy hit her from above and she jolted, snapping to awareness finally. She was moving without thinking, both hands bracing against the heavy weight atop her and struggling to push it off. It was futile, her hands slipped over limp noodly arms and legs and other body parts she really didn’t want to think about. It was hard to find any purchase like this.

The soft noises from one side were all that cut through the haze of panic that was threatening to overtake her at the fact that she was pinned down under a pile of dead bodies. That was right… she wasn’t here alone. She turned her head, catching a glimpse of a familiar small green form trapped beneath the crushing pile of bodies. Elfo was moving, but still obviously groggy from either the hangover or the things landing on him and crushing him. She knew what was going to happen once he regained enough awareness to figure out what was going on.

Damn… that was only going to make it harder to come up with a plan to get out of there… as much as she was fond of Elfo, he wasn’t exactly the best person in a crisis. She tried to keep her voice steady as she called out to him. “Elfo! Don’t panic.”

Wrong words. She knew it as soon as she said it. 

“A-are we in the plague pit?!” His voice rose, hitting a high note that a human man couldn’t have easily managed. He’d figured it out faster than she had, which was either a tribute to his powers of observation or the fact that Bean had probably had double Elfo’s weight in hard liquor. Either way, it didn’t help because now he was going to panic because that was just how Elfo was. Her attempt to take charge of the situation hadn’t accomplished anything.

“Yes, you are!” A voice called out from somewhere they couldn’t see and Bean felt her heart pound in her ears as she strained to figure out who was talking. 

“Wait… w-who was that?!” Elfo voiced the words they were both thinking and as ludicrous as it seemed, an answer came back to them.

“I’m Roger!” 

_Huh._ But the identity of a random other person alive in the pit with them and a few dozen corpses wasn’t the biggest problem they were facing at the moment. They had to get out of here and they wouldn’t do it by freaking out.

Bean winced, gritting her teeth as she struggled with trying to reassure him when she wasn’t feeling too great about this herself. This was probably one of the worst ways they’d woken up after a night of binge drinking. Not _the_ worst, though. Not even in the top ten. “It’s okay, Elfo. We just have to find a way out of here!”

But there was no way out. If they weren’t pinned, maybe. But there were so many bodies on top of them and even if they could somehow wiggle free… Bean shook her head, trying to ignore that. “We just have to get out before-”

There was a sound, one that was far too familiar to anyone from Dreamland. The whoosh and crackle of an open flame. 

Fires were such a common thing in Dreamland between the plague pits and the various natural disasters - often caused by people being mistaken for witches and the subsequent attempts of idiot townspeople to burn them at the sake. Dreamlanders were burn-happy. Normally Bean was with them on that front. Fire was fun to play with, even if it did lead to occasional injuries. Right now though…

Elfo’s voice was calm. Far too calm for someone stuck in a now-fiery pit. “Was she going to say before they light it on fire?”

“She was.” Luci was as helpful as ever and Bean couldn’t help but curse him a little internally. She was about to die a horrible death in a flaming plague pit and Luci just had to get this one last snarky comment in. Her friends were assholes.

Bean squirmed harder for a few seconds, struggling until her arms ached but to no avail. She could see Elfo also wiggling like a pinned animal, flailing helplessly. He was more frantic than she was and she supposed it was because she’d always resigned herself to the idea of getting killed through some idiotic scheme of her own making. It was just logical, considering the way she lived her life, hard and fast and reckless. As far as she’d been able to tell, he’d never faced anything really dangerous before they’d met - sans the apparent attempt to murder him when he’d left his village. No wonder he was so attached to being alive, poor bastard.

She sighed, finally letting the realization of her imminent death settle in. “I haven’t lived long enough to give up on my dreams yet… I never got to see the world.” She confessed, her mind going over all the things she’d still planned to do. “We only just met. There were so many things we could have done… and tried.” And even more, after she’d finally had some people to do things with… because a lot of her ideas had been dismissed at various points because of how useless it seemed to try and do them alone. What was the point without friends? 

“Why didn’t we give in to our instincts?” Elfo babbled, high and sobbing. 

She shook her head, looking at him with an earnest expression. So many wasted opportunities that she’d never have the chance to actually do with someone else. “It’s too bad we never experienced Bliss together.”

There was a shift in tone then, one that she hadn’t expected. Elfo froze, still trapped beneath a heavy body, and turned his head to look at her with some odd longing in his yellow eyes. “We can, Bean-”

No. Of course not. To experience Bliss they’d have to go all the way down to the other end of town, to the drug den where Bliss was peddled and-

“-there’s nothing in our way except this arm”

_oh_

Elfo was turned toward her, gripping the limp arm of one of the plague corpses and puckering his lips toward her. She recognized the look of someone wanting a kiss. She’d worn it often enough - though not nearly as often as the look of someone just wanting a good hard fuck. She knew what she was seeing, her mind just refused to accept it. 

Fortunately, she was used to acting on autopilot, even when she was suffering from a hangover -

_hell, especially when she was suffering from a hangover, or was stumbling drunk_

\- so she responded without having to actually think about it. “Oh Elfo. You meant bliss the feeling.” Her own voice sounded a bit odd and distant in her ears.

The flash of expressions across Elfo’s face wasn’t obscured by the dangling corpse arm in-between the two of them. Each one went by so fast that she barely registered it. Surprise, confusion. More surprise. “T-there’s another kind of bliss…?” Elfo’s voice was soft, almost plaintive. There was already embarrassment radiating off of him and she almost felt bad for what she was about to say. The truth.

“Yeah.” She managed to keep her tone admirably flat, not wobbling at this recent shock to her system. “It’s a drug. It makes you hallucinate. They have it in the Black Light District. I’ve always wanted to try it.”

As the words fell from her tongue, the elf’s face also fell with the realization of his mistake. He had a look she knew well, that feeling of having done something unbelievably stupid and humiliating. It was a feeling Bean usually chased away with copious amounts of booze or sometimes whatever drugs were available. 

She felt like she should say something, some reassurance, maybe. Changing the subject. Anything. The words refused to come. The secondhand embarrassment she was getting was too strong. 

It was funny though. If someone had told her she was going to die in a burning pit of plague corpses after a confession of sexual attraction from her non-human friend she would never have-

...well… yeah. She would have believed it. It was too mundane, if anything. It wasn’t how she wanted to die, but it was far from surprising. The hallmark of her life.

Then Luci hopped down between the two of them, while Bean was just hoping that death would be merciful enough to be swift and save her from further wallowing in this embarrassing situation. The demon managed to both rescue them while also still managing to further add to her humiliation.

And the ladder had been there the entire time. She could have strangled Luci if she wasn’t a bit too busy not-dying. She was just grateful that the long climb meant that she didn’t have to actually look Elfo in the face. Once she was back on solid ground, she kept walking for a few steps while her two companions slowly fell into step behind her. She wasn’t quite sure where she was going just yet, only knowing that she needed to move and keep moving. 

Luci’s feet made a soft skittering noise against the cobbles as he came up beside her. Elfo was still hanging back which was probably for the best because it was giving her time to think. 

She’d wanted to try Bliss, right? She glanced sidelong at the demon, who gave his tail a whiplike flick behind him that must have hit Elfo, from the sharp yelp that rose immediately afterward. Luci didn’t even blink. There was something knowing to the cant of his ears and the pull of his smile. She should have been mad at him for letting this whole nonsense go on so long… after all, she wouldn’t even have… known… if Luci had just told them there was a way out, to begin with. 

“So.” Luci said, off-handedly, like he hadn’t just made things as awkward as demonly possible between his two companions. “How about those drugs?”

“Yeah,” Bean said, without thinking. Then the words sank in and she realized that yes. Yes it really was a great idea. And it would cross one item off her bucket list. “I think after everything that’s happened, that we deserve a little Bliss.” She coughed, then glanced over her shoulder finally, looking down at Elfo who was walking behind them, fiddling his fingers against the front of his shirt. “What do you say, Elfo? Want to get high?”

“I-” Normally he required some actual peer pressure to try out drugs, even if he was fairly easy to persuade into drinking. This time his answer was succinct, “Yeah. Sounds good.”

Goal in mind - and the inevitable retreat from both memory and regret that always followed on the heels of trying some new intoxication - Bean was positively perky as she changed direction to go downhill, through the winding streets. 

-

The Den of Wonders. It was a fitting name, by all accounts, offering one of the most high-end drugs available on the market. If it was actually imported from an exotic land, Bean didn’t know or care. The buildings in this part of town had a different look to them than most, a smell of exotic meats and spices lingering in the air as she rounded a corner. 

Bean wondered if it was really as special as people were claiming. She’d heard only second and third-hand accounts of the experience. That it was like floating. That there were visions. You didn’t call something Bliss without good reason and as much as Elfo had been so quick to mistake it for a rather paltry emotion, she really didn’t think anything as simple as a kiss could compare. If he thought so, it just meant that he was even less experienced than she could have suspected.

And considering how low the bar was set where Elfo was concerned, that was pretty impressive.

He was still silent. She wondered if he was thinking about what had happened in the pit. She knew he had a tendency to overthink things. Now that Bean had a little time to consider it, she had to admit to herself that this should have been an obvious reaction. Elfo probably missed all the elves in his silly little hidden village. Elfo was pretty emotional in ways that Bean didn’t quite understand… his talk of simple romantic gestures like holding hands with a girl had never clicked with Bean, considering her idea of a good evening with a guy involved things a lot more involved than sitting together or even kissing.

Elfo was just clueless, she reminded herself. It wasn’t like he even interacted with that many people aside from Bean and Luci and he wasn’t going to go around kissing _Luci_ of all people.

That only left Bean.

She wasn’t under any kind of delusion about her own looks. She was her father’s daughter and while Zog probably wasn’t… ugly… by Dreamland standards, the most he could ever manage was to maybe look dignified or impressive once in a while. Bean was fit, she could ride, she could brawl. She could down about 18 beers before she was in danger of puking. She was more about action than looks and she was fine with that. If people weren’t so scared of Zog, she still would have managed to net plenty of Dreamland guys with low standards.

And for guys with no options who weren’t insanely worried about the possibility of Zog murdering them, well…

She could see why Elfo might have some feelings. It was kind of cute if she thought about it. He was like a small green puppy: squishy, and excitable. It was maybe even a little flattering? Humans probably looked pretty weird to elves anyway. 

Bean cleared her throat, slowing her steps a little, trying to let him draw up beside her. He managed to catch up but kept speeding his pace until she was the one forced to follow behind him. 

“Someone’s in a mood.” Luci muttered, loud enough that Elfo would be able to hear. The elf’s back stiffened but he didn’t say anything.

“It’s fine, Luci.” Bean murmured back. “It’s been a weird morning.” She cleared her throat, tilting her head up. “So… Elfo.” Her fake casual tone was no more convincing than Luci’s stage-whisper. “Would you… like to talk about it?” It was like a bandage, she assured herself. She just had to rip it off quickly, get this weirdness out in the open, and then they could smoke some drugs and forget all about it. No big deal.

Elfo’s steps faltered and for a moment he stumbled over his own feet, tumbling face-first to the cobbles with a muffled yelp. He pushed himself back to his feet quickly, waving aside Bean’s brief attempt to help him and ducking away from her hands. It wasn’t a usual Elfo behaviour, only accenting how strange this all was. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Elfo mumbled. 

Okay. That was a little frustrating. She was just trying to be nice by checking in on him. Being humiliated without the respite of some soothing alcohol was never a fun feeling. She wrinkled her nose though, trying to remind herself that he was probably just in a bad mood from confessing his feelings. And from almost dying. “Elfo, it’s okay, really… I think it’s sweet you wanted to kiss me…”

She could see the sudden tension in his shoulder at the words, then he let out a particularly fake laugh. “Kiss you? You think I was trying to kiss you? Oh. Okay. Don’t flatter yourself, Princess.” 

Again, frustrating. Bean narrowed her eyes a little at this. If he was going to lie to her, at least he could make it convincing? She didn’t believe him for a second. “You weren’t trying to kiss me?”

“Uh… Definitely not.” Elfo said, still with that fake jovial tone as they rounded the corner and the Den of Wonders was finally visible. Bean was grateful that they were there because Elfo was really trying her patience. She wasn’t the only one, seemingly, since Luci saw fit to butt in.

“Cuz it seemed like-”

Elfo jumped in quickly, cutting off the demon’s words, “O-okay. Take it easy. I have a girlfriend.”

Oh. This was… new. 

“And I’m not just making it up on the spot. Speaking of the spot, isn’t this the spot? Let’s talk about the spot now.” He continued babbling, trying to shift the subject in a way that would have been really suspicious if Bean hadn’t been so taken aback at this new information.

Elfo had a girlfriend? He hadn’t mentioned anything about it, despite the fact that they’d been friends for at least a few weeks. Bean wasn’t sure who it was - probably an elf though, that seemed a given - and felt her sense of curiosity kicking in since she wasn’t drunk enough to just let such a juicy tidbit though. She wanted to know more, but the slight scent on the air was distracting enough that she was eager to get inside and avail herself of the Bliss.

Bean pulled out a pouch of money as she drew near, pressing it into the doorman’s hands with an anticipatory smile. 

The man barely had any reaction at all, even though she was clearly the princess and her companions were equally weird. “Welcome my friends. One adult, two children,” He said, deadpan. Then they were descending the stairs into the smoky Den and Bean felt a flutter of anticipation in her belly.


	12. Chapter 12

-

The place was huge, far bigger than it looked to be from the surface. The Den of Wonders stretched out forever, the columns creating an illusion that the room was unending. Why anyone needed such a huge drug den, she wasn’t sure, especially considering the prices were more than the average Dreamland resident made in a year. 

She had the feeling that if she hadn’t been here deliberately to get high, she might have been more weirded out at what she was seeing. There were people lounging all around, looking far too at ease for anyone who lived in Dreamland. Bean considered for a moment where to settle in, her gaze falling across a column that was looking back at her from its askew gaze. There was a sideways head set into it for some reason. But that didn’t matter. There was a comfortable couch that would easily fit all three of them, even lounging, and it was near one of the brasiers full of burning coals.

“Get ready to have your minds blown,” she told her companions as they settled in. “Just breathe in and try to mellow.”

Steam rolled rhythmically through the air as the attendant ladled another douse of drug tinged water onto the coals. The warm, humid haze was already a bit soothing and Bean found herself relaxing into the cushions.

Yeah, this was the good stuff.

She waited for what felt like several minutes, expecting it to kick in. What kind of awesome hallucinations would she get on this stuff? She was hoping for something more intense than the usual high she got from smoking Luci’s weed, but as the time crawled past and there was no sign of any kind of high, she felt irritation prickle across her nerves. “I don’t feel it yet. How much longer?” Was getting her mind blown by powerful psychedelic substances really so much for a girl to ask?

Luci was sitting on the column behind them and hopped down onto the couch. “Let’s all take a deep breath,” his voice was level and soothing which should have been a red flag right there. “-and on the exhale, Elfo will tell us more about his girlfriend.”

“Dude!”

Oh. A distraction. Considering the current disappointment, it wasn’t a surprise that Bean’s mind immediately moved to latch onto the train of conversation. “Yeah, who is this mystery girl?” She was surprised anew at the thought of Elfo, of all people, having a girlfriend. She wasn’t sure why he’d been acting so strangely this morning, except maybe the fear of inevitable demise via being burned alive. It somehow made even less sense with this new information.

“She’s not a mystery. But she’s definitely a girl. Friend. She’s my girlfriend.”

“Hmm… kinda took you a long time to bring her up though. It sorta seems like you might be a liar.”

“You calling me a liar? Oh, that’s the stickiest! That’s just real sticky, coming from a friend!”

“So why haven’t we met your little bitty elf squeeze?”

Elfo flinched for a second at the question. Unlike Bean and Luci, the steamy vapors laced with drugs didn’t seem to be relaxing him at all. His entire small body was taut, fingers clenching in the fabric of his shorts as he turned toward the two of them, snappy. “She’s not an elf and she’s not little!” What? Unaware, or unconcerned by Bean’s confusion, Elfo was still talking, his voice reaching a high screech, “She’s big! Bigger than you’ll ever be!” Elfo turned away from the two of them.

“Okay okay.” Bean murmured. If the drug wasn’t making her hallucinate yet, at least it was bringing a sense of calm that settled across her. She might have been more upset at his tone otherwise. “So what’s this big love of yours look like?” There were too many possibilities. Did elves get big? Was Elfo’s girlfriend a human? Her mind skirted away from that thought a little.

Luci chuckled, his tail swinging lazily. “I know what she looks like. She’s got white hair, buck teeth, and two blue eyes.”

_White hair-? Like-_

The words flitted across her thoughts but were immediately interrupted by Elfo jumping in, still high pitched and defensive. “Wrong! She has red hair. Normal teeth - no offense - and one _green_ eye.”

Something was off about those words and it took her a good few seconds before it actually sank in. Luci was on it, though. “Wait. Did you say one eye?” Was there some race in Dreamland that had one eye? Odval had three eyes? Her mind was jumping from one point to another, refusing to settle.

Elfo fumbled for a second, as though she was the one who was saying the weird thing here. “I. Yeah. That’s right. Yup. Now I’m remembering… Just the one.”

“Well now I’m really curious to meet her.”

“You can’t!” Elfo fumbled, “Cuz…uh...” He grimaced, “Damn it!”

Luci was grinning like a cat. “Let me help you out. She’s from a far away land. We wouldn’t know it.”

“Yes! Really far away!” Elfo latched on to this lifeline that Luci was presenting him.

“Like way up the country, past the unpassable mountains?” The demon’s tone was so pleasant and helpful that it should have set off alarms for Elfo if he’d been a bit less flustered.

“Even farther.”

It was Bean’s turn to interject. She wasn’t exactly a logic wizard but something about this seemed like it didn’t add up. “Then how did you two meet?”

The elf paused a moment, looking up at her with an adorable wide-eyed expression that would have made Bean squish his cheeks if it wasn’t likely he would have thrown a fit about it in his current mood. “Um… on vacation. Yup. With our families… such a great time.” He sighed, looking off into the distance dreamily for a second. If he was lying, he seemed to be doing a pretty good job about it. She knew Elfo was a terrible liar. “Yeah… her family’s all dead by the way so you can’t look them up or anything. Just… natural causes.”

Again, suspicious.

Bean didn’t have to comment at all. Luci was fast to pounce on the comment, not to mention more vicious at Elfo’s expense. His voice dripped sarcasm. She could feel it radiating across their soul bond. “So super hot one-eyed girl with a dead family. Sounds legit.”   
  
Elfo was bristling. Bean hadn’t seen him get this aggressively defensive before, even when he’d been arguing with Luci in Dankmire, he’d still been a bit more plaintive and snappy than outright angry. He was almost shaking here. His voice was tight as he rounded on Luci, “Because she is legit and totally real and very special to me!”

She wasn’t feeling up to dealing with the two of them fighting again. It was bad enough when they were spatting over stupid things like whose ears were pointier. “Okay, okay. Elfo we get it.” As far as that went, she wasn’t nearly as convinced as Luci that this was some kind of fake, Elfo certainly seemed vehement over it. But that also wasn’t her biggest concern here. “Calm down.” There was a warm prickling across her nerve endings and she felt her muscles starting to loosen. “I think I’m starting to hallucinate…”

It was about damn time.

At some point the rest of the world didn’t matter anymore, dissolving around her in swirls of colour. Her companions were there in this drug dream, their forms swaying and twisting into bizarre and beautiful shapes. She reached out, trying to find Elfo’s face with her hands, his strange but wonderful nose begging to be touched, but he was squirming away from her grasp. Fleeing.

Why? For what?

There was a door in front of her and she felt compelled to go through it. What else would you do with a drug door? It just made sense. As she crawled through it, a door too small for her to fit but one that opened for her into a massive beautiful glen with the rise of a huge pink flower ahead of her. Elfo was standing there, looking small but vibrant. Again, she felt that urge to pick him up, to squeeze him. To hold on.

But he was looking at her, expression beatific, his eyes with a gleam of pure happiness that she wanted to sink herself into. His smile was everything. “Look into my heart and you’ll see the truth…” And she wanted to, she knew she did. She was reaching out for him, his arms spread as though he would embrace her.

But no, that wasn’t what she was here for. The flower was unfurling open, a woman stretching out from it, taller than the whole universe. A goddess, perhaps. Bean lifted Elfo up into her waiting embrace, feeling a strange pang of both emptiness and joy as he disappeared from her view and into the woman’s grasp.

Her own heartbeat was loud in her ears. Louder. Louder. It filled the whole world.

-

She barely stumbled out on her own two feet, which put her slightly ahead of her companions who were chucked unceremoniously out the door and onto the street, Luci still clinging to Elfo. There were bruises on Elfo’s cheeks, probably from Luci’s aggravated punches. She had no idea why the demon was so angry and she was still too caught up in the lingering edges of her vision to really care. “I owe you an apology Elfo,” She said, when she could muster up words again. “I totally saw your girlfriend in there.” And there’d been something else… what was it? It was escaping her already. “And I had some profound realization…”

Her stomach was rumbling. “I think it was about scones. Let’s get scones.”

She wandered off toward the nearest bakery while her two companions struggled to catch up.

-

  
  


Hours later, with her belly full and her brain finally mostly clear of the Bliss-induced fog, Bean still couldn’t get the vision out of her mind. The woman - and she had a hard time simply thinking of the goddess in her vision as a mere woman, but she had to be flesh and blood if she was Elfo’s girlfriend - was somewhere out there in the world. No wonder Elfo seemed so upset. How could he not be, when he was being separated from someone he loved for so long?

Elfo took his leave of his companions as soon as he got to the palace. Sorcerio was waiting just inside the gate and though Elfo usually tried to hide behind Bean and Luci if it seemed like he was going to get dragged away too early in the day, this time he went when the wizard beckoned. It was just as well because Bean really needed to think. Out loud. And while she could do it with Luci around - the demon being her soulmate, after all - talking about Elfo while he was standing there listening was getting increasingly hard the longer she was around him.

She wandered into the castle, lost in thought as Luci walked apace with her. The demon was unaffected by their time in the Den of Wonders. If he’d had any kind of revelation during their drug trip, there was no sign of it. He was fixated on Elfo too, but mostly for his own personal amusement. There was laughter in his voice as he walked, tail swishing slowly in time with his words. “I can’t believe Elfo stuck to his story no matter how hard I laughed.”

Bean was silent for a few more steps, frowning a little, mostly lost in her own thoughts. “Did you ever stop to think that’s because it’s true?” It was what she was thinking about now, what she couldn’t get out of her mind. 

Sure, when he’d first brought it up, she’d been more like Luci, surprised at first but then ultimately a bit skeptical. But Elfo had persisted with his story throughout the entire time in the Den of Wonders and Bean knew that he wasn’t exactly the best liar in the world.

_And sure, maybe some of his responses had been a little… well… suspicious..._

But after her vision… 

Luci snorted, unaware of her train of thought or just uncaring about it. “Nah. I was busy with the laughter.” Even now there was an edge of humour to his tone and she was sure the only reason he wasn’t bothering to laugh out loud right now was because Elfo wasn’t around to hear it. 

Bean shook her head. “I don’t know man, there’s something to that vision I had.” She turned toward the stairs, heading down the winding staircase toward the lower level of the castle, only half-aware of where she was going. “That girl is real and he’s in love with her.”

There was something comforting about the idea. At the very least, it meant that she didn’t have to think about things like whether or not Elfo had been trying to kiss her. That would have been weird considering they were friends and he wasn’t even human. Kissing Elfo would have been like kissing a cute dog or something. Just… weird. But since Elfo had a girlfriend… a really tall, red-haired, one-eyed girlfriend, then it was just a coincidence, probably.

Luci wrinkled his big muzzle, shoulders rising in a shrug at her continued insistence. 

She couldn’t help but think Elfo must have been so sad. No wonder he’d been in a mood. He was separated from someone he was really, deeply in love with. They were meant to be together. 

It was a cruel twist of the universe, wasn’t it? But there was nothing she could do about it, no matter how much she wanted to help. Right?

“We've gotta do something special for him,” she said at last, ineloquently. She would have done anything to help out her really good friend.

“So let him sit on your lap at dinner.” Well…. Anything but that. 

Bean winced a little, trying to focus on something other than the suggestion. That would be awkward on so many levels since Elfo had a girlfriend. Also… because he was an elf. But not because he liked her because at least that wasn’t a thing. Besides-

“No. He gets crumbs everywhere.” For someone as relatively fastidious as Elfo, he was somehow a tremendously messy eater.

No, there was a better solution. The realization of where her feet had led her only sealed her resolution that she was making the right decision here. She wasn’t going to give him a little bandaid like offering to let him sit on her lap. Not when there was something she knew he’d like that much more.

“I meant we should go find his girlfriend.” Bean said, clenching her fingers. Resolute.

They’d find Elfo’s girlfriend and bring her back. And the timing would be perfect because there was a royal ball scheduled that was bound to be tremendously boring. At least this would give her something to look forward to… some time with her elf bestie and his big lady. Hopefully his girlfriend was nice and not the jealous type because she and Elfo - and Luci, of course - did spend an awful lot of time together.

Not that she was going to go out to where Elfo’s girlfriend was. She liked adventuring but she liked having access to liquor whenever she wanted it even more. “And by we…. I mean _them_.” She paused in front of the knights’ locker room, where Pendergast and two of his men were standing around slapping each other with rolled-up towels. It didn’t faze her for even a moment that all three of them were clad in little more than jockstraps. This was Dreamland and she’d seen a lot more of a lot of people who looked worse.

“Hey! Hey, sorry to interrupt but are you guys available for a quest?” She stood in the doorway, Luci beside her and silent.

The men all glanced at her, blinking. They hadn’t gone on a quest in a while since Sorcerio had promised her dad the Elixir of Life. Probably Zog just hadn’t been looking for more options for becoming immortal since he was so close to the Elixir anyway. Given the number of crazy missions her dad had sent the royal knights on, looking for one very large one-eyed girl probably wouldn’t be that bad.

Sure enough, Pendergast paused, brow wrinkled. “Just a moment.” Though he might have refused, at that point, instead he just gave his towel one last sharp swing, cracking it across Turbish’s fat flesh, before turning back and straightening up. “You were saying?”

Luci looked up at Bean then, one dark ear twitching in what she knew to be amusement. She refused to rise to the bait. There were things so much more important right now than Luci’s silent ‘I told you so’. There was a girlfriend to find and an elf to cheer up.

“A mission,” she repeated. This time she could see their expressions change, understanding. But, just as she’d guessed, they didn’t actually contradict her. They shuffled to get their gear as Bean left the locker room to pace around the courtyard, waiting for them to do her bidding.

-


	13. Chapter 13

  
  
  
  


While Bean was listing off the description of Elfo’s girlfriend, even she had to admit that it all sounded a little far-fetched. But after her vision, she was able to put the strangeness of it aside, knowing that she’d gotten a glimpse of the woman that her elf companion was so enamored with. Despite Luci’s incredulous staring, Bean persisted. “Red hair.” She repeated herself as the men saddled up in the dark, “And remember, just the one eye.”

Luci snorted. “You’re really going to send all these men to their deaths? Over a fake girlfriend?”

Pendergast also had a dubious expression on his face, but he rallied quickly enough, guiding his horse over so he was looking down at her. “And what reward will I earn by going on this mission?” She almost replied, but then the man reached down, leaned in far too close to be really comfortable, and took hold of her hand. Under other circumstances, she might have broken some guy’s hand for being too forward when she wasn’t inviting him to, but given that he was her dad’s knight - and more importantly, that he was going on a mission for her - she would have contented herself with a kick to the balls and a strict warning. Fortunately - or unfortunately as the case might have been - Zog’s voice came down from his chambers high above the courtyard.

“With the goddamn salary I owe you,” He was dressed in his nightshirt, which was a vast improvement over how he usually came out and stood on the balcony naked. Bean was grateful that she wasn’t going to have to drink herself into enough of a stupor to forget _that_ sight again. 

Pendergast grimaced at this reminder that he was an employee of the crown and that this wasn’t some kind of optional mission. “FIne. We’ll find her and return within a fortnight.” He cast a sidelong glare up at the king, one that was, fortunately for him, not easily visible given his eyepatch and Zog’s position high above them.

Bean crossed her arms. She’d been taught numbers and had schooling superior to the average dreamland resident, but she didn’t remember _everything_ she’d been taught. Nor did she care. She was the one setting the rules here. “I don’t know how long that is,” she said, honestly, “But you have four days.”

Four days until the ball. That would have to be enough time to bring Elfo a dance partner and romantic soulmate. She hoped so, at least.

-

The days passed more quickly than expected, and it was hard the entire time. Having to not give away her generous gift to Elfo when the three of them spent virtually all of their time hanging out together when Elfo wasn’t being experimented on, meant that she had to be more cautious. It meant she had several fewer beers when they were at the bar, just to avoid getting so tipsy that she might blurt it out. After a couple of days of forced semi-sobriety, Bean was hoping that the knights hadn’t all been killed trying to find Elfo’s mysterious girlfriend but the more time passed, the less likely that seemed.

“You know they’re probably all dead right?” Luci said out loud what Bean had been thinking but was too reluctant to voice. She sagged slightly in her seat, blowing a few strands of hair away from her face. When she didn’t reply immediately, Luci jabbed at her shoulder with his tail. “You can’t just ignore me.” His tone turned conversational, “You know, you and your dad actually have a lot in common.” Bean bristled, rounding on him. “Aha! You were listening!” The demon crossed his arms, then jumped back as Bean took a clumsy swing at him. “What? I was just testing you! Besides…” he ducked underneath another flailing princess fist. “You actually kinda do. I mean… You’re both really good at callously sending soldiers to their deaths.”

“Am not!” Bean blurted out the most mature response possible in a situation like this.

Luci only smirked at her, his tail flicking behind him in slow smug strokes. Even if he wasn’t a cat, he had somehow managed to completely nail that cat habit and Bean bristled a little. So maybe she had… occasionally… been responsible for the death of a few people. Several people-

_Oh god… I’ve killed a lot of people_

-but it had never been deliberate on her part. It was always because of some accident or circumstances beyond her control. And it wasn’t like she objectively executed a bunch of people like her dad…

She winced a little pressing her fingers against her temples. “Why did you bring this up, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be convincing me to do drugs and rob someone?”

The demon took a drag from his blunt, reclining on his cushion. “I mean, I could. But at the moment, I’m enjoying getting stoned and watching you squirm at the realization that you’re responsible for the deaths of all of Zog’s little toy soldiers.” He stretched out and there was the slight hiss of something charring, the smell of smoke rising thin on the air as the lit end of Luci’s cigar caught the fabric of the pillow on fire.

This wasn’t good. Now Bean was going to be up all night wondering if she had murdered the idiots…

She groaned. “Hey, can I have some of that?” She reached out for it before she was even done asking and Luci gave her a narrow-eyed stare before moving it out of her reach. When she tried to snag it again, he coiled his tail around it and pulled it even further away like an immature jerk. Bean growled, reaching again and getting demon claws scratching into her arm in warning. “Just be a good friend for once,” she griped aloud, “I just need to get high, okay?” She grabbed Luci by the scruff, trying to wrest his tail in closer so she could grab the weed from him.

Elfo entered the room as the two of them were bickering and he froze in the doorway, looking between the two of them. It was probably an awkward sight, from his point of view. Bean had Luci smashed face-first into the floor, one hand at the back of his neck and the other clinging to his tail as she tried to tug it toward her. Her face flushed as she looked down at Luci, then swallowed, looking back at Elfo.

Maybe he hadn’t noticed… it was all she could hope for at the moment. “H-hey Elfo.”

“Hey Bean.” He replied softly, voice light and a little puzzled. “Hey Luci. Are…” his gaze fell across the blunt that Luci was still gripping in the curl of his tail and Bean could hear him putting the pieces together in his mind. It was so easy to forget that despite his naivety, he was still fairly smart. Just… also pretty dumb when it came to anything involving the real world. “Are you two high already?”

“Yeah.” Luci spat out, trying to wiggle out of Bean’s grasp. After a few seconds of holding him in place, the princess finally elected to release her grip, letting him fall back to the floor.

“No.” She said, after her moment of pause. There was a sour note to her voice that she didn’t bother to hide. “Luci’s being an asshole and doesn’t want to share.”

The elf relaxed a little at that, now that he’d sussed out what was going on. Again, Bean had a few wild seconds of wondering what he must have thought, what this all must have looked like to him. A bit incriminating maybe, but not in the way they usually were.

_no. It would have made no sense for Elfo to jump to the conclusion that she and Luci rolling around and thumping during a fight was anything but the careless antics of two druggies fighting over their next joint. It wasn’t like she would have assumed that Elfo and Luci were doing anything in a similar circumstance, right?_

It was a thought she had to wipe from her mind immediately. She wasn’t sure what was more disturbing. The thought of Luci having sex - did he even have anything to have sex _with_? - the thought of Elfo having sex - which… maybe he had, at some point. He did have a girlfriend. No, best not to think about it - or the even weirder thought about how in the hell the two of them might have sex together. 

...they wouldn’t have done that though. Wouldn’t have left her out. Not that she wanted to be involved in anything so bizarre, but at least if they were going to be weird deviants, they would have invited her and given her the opportunity to turn them down instead…

Bean cleared her throat, fighting back the heat trying to rise to her cheeks. Okay. She hadn’t been laid in far too long and she was going to have to make sure to do something about that because just thinking about people having sex was doing weird things to her. She leaned forward, finally managing to snatch the joint from Luci, who was also staring at Elfo with the weirdest look on his face.

“Hey!”

“It’s what you get,” Bean said, raising it to her lips. She was in the middle of drawing a breath when there was a sound from outside her door. Bunty. Bean grimaced as she tried to hide the weed, then gave up even bothering, just taking another drag as her servant smiled uncertainly, looking between her and her two companions. “I’m just reminding you that yer father has requested that you come down for at least one dinner a week, milady.”

Shit. Right. Bean had forgotten all about that stupid rule. She was pretty sure it was Oona’s idea, something her stepmother had come up with, in an effort to ‘bond’ with Bean. It hadn’t worked, of course, and she was pretty sure Zog would have given up on trying to wrangle her into having family dinners ages ago if he’d had the choice. He probably hated it as much as she did.

Bean groaned. “Fine. We’ll be right down.” At least suffering through an evening in the company of her family would take her mind away from both the inevitable death she’d inflicted on her father’s men _and_ the weird mental image of Luci and Elfo… doing unspeakable things. Honestly, she couldn’t be sure which was worse at the current moment.

_No. That was a lie. It was definitely the sex thing. Bean could live with a little unanticipated murder if it really came down to it. Any thought of her two friends doing anything was downright repulsive._

_Right?_

“We?” Luci snorted. “Why should we come down. You stole my weed!”

“Luci.” Bean began, in warning, then sighed and handed him back the almost burned down end of the joint that she was still holding. “I’ll buy you more later. Better stuff. You know Dreamland Ditchweed is the cheapest you can get, right?”

“And that’s what makes it The Worst.” Luci agreed, blithely.

Bean shook her head, starting toward the door. Elfo was still standing there, blinking up at her uncomprehendingly as she drew close. “You ready for dinner, Elfo?”

A smile spread across the elf’s green face and Bean was relieved that at least one person in their group wasn’t currently being a neurotic, half-stoned mess. He held out his arms and after the whole commotion from earlier with the not-kiss, Bean might have been more reluctant if she didn’t know he just had trouble getting around the castle stairs at the same speed as a human could. She picked him up, holding him in the crook of her arm, a bit gingerly.

Luci was still grumbling and sputtering as Bean headed downstairs, but after a few seconds of being left alone in the room, he followed.

-

It was a good thing they’d come because family dinner was always a pain in Bean’s ass. Literally, because Derek had taken her chair cushion at some point and she didn’t ha

  
  


ve the energy to go rip the head off his bear and take it back. Zog was downing the food like a ravenous dog and if Bean had been so inclined, she might have felt a little sorry for her stepmother at having to be so close to the Dreamland king as he was stuffing his face with no tact or manners. As it was, Bean just watched from the corner of her eye as Oona slumped forward a little in her chair.

Dinners were now so bad that they couldn’t simply sit and eat and talk - like a normal family, probably did - and they needed constant distractions to keep their minds off of each other. Unfortunately, her father’s choice of entertainment was about as entertaining as actually listening to her family talk about their day.

“Can we have one evening where we are not watching Jester?” Oona complained aloud and Bean glanced at her from the corner of her eye. 

She was secretly a little grateful as her dad gave in to Oona’s whims and used his throne lever to toss the annoying little man out a window. 

Derek felt the need to pipe up, emboldened by his mother’s words. His tone was so bossy that Bean would have smacked him if she wasn’t in agreement. Maybe she would smack him again later, just out of principle. “Well, I prefer to watch the news.”

“News!” Her dad clapped his hands in summons and the herald stepped forward.

“Is your food poisoned? The answer might surprise you,” The man droned out the words, expressionless as he talked. There was no actual emphasis to what he was saying and it made it that much harder for Bean to listen to him. She was mostly zoned out already and he’d barely started. This was going to be a long evening… “And now, to the courtyard, for the return of the knights.”

There was a long pause where Bean was just staring off into nothingness, at a point just above the Herald’s head. There came the sound of a throat being deliberately and loudly cleared and Bean blinked a few times, finally snapping to attention at this shift from the ordinary. The man was looking at her, in particular, as he turned back to face them. He’d actually been in the midst of walking out to the courtyard. Bean wrinkled her nose, then the words from earlier sank in as he added. “Come on.”

Come on to the courtyard? 

The return of the knights? That was what she’d been waiting on for the past two days. Finally she felt a surge of excitement. If they’d returned it meant they weren’t dead! So she wouldn’t have to worry about having murdered a bunch of her father’s loyal men. Even better, she could hear the loud creak of wagon wheels from outside as she descended the stairs at a quick lope. That meant that not only were they not dead, but they’d actually found something!

A very large something. Bean looked up as she reached the courtyard. Up and up. The crate they were using to cart Elfo’s girlfriend around in was huge. It fit with the vision she’d had back in the den of wonders though, only confirming that she’d been seeing real events. The woman from her vision was real and she was here, in this cramped makeshift box. 

Elfo and Luci had lagged behind her on the descent to the courtyard but they were finally caught up, coming up behind her. Elfo, who had no idea what was going on, looked up at the massive box the knights had returned with but there was no suspicion in his eyes, nor recognition. He was merely fascinated by what was going on. It made Bean’s smile spread wider.

He was going to be so happy, she just knew it. And the thought of him having this reunion with his beloved girlfriend made her heart pound in anticipation. She did rarely get to do anything nice for him. It was kind of hard when he was often in a state of being experimented on by her father’s lackey. But she could make up for all that with this one grand gesture.

She was a great friend.

“So, Elfo.” She began, trying to sound casual - and, from the look on Luci’s face, the dubious gaze he was casting her, she was probably failing - “I know you were missing something. So I had the knights go and get it for you.”

Elfo glanced up at her, hands clasped in front of him and a small, wondrous smile spreading across his face. “You didn’t have to do that.” Of course she hadn’t, that was what made it generous of her. “What is it?”

Bean grinned, then gestured to the nearest knight. Immediately the man grabbed his lance. “Does this sound familiar to you?” Bean asked as the knight poked several times into the box, drawing forth a low, pained grunt with each gesture. 

It should have been obvious, but Elfo was having trouble putting the pieces together. “Is it my grandpa trying to open a jar?”

If Bean hadn’t been so pleased with herself, she would have been harsher, as it was, he just needed a nudge. “No stupid, it’s your girlfriend!” She raised her hand in a gesture to Pendergast and his knights gave a tug on the ropes, causing their makeshift box to fall open and expose the very large woman inside.

She turned, looking down at Elfo, eager to see his expression. She felt buoyant, anticipating his excitement at all the trouble she’d gone through to make him happy. He’d realize what an amazing friend she was, and that made it all worth it. It was her vision, come to fruition and she relished it. 

His actual expression was harder to read than she anticipated. It wasn’t the outright joy she’d expected, instead he seemed shocked, standing there with wide eyes and an expression of shock. It had to have just been because he hadn’t ever considered the lengths that Bean would go to, that she’d be so thoughtful on his behalf. In the past, she’d had a tendency be a little rough around the edges when it came to other people and she knew it, so it was no wonder he was surprised.

Luci crowed at that, a mix of amazement and humour in his voice. “Oho! Elfo, you mofo!” His glee was palpable and Bean was both amused and a little frustrated at how quickly he’d turned his earlier skepticism around now that Bean had proven that she was right. “All this time I thought you were a liar when really you’re a stud!” He thumped Elfo companionably on the back, making the elf stumble forward a step.

Bean couldn’t wipe the smile from her face as she watched Elfo take a few more hesitant steps forward, looking nervous for some reason. To be fair, his girlfriend did look a bit angry. Maybe she shouldn’t have had the knights poke her with a lance… it was bit rude. But surely now that she was here with Elfo, she’d be in a better mood.

Elfo cleared his throat, his voice a bit higher than usual, “Heyyy.” He called out. “How was your trip, sweetie?.” As he moved in to embrace the large woman’s ankle, Bean felt her smile twitch at the edge of her mouth. Her chest felt tight. Excitement, probably. The woman’s flailing sent Elfo flying and Bean felt her muscles tensing again as she resisted the urge to go and check on him. 

He pushed himself up from his position face-first in the dirt, looking at her and Luci with an embarrassed expression, “Uh… traveling makes her cranky.”

Bean nodded a little. She could understand that too. She hated traveling with her family and she would probably have also kicked someone into a wall after spending several hours with them in a carriage. She didn’t have time to reassure the woman that she’d be able to take it easy now, without having to worry about any potential rudeness from the knights - or anyone else - but her dad was behind her and he was getting alarmingly red in the face, even for him.

“Hey! No! We’re not having any giants rampaging in the castle!” His fists were clenched. Bean rolled her eyes a little at the hypocrisy. He and Oona rampaged in the castle all the time. They could deal with Elfo’s girlfriend for a couple of days.

“But dad,” she cajoled, trying to remember the elf adage that Elfo had mentioned to her, something about flies and honey? Well, Zog liked honey too, so maybe it applied here as well. She just had to be nice to her dad for like… three minutes. Long enough to get him to agree. “It’s got to be so hard for them already. He’s an elf, she’s a giant. Think about it.”

The play of emotions across Zog’s face was worth the effort of sending knights on a crazy girlfriend-fetching errand. There was confusion, followed up quickly by dismay and then disgust. He shook his head with a sputter. “I never want to think that thought again!” Despite his discomfort, Bean could tell she’d made an impact and a moment later he grumbled, glaring at the giant woman still being held on restraining ropes. “Fine. Just put her somewhere where we don’t have to look at her.”

“The cheese cave, sire?” Pendergast asked through gritted teeth, straining with the ropes.

“Yeah.” Zog paused and Bean was amused that she could so easily read her father’s expression. He probably thought he was inscrutable. “And Bring me up a nice chunk of Gorgonzola.” He ducked back into the castle, looking relieved that his amount of effort at this whole endeavor had been minimal.

Bean nodded to the soldiers as they grabbed at the ropes, tugging at them and slowly, painstakingly guiding the struggling giantess toward the stairs leading down to the bowels of the castle.

-


	14. Chapter 14

-

  
  


Once they had the giant woman situated, which had involved a brief uncomfortable moment with Elfo in the cheese cave waffling over whether he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend after such a long separation, Bean was left to her own devices. It was just her and Luci for the moment since Elfo was spending the evening with his girlfriend. The two of them were probably having a good evening, making up for lost time after spending so long apart. Bean almost envied them. 

Every time her mind drifted to what they might be up to, she had to draw it up short. Like Zog, she wasn’t sure she wanted to think about how the logistics of their relationship would work. Elfo was just _so small_ compared to his girlfriend. It would have been weird enough if his girlfriend had been human-sized, like Bean. But she was more than twice that. 

Truth be told, Bean had a fair amount of sexual experience and she still wasn’t entirely certain what the two of them could get up to together that would be particularly pleasurable for the large woman. Elves were all tiny… with tiny hands and tiny… other bits.

“You’re thinking about Elfo’s junk.” Luci chimed in, his voice rough and tinged with a bit of annoyance. For a moment Bean felt a surge of panic. She _had_ been, or at least her mind had been verging on going down that potentially disastrous line of thought. If thinking about Elfo and his girlfriend had been bad enough for Zog, who wasn’t even close with the elf, it was that much worse for her, having to think about her friend that way. The two of them had been in so many situations together, it felt wrong to picture him in that kind of situation. Just the thought made her insides twist. It was probably disgust.

Even worse, Luci bringing it up made her paranoid. “W-what? You can read my thoughts?” He had talked about being bonded to her soul as her demon and she wasn’t aware that it meant he had access to all of her innermost secrets…

“What?” Luci laughed at that, his ears going back a little, “No! I mean… sometimes if you’re thinking really loud, I’ll get an impression of what you’ve got going on in your head, but I’m not a mind reader. But… I mean… I think everyone’s probably thinking of Elfo’s junk right now. Or at least they’re wondering what the hell the two of them are getting up to in that cheese cave.” He gave a mean little laugh and pulled out a joint, spearing it on the end of his tail and then taking a slow drag from it. The smoke rolled from his lips. “I’ve got my money on him getting stuffed inside somewhere and suffocated.”

Bean hesitated for a second at that. First because of the inevitable images that threatened to appear behind her eyes at that suggestion, second at the further implication of his words. The latter, though terrible, was at least something that didn’t make her want to scrub her brain vigorously. “Wait… you’re taking bets on what Elfo and his girlfriend are doing?” There was one other thing that didn’t quite sit right. “...when did you even have the time?” She’d been right next to him through the entire walk. How in the hell had he managed?

“Pff. Bean.” Luci laughed, blowing smoke in her direction. “This is Dreamland. People here are so sad and bored that they’ll take bets on anything. You don’t know how many betting pools there are on what crazy criminal thing you’ll do next. I’ve got money on every single one.”

It made sense. It also made her that much more suspicious. “So all those times you’ve told me to do something, you were putting money on it?” She crossed her arms, looking down at him.

He was unrepentant, meeting her gaze steadily. “Yeah. And I have made _so much money_. You have no idea. Those idiots have no clue that I’ve got things rigged.” Bean would have been offended, but given her own habit of making her own rules when playing games of chance - and her subsequent winning of most of them, it would have been hypocritical of her to criticize him.

Even still. “You owe me a cut.” She didn’t budge and he met her gaze, his ears going back just a little before he snuffed out the lit joint with his fingers.

“Fine.” He clambered up onto her shoulder, sitting there with the smoldering joint still dangling from his tail. She grabbed hold of the slim black appendage to draw it to her own lips and take another drag of Luci's weed. She needed it. She had no idea why she was so jittery right now. Her mission had been a success.

“So…” she started to walk. She had no goal in mind, just a need to move. “What are the odds you’ve got going?” A pause. “Wait, did you also take bets on whether or not I’d find Elfo’s girlfriend, too?”

The demon slumped a little at that. “Yeah. Not looking forward to paying that one out.” He kicked one of his feet against her shoulder. “Where are we going?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted honestly. “It feels weird going to the bar without Elfo.” He was entertaining to watch, mostly because he was so very _bad_ at holding his liquor. But he was too busy for that right now.

_What if he was going to be too busy for it from now on? Now that he had his girlfriend here with him? He would probably want to spend more time with her, especially since they hadn’t seen each other in a while. And what if that was just the beginning?_

Bean’s mind was racing over things that she didn’t usually think about. She’d never considered the possibility that Elfo wouldn’t have time for her before. He always had time for her as long as he wasn’t locked up and being experimented on at the moment. Even then, she could usually borrow him, since Sorcerio was easily intimidated by threats of bodily harm. This was different. She couldn’t exactly intimidate such a giant woman if she wanted to spend time with her elf friend… trying that would probably have gotten her bent into a royal pretzel.

_Maybe this isn’t such a good idea?_

She clamped down on that thought, unwilling to follow it to its inevitable conclusion. “You know…” she turned down that familiar street. “Maybe some booze would be good right now.” A victory drink or two. Or ten. She’d done a good thing and no matter her misgivings, she was determined to see it through. Her vision obviously meant something.

-

Her head was throbbing as she woke up in her own bed. She wasn’t sure when she’d gotten back from her night of drinking, or how she’d gotten back. There was a rope made of various items hanging from the window, so she could figure out that she’d probably managed to sneak in at some point, but the rest of the evening was a blur. She rolled over and heard a hiss from underneath her as she landed on something semi-solid.

She lay there for a moment as she felt Luci squirming underneath her, then finally got up the wherewithal to roll over so he could pull himself out. He was sputtering as he climbed up onto her pillow, his ears laid flat against his head until they almost disappeared in the dark of his fur. 

Bean winced at the light coming in the window, though it was actually earlier than she was accustomed to waking up. She was pretty sure that it wasn’t even noon yet. She sighed, closing her eyes again. Why had she…

Oh. Right.

It took a few seconds more for her brain to catch up with the memories of the previous evening. She’d gone out drinking with Luci but not with Elfo. Elfo was busy with his girlfriend. But Bean had been the one to encourage it so she wouldn’t feel too hurt about the fact that he hadn’t been there to hang around with the two of them.

Speaking of which… “I wonder how Elfo’s doing…” At the very least, he probably didn’t have to deal with a hangover today, though depending on how much he and his girlfriend had going on, he might not have gotten much sleep either. Her mind skewed away from the thought a little, further aided by Luci rolling over with a grumble. 

“He’s probably dead.” the demon said, waving a dismissive paw. “Go back to bed.”

She really should have, but now that she was up and thinking - too much, really - she was reminded that she had a lot of other things to do to get ready for the big event. She’d been spending way too much time worrying about whether the knights would even find Elfo’s girlfriend that she hadn’t fully considered what she’d do when the woman actually got here. There was a lot. She still had a whole day though and, considering her early wake-up, a good part of today left as well.

Bean rolled out of bed. She was still dressed which made everything a lot faster. “I’ll go get Elfo,” she said. “I don’t know how much his girlfriend knows about formal events and my dad is already pissed about having her here.” She’d have to work with Elfo to make sure that his girlfriend was properly attired so her dad didn’t blow a gasket. Despite Bean’s expectant glance in his direction, Luci made no motion to get up and join her. “You coming?” 

The demon waved a dismissive paw in her general direction. “You might have some ridiculous goal about helping Elfo - if he’s not dead - but that doesn’t mean I can’t sleep in.”

Normally Bean would have left it at that. It was no skin off her nose if Luci decided he didn’t want to be involved. But since she would normally have been dragging Elfo into things if Luci decided to opt-out, she wasn’t used to doing things solo anymore. Besides, he’d been the one encouraging her to get drunk. The least he could do now was suffer alongside her.

She snatched him up by the tail as he sputtered and cursed. “C’mon, you.”

The demon's swearing could be heard all throughout the castle as Bean made her way downstairs, only pausing halfway to the dungeon to toss him over her shoulder, forcing him to focus on clinging to her shirt. Even with his sharp claws digging into her skin, she had no regrets. 

-

Elfo was a mess as he crawled out of the tiny opening that the knights made for him. But at least he wasn’t dead, something that made her throw Luci an ‘I told you so’ look before she focused on the matter at hand. She dropped to one knee beside him as he lay there on the stone floor, wheezing. 

“Thank god I got away…” Elfo panted, then looked up at Bean, eyes locking with hers for a moment. There was a flash of panic in his expression that Bean couldn’t understand and then he hastened to clarify his statement by adding, “-with so many things last night!”

It seemed like maybe Elfo was a bit more adventurous than she’d ever given him credit for. A hesitant smile pulled at the corner of Bean’s lips. It took a little effort on her part to remember that she was trying to be encouraging and that she shouldn’t allow her own feelings or opinions of Elfo and his girlfriend’s massive difference in stature to affect her support of her friend. Besides, being repulsed by it would make her the same as everyone else in Dreamland, including her dad, and she didn’t want to be some kind of racist asshole. “It sounds like things got a bit wild.” She said, carefully neutral.

Elfo sat up on his knees, brushing himself off before looking at her sidelong, a strange expression on his face before it shifted to a smile that seemed almost smug. That, more than anything else, made her a bit queasy. “I don’t want to brag, but at one point I got stuck in her eye-socket.”

_ Ew.  _

Another mental image she didn’t need and more than just the usual revulsion at the thought of someone she knew having sex. Sure, there were lots of people in Dreamland with missing eyes - and missing other limbs as well, due to her dad’s warlike tendencies and the sheer amount of things that could drop off when you got the plague - but that had never ever been a factor in sex talk. She studiously avoided dudes who might lose bits while she was trying to get busy.

She could only hope that whatever had led to Elfo being stuck in his girlfriend’s eye socket was an accident based on their enthusiasm and not some kind of weird kink, because otherwise she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to look at the elf the same way again.

Truthfully, she already wasn’t sure about her ability to do that. She’d spent far too much time cramming Elfo into the mental box of being an innocent, completely sexless thing. Sure, he’d made a comment at one point about the two of them having sexual tension - it was only occurring to her now that she was wracking her brain about it, but it amazed her that she’d missed remembering that remark after that thing where she thought Elfo was trying to kiss her - but they’d all been high as kites. Elfo had also punched out a chicken, so she didn’t think that was really a valid gauge of his feelings. This whole girlfriend thing was definitely putting Elfo in a new light.

Bean wasn't sure if she liked it or not, but there was nothing to do now but roll with it.

She cleared her throat. “So, I was thinking…” About something - anything - else. A new idea came to her, mercifully quickly, and ended that whole train of thought. “I have a great idea.”

Elfo stared at her, his eyes darting between her face and then back toward the door of the cheese cave. If she hadn’t known better, she might have assumed that the flicker of emotion she was seeing was panic. “Oh goody….another one…”

Bean wasn’t stupid. She knew when he was faking his excitement. But if he wasn’t thrilled that was just because he had no idea what she had in mind. Given the amount of time Elfo had spent apart from his girlfriend, she knew they’d want to spend as much time together as possible. But a tiny, cramped cave full of smelly cheese was not the most romantic place in the world. Good for a quick roll, sure, but not anything more than that. 

It was about time for the lovebirds to go on a proper date.

-

It would have been awkward for her to be the third wheel on a date between Elfo and his girlfriend, but she still had every intention of tagging along. Frankly, she hadn’t been too impressed by Elfo’s current display of boyfriend-ly attention to his lady. Probably he was just out of practice, given their time apart and all the subsequent shenanigans he got up to with Bean and Luci. He’d get better, she was sure, but for the moment she was more than a little worried that if he was left to his own devices, he might wind up with an ex-girlfriend.

She couldn’t have that. Not after the vision about how perfect the two of them were together. Love had to prevail!

But if she didn’t want to put undue pressure on the two of them, she needed someone to go out with too. But who?

“Hey. You busy?” She leaned against the wall, trying to look casual as she spoke. The knights all paused what they were doing, turning to look in her direction. There was a bit of wariness in their eyes, like they weren’t sure if they should be expecting Bean to send them off on another intense mission.

“What, are you going to send us to fetch something else?” Pendergast finally spoke up, a grimace on his face. “Something even more dangerous this time? Perhaps a rare flower at the top of a floating mountain, or a golden plug from the bottom of the sea so your little…” the knight hesitated, not how to classify Elfo. He settled for the obvious, “So your little ‘friend’ can impress his girlfriend?”

Bean blinked, unable to help a bit of intrigue. “Wait. Are those… real things?” They did sound pretty awesome and impressive, if she was being honest.

There was a low murmur from all the knights, a sound filled with dread, and they looked to their leader with pleading expressions. Pendergast drew up straight, clearing his throat and shaking his head. “No, of course not! Those were just examples of…theoretical... equally difficult tasks. Not things that your father has attempted to have us bring for him in the past...”

Bean made a mental note to ask her dad about all the things Pendergast had brought up, just out of curiousity. She had a sneaking suspicion that Pendergast was lying through his teeth and that the items he’d mentioned were all things Zog had demanded in his quest to become immortal. Given every impossible mission that her dad had sent these guys on, this task would be simple. 

And she didn’t need a whole battalion of knights, either. For this, she only needed one.

Unaware of her train of thought, Pendergast continued. “But if you’re not here to send us out on another quest, then what _did_ bring you here, Princess.”

“I came to see you.” Bean said, cutting straight to the point. The head knight furrowed his brows in dumb surprise.

“Me?” Pendergast frowned. “Why me?” There was a mixture of morbid fascination and a bit of fear on his face. She wondered what he thought she might be asking for, if it wasn’t a mission.

“Yeah.” Bean replied. Out of all of her father's knights, Pendergast was inarguably the most impressive. And he'd gone the longest amount of time without winding up dead, so that was a point in his favour. Yes, he was a sexist asshole most of the time, but at least he was decent looking. She could make this work. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me. For dinner.”

There was a gasp from off to one side, then the clank of a helmet falling from numb fingers. Mertz stared between the two of them. It was no more intense than the abject shock on Pendergast’s face.

“You… what?”

Bean sighed. Shook her head. “Look, do you wanna go out to dinner with me or don’t you?” She was already running through a mental list of possible people she could ask in the event that he said no. It wasn’t a very long list…

Fortunately, she didn’t have to pick someone else because Pendergast gave a near-frantic nod of his head. “Okay! It’s a date.”

With that potential hurdle out of the way, the rest of Bean’s plans finally started to fall into place.

-


	15. Chapter 15

-

Having dinner with her dad’s knight, her close friend, and her close friend’s hulking, possibly feral, girlfriend was a potentially awkward prospect for anyone, much less a princess without a great deal of experience dealing with things like emotions and diplomacy, but Bean was handling it the best way she knew how to: by completely ignoring the majority of what was going on and focusing instead on her end goal.

She had to make sure this all worked out for Elfo. She owed it to him for the times he’d helped her out - mostly accidentally - in the past. He’d saved her from a marriage to Merkimer, among other things, and the least she could do was give him a bit of a push via a complimentary meal.

She was the only one who seemed excited though, leaning forward across the table as the waiter brought out a tray of breadsticks. Elfo shuffled in his chair, getting up from his sitting position so he could reach across the table for one, taking it and dragging it onto his plate before spending a couple of minutes poking at it and shuffling it around without actually eating it. Normally Elfo was willing to try just about anything food-wise - including some things that were not technically edible, like rug fuzz - so there was definitely something up.

Bean reasoned that maybe he was just unused to being out in public, in the face of so many judging eyes. He and his girlfriend made an odd couple and Bean felt like maybe her decision to bring Pendergast along only emphasized the weirdness of the two of them. After all, to the outside observer - someone unfamiliar with Bean’s role in the castle, at least - she and Pendergast looked like a very stereotypical, human-style couple where both people were the same size. 

Also, there was the small detail that her ‘date’ for this dinner didn’t need to be chained to the chair to prevent possible rampages.

Pendergast hadn’t been too talkative since they arrived. Like most of the citizens they’d passed on the way here, he was kind of giving the happy couple a wide berth. The giant woman _had_ admittedly destroyed a fair amount of small structures on the way down to the restaurant, mostly outdoor shopping stands and stacks of barrels that seemed to be poorly situated in front of the stores they obviously belonged to. Normally she and Elfo would have commented on how the placement of certain things served no useful purpose other than to be ‘scenic’ but he’d been pretty quiet on the entire trip down. She supposed that maybe there was a certain embarrassment factor to having your girlfriend try to grab random people and throw them around.

It had taken four of Pendergast’s men to successfully navigate to the restaurant. After chaining the huge woman to her seat, they were quick to make themselves scarce at Pendergast’s command. 

The knight kept looking across the table in the general direction of Elfo’s girlfriend, taking a slow bite of his breadstick. His face was not-quite expressionless like he was trying to ignore what was going on but couldn’t quite manage. On the other side of the table, Elfo was nursing his drink. Though Bean had been willing to spring for some wine, something that was properly romantic, considering it was a long-awaited date, Elfo had turned her down.

Finally, Pendergast cleared his throat, after watching the giantess grunt and look around, rattling her chains on occasion in an effort to pull free. “I have to ask you something.” Addressed to Elfo. It was probably the most engaged he’d ever been with the elf in all the time he’d been in the castle. Most of the time he ignored both of Bean’s companions, though a lot of people in Dreamland tended to treat the two of them like they were pets rather than people who could actually have a conversation

...well… a lot of people conversed with Luci, even if they did think he was a cat, but Elfo, on the other hand, tended to be ignored.

Bean flicked her gaze to the knight, both a little concerned about this line of questioning but also a bit relieved that she wasn’t going to be the only one having to hold up the discussions here either. Elfo’s reticence to talk had thrown a slight wrench in her plans. Maybe this would help.

Her brief hopes were dashed a little by the actual words that slipped out of Pendergast’s mouth. “When you two make love… is she aware?”

There was more than one way that question could have been taken and Bean’s mind went immediately through several possible options and found them all to be terrible for different reasons. 

He could have been implying that Elfo’s girlfriend was mindless and animalistic. While she hadn’t shown a lot of ability to converse in the brief time she’d been in their care, that didn’t mean she was stupid. Bean had a hard time imagining Elfo being into a girl who was just dumb.

_And while Elfo could be stupid and naive, Bean readily accepted that he was one of the few people she knew with better-than-passable reading skills and a fairly expansive vocabulary. He also knew quite a bit about a lot of subjects that your standard Dreamland resident would have found boring. So he wasn’t stupid…. But he definitely wasn’t ‘street smart’ as Luci would have put it. Either way, it was part of the reason she had difficulty assuming that the huge woman was the mere animal that people seemed to be treating her as. There had to be more to her than that if Elfo loved her._

Still, her behaviour was making it kind of hard to figure out what hidden depths she might have. It wasn’t _that_ common to have to chain a guest in place during a meal, outside of a few extended family reunions. Bean was only briefly distracted as a familiar face showed up near them. She recognized the blue skin and wild hair from somewhere but that was less concerning than the fact that Pendergast was trying to buy her flowers. She wasn’t certain if he’d gotten the memo about the nature of their date, but she didn’t want to lead him on with any kind of promises she wasn’t prepared to keep. He was probably looking for more than a casual hookup and Bean wasn’t interested in an actual relationship with someone.

_not to mention, she wasn’t quite drunk enough to consider it anyway_

Her attempt to wave the familiar flower seller off didn’t work. It was only when he turned to Elfo to peddle his unwanted wares that he even noticed the gigantic woman chained to the other side of the table. He let out a tremendous yelp and threw the flowers away before fleeing.

Elfo picked up the flowers, a move that made Bean actually a little impressed that he was taking the initiative. Maybe her scolding back in the cheese cave had made him rethink how he needed to improve as a boyfriend. Flowers, while kind of pathetic, were a start. 

Then he held up the flowers to his giant girlfriend and the slight whiff of them caused Bean’s whole world to tip on its head.

-

“Why didn’t you mention that your girlfriend was a grad student?” She asked Elfo as they made their way back to the castle. It had been a strange evening, even by her standards, and the fact that Tess had joined them at the table for a meal where Elfo hadn’t touched a bite, was a little odd too. Bean dismissed that part of it though because she was too busy thinking about the fact that Elfo hadn’t told her anything about this supposed ‘love of his life’.

Did it mean he didn’t trust her with simple facts about himself? When it came right down to it, she hadn’t actually asked him about himself that often, had she? She knew he came from a hidden elf village named Elfwood and that he’d left. For Reasons. He might have specified what those reasons were but she couldn’t recall them now. If they’d come up it had been during a particularly intense binge or while she’d been too high to remember.

She still thought she’d have had at least some vague notion about it, even if she’d forgotten, so it was likely that he hadn’t brought it up. He hadn’t mentioned having a girlfriend until Luci dragged the details out of him just a few days ago. 

How long would he have avoided telling her? Until after she met his girlfriend? If she ever even got to meet his girlfriend without having to have knights hunt her down and kidnap her… which was seeming increasingly unlikely. Would she not have found out until Elfo decided it was time to go ahead and move out to live with her?

The thought made something inside Bean shrivel a little, but she tried to push it aside. She kept her pace matching Elfo’s even though it meant she was falling further and further behind Pendergast, despite the fact that the man was ostensibly her date for the evening. When he noticed and tried to slow down too, she waved a hand at him. “Go on ahead. “ It was Elfo’s girlfriend walking behind them with a soldier escort - but at least this time, thankfully not in chains - who was the bigger issue when it came to getting answers out of Bean’s little green companion. 

Elfo made a soft, uncomfortable noise, looking from Bean to Tess who was walking behind them and despite her usual difficulty reading expressions, Bean got the point. It wasn’t a good place to talk about it. It was probably awkward to have to admit in front of your girlfriend why you’d never told anyone about her.

That was probably even more upsetting than being in Bean’s position… but it didn’t really make Bean feel better. It only managed to shut her up for a moment, leaving her to stew on all the possible answers to her question.

-

Bean was hoping to have more of a chance to question Elfo when they returned to the palace, but he insisted on escorting Tess back down to the cheese cave. Bean would have gone along, but when she started to follow them, Pendergast sidled up to her, putting himself in her way. “So, princess,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck while Bean looked him over. “I was thinking…”

She tried to peer around him, only to have him shift again until he was blocking her path. He didn’t seem to notice that she was trying to get by and she bit her lip. It looked like this was a conversation she wasn’t going to be able to avoid. She’d have to hurry and catch up to Elfo afterward so she could grill him properly about his girlfriend.

“What were you thinking?” She said, taking the knight’s too-obvious offering and asking him what he clearly wanted to hear.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been preparing for the ball.” That was true. She’d already gotten a dress specifically made for the event, even though she normally didn’t bother with something new when she had plenty of stuffy old dresses she could wear for a stupid event like this. She was sure it had made more than one person take notice when she actually bothered getting fitted after all this time, she just hadn’t expected that Pendergast would be one of them. 

“Yeah.” She said, her eyes darting past him. Elfo and his girlfriend had already disappeared down the stairs. “I’ve got something new to wear, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

“May I ask who the lucky man you’ve invited is?” The expression on the man’s face was intense, one might almost say earnest. If Pendergast was normally this forthcoming instead of being her dad’s lackey and carrying out his douchebag orders, Bean might have found him more interesting to hang out with. As it was, she was just confronted with an awkward situation. That question didn’t actually _have_ an answer because she hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Normally at these events, she got dressed up and then stood in a corner near the food for as much time as she possibly could. Lately, it had meant she could hang out with Luci and Elfo near the cheese table instead of having to deal with an actual date, especially with the sort of men her family deemed ‘acceptable’ company, mostly decrepit older nobles who were on their second or third wife by now and looking for an opportunity to advance by getting together with Zog’s daughter. Most of them made Merkimer look positively interesting by comparison. At least he was a literal pig and not just a metaphorical one.

“I…” She hesitated, then let out a sigh because she didn’t really have any other viable answer. “I haven’t asked anyone. Yet.”

It was the truth but it wasn’t really what she wanted to say, especially with Pendergast vibrating like a tuning fork, hanging onto her words. She already knew what was coming next. She’d invited him to her double-date with Elfo and that had been the only smart thing to do, but now that introduced another factor into place. 

“So that means you’re available to ask?” Pendergast said and Bean closed her eyes for a second, knowing what was coming and wondering why she hadn’t considered this before asking anyone in Dreamland to go on a fake date with her to spy on her friend’s date with his long-distance girlfriend. It had seemed like a perfect plan at the time! 

“Y-yeah. I guess so.”

“Well then.” Pendergast took a step back, giving himself enough distance to lean forward a bit from the waist. It wasn’t a proper bow, exactly, but the knights barely even bowed to Zog and he was the king. It was a definite effort to show respect, one that only lost a little impact when one considered she’d had to headbutt him into letting her go on a party barge not that long ago. “Would you do me the honour, Princess.”

She wasn’t sure what her father would think of this invitation. Pendergast was one of his knights, after all, and he tended to be pretty murder-y toward random men who showed interest in her. But she also didn’t think he had many options to replace Pendergast, should said head knight be beheaded. It wasn’t like someone like Turbish would make a good head of the royal knights.

Bean should have gone ahead and turned him down but that would be yet another awkward explanation for later on. Besides, she’d showed up on the date with Elfo and his girlfriend with Pendergast in tow, so they’d probably expect him to show up for the dance too. Bean bit her lip a little. Besides, the sooner she answered him, the sooner she could get back to stalking Elfo and his girlfriend to make sure their relationship was going well…

Pendergast was still looking at her expectantly and she let out her breath in a small sigh. “Yeah. Okay.” She sidled past him, finally, and this time he didn’t try to block her way, too preoccupied with this small victory to notice that she seemed distracted. 

It didn’t matter, ultimately, when Bean made her speedy way down to the cheese cave, hoping to intersect Elfo, she found was a couple of frazzled knights trying to stuff blankets through the opening of the cave while avoiding actually going in there themselves. “Hey. Is… is Elfo in there?” It would have made sense for him to spend another night with his girlfriend while he had the opportunity, but it meant she wasn’t likely to get a chance to speak to him while Tess was in earshot.

“No!” Mertz grunted as he poked the butt-end of his spear into the pile of blankets and tried to use the leverage to get them even further inside.

“He already left,” the other knight - Bean had no idea of his name, just that he _wasn’t_ Turbish - said, looking up at her from where he was coiling the blankets into a more rope-like state, presumably to make them easier to push inside. It was just foiling Mertz’ efforts to gain some leverage with his weapon, though.

“Did you see where he went?” Bean asked, looking around frantically and seeing no sign of him. With the winding staircases in this place, it was hard to keep sight of anyone for too long if they were going up or down. Chances were good that Elfo had already gotten well out of view. There was no choice left but to try and track him down later, either in Sorcerio’s lab or possibly in her own room depending on whether he was actually avoiding her or not.

“No, we haven’t.” Mertz grunted, before slapping Not-Turbish’s hands. “Stop messing with that!”

Bean did pause a moment to stare between the two of them at that, her eyes narrowing and nose wrinkling. Normally she wouldn’t have bothered commenting on the stupidity of her father’s men, but this was a bit much even for her. “Why don’t you just open the door and carry the blankets inside. She’s not going to attack you. I mean… you were there when we were having the conversation about returning to the castle.” They’d literally been standing in front of Tess while she’d expressed her misgivings about the lodgings.

“But… she’s a giant.” The soldier said the words slowly, looking at Bean as if she were stupid. The princess couldn't help but feel a certain grim amusement at that, especially considering the overall intelligence level of the average Dreamland resident, much less the average knight. She opened her mouth to talk, then snapped it shut, shaking her head as she thought better of arguing with these idiots. 

She felt a bit bad for Tess, given how long it was probably going to take her to get her blankets, but it wasn't enough to make it worth it to engage the knights at their level. Besides, she still had to find Elfo. She had a lot of questions for him. She left the knights there, still trying to fruitlessly cram the fabric through the tiny opening.

-

Searching the castle for Elfo didn’t turn up much. He basically had free rein to go wherever he wanted as long as he didn’t leave the grounds unescorted or wasn’t currently in use by Sorcerio, but he’d always been easy to find before. He wasn’t exactly quiet or particularly good at hiding. Today, he’d somehow managed to make himself scarce and after a few minutes of fruitless searching, Bean finally gave up and retreated to her room.

Elfo might not have been there, but Luci was. The demon was sitting on her windowsill smoking. One leg dangled down from his seated position, his tail curled around the cigar in his mouth. He flicked an ear as she entered the room, but didn’t say anything until Bean threw herself down on the bed. “Bad date?”

Bean stiffened a little at that. “What?” She wasn’t sure if he was referring to the evening with Elfo and his girlfriend in a general sense - in which case, it wasn’t a _date_ , she wasn’t dating either of them! - or if he specifically meant her going out with Pendergast, which also wasn’t a date, exactly. It was more of a means to an end.

“Eh. You act like you had a lousy evening.” Luci waved a hand in the air dismissively. “No offense, but you kind of look like shit. You really need to stop worrying less about Elfo’s love life and more about your own.”

“I don’t have a love life.” Bean scowled, “Thanks to my dad and his stupid rules. I can’t even find a guy willing to try going out with me except for Pendergast…” _And Elfo, she’d thought for a while, before realizing he actually had a girlfriend._ Not that she was interested in either, but even just knowing someone wanted to would have been flattering. Having so many men simply turn her down was a blow to her already minuscule ego.

Luci was mostly silent for a few seconds, his tail swishing. In the dim room, the glowing tip of the cigar left light trails in the air, small sparks drifting slowly to the floor. “So that’s why you’re stalking Elfo? To make up for your own inadequacies at dating? You think if you get him laid, it shows you’re less deficient as a person?”

When he wanted to, Luci was good at cutting straight to the heart of Bean’s insecurities. She had an urge to reach out and throttle him and she had to admit, with a great deal of reluctance, that it probably meant he had at least part of a point. “No… I just…” the words came out feeble, “I want him to be happy...” Her words faded on the air. Everything had been so clear back in the Den of Wonders.

_”At your own expense?”_

She wasn’t sure if Luci had actually asked the question or if she’d just imagined it. Either way, she pressed her lips shut because the implications there were too much for her to deal with. She threw a pillow across her face and just breathed. She was far more sober than she ever intended to be at this hour… “Luci,” she murmured. “Can I have some of your weed?”

He could have been an asshole and left her to navigate her thoughts on her own, but she felt the bed dip under the demon’s slight weight and then his sharp little fingers pressed the blunt into her hand. The smoke filling her senses was enough to drive away any unsettling thoughts that too much sobriety could bring. 

It was enough to help her get to sleep, at least. She had a long day ahead of her tomorrow.

-


	16. Chapter 16

It was the day of the big event. Normally the waiting would have been the easy part, something Bean would have worked to stretch out as long as she possibly could. It was only once the party itself got going that she would have been praying to whatever god might be out there that time would speed up so she could get the hell out of there. The only thing worse than an evening socializing with her family was an evening socializing with all the people who sucked up to her family in an effort to gain political power. 

Today was a little different. There was a sort of electric feeling on the air. It was the same sort of sensation Bean got when there was a storm on the horizon. She wasn’t sure what it was, exactly, that was sending this prickling feeling through her and she couldn’t tell if the feeling itself was excitement or unease. Either way, she was having a hard time sitting still, leading up to the event.

The only saving grace of her anxious energy was that there was a lot to be done. It was enough to preoccupy her for the hours leading up to the ball.

The biggest task she had to worry about was helping Elfo’s girlfriend with her clothing and makeup. While the woman was undeniably quite striking - a side effect of being twelve feet tall and towering over even the tallest Dreamland resident - she was rather plainly dressed and in garb that wasn’t entirely flattering to her figure. Not to mention the mess that was her hair. While Dreamland tolerated a certain amount of slovenliness - and a surprisingly high amount of hair parasites, Bean wasn’t sure squirrels or birds were exactly the kind of hangers-on that would be allowed in the castle. 

So she enlisted a little help from an expert. Someone who had the experience at making anyone look good. ...They were the team that Zog relied on, on the rare occasions he actually needed to make a good impression to someone and Oona insisted he required outside help.

Getting the contact info for the man from Oona had been easier than Bean anticipated, her stepmother had given her an odd look, but had been remarkably forthcoming when Bean had been fully expecting to have to either steal it or wrest it away from the amphibious woman’s hands.

That was fine. Not having to fight with Oona made her job a lot easier. The group in question, though eclectic, also looked like they knew what they were doing.

“So you think you can help her?” Bean asked their leader. He was dressed a bit oddly by Dreamland standards, but according to both himself and the rest of the members of his team, the strange fashion they were sporting was called ‘trendy’. Bean had no clue what that even meant, but their impressive resume was enough to speak for itself. If they were good enough to work in Twinkletown, they could definitely be of use here. Even so, she wasn’t sure Twinkletown had a lot of giants.

“Don’t you worry, honey,” The man said with a forwardness that she might not have tolerated from someone who wasn’t so bizarre. Besides, there was something about his look that told her he wasn’t trying to hit on her like a lot of the toadies who thought they could get on Zog’s good side by way of his daughter. This man’s attitude was aloof, despite the fact that he was dealing with a princess. It was almost reassuring, in its way. She got sick of people having to get drunk before remembering to treat her like a normal person. “We’ll get her fixed up. You won’t recognize her by the time we’re done with her.”

“I mean… I will.” Bean said, a bit hesitantly. “I mean she’ll still be a giant, right?” When the man gave her a long stare, an expression that might have been described as ‘withering’, she hesitated for a few seconds, considering her words. “I mean… she’s just… really tall. I don’t know anyone else that size… in Dreamland…” Her clarifications were doing nothing to help and she finally fell silent, fiddling with her sleeves as she took a step back and let them do her work.

Bean wasn’t the only one uncertain, as Tess took one look at the hair and makeup team, with their pitchforks and tar and recoiled. “I’m not dangerous!” She protested, only to have the team ignore her with only the slightest effort at reassurance.

“You’re already beautiful,” The man said, a bit of encouragement that Bean hadn’t expected based on her interaction with him. “We just need to bring it out a little.” His team was as professional as she could have expected, more, even. She wouldn’t have thought they’d be easily able to handle fashion and hairstyles on a giant, but with some creative tactics, they soon had the one-eyed woman ready to go.

Somewhere in all the hustle and bustle, Elfo showed up. Bean didn’t have an opportunity to confront him about disappearing after their double date earlier, since he rapidly scuttled around her with a large box in his arms. He went straight to Tess, something that made Bean’s hard dip in an odd way. She bit her lip as the elf scaled a ladder provided by the hair and makeup team. Inside the box, he pulled out a strangely familiar orb.

As he pushed the glass ball into Tess’ empty eye socket, Bean looked away. She brushed her hands across the front of her own outfit. She wasn’t dressed up yet herself. She was reminded of the plainness of her normal garb when she compared herself to Tess’ now groomed form. She had to get ready too. That was why she left so quickly without ever actually talking to Elfo.

-

Luci was hot on her heels as she went back to her room to get changed. She sped up, not wanting to deal with his inevitable questions and his judgey attitude, but somehow he kept pace. It wasn't like he didn’t know where she was going anyway, as she returned to her own room.

He stood just inside the doorway, only scuttling out of the way as she slammed it shut with far more vehemence than mere annoyance at his presence warranted. As she went over to sit on the bed, she smoothed her hand over the fabric of the dress that Bunty had brought up from the tailor. 

It was impressive, really. A well-crafted outfit that matched Bean’s eyes in the dimmer lighting of the castle. The material was silky, maybe even real silk given the extravagance of this event. Her dad usually did fork out a bit, when Oona made him, and it was events like this that often depleted their sad royal coffers. It was the first time in a long time that Bean had invested in a new outfit. She caught hold of it, dragged it closer until it lay across her lap, and then looked down at it, expression blank.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there like that, but it was long enough for Luci to get impatient and hop up onto the bed beside her. He stood there, his expression expertly bored as he looked her over. “So. What’s on your mind?” He asked in a way that told her he probably really didn’t want to say anything but felt she was forcing his hand. When she didn’t reply, his ears flicked back a little and he gritted the words out from between his teeth. “Look. You’re moping. I’m not sure what exactly happened back there, other than that fashion disaster…” He muttered the last bit under his teeth, “But clearly it made you upset. And I’m the one who’s supposed to be making you upset, so I need to know these things!” 

Even with the strange shaky sensation still running through her, threatening to sap her limbs of energy, she couldn’t help but smile at Luci’s fake gruffness. As much as he tried to act like he didn’t care about her, she could tell he still had a soft spot. She wasn’t sure if she could just read him well or if the fact that he was bonded to her soul gave her some kind of deeper understanding of his feelings and motivations. Either way, she could read his worry. 

“It’s not… I’m not upset.” When his expression turned skeptical, verging on annoyed, Bean clarified. “Not exactly. This is what I’ve been waiting for. I saw it in my vision!” She had to keep that in mind, she reminded herself. She’d had a vision about all of this, this was what was meant to happen. If only she could have gone back to the Den of Wonders for another hit of Bliss, she was sure she’d find it again. Unfortunately, there was no time. 

Where had the day even gone?

Bean eased forward on the bed, pulling her shirt off and tossing it aside. It didn’t bother her that Luci was there or that he might be staring. Aside from the fact that Luci was a demon and had undoubtedly seen way worse than a topless princess, he was also unabashedly a nudist - with no genitals, but still - and besides… Bean had no qualms with being naked even at the best of times. She wasn’t bothered by how she looked. 

As she wiggled out of her pants, kicking her boots aside, she was aware that Luci was still looking in her direction. She might have teased him about ogling her at one point, but not tonight. It was clear that he wasn’t looking at _that_ anyway. “What is it?” She said, standing there naked, her hand sliding down to grab the blue dress. 

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Luci said. It was a statement, not a question. The thing was… he was wrong. She did have to do this. There was no other choice. She had to see this vision out to its inevitable conclusion. There was no possible reason to back down at this point. She didn’t even have to say anything because Luci was already letting out a sigh, “But you’re going to.” He grimaced. “Put your damn clothes on then… let’s get this all over with.”

“You don’t have to come with me,” Bean said, in a gentle reminder. “No one expects a cat to attend a royal function anyway.”

“Oh, I’m going,” Luci replied, straightening himself up to his tallest possible stature. “I have other reasons though. Demon reasons.” He gave a leering expression in her direction. Even though she was wiggling into her dress - which she really should have enlisted Bunty’s help to get into - she still had no sense that he was making that suggestive look because of her.   
  
“Okay.” She said, smoothing down the front of her dress as best she could. Luci saw what she was doing and gave a shake of his head and a little grin as he hopped up to her shoulder. Despite his usual method of simply climbing to his perch, he was actually very careful this time, his paws were all soft and velvet as he made his way up her arm. They kneaded into the material, smoothing it out with a strange sort of ease. There was something relaxing about the motion and finally, Bean felt a little of her tension starting to bleed off.

One way or another, it was almost done. If Elfo was destined to leave, if that was the future that her vision had been showing her, it was about time to finally find out.

There was a knock at the door and Bean started for a moment, almost enough to dislodge Luci when he wasn’t clinging with his claws. She raised her hands to catch him as he slid down her chest, winding up cradled her arms as she walked to answer it.

Pendergast was there. She’d almost forgotten he was coming. But he was expectant and dressed up in what was probably his nicest outfit. It wasn’t bad, especially given that he was a knight and not a member of the nobility. She looked him over, the corners of her lips twitched upward in a slight smile. Relief. She wasn’t exactly planning for this ‘evening’ to be a date or anything, but she wasn’t going to be standing in front of the crowd alone while her friend danced with the love of his life. 

Luci squirmed in her grasp, but he didn’t try to pull free, not even as Pendergast offered his arm to Bean. She hesitated, then just shifted Luci to rest in the crook of her other arm and caught hold of the knight’s arm with her own hand. She kept Luci close as the three of them made their way down the stairs, deliberately ignoring the smugness on the demon’s face at being pressed against the curve of Bean’s breast and making things harder for the knight. She could feel his smugness vibrating across their bond.

And so they made their way to the main floor. The makeshift ballroom where Bean was about to discover the truth of her vision.

Or… well… to about to discover some truth, anyway.

-

It wasn’t what she expected. The evening itself was a bit of a blur. She had a drink or two, it was fortunate for her that she was a member of the royal family and no one was going to stop her from taking advantage of free drinks, even if it meant that they had to start turning down mere nobility in order to keep fueling Bean’s burgeoning intoxication. 

It did help. It took the edge off her anxiety and she was able to lean into the mantra she’d been telling herself for the last half an hour. This was good. This was how it was meant to be. It was her vision. And in her vision, it had been… amazing, frankly. The sensation of rightness had permeated all around her. She wished she was quite as calm and confident in her decisions as she had been back in the drug den, but this was good enough. 

Bean watched Elfo dance with his girlfriend and was pleased that she was at least buzzed enough that she didn’t feel jealous.

_Jealous? There really was no reason to be, it wasn’t like being with Tess was going to stop Elfo from being her friend. They would always be friends, right? And there wasn’t anything more to their relationship. Certainly, nothing that Tess’ presence would interfere with. So it was fine._

Fine. Yes. 

Bean finished most of a cup of wine as Pendergast came up behind her. She was leaning into the buzz, trying to stoke it more, but she could feel that the good sensations were a bubble that was on the verge of popping. She needed more booze. Like two minutes ago. 

It didn’t help that Pendergast, while great as a bit of arm decoration for the trip out on the town, and for this event, really, to avoid the embarrassment of being seen solo, was starting to be a bit too insistent toward her.

She hadn’t forgotten his bit of assholishness in the past, it was still in the recesses of her mind as he kept trying to suck up to her. She wouldn’t have been as bothered if she hadn’t expected that it was primarily him trying to get on her dad’s good side. As much as she doubted he expected some kind of serious relationship - she hoped not…. Bean was starting to come to the conclusion that she wasn’t _made_ for serious relationships at all, especially since she couldn’t even keep a friend until she met Luci and Elfo. - that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still here with some kind of goal about piggybacking on his favours to her to get in good with her father.

But courting… “No one’s courting.” She said shutting down that line of thought as quickly as possible. She took the drink he offered, taking a sip from it before making a decision. “Go get me another drink.” While her glass wasn’t empty, it would be soon enough, given the way the rest of this evening was going. Beside her, Pendergast made a small sound, waiting a few more seconds before he finally gave in and went to get more alcohol. Bean barely noticed, she was too fixated by what was happening on the dance floor.

She’d never stopped to consider how it would look, actually. As much as Zog and numerous others - probably everyone in the room, given the herald’s introduction of the couple - had to have been thinking about the difference in their sizes since this entire thing had come up, Bean had been more focused on the areas where the two had to be a good couple. They were both smart and - Bean assumed - good people. She’d barely gotten to know Tess but the woman was both well-spoken and also a lot more understanding over this entire situation than Bean might have been in the same situation.

But as much as Bean could try to factor in all these separate elements and conclude that despite the big differences, it still worked somehow, there was a part of her mind where it still never really clicked.

Watching them dance made the pieces fall into place. It reminded her that she’d done the right thing. If she felt uncomfortable about it in hindsight, at least she had that truth to fall back on. 

_When she’d decided to worry about doing good things for someone, she couldn’t honestly be sure. Luci would probably have disapproved of the notion of helping someone just for the sake of doing so, but Bean suspected he might have been just as prone to doing so as she was, so he hardly had room to speak._

Fortunately, when they’d gotten downstairs Luci had bailed on her to go do his own thing. Bean had caught a brief glimpse of a disturbingly familiar pig and had elected not to even ask. He could handle whatever crazy thing he was getting up to by himself.

She had her own troubles. 

Bean watched as the music shifted and Elfo reached up to adjust Tess’ eye for some reason, and then the entire party went to hell as the glass orb in the giant’s face began to glow. Even from this distance, Elfo’s soft “what the hell?” was audible over the sudden hush in the room. All eyes were on the pair in the center of the room, a few people backing away.

What was going on? Bean had no idea and she took another sip of her drink before setting it aside. Elfo might need rescuing. The reaction was automatic.

She was drawn up short by Tess’ voice rising on the air, soft and wondrous. “I can see everything.” What? Bean’s motions were arrested, her fingers reaching out to empty air before her hand fell back to her side. Then all she could do was watch as the giant woman’s glowing eerie eye flitted across everyone in the room, the hairs at the back of her neck standing up slightly. “I see the truth.”

Oh, and what a truth… 

On the one hand, Bean wasn’t sure she wanted to know what Tess was seeing, her comments about Bunty and the others had been one thing… even if they were inaccurate, and she had no reason to doubt Tess' abilities when her face was literally glowing, but they didn’t really affect _Bean_ but when the giantess turned her gaze on Elfo, Bean clenched her fingers in the fabric of her dress. “And now, for Elfo…”

“No, wait!” Whatever the giantess had been about to say was cut off by Elfo’s high, desperate voice. “Let me do it…” There was something to Elfo’s stance, tension fading into a sort of resignation. His gaze went from Tess to Bean and she felt her breath catch. She didn’t think she wanted to hear what he was about to say but she needed to. 

Besides, she had no choice. Tess was already leaning toward Bean, setting the elf down on his feet in front of her. 

Elfo didn’t look directly up at her at first, his hands fiddling with the ruffles at the front of his shirt. She could read a mix of embarrassment and shame in the slump of his shoulders, in the way his eyes never quite made it to her face as he took a few breaths, steeling himself. It was a reaction she could feel. How many times had she been at a loss for words. Granted, she usually reacted by doubling down on things, not this kind of quiet awkwardness that stretched on for far too long.

His tone was soft and a little shaky as he finally darted his gaze to meet hers, their eyes locking for a moment. Even with the very slight tipsy state she was in, she found herself fully at attention. Maybe she didn’t want to know. But she _had_ to know now. 

_And yet, she thought she already did know what he was going to say. It was the obvious thing. The truth had been staring her in the face this entire time and it had taken an act of willful ignorance to ignore it..._

_She missed her ignorance already._

Elfo sighed, looking up at Bean, hands wringing in his own sleeves, “Tess was never my girlfriend. I've been lying about that.”

Oh. Yeah. In hindsight, it seemed pretty clear. Bean had just sent Zog’s knights to pick up a random woman based on a vague description she’s gotten from Elfo while they were all high on drugs. The chances of the woman they found wherever they’d wandered off to actually _being_ Elfo’s girlfriend was minuscule. And yet…

“But… my vision… I saw the flower and then the woman-” As she said the words out loud for the first time, describing all she’d seen in the Den of Wonders, it all became so much more disconnected, the unreality of it finally settling in. Her vision… it had seemed so clear but now it was unraveling in front of her and she realized that the more she’d tried to hold onto it, the less there’d been anything there at all. Why had she even thought such a strange vision could be real? “Oh… drugs _are_ bad.” Her voice trailed off.

As awkward as the moment was, it wasn’t as bad as what came next. The nonsensical yell as the door opened to show a disheveled and battered Turbish, standing there only half-armored with bow in hand and screaming like a madman. The crowd jolted, parting enough that Bean could get a good look at the action.

It all unfurled in slow motion, with Turbish drawing the bow, aiming at Tess. It occurred to Bean in the heartbeats between the actions that this was kind of _her_ fault. She’d brought Tess here. She’d sent them after the giant to begin with, whether intentional or not. If Turbish actually killed Tess with his arrow, would she be responsible? The thought sent a cold chill up her spine but at the same time, her feet didn’t want to move, planted solidly on the floor. 

At some point, Pendergast tried to intervene, his yelled reassurance that Turbish’s horse was alive was probably all that saved Tess’ life, as the frazzled man’s attempt to figure out what his leader was yelling at him distracted him. The arrow meant for the giant’s heart flew high and grazed her instead, making her flail.

While the action saved the woman’s life, it didn’t actually bring a stop to the nonsense. As things began to catch on fire, the danger of the situation escalating as the crowd got whipped up into an angry mob, Bean finally moved, gesturing to Tess. She owed the poor woman that much after everything she’d gone through. “This way!”

The mistrust was understandable, Tess’ expression twisting as she looked down at Bean. Bean could see her own image reflected in Tess’ glass eye as the giantess grimaced. “Why should I trust you?”

Why, indeed. Bean had proven to be better at breaking things than fixing them, but in this instance, she really wanted to try. While Elfo’s lie at the beginning of all of this might have been the catalyst for the trainwreck it had become, it was Bean’s order that had dragged poor Tess into all of this and had her paraded around in front of the kingdom like some kind of circus animal. She, of all people, should know how that felt. She spent every day of her life being looked at like some kind of anomaly because of her role as princess… “Because… sometimes I feel like a freak too.”

Tess didn’t take the comment - and the sympathy it entailed - as intended, looking at Bean with slight disbelief marring her features. Then her eye gleamed again, that magical glow that indicated she was probably seeing more than Bean was comfortable with. The woman’s expression softened, a slight smile on her lips that seemed to be meant as reassuring. It was ironic that Tess should be the one trying to reassure Bean, given that she was in the middle of being attacked by an angry, torch-wielding mob that Bean had ultimately brought her right to. “You’ve got a pretty sad life.” The giant said, much of her earlier ire gone. Bean shriveled just a little inside, though she tried to ignore it. The idea of being pitied by someone she’d done a bad turn to was jarring. “Want me to go back and squish your dad?”

That offer had an immediate gut-twisting effect, a mix of temptation and dismay. Her dad was an asshole to her, it was true, but that didn’t mean she wanted him dead. If that had been the case, she might have taken Luci up on his offer to help her kill Zog and wear his corpse around to fool the populace. “Nah. We don’t have time…” She said, stepping forward as Tess eased down to one knee, her hands outstretched in an unspoken invitation. As she moved to enter the giant woman’s embrace, she turned to reach for Elfo who gazed fretfully at the crowd before taking Bean’s hand and being pulled up with her. 

From this vantage point, Bean could see across the city. While they could have possibly taken off and made it to the outskirts of town without getting themselves knocked off by irate Dreamlanders, that might not have solved the overall problem. Dreamland people were both persistent and stupid in a way that was particularly devastating at times. When they got into an ‘angry mob’ mentality, it was even worse, and there had occasionally been times where the angry mobs had wound up driving themselves right off the cliffs like lemmings.

She couldn’t be sure they wouldn’t continue to chase Tess down even if they managed to clear the city, so Bean didn’t even bother. Besides, she had another plan in mind, one that came to her as soon as her gaze fell across the familiar streets of Dreamland from her new vantage point up high. 

“This way” She gestured as the giantess ran, hurdling low - to her - walls and moving through the city with a nimbleness she would not have imagined from any lady so huge. It was all Bean could do to keep ahead of her with the directions, leading her through the winding streets of Dreamland, focused on her target.

If they couldn’t escape the mob, they would have to deter them in some other way. And Bean, with her experience, was uniquely qualified to find a way to distract the residents of her kingdom. It would just take a little something special.

Bean could smell it as they drew close, the heady sweet smell of Bliss on the air. She lifted her chin to take a few deep wafts, already aching to go back to the Den. “Here!” She called the giant woman to a halt and as they stopped, she could sense the confusion on Tess’ face more than she could see it. She looked down at the street, frowning at the cobbles and trying to calculate what she had no time for. “Okay. So this is going to sound bad…” _Why did she always lead with these things?_ “Tess, I know you’re not a monster,” she clarified up front, “But I’m going to need you to jump up and down.” She paused, not sure if Tess had made the connection. Elfo certainly hadn’t. He looked at her with confusion marring his olive features, but his understanding didn’t actually matter. “Like… a monster. I think that was clear.”

_Again, open mouth, insert foot. Good job, Bean._

If it got the results she wanted though, at least she could justify the effort. Both Tess and Elfo had an air of slight confusion at this odd request on Bean’s part, but Tess was quick to react anyway, not openly questioning, just bunching her powerful legs beneath her and leaping, short and rapid bursts that set the ground to shaking beneath them. On a normal, solid, street, it might not have been an issue, but Dreamland was riddled from beneath with catacombs and unexplored passageways in the rock. Looking at some of the old maps, as incomprehensible as they were, showed the underside of Dreamland to be a veritable maze of swiss cheese. Doing this would have been unwise in the majority of the city, but this was one place that Bean actually knew.

There was more than a sewage system beneath the cobbled road they were on. Elfo looked up at her sharply as she grunted, fingers clenching to hold onto Tess’ arm in anticipation. “Hang on, Elfo.” She muttered, then felt him wrap small arms around her, and cling for dear life as the ground gave a terrifying crack beneath Tess' blows. 

“What is happening?!” Elfo cried out, and Bean tried to give him a reassuring smile, was unsure if she actually succeeded when she hadn’t thought through all the possible implications of this plan. It might actually work, but it was occurring to her, belatedly, that even if it did work, they were about to plummet into the cavernous drug den beneath the street.

Then the ground finally gave way and sent them all tumbling. It was only the fact that Tess was apparently more athletic or with better balance than Bean herself, that prevented the entire group of them from landing in an awkward heap. Tess went heavily to one knee as she landed though, her grip on Bean loosening enough that the princess was able to wiggle her way free. She released Elfo on the way down, letting him fall flat on his ass with a high-pitched squeak.

No time for that. She snatched the drug-laced water from the attendant’s hands. Instead of ladling it onto the brasier as they would normally do, to parcel out the potent Bliss, she tossed the entire kit and caboodle onto the hot coals. It rose up in a waft of drugged steam, a cloud so thick that Bean held her breath out of instinct, closing her eyes for a few seconds as it rose around her.

Elfo’s hands went to cover his nose and mouth, his eyes sliding over her face and small squeaks escaping around his fingers. Their last trip to the Bliss den had resulted in him getting his face pounded in by Luci and this more potent dose was probably enough to terrify him a little. Fortunately, Luci was already relaxing into it and paying little attention to his companions.

Tess was the only one still fully on edge, but she was also the one the crowd was after and they gathered around the hole in the street, weapons at the ready. She wasn’t sure where they’d gotten all the extra weapons - especially the bows, which were far from a normal thing in Dreamland, even if getting a concealed carry permit was so easy it was laughable. The crowd drew their bows and Bean felt the cold sweat beading on the back of her neck, even as the heat of the den enveloped her.

Her heart was pounding in her ears as she waited, unable to do much else. If the Bliss took too long to have an effect, they could all wind up riddled with arrows… For a few agonizing seconds, it seemed like that might actually be the case. Pendergast was leading the mob, instructing them, and normally would have looked ridiculous doing so in his formal wear, but he was also the first among them to finally hesitate.

“Wait… what was I saying?” He let out a soft laugh, a sound that Bean recognized as confusion mixed with a bit of drug-induced euphoria. The rest of the mob started to settle as well, staring down at Bean and her companions in baffled fear. Several of them started to wander off, with the rest of the crowd dispersing slowly afterward. 

It took a few moments for Bean’s breathing to settle and she leaned against Tess’ leg for a second before the giant curled an arm around her waist to hoist her up again. Bean snagged Elfo by the back of the shirt as she was lifted, pulling him in close to her. He caught hold of her arm with a whine, his eyes pressed tightly closed as Tess scaled the edge of the new pit to finally emerge back on the street.

She set Bean and Elfo down, straightening up and looking after the scattered crowd before raising her head to the sky and inhaling fresh, un-drugged air. While she was enjoying her newfound safety, Elfo was curling in on himself slightly, rubbing at his own arms. His head dipped and Bean recognized that look of shame. She’d seen it on him before after he’d been a jerk to her back during her party, before he’d tried to make it up to her.

Her mind went back to his confession earlier. That he’d lied about Tess being his girlfriend. He was about to have it out now, she knew the moment before he let out a soft sigh, slumping where he stood before daring to raise his eyes again. He was looking at Tess though, not Bean. 

Bean had no idea what exactly had transpired between the two of them, but it had been _something_ significant. She would have asked him, but this was already awkward enough… perhaps after Tess had gone and Elfo had some time to lick his wounds.

“Tess… I’m so sorry.” His voice was quiet, barely carrying far enough to get the giant’s attention. 

She looked down at him, far too composed for someone who’d just been through an angry mob and the rest of this disastrous evening. Her powerful shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Well… you helped me out, so I guess it’s fine.”

“Really?” Elfo wasn’t the only one shocked by her words, his mouth hanging open a little as he stared up at her. There was something hopeful to the catch in his breath, but it only lasted for the two seconds it took for Tess to finally drop that veneer of composure and round on him with justified anger.

“No!” Tess roared out, and the force of her anger made Elfo take a step back, almost bumping against Bean’s leg. “You’re a dick! None of this would have happened if you’d just told the truth!”

As she turned away, choosing to pick up Merkimer, for some reason Bean wasn’t entirely certain of, Elfo dropped his head again. He was radiating unhappiness, but even though he’d just been chewed out, Bean sensed that it wasn’t just Tess’ words that had gotten under his skin. She gave him a few seconds to compose himself, not pushing too hard. 

Yeah, he’d started it, but she did feel a little bad. She’d had a hand in this whole disaster too. The least she could do to take responsibility was to give him time to compose his thoughts. Still, as the silence stretched on long, and that look in his eyes only seemed more lost, she stepped into gently give him an out, if he wanted to take it. 

Her responsibility in this situation.. She could admit it. “I’m sorry, Elfo.” Her tone turned a bit wry. “I should have known she wasn’t your girlfriend.” All the evidence had not only been there, but it had been obvious too. She’d just been too far in denial over the status of her vision to pay any attention.

_It had been easier._

Oh yes… but… easier than what? That was the question her mind was trying to shy away from. 

Elfo made a soft sound, amusement, maybe. Then he spoke at last. “I should have just told you the truth.” He bit his lip, drawing a breath between his teeth, finally confirming what Bean had suspected and then desperately tried to talk herself out of. “I was too embarrassed to admit that I tried to kiss you.” His eyes rose to her face and she could see the slight clench of his fingers, like he was steeling himself. 

She’d wanted so badly to buy into the lie of Elfo’s girlfriend. She’d willfully thrown herself into it. Why?

When she asked herself that, the responses were a bit hazy. She was having a little trouble remembering why she’d been uncertain. Or rather… she knew why, but not why it had bothered her so much. So he’d tried to kiss her. That was a little weird, maybe… he wasn’t human.

_But half the guys she’d hooked up with probably barely qualified as human anyway and that had never stopped her before._

But she wasn’t interested in Elfo like that. It wasn’t just him not being human. He was her friend too. That kind of thing just wouldn’t fly. It was just going to screw things up to even consider… more.

_Right?_

Right now she wasn’t so sure. It took her shamefully long to have her brain click on why she was experiencing some mental lag. The Bliss. She’d inhaled a lot of it down in the Den of wonders during her last-ditch effort to save all their hides. She was just starting to feel the effects, finally. She wasn’t tipsy, wasn’t quite euphoric yet, but she could feel the fears she had blunting slightly.

Did it really matter what Elfo was or wasn’t? It sure as hell didn’t matter that he wasn’t human. It didn’t even matter that he wasn’t that attractive, physically. She’d gotten with lots of weird looking guys. It wasn’t like good looks were exactly a Dreamland staple. And if he was her friend well…

_did that make it better? Worse?_ She wasn’t sure and the inherent possibilities, both good and bad, were terrifying to think about. It only occurred to her now that some of those possibilities had been lingering in the back of her mind for a while, for reasons she couldn’t begin to wrap her head around even when she wasn’t starting to feel the effects of a Bliss-induced high.

Unaware of her train of thought, Elfo started talking again. His words came out higher, but with more power behind them. He was trying to convince either her or himself and she wasn’t sure which. “But don’t worry. I won’t try anything like that again...”

It was meant as reassurance and she could have taken it as such, but instead, looking down at his weird green face, she couldn’t help a small, fond smile. He really was trying, and he was just _so bad_ at it. God, she could relate to that. 

“Good.” She said, barely registering the words coming out of her own mouth. “Let me do it next time.”

Elfo froze and there was a moment where she could see the confusion in his gaze turning into a flicker of hurt. He thought she was making a joke at his expense. She felt a small flutter of guilt settle in her belly at that, but she didn’t let herself linger on it. Nor did she pause to consider whether or not she was serious about what she was saying. She wasn’t any more sure about that than Elfo was. His expression shut down, went as neutral as he could make it as he started to turn away. His laugh was forced. “Heh. Yeah. Right…”

Bean moved before thinking. All she knew was that she was feeling the Bliss surging through her and it felt like a stronger high than it had been before. Her hand found Elfo’s cheek, brushed it, and she felt the warmth of his odd, silky skin. It was such a different texture than she’d expected, even though she’d handled Elfo and carried him around before. She couldn’t place her finger on what it was like.

Then she captured his lips in time to silence any possible protests or confusion on his part. He was tense under her fingers for the first few seconds, surprised or startled, then she felt it dissolve away as he leaned into the kiss.

It was the weirdest couple of seconds in Bean’s life. There was so much going on inside her head, going on all around her… but it was all so distant compared to the immediate sensation. Elfo’s lips were soft, if a bit dry and she had the smell of something sweet in her nostrils that she couldn’t quite place. She almost - almost - reached her hand around to the back of his head to hold him there while she tried to figure it all out, but instead, she was forced to draw back for a moment to draw in another deep draught of Bliss-tinged air.

Elfo’s eyes were wide, fixed on her, his chest rose and fall in shallow bursts like he was short of oxygen. “B-bean…” he began, his voice shaking. _How cute._ There was a smile on her face, the last vestiges of her stress from earlier finally washed away by the bliss. 

What was there to worry about?

“Did you just kiss me?” 

_Oh. That. Maybe?_

Had she just kissed Elfo? It was all getting hazy. She murmured, low and breezy. “I don’t know.” She was drifting, falling out of herself. She was already somewhere high above the street looking down on the tableau of two confused teenagers who’d just swapped spit and wondering who the hell they were. Poor kids. “I don’t think I’m Bean…”

The weird but also surreally beautiful little green face in front of her was dissolving into splashes of colour and form and the last thing she registered before she was swallowed up in the light and sensation was a small sound, like a sigh. “I don’t think I’m Elfo.”

-

  
  



	17. Chapter 17

-

It took far too long for Bean to realize where she was. It took almost as long - a shameful amount of time, really - for her just to remember that she was Bean and that she was a princess. 

Awareness was a sound from outside, just a hollow sort of clicking that didn’t quite mesh with the images that were already starting to fade in her mind. Bean’s eyes cracked open, just a hair, then immediately clamped shut again at the first beam of light entering her retinas. She groaned, rolling over, feeling the softness of blankets under her. Her hand traced across them without any conscious thought on her part, identifying the various parts of a bed. Her head was halfway on a pillow.

Her arm was heavy as she brought it up across her face, covering her eyes as she tried again. She anticipated having a headache, as the world swam into view around her, but she really didn’t. There was a gnawing sensation in her gut, like she hadn’t eaten in a couple of days, but other than the usual bleariness of waking and the complete lack of recollection what had happened prior to waking up, she wasn’t feeling the effects of… 

Of…?

Bliss. That was it. She’d had Bliss. She didn’t remember going to the Den of Wonders to get more. It was expensive even for a member of the royal family, with no discounts based on her position. If it wasn’t for the fact that it left her wanting more, she wouldn’t have been upset about having to pay the full price. 

How had she afforded more? There was still that gap in her memory, troubling her.

She shuffled, sliding her hands beneath herself and pushing upright. The room swayed around her for a few seconds before deciding to settle, right side up. She looked, through her half-open eyes. It was her own room in the castle. She was in her own bed. She didn’t know how she’d gotten there. As she shuffled, rolling herself slowly toward the edge of the bed, she bumped into something, her hand coming into contact with a solid form.

She still felt a little removed from her own body as she caught hold of the tangled mess of blankets and lifted the silk coverlet to look at the lump underneath. She recognized the small form even before she had a chance to really see it. For some reason, it didn’t come as a surprise that Elfo was there. He’d slept at the foot of her bed once or twice, though not as often as Luci did. It was more of a surprise that he was actually _on_ the bed instead of beside it.

Also, he was asleep and given the hour, that was a bit jarring too. Not that she knew the exact time, but from the angle of the light coming in from outside, it was well past noon and Elfo wasn’t one to sleep in as long as Bean was comfortable with.

“What happened?” She asked, to no one in particular. She pushed to her feet, going tot he window and pushing it open. The salt breeze hit her in the face and she closed her eyes and just breathed for a moment. There was the distant cry of seagulls rising high, the sound of the waves soothing despite everything else going crazy around her. As she peered out of the window of her room, she noticed that there were still people moving around outside, dragging what Bean could identify as pieces of the wall, over to the edge of the waterfall before throwing them over.

The wall?

Then it came back. At first just in distorted, disconnected images that didn’t make any reasonable sense. Then the rest hit her in a sudden slam. Her hands braced against the stone of the window frame as she turned around, looking back toward the bed. The Elfo lump was so small that it wouldn’t even have been visible if she hadn’t been looking. 

But it shouldn’t have been there at all, especially not tucked up under the covers like he actually belonged there. Elfo was definitely a ‘foot dweller’ person. That was all. The Friend Zone person. It took Bean a few seconds longer, standing there and breathing hard as she tried to figure out what she should do, while simultaneously wracking her brack to see if she could figure out what she’d _already_ done.

Not much, surely. She wouldn’t have done anything weird with Elfo. Not besides the usual shenanigans, anyway. But…

_but the kiss…_

Yes. That was the image she couldn’t put from her mind. What had possessed her? Even high off her ass on the Bliss, there shouldn’t have been any issues with this kind of reaction. She shielded her eyes with one hand, groaning softly. She didn’t need to be thinking about this right now. It was only early afternoon, at the latest, but she was ready to get a drink. There was nothing that could have made this entire situation more awkward…

“So. Did the two of you bang?” Speak of the devil. Bean’s face went pale, head jerking up as she spotted Luci sitting nearby. He had an intentionally bland look on his face as he padded over to the windowsill, hopping up to sit with his legs dangling over the edge.

“No!” the word came out far too loud in this small space and Bean clamped a hand over his mouth as the lump on the bed stirred. Fortunately, the rustling only lasted for a few seconds before it settled again and Bean bit her lip as she looked down at Luci, eyes narrowed. She spoke in a contained hiss, glaring at the demon. “No. Of course not. Elfo and I wouldn’t... “ She shook herself, wondering why she was suddenly finding it hard to track down the right words. She chalked it up to the lingering effects of the drug in her system. “Where were you last night?” Bean changed the subject, and Luci snorted, not fooled at this attempt, even though he answered her anyway.

“You dumbasses ditched me in the drug den, remember? Right before you both got totally high and made out.” The words brought heat to Bean’s cheeks but she said nothing. “Anyway, eventually the entire stock wore out and I left.” He shook his head. “You might have gone a little overboard, Bean. They’re actually _out_ of Bliss, at least until they can resupply. That stuff must be potent if they only needed one container to keep the damn place going.”

Out of Bliss? On the one hand, a definite disappointment. It had truly been an otherworldly experience. On the other… it might have been for the best. If it was something that could have the side effect of making her _kiss Elfo_ , she probably needed to avoid it from here on out. She didn’t want a repeat of _that_. “Luci, let’s just…” She faltered, started over. “Can we not talk about this. Ever.”

The demon’s eye rose to hers one dark ear giving a slow twitch. Then he smiled, a slow curl that sent flickers of unease to the pit of Bean’s stomach. “You want me to shut up about it? Fine. But it’ll cost you.” He loomed as much as his small frame would allow, managing to look intimidating for a few scant seconds. Then he tipped his head toward her. “You owe me another ride.” 

“A...what?” It didn’t make any sense. Luci always rode on her shoulder. Sometimes it seemed like he wasn’t aware that he actually had working legs, the rest of the time it seemed more like he was doing it on purpose to be closer to her ear where he could encourage her to get into trouble. Either way, he never asked permission. 

Luci read her expression and clarified, “Like a horse, Bean. I want to ride you like a horse. Not right now, maybe, but there will come a time and when it does, you’ll get down on your hands and knees and be a good steed for me.” There was something almost tawdry about his phrasing but Bean shrugged. It wasn’t the worst thing he could have asked for. 

“Fine.” She sighed, then froze again as a soft, confused sound emerged from the bed, mostly muffled by blankets. The lump in the coverlet flailed, then moved closer to the edge, only to fall off and land on the floor with a thud. Bean stepped over, carefully lifting the blanket to peer underneath. “Elfo. You okay?”

“I…” He looked up at her, eyes wide, flustered and his hat falling across his eyes, “I think so. What happened?” 

Bean saw the opportunity and took it. “Nothing.” Then, quickly, “You got high. Now we’re all going to… go do something.”

“Wait. Bean? Elfo’s brows furrowed. “Back in the alley… did we-” Bean dropped the blanket on him again, effectively muffling any awkward questions.

Was it an effective solution in the long term? Probably not. But she could do with a momentary reprieve. Surely she’d think of some way to handle this before it got to be a big issue...

Right?

-

  
Her short term solution was proving to be even more short term than she’d anticipated. Elfo’s memory didn’t take as long to start filling in the gaps as she’d hoped, meaning that he was starting to look at her with that questioning, anxious expression. He wanted to talk about what had happened. That much was abundantly clear, and Bean…

God, she didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t even want to _think_ about it. Right now just existing in the same space as Elfo was proving to be one of the most nerve-wracking things she’d ever experienced, and considering the times she’d had her life in peril from various sources, that was saying something.

Maybe it was cowardice, but she didn’t care. 

She had longer legs than him, so outpacing him was possible if she just kept walking, but it never lasted long because if she slowed down, he just caught up. Luci was watching all of this with amusement, looking between the two of them from his perch on Bean’s shoulder and if she’d had the wherewithal to deal with two frustrated companions instead of one, she would have smacked him right off of his perch for giving her that knowing side-eyed stare. She didn’t care what he thought she and Elfo might have done because she knew it had meant nothing.

That was the part she had to keep reminding herself of. Whenever her t thoughts threatened to stray along that particular path, she cut them off by clamping down on that particular detail. She didn’t have feelings, so whatever she did while she was under the influence of a really potent drug like the Bliss, didn’t have any bearing on who she was as a person or what she wanted.

It was just inconvenient that Elfo had been dragged into it because finding out that he actually… had _feelings_ toward her made things that much more awkward. She could have gone her entire life not knowing that and been perfectly happy.

Pacing around the castle was proving fruitless, so Bean changed tactics. “I’m going out to town,” she said. Elfo paused at her wording and she knew it was because she’d deliberately excluded him from the activity by centering it around herself. He was probably wondering if he could come along, or why she hadn’t just had a more generalized invitation. It had been a given over the past few weeks that if Bean was going out into Dreamland to do something fun, drinking or going on adventures, that her two companions were automatically included. The flicker of uncertainty in Elfo’s expression sent a surge of guilt through her, especially when he paused to smooth at his shirt in a way that she recognized was him trying to compose himself.

God, she couldn’t go on like this. It had barely been a few hours since it had all gone down. But considering she’d been the one who… who initiated that miscalculated kiss… it made her feel like a heel to punish him for it. She let out a small sigh. “Do you two want to come along?” She asked, extending the invitation to Luci as well, even though she knew she couldn’t have stopped the demon anyway. Luci twitched an ear slowly and Bean anticipated that he was going to have _words_ for her later but hopefully, he’d wait until the two of them were alone.

Elfo perked up a little and nodded, though he still seemed uncertain. Bean could only hope that he was going to realize that this was a forbidden topic - their kiss, not going out on the town - and get with the program. The sooner they got around to not talking about it, the better it would be for everyone involved.

-

She needed a cover story but had no ability to come up with something plausible in the short amount of time she had. Even Luci was skeptical of her excuse - buying vegetables of any kind had never exactly been a priority for Bean at any point in her life, so her assertation that she was going to the farmer’s market rang hollow. If Elfo thought it was weird, he didn’t say so, but he was silent as they made their way out onto the street.

That silence extended long enough that Bean started to relax, hoping that it might be permanent. He’d figured it out, right? That she didn’t want to talk about it? But then-

“So… I hope our drugged out kiss hasn’t made things awkward.”

Oh god. Even the wording was the worst possible thing. It was inviting her to say that no, their kiss hadn’t just completely fucked her up and sent her into a kind of existential crisis where she was wondering about her own motives. Normally Bean had no problem lying, but this was something she wasn’t even ready to think on herself or start processing solo, much less having to deal with someone else’s feelings on the matter. 

“Nope.” It was the only response she could muster, walking a bit more swiftly in the hopes that Elfo would get too winded trying to catch up on his short legs to continue this train of thought.

Her hopes were vain though. Elfo managed to speed up enough to follow her, and whether his words were actually addressed to her in hopes of an answer or whether he was talking to himself out loud in an attempt to piece some things together, she wasn’t sure. Either way, they were inescapable. “I just mean… now we’re in this awkward place where we don’t know what’s going on…”

It was true. Elfo, of all people, had a hard time getting down to the heart of the matter usually. This though… summed it all up.

Bean was having none of it. “I know what’s going on.” She doubled down, briefly wondering if it would be detrimental to their friendship to gag Elfo and shove him into a sack. He could still accompany her and Luci around if he couldn’t speak. It seemed like the most ideal solution to the current dilemma.

The sound of an excited crowd caught her attention. It gave her another option that didn’t involve keeping Elfo muffled for the rest of their respective lives. She took it, changing direction so they were going toward the crowd.

She hadn’t been aware of a parade going on, but they were super new anyway. The residents of Dreamland were all vibrating with anticipation and as they reached the edge of the crowd, Elfo hesitated at the sight of so many people. “What’s going on?”

This was something she could answer. “You know how there used to be only three things to do? Eat, sleep, and work. Now there’s a fourth thing. Entertainment.” She pushed her way into the crowd, not hesitating to elbow people aside to get closer to the front. 

Luci grinned from where he sat on her shoulder, peering down at their elf companion with a lazy flick of his tail. “Entertainment is just a tool that pacifies the masses, and leads to the decay and ultimate collapse of civilisation,” he said cheerfully, “Let’s clap along!” He raised his dark little paws to do just that, while Elfo looked up at him and Bean. After a minute or so, Elfo glanced back toward the area the parade was actually taking place in. There was a wall of humans between him and the action. 

Normally in a situation like this, Bean would have offered to hold him up so he could see. Today it seemed unwise and would just put her in close proximity with someone she was trying very hard to give herself some distance with, so she didn’t even offer. After a few more seconds, an uncertain pause, Elfo broke away from their small group to wiggle his way through the sea of legs in front of them, trying to get to a better vantage point.

It was a relief when he stepped away. Bean hoped he’d take a little while, give her a break and a bit of breathing room before she had to deal with his questions and dealing with him in general. It wasn’t just that he wanted some clarification about what was going on, it was the entire thing. Being _around_ him was stressing her out. She just needed a bit of time, to not have him so close and unavoidable. Then she could address her own feelings - or not - in her own time.

The thought would come back to haunt her in the intervening days. She remembered it crossing her mind all too clearly, her hopes, her need to distance herself. It didn’t equal causation She knew it. It wasn’t their kiss that caused Elfo’s kidnapping and all that was to follow. 

But it was hard - so hard - to not feel like she’d had a hand in it.

Elfo’s voice was very carrying, immediately recognizable regardless of the distance. Bean jolted as she heard him crying out her name in that tone, her muscles tensing. While Elfo made a lot of dismayed noises on a regular basis, there was a panic in that desperate call that sent Bean into immediate action. She didn’t pause to think. It wasn’t playing around, she knew that much, he would never have acted scared to get her attention.

Her feet pounded against the cobblestones as she darted in the direction of his voice, calling out to him, trying to pinpoint his location. “Elfo!” 

The wagon came around the corner, driven at breakneck speed, too fast to be navigating the tight alleys and winding roadways that made up Dreamland’s streets. Bean’s only advantage was how well she knew every inch of her city’s layout. All those long evenings of partying and drinking had taken her to every bar in Dreamland and those were myriad. When she saw the wagon turning a corner, she knew that there were only a very limited number of directions they could go in without getting stuck in a corner or getting literally stuck when the buildings were too close together.

Armed with this knowledge, Bean went high, taking the upper streets, the more direct route. As she jumped down, landing directly in the wagon’s path, she felt the adrenaline pumping hard in her veins. If she’d had time to think, she would have been flattened as the horse-drawn vehicle charged straight at her with no hesitation. Instead, she reacted on instinct, dodging to the side and snagging the back of the wagon. She pulled herself up, reached for the closed door. Tasted victory for all of a single second before the door burst open from the inside.

Bean hadn’t been anticipating it, hadn’t thought to grab on to anything else, and the sudden motion threw her off, she flailed for a second, but the momentum pushed her back and she hit the ground hard, ass first. She got the briefest glimpse of Elfo trying to wiggle out of the open door before someone dragged him back inside. The slamming doors gave her a glimpse of a particular - and very distinct - symbol painted on the wagon’s surface. Desperate, she burned it into her memory.

She struggled to her feet, grimacing. If she was hurt from that fall, she couldn’t feel it in the moment. All that she was aware of was the pounding of her own heartbeat in her ears and the slight shaking in her legs. Luci came up behind her and the only reason she wasn’t more startled was because their weird soul bond made it so hard for him to sneak up on her.

Bean’s fists clenched, there was a pricking at the corners of her eyes that might have been a hint of tears, but she clamped down on it. No. This wasn’t how it was going to end. Especially not with all the confusion and feelings she was dealing with. She wouldn’t lose Elfo without even a proper conversation, damn it. “We’ll find you, Elfo.” She swore, low and determined.

Luci shook his head beside her. “I knew you should have kept him on a leash.”

-


	18. Chapter 18

-

Things all blurred together for Bean as they prepared for the search mission. She had a brief moment where she managed to be a little grateful for her father’s obsession with the whole Elixir of Life deal because if not for that, she probably wouldn’t even have been allowed to leave the castle, much less go on a crazy quest to save her best friend.

Best friend? Bean paused partway through saddling her horse. It was the first time she’d dared to think the words to herself and all of the things she’d had swirling around in her mind since the whole near-death experience back in the plague pit had started to solidify for her. Funny… she’d been quick to consider Luci her friend regardless of all of his efforts to claim otherwise, but this was the first time she’d put Elfo in that box.

It fit though, didn’t it? She winced a little as Luci came up beside her, climbing up her leg before hopping to the saddle. As if he’d caught some hint of her thoughts, he turned once he was perched, looking at Bean with a steady stare that would have been unnerving if Bean hadn’t already been freaking out internally a little. 

“Hey.” The demon said, the only preamble before he kept going, plowing through any niceties and getting straight to the part where he was a jerk. “You look terrible.”

Bean grimaced. “Thanks.” She reached up a hand without thinking, trying to smooth down her hair which was sticking up in clumps, straw and who knew what else tangled in the pale mane. “Luci, look…” She wasn’t sure what to say. It occurred to her that telling Luci about what she’d just internally realized - and still had yet to seriously ponder - was probably going to be unwise at best. Would he be jealous? She and Luci were about as close as two people could get… closer, if you counted the fact that their souls were literally bound together.

Well… her soul and… whatever Luci had.

She swallowed as he tilted his head. Maybe he hadn’t realized yet. She wasn’t sure how their bond worked exactly, if he was able to read her thoughts or if he just got vague impressions. Besides… was there any need to tell him now? She wasn’t even sure if they’d _find_ Elfo. They didn’t even know if he was still alive.

God. She pushed that thought from her mind. He had to be still alive. She couldn’t do this without knowing deep down that he was okay. This wouldn’t be for nothing.

And their last conversation had been her dismissing that drugged up kiss, avoiding thinking about it for reasons she still didn’t want to consider. It all had to have a better ending than that.

“What?” Luci said, his tail swishing behind him in impatience. When she snapped her mouth shut with a small gasp, he narrowed his eyes, considering her. “You looked like you were going to say something.” When Bean bit her lip and shook her head a little, unwilling to talk about it and open that whole can of worms, Luci was dubious but his dark shoulders rose in a shrug. “Don’t wanna talk on it? Fine. Then let’s go and rescue Elfo.”

There was something to his tone, the shortness of his words, that made her realize he was not only frustrated but _hurt_. Why, she didn’t know, but she felt a stab of guilt anyway. She hadn’t come here to alienate the only friend she had left at the moment. “Luci…”

His small dark body stiffened a little as she reached out to touch his shoulder. But then another voice cut in.

“Okay. Let’s ride, men.”

Of course. Pendergast and his soldiers were already saddled, a small contingent but there was a good chance they just didn’t have that many shoulders to spare for another mission out past Dreamland’s borders. They’d lost several people fetching Tess from beyond the unpassable mountains. Bean growled a little in her throat, thankful for the distraction as she pulled herself up onto the horse, forcing Luci to change his seating to make room for her. 

The mission was on. From this point on, there wasn’t time for introspection. There was only saving Elfo. That was all that mattered.

-

Finding Elfo was going to be the hardest part of saving him, she concluded quickly. And while Pendergast and his guys were willing cannon fodder, that wouldn’t do much good to her if she couldn’t even track down where Elfo had been taken. The soldiers were of no help. Dreamlanders, in general, weren’t the brightest folks and anyone who would join Zog’s royal knights was bound to be even more stupid - or more desperate - than most.

It was up to Bean, then. She let out her breath in a sigh as she considered the options. They were already riding but with no idea where they were even going and Bean needed to correct that soon.

It was only as they entered the Enchanted Forest and passed by a familiar path leading off into the wilderness that the realization hit her. She _did_ know where to begin! 

“Okay, I’ve got an idea.” She told Luci, then looked up at the knights. “I know where to go.” She told them, gesturing loosely with one hand before kicking her horse in the sides, spurring the animal deeper into the forest. 

They emerged on the other side, relatively unscathed, and Bean immediately led the way from there, turning away from the road to Dankmire to head out into what seemed to be the wilderness. Luci peered down at a map he’d conjured from somewhere, humming softly to himself. They didn’t need to stop for directions which was fine because she knew Knights. They would have been a pain. Fortunately, she had enough authority at the moment that they just followed without much trouble.

Annoyance, sure. Especially from Turbish, who would - on occasion - ask “Are we there yet?” She had to give Pendergast credit for one thing, Bean couldn’t have been sure she wouldn’t have strangled Turbish if he’d been one of her men.

It was only as they drew closer to their destination that Bean explained, mostly because the looks she was getting were starting to annoy her just as much as Turbish’s prattle. “We’re going to talk to the witch who owned the book.” She remembered seeing it in her candy cottage, something that she wasn’t sure that Hansel and Gretel would have picked up for themselves. While they’d been murderous cannibals, they hadn’t seemed particularly magically inclined. 

And… well… Gwen had been a witch. It only made sense.

If anyone could tell her who they could have taken Elfo - and where they might have gone - it would be her. “She and her sister downgraded to a candy condo after their house was destroyed.” Bean still occasionally got magical missives from the witch, inviting her to stop by. 

Given that she barely knew the woman, other than the fact that they’d gone through a traumatic experience of near-execution together, she’d always been more than a little reluctant to commit to actually going to see the witch. But her address had magically appeared on the invitations and it served even better than the map for tracking the location of Gwen’s new home.

The half-folded paper dinged, then spoke in Gwen’s voice, “In 500 paces, turn right” 

“Right turn,” Luci said. If he hadn’t been supporting her through this, she would have snapped at him that she knew. She had ears, damn it.

But Luci wasn’t the problem here. She had no reason to be angry at him. He hadn’t kidnapped Elfo. Hell, he hadn’t even been the one who’d…

No. No good thinking like that. She frowned tugging at the reins of her horse and following Luci’s directions. The plains were starting to give way to rocky ground and she could see the rise of a mountain up ahead. It stretched tall and barren and it wasn’t until they were drawing around the outside of it that she realized it was a volcano.

The second volcano Bean had ever been asked to walk into for one of her friends.

Well, there was nothing for it. Unlike the last volcano, this one had a nice gated entrance. As Bean pulled at the cord that said ‘pull me’, Gwen’s voice emerged from a little statue of a lizard beside the gate. “Who’s there?”

“It’s Bean.” She said, looking around before leaning in close to the statue. She had no idea what kind of magic the witch was doing to get it to work, but it was fascinating anyway. She reached out her finger, almost brushing it before Luci swatted at her hand. 

Right. Not what they were there for.

“Bean?” The woman on the other side said. And no… it wasn’t Gwen. The woman talking to them over the magic lizard was someone else. “Bean who-?” There was the sound of someone else, disembodied footsteps.

“Who’s at the gate?” There it was! _That_ was Gwen’s voice. Bean felt a stab of relief, looking down at Luci. The demon had a bored expression on his face, one too perfect to be real. Bean bit her lip for a second, not wanting to inquire about what he was thinking when he’d probably just lie about it. She’d question him later.

“It’s someone named Bean.” The first woman said. It had to be Gwen’s sister, the one she’d never met. She had no idea how the woman had survived the destruction of the cottage, but there she was. It looked like she was finally going to get to meet the woman… provided they could get inside.

“Bean?!” Gwen’s voice rose, high and surprised. “Well, what are you waiting for! Buzz her in!”

_Buzz?_ She had no idea what bees had to do with anything. No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than a blast of high pitched buzzing sounded near her shoulder, from the lizard statue. Bean jumped a little while Luci let out a soft snicker. 

Okay. Weird.

She waited to see if it did anything, then Gwen’s voice came out of the speech lizard again. “Just push the gate open now.” Bean nodded, sliding off of her mount and giving the gate a good hard push. It swung open. The voice rose again, “We’re in 3B. It should show on your map.”

It did and it was a good thing too, since she had no idea how the addresses in this place worked. Luci led the way with Bean fast on his heels. The knights lagged behind, looking more nervous to enter a volcano than Bean and Luci. She would have been more amused about it if she wasn’t aware that staying in here too long would probably be a stupid idea. 

The condo was nice, certainly not as elaborate as the cottage she’d visited had been. It looked like it had a lot less potential for being full of murdering cannibals and Gwen was far friendlier greeting her at the door than she might have expected from a witch whose house she’d accidentally blown up. “Princess! Do come inside.” She waved the two of them in, hesitating for a moment before grudgingly stepping aside to allow the knights to step in out of the heat as well.

The condo was bigger on the inside than it had looked from the street, and as Bean eased onto the couch, Gwen handed her a cup of tea. She held it in both hands, glancing around the place. “I like what you’ve done with it.” She said, mostly trying to be polite, but a little bit genuine as well. How they got the candy to take shapes like that, she would never know, especially the fancy caramel molding on the furniture. Bean was no expert, but she was pretty sure magic had to be involved to get this many things made out of candy. At least in a volcano there would probably be fewer problems with bugs…. And wayward children.

She’d have to ask Elfo about it later, and it occurred to her that she’d gotten distracted. She frowned, trying to cover the expression by taking a sip from her cup. “Oh… this is good.”

“It’s my own homebrew.” Gwen said with a smile. “Now, what brings you all the way out here, princess?” She steepled her fingers in front of her, expression knowing. “I don’t think you’d come all this way just to pay an old witch a friendly visit.”

It sounded so bad when put like that, but it was an accurate conclusion. Bean drew a slow breath, let it out in a sigh. “I’m sorry, Gwen, but you’re right. I did come here for something else.” She fidgeted, fingers scraping across the cup she was holding before she put it aside on the table. A coaster appeared beneath it as soon as it touched the surface of the candy table. 

“We need to know about the book.” She said, then cleared her throat. “I mean… the Omnicon. The book you had back in your cottage.” It had definitely had a chapter on elves. Bean remembered the image of elf parts rather vividly after the panic she’d experienced at Elfo’s supposed death. She had to pause and take a few breaths. Elfo would be fine. He wasn’t any good to Big Jo dead, right? Her fingers clenched against her leg and she felt Luci’s paw brush against her. It gave her something to focus on that wasn’t the thought of Elfo being dismembered for some weird cult purpose. She laid her own hand atop Luci’s, for just a moment. 

“Ah.” Gwen looked between the two of them. “That book isn’t mine. It belonged to my no-good ex-husband, Malfus.” 

Well, that probably made things more complicated. Bean frowned, wondering how to address what seemed like it was probably an awkward situation - being that it belonged to Gwen’s _ex_ \- but Luci was already leaning forward on his cushion, his tail whipping behind him as he grinned, hands on his knees. “OOoh, spill. I love when people talk trash about their exes.” Tact was not one of Luci’s strongest points - really, they needed Elfo for at least _some_ effort at that - but his straightforward glee and interest didn’t offend the witch.

“He was obsessed with the Elixir of Life.” Gwen said, her gaze going distant for a moment, fingers tapping against her own cup as she was deep in thought. “He scoured the world to find the Infinity Vial.

“And he did.” She said. Bean sat up straight at that. So, the book was the key to this after all. It had helped Gwen’s ex find the Elixir and that meant whoever had taken Elfo could probably have found it too. 

_and that meant it existed, which was another thing to think about. Her dad was going to feel pretty vindicated about all of his crazy missions to become immortal if he got his hands on this thing._

But that was something to think about later. Her dad becoming a godlike immortal being was honestly far less important to her at the moment than just finding her missing friend. She could deal with popping Zog’s potentially immortal ego later.

“So where is he now?” Bean asked, as gently as she could. Clearly, though, Malfus and Gwen had been close - married even - they weren’t anymore. Otherwise, why would Gwen be living with her sister? She didn’t know why they’d split up and it might have been insensitive to ask, but she was fairly sure that the whole ‘search for immortality’ thing factored into it somehow.

“When things between us went south, he took himself far away from society,” Gwen said, a slight twist to her lips, a wry smile. “He went north, to live atop the highest peak in the land. The Devil’s Snowcone.”

Bean glanced at Luci. If anyone would know something about a place called The Devil’s Snowcone, it would have to be the literal demon she knew, right?

Luci looked back at her, his muzzle wrinkling. She couldn’t exactly ask the question out loud with Pendergast and the soldiers still lurking awkwardly near the door, in case they overheard and realized that Luci was _not_ a cat. She cleared her throat, smiling at Gwen. “Thank you. This is really helpful.”

Gwen nodded and as Bean finished her tea, to be polite, she reached out one wrinkled, knobby hand to brush against the back of Bean’s. Her voice was soft. “I hope you find him.”

“I… what?” Bean froze, feeling her heart leap into her throat. The look on Gwen’s face was odd, knowing. Bean wasn’t sure exactly what she was implying but she didn’t want to think too hard on it either. “I don’t…” She cleared her throat. She was imagining the intent behind that reassurance, right? She had to be. Straightening up, Bean put on a smile that never quite reached her eyes. “We’re friends. Of course we’ll find him.”

The old witch smiled, though there was something about her look that was more sympathetic than anything. “So I see.” She mused aloud, then, more softly, added, “Nevermind. I’m sure it’ll all work out okay.”

Bean was hasty on her retreat then, pushing her way past the confused soldiers. It took Luci a few seconds longer to catch up, climbing up the back of her pants to perch on her shoulder. “So.” He said, slow and deliberate. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No.” She said, grabbing the reins of her horse. The poor animal was panting in the volcano’s heat, and as she swung up, the saddle felt like it was on the verge of melting, sagging beneath her weight. She bit back anything else she would have followed the refusal up with. It would have just led to more questions, not less.

But as they rode the long long trip north, Bean couldn’t get that look and those words from her head. 

Elfo was a friend, that was all. And if she was a little guilty that she’d taken her eye off him long enough that he’d been kidnapped… well, that was a little bit of a motivation to get him back and kick the ass of his kidnapper. But that was all it was. 

She bit her lip, nodding to herself in reassurance, which earned a puzzled glance from Luci before he narrowed his eyes. Maybe he was aware enough of her thoughts that he could tell what she was thinking, she had no idea how their soul bond thing worked, but if he was, he was smart enough to not say anything and risk being tossed unceremoniously off of a moving horse. Bean had to be a little grateful for that.

_Hang in there Elfo,_ she thought as she put spur to the horse, desperate to get there faster. _We’ll find you._

  
  
  
  


-


	19. Chapter 19

-

The air got cold quickly as they approached the mountain. It was so tall that they could see it far in the distance. The closer they got, the bigger it got, until it took up the entire sky.

The Devil’s Snowcone.

It was impressive, she had to admit. They didn’t have mountains like this near Dreamland. It could easily have swallowed any of the foothills in the vicinity of Dreamland and had a few additional foothills for dinner. 

“So... “ She asked Luci, the sound of her own voice startling her after all the silence. “You’re a demon. Does this Devil’s Snowcone place actually have anything to do with Hell?”

Luci snorted. “What? Do I look like a tourism bureau?” He curled his lip. “A lot of places on the surface have something to do with Hell, but I doubt my bosses have much use for a barren frozen hellhole like this. We like being around people, Bean. How can we corrupt mortals in a place where mortals wouldn’t possibly go?” He paused a second, remembering why they were even here. “Well, actual sane mortals, anyway. I don’t know about this dude Malfus, but I think this mission we’re on qualifies as crazy.”

She couldn’t argue with him there. If she hadn’t been so intent on the fact that they needed to _save Elfo_ , she would probably have considered this mission insane too. Of course, no matter what Luci thought, he was going along with things anyway. And unlike the soldiers, he had no underlying reason like the possibility of being beheaded by her dead for dereliction of duty. So either he was just in it to see her struggle - always a possibility - or he had some other motive.

She cleared her throat a little, glancing away, trying not to seem too interested. “So… if it’s so crazy, why did you come along?” She had to know. 

“Pff. Why would you even ask? You think I really wanted to stay in Dreamland and hang out with your dad and your stepmom while you were off on some crazy adventure. No way. This is more interesting. Besides, if you get a bunch of people killed because of this whole ‘Save Elfo’ crusade, I want to be around to witness their suffering. It’s a demon thing, you know.”

Of course. And yet… “So you’re not coming because you want to save Elfo too?”

The demon was silent for a moment, and they rode like that for a couple of minutes before Bean looked down at him. 

Luci was sitting on the front of the saddle, tucked between her and the pommel. Through most of the trip, he’d been moving steadily between that and her shoulder, trying to keep himself entertained. He’d also been enjoying the misery of the soldiers behind them, especially considering how often Turbish and Mertz screwed up in small ways, only to get soundly chewed out and then ridiculed by Pendergast. He’d mentioned it to Bean more than once, about how it was more entertaining to watch people fail when they were also getting berated a lot. Something about the humiliation. Bean supposed that such a thing would appeal to demons in particular so she didn’t question it.

Right now though, he was being quiet. No running commentary about the way their companions failed as both knights and as human beings. No snide commentary about how this whole thing was just turning into another wild turkey chase. No teasing on her motives or determination or how red Zog’s face had gotten when he realized Bean was going to be the one heading the mission. Just… silence. Long, unnerving silence.

His back was hunched slightly, both front paws gripping the pommel. His slight form was bounced with each step as they rode. She couldn’t see his expression, couldn’t even see his eye from this angle. “Luci…?” She finally said again, reaching down with her hand to nudge at his shoulder, in case he’d somehow fallen asleep during the ride.

The action earned a small laugh, just a low bark of a sound. Bean frowned, not sure what to make of that. Was it humour, really? It sounded odd. 

“Why would I care?” Luci was saying, ignoring the confusion on the human’s face. “I’m not here for Elfo. I’m just here to ruin your life.” His words were familiar, but something about his tone made them fall flat. There was more to be said, but she wasn’t sure if she was able to deal with talking on it right now. Luci clearly had his personal issues - something more complicated than a simple urge to watch the idiocy of mortals - and she couldn’t even handle her own shit right now.

“I guess.” She said, then felt a little bad. He was her friend too, after all. It was just that right now, she didn’t have it in her to give him more than this. When they found Elfo, then they could talk. Heck, Elfo would probably insist on it, some sharing of feelings. He’d always been the least emotionally constipated out of the three of them.

And hopefully it would be soon. They were close to the mountain and the road had long since faded into memory. The ground was snowy, but hard-packed, making it possible to ride across. If not, this would have been a much more treacherous slog on foot. She looked up at the Devil’s snowcone and kept looking up. While she’d been thinking and then _not arguing_ with Luci, they’d gotten so close that the damn thing swallowed up the sky and everything else around them. There was only the mountain and she could see why it had earned its name.

It occurred to her, far too late, that she should have brought a cloak.

-

There was a cave. It took a while to find it, circling the wide base of the mountain for nearly an hour before Turbish spotted it. Or rather, he managed to spook his horse into bolting and tossing him into the snow, which necessitated everyone else having to stop too, so Pendergast could chew him out. 

“What are you doing?” Pendergast growled at the short man before drawing short himself, looking into the wide opening of the cave. “What is this?”

“It looks like a cave..” Turbish said, helpfully, and Bean could practically hear Pendergast rolling his eyes beneath his helmet with the sigh he let out. 

“Of course it’s a cave,” The man said. Bean would almost have sympathized after their long journey, the majority of the knights were idiots and she wouldn’t have wanted to spend too much time around them while she was sober, but at the moment she was also tired and freezing her ass off. 

“Okay, but this is the first cave we’ve seen while we’ve been up here. This has gotta be the place. It looks perfect for someone to hide in...” And hopefully, the ‘someone’ in this case was Gwen’s ex-husband. Who else would be camping out in a weird ice cave? She eased off of her horse, taking a few steps forward and wincing as snow slopped into the top of her boot. She leaned against the wall with her elbow, trying to shake the snow out before it could melt and leave her even colder. 

As she was trying to shake it off, banging her shoe against a rock while balancing on one foot, she dislodged the snow from the ‘rock’ as well as from her shoe. 

That was how they found the sign.

They could see the cave from there, and since there was nowhere else that they’d found to go - and the actual body of the mountain was getting increasingly hard to scale on horseback - they prepared to enter. Pendergast scowled at the sign, “Do you dare enter the cave of the single trap?” There didn’t seem to be any obvious traps, but that was probably part of the point. Turning to his men, the head of the knights was quick to set upon a course of action. “Which of you brave knights will enter first?”

Why anyone would have a warning sign for a cave, Bean didn’t know, but there it was.

“All seems a little convenient, don’t you think?” Luci drawled out, resting his paw against Bean’s leg and leaning on her. It was a bit too casual and felt more like he was trying to change the subject from their earlier conversation but he wasn’t the only one thinking it either. It did feel a bit too convenient. Surely it was a ruse? 

The knights exchanged glances, seemingly unaffected by deciding who would enter a cave that might be booby-trapped. One pointed to another of his peers. “Probably him.” He said.

Far from protesting this blatant disregard for his well-being, the man stepped forward. “Very well. They don’t call me Mortimer the Expendable for nothing.” His tone implied that he was proud of having a title, even though it was not an ideal one. His willingness to volunteer, baffled Bean. But they’d never exactly tried to hire the smartest knights for Zog’s knights of the Zog Table. Even so, why anyone would willingly accept the title ‘Mortimer the Expendable, Bean would never know. Especially after the man got dragged up by a strategically placed snare that impaled him upon an icicle.

Pendergast started forward, “Now that the single trap has been triggered, I’m sure the cave is safe to enter.” One of the other knights stopped him before he could get far inside, nudging him to one side.

“Allow me.”

There was a telltale hiss as another rope caught the man’s foot and dragged him to a similar demise as the late Sir Mortimer.

In hindsight, they’d missed out on the presence of a surprising number of skeletons and frozen bodies. There were a few still impaled on the ceiling, frozen in place, and a couple that had fallen to the floor at some point during a thaw and were now just heaps of bone and clothing. It probably should have clued them in on the nature of the trap.

Pendergast let out a cough but was otherwise quick to roll with it. “Okay! Now that the two-part single trap has been triggered, the cave is even safer to enter.” He looked at his soldiers. “Turbish. Mertz,” Pendergast turned to his men. Bean glanced at them. Even with their expressions not visible through the concealing helmets, there was a bit of unease going on. Still, Pendergast wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of them and Bean could easily have seen him sending one of them to their doom just to not have to deal with them anymore

His orders for them were interrupted by Mertz’ mother, who had chosen to accompany them to keep an eye on her son. The woman bristled. “But what if there’s a third part? You’re not sending my Peanut in there.”

It was going to be a whole thing. The woman never backed down from an argument or a discussion of any kind and they were going to be standing here freezing their butts off for hours while she and Pendergast butted heads over whether or not Mertz should get himself murdered. Bean wasn’t the only one thinking so either, as Luci groaned and then started forward. 

“I’d rather die than listen to this.” He said, and she waited only a couple of seconds before following him. 

-

There was no third part of the trap, at least not that she ran into. Then entered the cave and it was like entering another world. There was a stark beauty to it all, the ice encasing the walls and giving everything an unreal kind of air. She could see her own reflection lit by the glow of Luci’s tail, and it was like looking into another world, seeing a her who’d never existed. She could only bear to look for so long before she had to pull her eyes away.

There were too many possibilities, all of them unsettling, in that line of thought.

Luci led the way as though he knew where he was going, head and tail held high. His paws ahead of her and Sorcerio’s footsteps behind, were the only sound from ahead, a silent realm. There wasn’t even the drip of water in the bitter cold, just the sound of their own feet. Bean’s breath fogged on the air as she got a bit worked up from the amount of effort it actually took just to walk on the slippery surfaces of the cave floor. Luci hopped down through a somehow still running trickle of water that must have come from a much larger waterfall somewhere up above. Bean skirted around it, unwilling to get herself wet.

She wasn’t sure how long they were walking, the twilight of the ice cave took away all sense of time and space. It could have been minutes or even days. She couldn’t readily spot what they were looking for, signs of occupation, but if there had been traps, it meant that Malfus had to be in here somewhere.

Unless he’d died. But wait… he’d been looking for the pendant, right? It was possible he’d found it. 

But where could he be? She had no idea how far this cave went. They could be in here looking for days… did they have days? Elfo was in Big Jo’s clutches and might have been suffering torture right now… Did they really have time to look around somewhere that could have been nearly endless-

“I’m hidden in the deepest part of the cave,” A voice called out, and it wasn’t Luci or Sorcerio. “You shall never find me.”

And just like that, they found the very man they were looking for.

-

Being alone in an ice cave would have done a number on anyone and it was clear that Malfus was no exception. There was something off about him, more than the blind eye. He had a way about him that seemed doddering, but the occasional moments of sharp awareness were all the more unnerving for his general senility. He pouted a moment as Bean called out that they’d found him, but he didn’t struggle or fight back.

“Are you Malfus the philosopher?” Sorcerio stepped forward.

“I am.” The old man croaked. “And who are you that you passed through the single trap with two parts?”

Sorcerio drew himself up tall, as impressive as he could manage. “I am Sorcerio, wizard of wonder! Your traps are no match for-”

“Parties of three or more?” The man replied, wryly, “Yes. I must do something about that.” Undoubtedly the next adventuring group would be dealing with a single trap with three parts. “Fine.” He sighed, giving them a shaky wave of his hand.

Sorcerio continued, surprisingly confident. Now he was the one who was in his element. Before, it had all been the purview of the knights, physical activities like riding and peril, but here it was the mage who had the knowledge. “Now look. We seek the eternity pendant.” Sorcerio intoned in the voice he used when he was trying to be impressive. “Have you availed yourself of it and been blessed with immortality?”

The old hermit’s voice was low and guttural, shaky. “Immortality is a curse.”

Bean’s breath caught in her throat at the man's words, though she wasn't entirely certain why. There was something about him though, something unsettling about seeing someone who was this distant from reality. Whatever he thought about the results of his quest to find immortality - a successful quest, at that - had been enough to drive him out into the snowy wilds in nothing but a furry cloak and his bare feet, to live out the rest of his days without the company of another living soul. She didn't think she could understand it, nor did she want to.

And yet he was continuing, still talking in her direction though she wasn't even sure he was really seeing her. "When life is endless, so is everything else. The monotony, the repetition..."

He droned on, over and over, and she wasn't sure if it was because he'd honestly forgotten he'd already said it or because he was trying to make a point about how boring and repetitive his life actually was. Beside her, Luci groaned, and the sound only increased in volume as the man finally broke off his verbal loop, “Let me tell you a story.” 

“Please don’t…” But his words were fruitless as the man continued anyway. As Malfus spoke, Luci flopped onto the cold ground on his back with a low hiss of "Please just kill me."

Normally Bean would probably have agreed with his whole misery thing, she wasn't a fan of boring long stories herself, but unlike the things she heard as 'entertainment' back at the castle, there was something compelling about Malfus' story. It was the story of an adventure, yes, but more than that, it was the story of a man and a woman falling in love. 

Malfus, while he was a wizened, half-blind old hermit now, painted a vivid picture of himself in his younger years, an aspiring young philosopher on a quest for a forbidden knowledge. The book. Gwen, the elderly witch she'd saved was a witch still, but a young and spirited woman with everything to prove to herself and the world. They were a recipe for disaster together.

Oh, the yearning. That was what she'd wanted and never been able to put her finger on. There was a fierceness to their relationship in the story that made her heart flutter. How they'd grown close. Warriors in arms, facing impossible odds. Becoming slow friends. Becoming _more_. 

It was funny because Bean had never thought about love like that. It had always been an abstract sort of concept in her mind. She knew of the love between her father and mother, that it had been that electric flash of love at first sight. She knew that Dagmar had been the perfect woman, that Zog had known she was The One, even as they'd only just met and afterward their love and their joy had been palpable, the end result of two people finding True Love. It had been a good story too, especially in the years after her mother's death where he would speak of her only in the most wistful terms, a way that told Bean that no matter how much he favoured this political union with Oona, that her stepmother couldn't take that away. Not from Zog and not from Bean. The tales she'd hear from the castle staff, from Odval, Zog's head chancellor, all the way down to the lowest of the scullery servants, had only agreed with that assessment. They'd been meant to be, Zog and Dagmar. A power couple like no other. Something for a young princess to aspire to.

But as much as Bean had taken that story and put it up as her goal and ideal, it had never happened for her. There was no immediate feeling with anyone. Every man had been found wanting. They'd been great for sex, the physical pleasure and release that came with a casual orgasm, but she'd felt _nothing_ emotionally. It was a good reason to never bother sleeping with the same man more than once, something that ultimately proved difficult anyway, considering Zog's nasty habit of executing anyone who even looked at her with a twinkle of interest in his eye.

So she'd been resigned to the fact that she was going to eventually get married off for political reasons. If she was really lucky, perhaps she would have gotten totally wasted and woken up to find herself married instead, an option that was marginally better, if only for the fact that it was less likely to involve a gross grubby nobleman twice her age.

There was no True Love for Bean. If it hadn't happened already, she'd thought, when she wasn't too drunk to feel despair, it never would. 

And yet... she'd still _hoped_ a little. Even with the arranged marriage she'd been set up for, there'd still been that last little flicker of hope and fight left in her. It had worked out, in the end, but not in the way she could have hoped. Instead of a handsome dashing man, she'd gotten an evil little hellion of a demon and a weird, pathetically cute elf. Instead of a romance, she'd gotten a pair of friends that she was having a harder and harder time thinking of life without. She'd been grateful for that much, thinking it was about time to give up on stories of True Love and things like that. Having Good Friends would have to be enough...

But this story... Malfus' story. Gwen's story. It was something else. She'd never considered love as something that could start out as something else before. Considering the possibility of it as an emotion that could grow with time and care and shared interests and some unifying purpose... that was an eye-opener. Maybe it was still... possible. Maybe there was still _someone_ out there for her. Someone she could fight alongside, be equal with. Respect. Care about.

Bean let out a long sigh as Malfus' tale came to a close, the culmination of his slow built relationship with Gwen. Oh, it was beautiful. Beside her, she could see that even Sorcerio was affected by it, bracing himself on his hands with a bit of a starry-eyed look. She wondered what he was thinking of - if there was someone in particular - then wisely her mind shied away from that idea. On the other side of her, Luci was far less engaged, still sprawled out on his back, staring at the icy ceiling like he was waiting for some icicles to dislodge and impale someone - maybe even himself. As much as she liked Luci, she wasn't sure she would ever understand his viewpoint of some things. Though as much as he spoke of his disdain for all things soft and emotional - especially when it came to mortal behaviour - she suspected that he wasn't quite as far removed from those kinds of soft squishy emotions himself.

Either way, she was more occupied by the story, the images still strong in her mind. SHe couldn't help a sigh, chin resting in both hands as she leaned forward. She'd almost forgotten about the cold. "That is so what I want..." It was the first time she'd said something like it aloud. In much the same way that Luci reveled in his denial and in not needing anyone else, she'd always put on a strong face and acted like her being single was a matter of choice and not because she wanted a relationship and had merely fallen afoul of real-life circumstances. 

Briefly she wondered if there was something Luci wanted, to be relishing his asshole behaviour so much, but she didn't have much time to think about it before Malfus continued, breaking the spell he'd woven with his story and inserting some stark reality. 

Malfus cut into her thoughts, voice suddenly forbidding. “Be careful what you wish for! We pledged our eternal love for each other… And I thought, what if our love could actually _be_ eternal." The shift in his tone made the hair on the back of Bean's neck stand up and she snapped to attention, eyes widening slightly as she looked at the old man. He was leaning forward, an intense look in his eyes - even the fogged unseeing one was piercing. "All it took was one drop of elf blood-"

_Elves. Elfo. What if the kidnappers already had the vial by now? What if it was too late? What if their last conversation was going to be her pushing him away because she couldn't deal with the idea of talking about that mistake back in the street?_

No. She couldn't focus on that. They hadn't had the vial when they kidnapped Elfo or they probably wouldn't have been so hard to track. There would have been nothing to stop them from just draining Elfo dry and making themselves and who knew how many other people immortal. There was still time. There had to be. She wouldn't tolerate any other possibility. 

She felt the brush of Luci's tail against her arm and started for a second, looking down at him out of the corner of her eye. His expression was so casual and nonchalant that she knew there was no way that the touch had been an accident. She almost smiled, almost thanked him, but he wouldn't accept it. Besides, there was the other matter at hand and she couldn't leave getting all the info to Sorcerio who was notorious for his many failures. Elfo's future couldn't be put in his hands.

Malfus’s voice was rising as he told them of the downfall of his relationship with Gwen, “So I came here… but not before I got rid of that infernal vial!” He thrust his fist into the air, shaking it at nothing.

So she listened with every pore of her body.

"I threw it over the edge of the world." The old man gestured wide with one hand. Bean frowned at that. She'd never heard of it before and that surprised her because it sounded like a big deal. Then again, the education system in Dreamland was shitty, even for members of the royal family. 

"There’s such a place?" she asked, voice uncertain. If it existed, then surely it had to be far away, in some remote location that would be impossible to even reach-

"Just up Cherrywood Road, take a right at the dance academy." He rounded on them, “But it will do you no good to get that vial! You need elf’s blood.”

Sorcerio was proving useful, in getting Malfus to respond, just cutting through all the show with the simple face, “We have an elf.” He paused then corrected himself, “Or at least we had one. He was kidnapped.” He pulled out the book.

“By someone with this symbol on their wagon!” Bean pointed to it as Sorcerio opened the page. A close look at the symbol made the old hermit cringe. Who were those guys, that they were able to make a crazy old wizard so freaked out?

"You say _they_ have your elf?" He croaked out, voice vehement, "If they get that vial, it will be cataclysmic!" 

As if the simple kidnapping of Bean's friend, her best friend, wasn't bad enough, now all of a sudden this was a fate of the world type situation? The pressure was immense and Bean was fortunate enough that her worry over Elfo was enough to push aside the crushing weight of how bad the situation could have been for the rest of the world. Not that Bean didn't care about the world, but she cared about Elfo _more_.

Malfus continued, unaware of Bean's skepticism. "Find him! And it! And them! And maybe on the way, yourselves." His tone changed and Bean wrinkled her nose as he pulled out a shabby, obviously handwritten volume, "It's all in my book," he said, offering it to her. She refused to take it, recognizing a sales pitch when she saw one. There were enough solicitors who came to the castle in an attempt to sell her dad random useless shit. No way was she going to buy a crazy old man's book. "It's less a book and more a letter to my father." _...even better._

They made their way toward the front of the cave, all determined to continue their quest for Elfo, especially with the ominous - if oblique - warnings of Malfus sitting heavily in their collective minds. There wasn't much time to waste, less now that they knew that _something_ bad was going to happen if they failed to retrieve the elf before the kidnappers managed to get their hands on the vial.

Sorcerio, of all people, stepped in to cut off any further rambling. Of course, his goal was as selfish as Bean's ultimately, as he presented Malfus with the laughing horse he'd made in his lab. Bean had wondered why the hell he'd brought it, since he'd preferred riding with one of the knights anyway, the ill-fated Mortimer the Expendable. Now he had Mortimer's horse, one that didn't laugh at random moments. As useless as the gift was to anyone, it was a small blessing to have the horse gone, in case they ever needed to sneak up on someone during this whole mission.

The old man turned serious again, after accepting this useless gift. “Now please go. The Eternity Pendant must not fall into the wrong hands!”

As much as Bean agreed, she was a little confused by his sudden willingness to entrust them with this powerful magical artifact. “Malfus, how do you know we’ll use the vial properly? You don’t know anything about us.” Maybe it was the wrong thing to ask, but she was curious.

At Bean’s question, Malfus stared at her. No longer was his expression one of the doddering old man barely keeping his thoughts together and rambling away about his past. Instead, there was something keen and disturbing behind his watery eyes and his voice was low and ominous as he intoned, for her ears alone, "I know all about you, Tiabeanie." It sent chills down her spine, her muscles tensing as she tried to pull away from his surprisingly strong grasp. 

"I didn't...tell you my name..." Her voice came out soft, more uncertain that she would have liked. The man exuded danger and she wasn't sure of the nature of that danger. But even the wide-open snow flat outside the cave felt claustrophobic and she finally wrested herself free of the man's grip, her heart pounding.

The way he'd said her name lingered in her mind as she climbed onto her horse, spurring it into motion. She tried to drive that look, those words, to the back of her mind, to bury and forget, but it stayed with her, the words beating to the time of her horse's hooves in the hard-packed snow.

_ I know all about you... _

Know... what? What was there to know? It wasn't like there was anything special about her?

_Was there?_

-


	20. Chapter 20

-

So they reached the edge of the world. It was a long trip, even on horseback, but even with that, it still took them very little time to get there. As they approached, Bean could see the sign sticking up from quite a distance. It was only as she drew in near that she actually saw the edge itself. Funny how something so big and consequential could be so hard to spot. She would never have guessed that the edge of the world was over here.

They drew near before dismounting. At this distance there was a strange breeze. The air had a smell that she couldn't identify, something that made her think of old things, wrinkled parchment. It was a strange sensation, and it sent a weird wave of nostalgia through her. It was like she'd seen this place before. She felt Luci tense on her shoulder and she wondered if he felt it too. She would ask him soon, once she wasn't in any danger of risking revealing his demon status to the knights. For the moment, she approached the edge, her feet slowing a bit the nearer she got. Her breath came a little harder, not because she was afraid but because the air felt weirdly thin out here.

For a moment, when they'd still been a bit of a distance away, she'd wondered if maybe Malfus had just been exaggerating. Maybe it was just a really big cliff or something, something where he couldn't see the bottom and just assumed there was none. Now... she couldn't be sure. She couldn't see far, and she was a bit too jittery to actually take those few steps closer to what looked liked a precarious edge to get a better view.

Her reticence was proven smart as one of the other knights ventured close, not being as careful about it as he should have. He peered over the edge of the world with impunity. “They call it an edge, but it’s really more of a gentle slo-" He got only partway through the words before the ground gave an ominous creak and the rock beneath his feet crumbled away, throwing the inattentive knight off and down into a pit. His screams followed him, echoing but not stopping for a long time. Bean took a step back, even though she was nowhere close to the edge and the others in the party did so as well, bristling.

“Well, we’re not going to find Elfo this way.” She grimaced. It wasn’t so much that she minded guys falling off the edge of the world, but it wasn’t accomplishing anything.

Beside her, Pendergast had obviously different priorities, turning to look at her incredulously. “Is that all you care about?” He looked over the edge, though he didn’t venture close enough to tumble after his wayward knight. “I’ve lost three of my finest suits of armor.” He paused, then added, “And their contents.”

Bean rolled her eyes, hand resting on her hip. “Awww… here’s the world’s smallest lute.” The head of the knights didn’t even care about his own men, which was the only thing that might have made his comment more relatable… except that she honestly didn’t care much about the knights either. 

It wasn't until Bean was casting her gaze around, looking for something, anything, that might have been useful in a place like this, that she spotted another thing that she probably should have seen from a long way off. Slightly to one side of where they were standing, there was an artificial structure. It wasn't a big one, but it was something that would have been pretty clear even from a distance. Some kind of retail shop. Bean wrinkled her nose before starting in that direction. “I’m going to find out what they know in the gift shop.”

It was a gift shop alright. It was manned by a plain young man wearing a suit far too fancy for his position. His gaze was impassive as Bean and the rest of her party approached.

Bean had been expecting more of a food kiosk type thing at the edge of the world, there were a lot of them in Dreamland and they were kind of the local craze but, instead, it seemed to be entirely knick-knacks and trinkets the standard gift shop fare. It was too bad because Bean was starting to realize she hadn't packed well for an extended journey and they'd already ridden around over half the continent in their search for Elfo. She'd been hoping for a little bit of a respite, both from her hunger and from the ongoing stress of her search for her friend. 

She looked over the booth and the man standing there. He had an impassive expression, looking her over as if gauging her worth by her appearance. She had no idea what he was thinking, but she didn't actually have a lot she could offer him. Bean glanced at his name tag. “Say, Darrell…” She said, keeping her tone pleasant despite the twinges in her belly, “What happens to the stuff that goes over the edge?”

The plain-looking man blinked at her slowly, brows furrowed as though he was confused by her question. “...It falls forever.” There was a long pause. “ ...I guess.”

It wasn’t an entirely unexpected answer, considering it was the edge of the world, but it wasn’t the one she was hoping for. She tried again, just in case there was something about this situation that she was missing. “Has anyone ever gotten something back?” If the answer was no, then there was a chance all this searching had been for nothing. Bean struggled to keep herself from sinking into despair, glancing over as Luci came up beside her. The demon was remarkably impassive, given their situation.

Darrell was unhelpful, “Well, mostly people throw stuff they don’t want back.” Maybe. But it wasn’t an answer to her question. Not even close. To make it worse, he gestured to some of the junk on the table, “We also sell stuff people don’t want. Do you want some? For a shilling, I can engrave it with the name of an unloved one.” 

Bean pinched at the bridge of her nose. He just wasn't getting it. Well, that was okay. She didn't need his cooperation in order to finish her mission. What she did need was something she could use to actually go safely off the edge of the world and find that missing vial. While Darrell was giving his sales pitch, Luci shuffled through the goods on the table around and the motion caught her eye, making her aware of the presence of something that might be useful.

There was a rope. She almost missed it. She grabbed it down and dropped it onto the table. “No thanks. But I will take this rope.” Darrell looked at it, uncomprehending. 

“Would you like it engraved for a shilling?”

No, she wasn't interested in that at all. The whole thing about throwing random pieces of junk off of the edge of the world made no sense. Why spend money just to be petty toward someone you didn't like when you could literally just take a few steps over and toss said person off the edge instead? It seemed like a far easier and more satisfying solution. 

“What part of no don’t you understand?” Luci glowered at Darrell, as Bean set a coin onto the table and slung the rope over her shoulder before walking back to meet up with their ever-dwindling group. 

She held the rope up, "I think we've got our way down."

-

Deciding who was going actually turned out to be the easiest part of this whole assignment. They didn't want to send one of the knights, not only would they not recognize Bean and Sorcerio's orders, but they were also tremendously heavy, covered in their armor. There was no way Bean was going to get stuck hauling one of them back up the edge of the world. Besides, they were being babies about taking risks after the loss of three soldiers so far. 

It was her mission and that didn’t leave her with a lot of other options. If they weren’t going to do it, then she’d have to take care of things herself. Bean tied the rope around her waist, as tightly as she could comfortably manage, before testing the knots. It all seemed okay. She supposed if it did break and she was to plummet to her doom - would she die? If there was no bottom, with it being the edge of the world… would she just fall forever?

Bean looked at the remaining knights standing a fair distance from the edge and gripping the rope as tightly as they could. Well, at least one of them was probably strong enough to hold her weight. Pendergast’s gaze met hers and he shook his head, but Bean noticed that he still followed this crazy plan without question. Maybe it was because he had nothing to lose as long as he was among the kings' knights who didn't get themselves killed. Sorcerio was there too, standing all the way behind the group of knights to act as some kind of counterbalance. He was skinny and frail though, a fact even more emphasized by the rope he had tied around his own middle, so she didn’t have a lot of confidence in his ability to help her if the knights failed.

It was a big risk… what she was doing. Bean took a deep breath, thinking about Elfo. Then she eased forward a few steps toward the edge. Her muscles jerked instinctively at the first tug around her middle as she stepped off the cliff. 

She was never sure what exactly happened at that point. Someone gave a slight grunt, her first warning that things were going wrong. The second warning was the world dropping away all around her as she plummeted. There was a yell from overhead and she saw Sorcerio’s robe-clad body fly over the edge of the cliff, pulled down by her weight.

She felt a surge of unfamiliar fear, turning in an effort to catch hold of the cliff walls dangling just a little out of actual reach. This was it... this was how she was going to die. Somehow she had a hard time believing it.... that after all this it would be the way it ended. Falling forever, or until she ran out of food and drink. She blinked as she caught a glimpse out of something from the corner of her eye. 

“What’s up?” Luci took another drag from the cigar he'd managed to light while on the way down and Bean stared at him like she was seeing a ghost. 

"Luci? Why did you jump?" No matter how many times he'd encouraged her to kill herself and end it all, she had a hard time believing that he was willing to do so himself. And he’d been nowhere near the edge so he hadn’t fallen by accident...

Though, as far as she was aware, demons couldn't actually die... Still falling for eternity had to be about as close as he could get. 

He scoffed a little at the question, shoulders shrugging. "Eh. Mrs. Mertz looked at me like she was going to say something." Well, that she could understand. Given the choice, she might have chosen falling forever over another conversation with the knight's overprotective mom. And that was an even worse fate than an eternal tumble off the edge of the world. "Quick... there still has to be something we can hold onto..." her eyes quested around, trying to gauge the distance to the cliffside. Maybe they could still stop this fall... save themselves... complete their mission...

_Find Elfo. That was the important thing, foremost in her mind. Find Elfo._

But no. The cliff wall was too far away, the rope around her waist only had an equally doomed Sorcerio on the other end, and Luci's magic had already been proven to be no use when one was falling to their slow demise. This was it. The end.

And then she hit something, something a bit soft and a bit hard. Her face was buried for a few seconds in fluff and feathers and the world did a rapid whirl around her. The heave of beating air was a roar in her ears as she felt herself moving in a new direction... moving _upward_. What was going on?

Then she was heaved again, unceremoniously, falling away from the solid body she'd been pressed up against and tossed in a heap of sticks and dried grass, punctuated with a few harder objects that dug into her hip where she'd landed. "Oof... what?" She shook her head, trying to clear the hair out of her eyes, and blinked as her vision snapped back into focus and she got a glimpse of what had saved them.

-

She'd seen pictures of creatures like this before, but she'd never met one in person. It had the look of a powerful man? Except that from the midsection down, the human skin gave way to tawny flesh that ended in powerful paws. The front arms were all human, though, rippling with muscle. The creature looked down at her, eyes narrowed a little as he considered the trio he'd picked up. Bean hastened to scramble to her feet, to show a measure of respect for their rescuer. "Thank you for saving us, sir." What was this creature? Something that could fly, which made sense to find living on the edge of the world. Maybe he'd seen something?

The creature looked at her, a bit skeptically, “I didn’t save you, so much as you fell on me.” Well… small detail, but if the creature was bothered about it, he didn’t show it for long, examining the trio for a second. “Make yourselves at home. Would you like some regurgitated salmon?”

Bean prepared herself for some kind of refusal that wouldn’t be too insulting to their host, especially as he could have been dangerous… All she could manage was the obvious. “No. That’s gonna be a hard no.”

Luci was even less diplomatic, snorting up at the creature and laying his dark ears back a little. "No offense but... What the hell is up with your schnozz?" The creature's eyes went to him and Bean feared they might be about to wind up tossed back over the edge again, this time with far less chance of someone deciding to rescue them. But the creature's powerful shoulders just rose in a shrug, the beast unbothered by Luci's jibe. 

"I am a griffin. Half man. Half lion. Half eagle..."

Oh yes... she'd heard of those. Though this looked nothing like the stylized creatures she'd spotted in the pages of Sorcerio's bestiary. And unlike the beast in the book, this one could talk, and articulately at that. It was kind of wild.

"-the last female of my kind."

Bean's brain screeched to a halt at that and she looked the griffin over. She wasn't the only one to have that reaction, as she heard Luci's voice rising beside her, "You're a lady?" While Bean was pretty thrown by it, she couldn't help but find it a little amusing that Luci was so thrown off by the realization when he also didn't technically have a gender himself. Still, the internal adjustment of the griffin was no easy thing and at the moment she wasn't worried enough about it to dedicate a lot of her energy to trying to piece it together in her head. She was here for one reason only: to find Elfo. 

And to do that, she had to find the vial.

“Why are your people going extinct? Sorcerio was distracted too, wasting time questioning the griffin on small details like the extinction of her species when there were more important matters at hand.

“These days, most men prefer to fornicate with something other than a giant bird…” There was something almost plaintive to the griffin’s words, something that might have made Bean pause sympathetically if she hadn’t been so preoccupied with her quest. The rest of the griffin’s plea made her eager to change the subject. “I don’t suppose any of you would be willing to help a gal out.”

“Is it cultural appropriation if I wear a beak?” Sorcerio pulled one out of his robe, leading to lots of questions on why he had one… questions Bean wasn’t willing to actually ask. While she knew the man wasn't particularly choosy in his proclivities, she'd never had the opportunity to see him hit on a random fantasy creature before and now that she'd seen it, she never wanted to see it again. She had to cut in while he was pulling on the fake beak, obviously preparing for some brain-breakingly weird sex. 

"Dude… keep your cape on.” Even without the bird sex, she had no desire to see her father’s wizard naked. Besides, while Sorcerio had been contemplating banging a weird mythical creature, Bean had been looking around. “Look at the stuff in his nest.”

The griffin’s voice was laced with pride “I decorated it myself, with objects that fell into it. Many of them engraved.” There were a ton of items, most of them shiny or eye-catching, though there were a few that were bizarre or useless. Maybe something as shiny as the Eternity Pendant would have caught the griffin’s eye? It could have been there, but with the sheer amount of stuff in the nest, it was hard to tell.

Sorcerio pulled out the book, opening it to show the griffin the vial they were seeking. "Did anything similar to this fall in?"

The griffin looked at the page, tilting her head slightly as she regarded the item that the wizard was pointing to. "No." She said, and for a moment Bean's heart plummeted. They couldn't have come all this way for nothing, right? Then the griffin continued and Bean realized that she was one of those people who took things literally, "But that exact thing fell in."

Bean's breath caught in her throat, a shiver of excitement running through her. Yes! Finally, they were making some progress. If they got hold of the vial, that meant that the people who'd kidnapped Elfo would have to be the ones coming to find _them_. Then they could get Elfo back, finally. All the running around would be worth it as long as that was the case. Bean was looking forward to seeing him again... she hadn't realized until he'd been taken, how much she'd grown to rely on his presence and his cheerful optimism to keep her from sliding too far into anger and depression. Luci kept her from being lonely, she enjoyed his company and the two of them had similar attitudes toward wanton destruction of property - she wouldn't have given the demon up for anything, something she'd proven when they'd gone after him to save him from Big Jo - but Luci had a tendency to make her life worse by encouraging her to get into trouble. Without Elfo around, things just had a tendency toward getting too dark or negative. She needed the elf's bright attitude and encouragement too...

Sorcerio was quick on the draw, putting aside any further questions about weird griffin sex. “May we see it?”

Bean's hopes were high at the news, but then were immediately dragged back down as the griffin shook her head. "No. I traded it years ago to a king with a crown of snakes." 

No. It couldn't be. They were so close...

The princess clenched her fingers. No. She wasn't ready to give up on this yet. The vial belonged to someone now, they knew for sure that it had exchanged hands. Whoever this king with a crown of snakes was, she would track him down and get the vial. And Elfo. 

“A King? From where?" It was the most important question at this point, if they were to continue their quest.

The griffin drew herself up, chest out, one hand rising from the ground in a wide, sweeping gesture as if to emphasize the impressiveness of her answer. "The lost city of Cremorrah." Okay. While Bean had never heard of this Cremorrah place, it did sound pretty impressive. Things didn't just get 'lost' that easily when they were as big as a city. On the other hand, this might make things a bit harder if the city was actually 'lost'. How did you find a missing city?

She didn't have a lot of time to ponder the complexities of it because they heard a voice coming from above them. "Of course! Cremorrah!" The voice was raspy and familiar and Bean knew who it was before she even looked up. 

Luci bristled immediately, but that was no surprise. The man had almost done him in, not that long ago. “It’s that creepy exorcist!” A quick glance confirmed it. The creepy exorcist that she'd encountered who'd been trying to destroy Luci. _He_ was the one who had Elfo? Bean was starting to wonder if the man had something specifically against her in general, considering he'd now gone after both of her companions.

“I have a name you know.” The man growled, affronted. As though he was the one who should be upset after the kidnapping and who knew what else.

“Big Jo!” Sorcerio glared, pulling his beak down.

“Indeed.” Big Jo’s lips curled in a sinister smile. “Thank you for the information, Bird Man. You’ve saved me a lot of time. He took a step back from the edge, "Unlike other villains, I shan’t be telling you my plan. Good day." He backed out of view for a few seconds while Bean was trying to wrap her head around that weirdly worded comment. Almost immediately he leaned back over again, specifying, "Oh, and in my mind I’m not a villain. I think what I'm doing is good."

Great. So the creepy guy didn't think he was a villain. Bean didn't really give a shit about that because he'd still kidnapped her friend. Not to mention trying to destroy her other friend - even if said friend was a demon. Did it really matter what his motivation was for doing that? And besides... Malfus' words were echoing in the back of his head.

The old man had warned her that the person with that symbol on their wagon getting hold of the vial could be cataclysmic. She wasn't sure what he meant by that, if it would actually be as bad a thing as the philosopher had feared, but she wasn't sure she was willing to take that risk either. And she sure as heck wasn't just going to _leave_ Elfo with someone like him. What was to keep him from using Elfo's blood for whatever his evil plan was and then chucking her friend into a volcano too? No, she couldn't let that happen! 

"He must be the one who took Elfo! We’ve gotta go after him!"

But even getting up to him was going to be a problem considering where they were. For a few seconds, Bean contemplated the insane idea of actually trying to climb up the side of the cliff, before a motion from behind her reminded her that there were other options, especially with the presence of a large flying creature. She was sure that the griffin had a name, but she had no time to ask about it. “Bird Man! Activate!”

The griffin looked at Bean for a moment, uncertain, then her shoulders rose in a shrug. She raised a fist to the sky in determination, strained for a second, and then an egg emerged from behind her, falling to the nest while the griffin had a moment of confusion and embarrassment. She looked at Bean, a bit wry. “Any other requests?”

Bean considered. Then a much better idea hit her. Getting back up to the top would be a lot easier with the addition of wings. “We need to get up there.”

The griffin turned, presenting the princess with easy access to climb up onto her back. Bean hopped on, mounting her in a swift motion while Luci followed with a long leap. The griffin paused for a moment, scooping Sorcerio into her arms as she launched into the air with a powerful push of her leonine haunches. Her huge golden wings beat hard against the air and despite the rapid ascension, Bean was surprised to find the ride was actually fairly smooth. She did have to grab onto the griffin's fur to keep her balance as the creature changed direction, diving after Big Jo's wagon.

The wagon was going pretty fast though, even though Bean had the advantage of height on her side. There had to be some way to slow them down or stop them. Maybe if they had something they could throw at them? Something to get in the way of the wagon wheel or distract them somehow.... Then it hit: "I have a brilliant idea!" Luci turned his head to look in her direction at that, his ears flattened back against his head and a contemplative look in his eye. She had the sense that he was already aware of her idea and maybe didn't think it was as smart as she did, but she ignored him. "Bird man! Activate!"

The griffin looked over her shoulder at Bean, brows furrowed, then she gave her head a slight shake. Bean could feel the griffin's body tensing beneath her fingers, that long tail raising for a few seconds and then an egg hurtled down toward the wagon. It didn't have the momentum to catch it though, falling just short to splatter open in a mess of shell and yolk. It might have been enough to make the road slimy beneath the wagon wheels if it had actually hit ahead of the moving vehicle, but as it was, it did nothing. 

They just needed to aim the next one better. Bean pressed her knees against the griffin's flanks, trying to encourage her to speed up. The gesture earned her another unreadable over the shoulder glance. Bean met her gaze steadily. "Damn it! Drop another one!"

Her words earned a sardonic little smile from the griffin, "All right. But I’ll twenty minutes and a big glass of milk." Apparently eggs didn't just manifest out of thin air. Bean hadn't counted on that. 

"Well you’ve gotta drop something on them!" She was racking her brain trying to think of some other option, something they actually had on them. She was already regretting not grabbing potential projectiles from the griffin's nest while she'd had the chance. There was nothing around to use...

The griffin wasn't deterred, she was apparently already ahead of Bean. She closed her wings slightly, allowing momentum to carry her forward a bit faster, then changed angle in mid-air, tilting herself sideways. Bean was too preoccupied with her earlier gesturing to have a tight grip on the creature's back and she fell. 

For just a few seconds, she expected to hit the hard ground at full speed and wind up splattered across the ground the same way the egg had been. It turned out the griffin had better aim than that and Bean - with Luci in tow, still clinging to her shirt - landed in the secondary wagon attached to the large one. She laid there for a few stunned seconds before pushing herself upright. She scowled at Luci, who'd landed right beside her on all fours. "Just what was the egg supposed to do anyway?" she muttered, and Luci tilted his head toward the speeding wagon they were now attached to. 

“Now what?”

Right.

“We gotta sneak our way to the front. We’ll take them by surprise!”

They were within striking distance. In only a few seconds they could get Elfo back. After that... well... there would be some time to track down this Cremorra place. She knew her dad wasn't going to give up on trying to find the Eternity Pendant just because she'd succeeded at getting Elfo back. But that was going to be Sorcerio's problem, not hers. 

Bean pulled out the knife she kept on her belt, sliding it between her teeth so she could more easily access it. The wagon was still moving at high speed, so she had to be careful as she made her way toward the front. It was a painstaking effort, climbing onto the main wagon and up across it. She was briefly tempted to just go for the door to retrieve Elfo directly, but there was no guarantee that she wouldn't run into some kind of resistance and need to fight anyway. It was better to get this whole thing pulled to a halt first and take care of freeing Elfo from there. 

BUt when she got to the front of the carriage, swinging her blade down to attack the anticipated villain, there was no one there, her blade met only thin air, sinking into the wood and sticking there. She blinked for a few seconds in dumb shock before she heard something from behind her and turned just in time to see the visage of a man looming over her. Then something was sprayed right in her face and her surprised gasp of air just caused her to suck it in that much faster. “What the…” The world swirled around her immediately in the moments after she inhaled the stuff and then she pitched forward as her surroundings faded to black.

-


	21. Chapter 21

-  
  


She wasn't sure afterward how long she'd been unconscious. There was only the vaguest recollection of weirdly vivid dreams about looming dark eyes looking down on her. She came to awareness before she opened her eyes, so the sensation of the world rocking around her melted into the dream images and gave everything a brief, unreal feeling. Bean's eyes slitted open and all she saw for the first few seconds were the hardwood planks that her cheek was currently pressed against. Fortunately for her, the wood was worn smooth with use and she didn't have a face full of splinters. It still didn't answer any questions about where she was or how she'd gotten there, but memories kicked in quickly enough when the stinging smell of sea brine reached her nostrils. 

They'd been pretty far from the ocean, at the edge of the world. But here they were either out at sea or very near it. A few seconds later, the rest of the sensations clicked. They were in a boat. The proximity of Dreamland to the ocean meant that Bean had spent a fair amount of time during her childhood on the boats that went in and out of the harbor. It was common for official functions and she'd been out with Zog on more than one occasion to accompany him on diplomatic events that took place outside of Dreamland's waters. She'd also spent lots - seriously _lots_ \- of time on smaller ships for less official - and more sexual - reasons. It was a lot harder for Zog to threaten beheading to people who weren't going to be sticking around to get caught. 

The fact that she was at sea wasn't in question. The only question now was how the heck she'd gotten there.

The lighting in the hold was dim enough that Bean didn't have to worry about being blinded, so she pushed herself upright, trying to get oriented. It took just a few seconds for her to spot Luci nearby. The demon was hanging upside down inside a bottle, with only his long, dark tail sticking out, tied around a hook on the ceiling. He swayed gently with the motion of the waves against the ship's hull.

As Bean moved, he muttered, "Finally awake, huh?"

Bean gave herself a slight shake. It had been a while since she'd been far out to sea and she could already tell by the degree of the rolling down here that they weren't exactly near the shore. They were out in the midst of the ocean somewhere. On their way... somewhere.

The rest of it was coming back to her. The name of a place. "Cremorrah." Luci's gaze was on her, still impassive as she spoke. "We've got to be headed for Cremorrah." She paused, scowling. "Where the hell is Cremorrah, anyway?" If it wasn't on the same landmass as Dreamland, then that did leave a few options, but it also meant they were probably far away from anyone who could help them too.

Luci's voice emerged from inside the bottle, just a little tinny, "I'm sure if someone knew that, it wouldn't be a 'lost' city." Being contained did nothing to mask his sarcasm. He had a good point though and Bean shook her head, shuffling a little where she was still partly reclined. She was definitely not on a bed, but had been tossed unceremoniously onto some random sacks. 

"So where are we now?" She asked, knowing that Luci probably wouldn't be able to answer, even if he'd seen them get on the ship. Unless he was an expert at navigating the ocean... while also hanging upside down in a bottle. Since neither of their captors was present, she wasn't expecting an answer. She got one anyway.

"In the hold of a cargo ship!" That familiar and sorely missed voice rang out, high and a bit muffled. While true, it was not what Bean had been asking about. That didn't matter though because there was only one thing that registered once she heard the words.

"Elfo?!" She looked around, trying to spot him. Maybe he was also hanging from the ceiling? But no, there were only smooth wooden planks all around her. Surely he couldn't have been in another room? "Oh my god! Where are you?!"

The return answer was similarly unhelpful. "In the hold of a cargo ship!"

So he was here... it was just a question of where. She scanned the room again, frowning. "I mean... I don't see you." Her voice came out a bit small and confused. Could there be some kind of magic at work? Invisibility of some kind? They'd come all this way and done so much to get here but here they were in the same room and she couldn't even find him?

"I'm in a sack." Bean's eyes drifted downward, things coming together in her head finally. Of course. While she was fond of Elfo, she had to admit that he wasn't the strongest person in the world. Shoving him into things he couldn't wiggle out of was pretty much the standard way that people could drag him around without concern. She'd been tempted to do it herself a few times. She knew there was no way he'd ever be able to get out of a sack by himself. Elfo was unaware of her realization and was still speaking, "And there's something huge on top of me! Feels like a bear!" 

Maybe Bean should have been a little insulted at being compared to a wild animal, but at the moment she didn't give a damn. She got to her feet, reaching down to grasp the wiggling sack below her. It wasn't the first time she'd woken up with Elfo squished under her, in fact, it had happened more than once when they'd been thrown unceremoniously out into the alley after a night of binge drinking. She should probably have recognized him by the shape of him under her ribcage. 

Grasping the sack, which was actually made of pretty flimsy material, Bean tore it open, not bothering to just untie the top. Elfo screeched as she maneuvered and then tore at the cloth. "Help! It's ripping it open!" The torn sack fell away to reveal the very elf that she and Luci had come so far to find. 

Elfo had his arms up to cover himself as he was revealed, still panicked over the presence of the "Bear" he'd assumed was in the ship with him, so for a few seconds, he didn't even see Bean. She had that amount of time to look him over and feel a wild surge of relief that he wasn't hurt. He was here! They'd finally found him. She waited, breath caught in her throat, for him to come to the same realization. He froze after a second of not being attacked by the feared 'bear' and then looked up at her. She could see the way his eyes lit up finally, his outstretched arms rising in a different gesture, no longer defensive but welcoming "oh! Bean!"

She scooped him up in her arms, yanking him in close as she let out a laugh of relief. She'd almost reached the point where she'd thought she wouldn't actually find him again. It had been in the back of her mind during the latter half of their trip, that worry. But it had been wrong. He was here. "Elfo!

"Oh! Elfo! I'm so happy to see you! Look at your sweet face! I missed you so much!" She couldn't recall an instance where she'd been so happy to see someone in her life. It was all she could do to not just squish his green cheeks. Had he always been so light? She was able to heft him easily, pulling him into a tight hug, which he returned without hesitation. It was another thing about Elfo that was unique, his tendency toward physical affection. Her family wasn't exactly keen on hugging or anything of that nature, even at the best of times, so the casual gestures like this had been initially surprising but always made her feel better about even bad situations. Sure, there were currently stranded on a ship being sailed across the sea on a potentially dangerous mission being led by a crazed zealot, but at least for a few seconds, she had this.

Elfo looked up at her, meeting her eyes without pulling too far away from the embrace. "I missed _you_ so much!" His eyes were alight, and she could feel the patter of his heartbeat. It was a soothing sound. Still, Elfo's delight melted just a little, his expression turning wry. He looked down for a few seconds, frowning, and Bean was worried that he'd just recalled something even worse about the situation they were in. Instead, he just shook his head, a hint of that judginess he sometimes got creeping into his voice. "Porky and Big Jo have a really toxic relationship."

Bean paused, blinked. Puzzled through his words in her head. When she glanced across the room at Luci, who was still dangling in his glass bottle, he met her look with an unamused stare, then shook his head. She could tell, through their shared bond, that it wasn't just her who was confused by this nonsequitur. It must have just been an Elfo thing. Whatever, though. It didn't really matter. After everything they'd gone through, the searching, the deadly peril, and the kidnappers and the general insanity of the world, they were back together. 

And if they were together, they could do anything.

As much danger as they were still in, Bean felt both relief and confidence reasserting themselves. She didn't know what Big Jo had planned for them, but she felt a lot more prepared to face it now.

-

She had no idea how long they'd been at sea. There was only the vaguest indications of night or day from outside and it all blended together far too easily for Bean to keep track. Besides that, there was the constant waves and the rocking they brought succeeded at making Elfo look even more green than he usually did. He curled up in the straw beside her and she reached out to pet him, finding a certain comfort at feeling the warmth of him against her fingers. 

"Where do you think we're going?" He asked after a while, reminding Bean that he hadn't been present when they'd discovered the information about what they were looking for and where it might be. Considering he was the one who was going to wind up milked of his blood to make it work, it seemed right to let him know. Even if it _was_ something he was used to from Sorcerio's constant experimentation. If it had been Bean who'd been the catalyst of all this strange magical shit, she knew she'd want to know.

"We're going to a place called Cremorrah." She said. The blank look in Elfo's eyes as he lifted his head shifted, his big nose scrunching a little bit as he considered something. 

"There's something about that... it sounds familiar." After a few seconds more, he shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe I saw it mentioned in a book or something... If I did, I can't remember anything about where it is."

"Yeah, join the club," Luci muttered. He'd been more out of sorts than the other two, possibly because while they had a fair amount of free range - with Bean's motions limited by the chain around her ankle and Elfo able to walk the small cargo hole without impediment now that Bean had destroyed the sack he'd been in - Luci was pretty well stuck with the bottle hemming him in. Hanging upside down like that probably didn't feel good on his tail either. Either way, he was in a foul mood. "They don't name something a Lost City because you can just look it up in the travel guides."

Elfo had a strange look on his face at that comment, brows furrowed and a slight frown. "But what if you could?" He wasn't actually talking to Luci, his gaze was a bit distant like he was thinking. 

Bean hesitated. "Elfo?"

Golden eyes darted to her, then Elfo shook his head. "I was just thinking about some of the things in the books I found in Sorcerio's library. I'm sure they talked about something like this. But I don't remember anything about the location being mentioned." His shoulders rose in a shrug, his lips twisting wryly, "But I did just skim a few of them. The writing was so dry. And the grammar! I mean, it's like... c'mon, would it hurt you to get a proofreader?!" His voice rose higher and shriller in his outrage at the apparently badly written texts, and Bean couldn't resist smiling fondly and shaking her head. It was a little bit of a relief to know that even after being kidnapped and dragged around, that Elfo was still his usual pedantic self.

He did fall silent after a second, rubbing at the back of his head. There was very little sound aside from the waves against the sides of the hull, so Bean could hear his shoe as it dragged across the wooden planks. Elfo's hands rested across his knees as he sat up abruptly and Bean's petting fingers drew back at the sudden tension in his muscles. Had she done something wrong? Or was he really just that incensed by the thought of someone mangling the written word? "Is... everything okay?"

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Given that they were all captive and being dragged away to find some lost city, they could hardly be said to be doing 'okay', but she still got the impression this was different. From the angle she was stretched out at, she could see the side of Elfo's face as he bit his lip. Before he said anything, she just _knew_ what was on his mind. "Bean. I uh..." 

No. This still wasn't a conversation she wanted to have. It was somehow even worse now that they were in the midst of a disastrous mission. Any attempt at reframing their relationship -

_and she wasn't even sure about what their relationship even was anymore_

\- was, at best, a distraction from the current dire situation they needed to be focusing on. At worst...

_Well, at worst, there was the chance that it could cost her one of the only two friends she'd ever had._

Besides, she wasn't even sure how to begin thinking about what had happened and what it meant. It was all she could do to slot Elfo into that 'friend' label after so many years of not having any friends... and there was nothing else that fit. Even 'really close friend' wasn't exactly right. There was a part of her that resented what had happened in that Bliss-induced haze. She wasn't normally one to care about who she kissed because it was never anything more than the heat of the moment and a fair amount of lust involved. Kissing Elfo hadn't really been inspired by lusty feelings which made it that much more incomprehensible to her. At least that was something she could have maybe dismissed as being the result of her being pent up and perpetually horny.

She bit her lip, reaching out without thinking to clasp her hand across his mouth and silence anything he might have been about to say in regards to his feelings for her. His eyes were wide, fixing on Bean's face for a second. At least he looked just as confused about it as she was. The only thing more awkward about this situation would have been being the only one who had no idea what the hell to do. 

"Can we just..." She drew a short breath and tried to compose herself, struggling for words. "Can we talk later? When we're not about to be dragged off on some crazy mission by some weird cultists, I mean." Elfo's breath was warm against her palm and she jerked her hand back after a few more seconds, realizing that the touch was a bit too weird and intimate. She sighed, wiping her hand on her shirt while trying to look inconspicuous about it. "It's just. It's not a good time." She had no idea what her expression looked like, but her words came out softer and more desperate than she intended. "Please."

Elfo nodded, his shoulders slumped a little. But he didn't bring it up again. 

Silence stretched out between the two of them, painful for all the possible words that still hung in the air. She'd never felt this awkward around Elfo before. Their easy comraderie had been one of the best things about their friendship, up until just a few days ago. There were so few people she could be herself around - her two companions in the dusty hold of the cargo ship were the only two, really - that she didn't want to trade that for the uncertainty she felt at dealing with other people. But at the moment, as much as she just wanted things to go back to normal between them, she just couldn't think of anything _normal_ to say.

What did they usually talk about?

"So..." She began, after several long heartbeats. "How was... being kidnapped?" It was so painfully stupid that Bean wanted to slam her face against the floor. She could see Luci looking at her, a flicker of mingled amazement and disgust on his face, and she raised her shoulders in a quick shrug. Yeah, she had no clue what she was saying either.

"I... what?" Elfo blinked slowly. He looked from her to Luci, his expression going from confusion to pleading in the span of a few seconds, then he cleared his throat, shuffling where he sat. His fingertips drummed at his own leg. "It was.... okay? I guess?" She didn't blame him for his uncertainty. It had been a stupid question. "I spent most of the time in a sack."

"God damn..." Luci groaned. "The two of you suck at this. Either talk about your stupid feelings or shut the hell up and let me pretend to be asleep until these pricks decide they need us."

As rude as Luci was being, he had a point. They weren't accomplishing anything this way. Bean sighed, rubbing her hand across her face. "Yeah. Okay. I think.... I'm pretty sure we can do that, right Elfo?" At the very least, it meant she could put off any uncomfortable discussions for future Bean to deal with. And now that Luci was the one complaining about it, the consensus was pretty clear. There was nothing they could do but wait to see what Big Jo had in store for them. 

Even with the silence, Bean did spare a moment to pat Elfo on the shoulder and smile reassuringly, hoping it would get at least one message across.

_It's good to see you._

-

If someone had ever asked Bean where she thought a place called "The Lost City of Cremorrah' might be, she would definitely still not have been able to guess that it was somewhere in a vast desert. Up until the moment they docked on the shore and the wagon wheeled out onto an increasingly desolate area of sand, she'd never been in an actual desert before. Travelling had no actual sense of direction, just the heat and the strange way the heat rising off the sand didn't help any attempt to keep her bearings. Were they going North? Would she have been able to tell anyway? She wasn't the most proficient when it came to telling directions by the sun or stars, she had people who could do that for her if it was really needed.

Still, Big Jo and Porky seemed to have some idea where they were going because they didn't waste time futzing around. They went forward in an unerring line, up the face of the dunes, and then on a long trek down the other side. The heat had her panting slightly, even inside the wagon, and Elfo was tucked up against the far end of the wagon, as far from the open exit as he could get, slumped to such a degree that even his hat was drooping. Nightfall came and the temperature dropped so quickly that there was nothing for them to do but huddle up together and doze. 

Bean stirred sluggishly as she felt something moving, only semi-awake. Was she still dreaming? There was a small paw against her arm, then the bump of a blunt muzzle. Her voice emerged, slow and bleary, "Luci...?"

"You didn't even bring a coat to the damn snow, Bean," the demon muttered, "Why are you two morons always leaving these things to me?" Before she could ask what he meant, he was pushing up under her arm, wiggling his small flexible body between the two of them. She shifted, fingers clenching against the fabric of Elfo's shirt as she prepared to reach between the two of them and drag Luci out by the tail. She paused before she could complete the motion as she felt the radiating heat coming from the demon's small dark body. 

"Oh..." she dipped her head, resting her chin on top of Elfo's hat. The elf hadn't stirred at all throughout any of this, still in a semi-fetal curl against Bean's belly and chest, his small green body aptly keeping Luci in place. "This is better..." she murmured and felt Luci's tail ease out from between them to curl loosely against her wrist. The heat was soothing to her chilly body, while his presence brought a little bit of comfort in the cold.

-

Morning came quickly, and with it the return of the baking temperatures they'd been exposed to the previous day. Bean groaned above the squeak of the wagon wheels. "Just how hot could it possibly get?" They'd been given a small ration of water upon waking up, before Porky had started on driving again, so clearly the intent here wasn't to just kill any of them. What Big Jo could want from her and Luci was a mystery, even if his need for Elfo was clear. Maybe he was going to hold them for ransom and try to get Zog to pay for the exorcism that had cost Big Jo his arm. 

_Good luck on that,_ Bean thought with a wry smirk. It wasn't like Dreamland even had enough money to pay its own castle staff, much less anything of value to fork over in return for Bean and her weird cat. 

On the other hand, maybe it meant that he had some other revenge in mind. Either way, Bean didn't intend to stick around and find out if she could help it.

There was a creak and a sharp jolt as the wagon came to an abrupt halt, causing Bean to pitch forward and land on top of Elfo. She lay there for a moment, blinking, then pushed herself upright on her elbows with a sputter as she realized Elfo was squirming a little underneath her, probably from lack of air. Once she had her weight braced so she was no longer crushing him, she winced in apology, "Sorry..."

Elfo's features were a bit darker than usual and he turned his head away with a soft whine. "It's fine. Uh..." He hesitated, carefully wringing his hands where he was pinned beneath her. "C-can you... get up?"

"Oh." Yeah, okay. Even if she wasn't fully crushing him, it was still pretty awkward. "Yeah. Right." She pushed herself into a fully sitting position. "Are you okay?" Elfo bit his lip, still lying there for a moment, winded, before pushing himself up onto his elbows. He cleared his throat, but before he could actually reply, there was another thump from behind them that made both of them tense for a second. It was the telltale sound of someone fiddling with the lock on the back of the wagon. Their eyes met for a second and Bean could tell they both had roughly the same thought. 

Bean crept toward the back of the wagon, trying not to make too much noise, while Elfo crawled on all fours to sit in the exact center of the wagon, where he would be most obviously visible. Big Jo had made a big mistake by not actually chaining Bean up on a shorter lead and it was going to come back to haunt him. Unfortunately, Bean didn't have anything she could easily use as a bludgeon, so she cast her gaze around for anything that came to hand. Her eyes fell across Luci's bottle and he stared back at her and mouthed "Don't you dare."

But she did dare. What else was there to do? Big Jo was probably armed and she couldn't just take him on bare-handed without risking whatever nasty tricks he might have up his sleeve. Literal nasty tricks, considering his arm was now replaced with some mechanical contraption and who knew what extra features it might have. Bean raised the bottle high as the door opened. In her position she was just out of sight behind the other side of the door so as long as Big Jo was foolish enough to just reach inside...

As she brought the bottle down in a wide swing, a hand caught at her arm, catching her mid-motion. She lost her grip on the bottle, with the momentum of it sending the glass object straight down to the floor of the wagon where it shattered with a loud crack. Luci bounced across the wooden floor of the wagon before landing right at Elfo's feet. Elfo hesitated a second, looking down at the demon with an awkward fiddle of his hands against his knees while Bean struggled with Porky's strong grip.

"Hi, Luci." Elfo said. Out of the corner of her eye, Bean caught the way he raised his hand in a completely unnecessary greeting. Luci just growled, rolling over onto all fours but not moving to attack Porky. 

There really was no point. Bean stopped struggling after a couple of seconds, as Big Jo came around the wagon and peered ominously at the three of them. It looked like there was nothing else to do but go along with things for the moment and hope that an opportunity for them to escape came along. She let out a sigh as she fell still, though she glared between Big Jo and Porky through the strands of messy white hair falling across her eyes and threatening to get into her mouth. 

"Okay." She said, lips pulled in an unimpressed scowl. "You win this one."

Porky looked to Big Jo silently and the man gave a slow nod. Instantly Porky yanked Bean forward out of the wagon, letting her go as soon as she stumbled to the sand. He climbed into the wagon and Bean sat up, bristling in alarm and anger as a shout of surprise came from within. A few seconds later, Porky emerged with Elfo dangling from his grip, holding the elf high by the back of his shirt.

"What are you even doing?" Elfo whined, kicking his legs helplessly. "I don't even understand what this is all about!"

Bean agreed on that front, other than the fact that it involved getting the Eternity Pendant, she wasn't sure what Big Jo's actual end goal was. Malfus' warning rang in the back of her head - that Big Jo succeeding in his quest could be cataclysmic - and Bean felt a cold shiver up her spine, despite the already sweltering heat of the desert.

Big Jo was unmoved as he shuffled across the sand to lean in closer to Elfo. "My plan doesn't require your _understanding_." He said, then straightened up, taking a few paces forward. Porky followed, casting Bean a cold stare that warned her not to try anything. Considering where they were, and the fact that they were completely lost in the desert, there wasn't much chance of them trying a getaway, even without the bad guys still holding Elfo hostage.

Luci hopped down to the sand beside Bean's leg, raising a paw to settle it against her calf. It was something she could center herself on, the only thread she had to sanity and rationality. She might have gone on the attack anyway, with Jo and Porky's backs turned. She grimaced, darting her gaze down to meet Luci's dark eyes.

"Easy Bean." He mumbled, too quiet for Porky to hear at this distance. "We'll get them soon enough."

She nodded stiffly, following behind Porky at a slight distance. It wasn't too far before they cleared the top of the dune they'd parked near, looking down at a vast expanse of desert that didn't look any different than any of the rest of it, at least not to Bean's untrained eye. It was nothing but sand and heat, just like the rest of this wasteland. What were they even looking for?

"Behold!" Big Jo's voice rang out, his hand making a sweeping gesture that encompassed the entirety of the nothingness they were seeing in front of them. "The lost city of Cremorrah!"

Luci replied with signature snark, his voice mostly for Bean's ears. "Eh... I've beheld better."

Bean's lips twitched in faint amusement, but it did nothing to help the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. They were here... the lost city of Cremorrah. And that meant they were one step closer to the doom that Malfus had foretold. A doom that had something to do with Bean and her companions. A doom that she had no idea how to stop.

-


	22. Chapter 22

-

For a civilization that was supposedly the peak of human advancement, there wasn't a lot of evidence to support that Cremmorah was much to be impressed by. As Luci had said, there wasn't much to behold other than... more expanse of desert and a strangely erected stone marker that read "The Lost City of Cremmorah. _This_ was what Big Jo was going on? Bean was used to dealing with people with some rather odd ideas of what to believe - the average Dreamland resident was no genius which was frankly the only reason that Zog was still in charge instead of having been overthrown ages ago based on all of his stupid self-serving decisions - but this took the cake.

Big Jo was unmoved by the lack of anything actually indicating the presence of a city, instead turning to Porky. The tall, lanky manservant shoved unclipped the collar around Elfo's throat and shoved him forward. Bean tensed for a second, wondering what they were up to, but Big Jo was paying her no mind. It wasn't like she could easily get to Elfo with Porky standing between them. She knew that the big man was a lot faster - and a little smarter - than his appearance would have suggested. She clenched her fists, digging her fingers into her palms, and just waited. If things got really bad, she'd step in. For now, it was probably best to figure out what the heck was going on.

"The Eternity Pendant is activated by proximity to an elf." Big Jo said, looking down at Bean's small green companion with an assessing stare. She couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't taken Elfo much earlier, when he'd had the opportunity to. He and his crazy cult of demon haters must have obviously known about the pendant's existence before this... the symbol of it was emblazoned right on the side of his wagon and had been even back when she and Elfo had gone to rescue Luci from the man's clutches. He would have had a much better opportunity to make off with Elfo then and there... so why hadn't he? Big Jo continued blithely, unaware of Bean's mental gymnastics. "When Elfo nears it, it should begin to emit a tone."

Complicated explanation aside, it took Bean a few seconds to reach the same conclusion that had Elfo blurting out in dismay. "You expect me to crawl around this overheated hellscape until I hear a beep?" Elfo didn't normally raise his voice so directly to someone he was confronting. Passive-aggressiveness was his approach of choice, something he'd readily admitted to Bean and Luci back in the castle, but being forced to wander around in the desert listening for the _sound_ of some weird magical artifact that would then also use his blood to work was apparently hitting a limit even for someone as timid as him. Luci let out a soft snort beside Bean and she darted a glance down at him, wondering if it was amusement or something else that was radiating across their bond. She couldn't ask at the moment, not without getting the attention of Porky or Jo.

Elfo's protest did nothing to sway Big Jo, who only stared at him impassively before intoning in a perfectly level voice. "No, Mr. Elfo. I expect you to _fry_ " He landed a firm blow against Elfo's back, shoving the elf down to all fours on the hot sand. Bean winced a little herself, swearing she could hear the sizzle of tender flesh against the scorching desert surface. Elfo whined, immediately starting to crawl and darting terrified looks over his shoulder at the man who'd shoved him down. He was probably afraid that Big Jo would just run him through with his weapon if he attempted to get up. It seemed unlikely in Bean's opinion, but she also wasn't the one who was crawling across burning sand.

"Ow. ow...." Elfo's voice rose, high-pitched squeaks as he scuttled like a spider, lifting his hands as high as he could get them, to spare them a few moments longer before they touched the hot sand. His movements were increasingly erratic and Bean caught his soft swearing, something he would normally have avoided out of an attempt to follow the rules of polite society. 

Luci wasn't worried about heat, as long as it wasn't coming from a volcano about to immolate him, but he still climbed up onto Bean's shoulder to observe from the higher vantage point. His ears flicked back a little as he watched Elfo struggling across the sand. Bean opened her mouth but didn't get the chance to say anything to him before she felt the prod of Porky's sheathed blade at the small of her back. She bit her lip and began to march forward, keeping pace with Elfo's erratic path across the desert.

-

"Do you think he'll find it?" She murmured to Luci, after several minutes of this whole painful ordeal. Even from where she was standing, she could see Elfo's hands on occasion as they rose from the ground, and his palms were already looking pretty bad. He'd always been pretty hardy. There was no way he could have stood up to the constant abuse and experimentation that Sorcerio inflicted on him on a daily basis, but this was different. Sorcerio's abuses had always been a bit sporadic, usually in short bursts that gave Elfo time to rest and sometimes hang out with his companions in-between sessions. This constant pain was a different beast altogether, and she could see the wetness at the corner of the elf's eyes, never quite manifesting into actual tears in the dry heat of the desert. "Poor Elfo..."

Luci was a bit less sympathetic, at least outwardly. He had a dismissive edge to his voice that Bean wasn't sure was entirely real. "The real question is whether he'll be baked to a crisp before he finds it." His ears were back though and his small black fists were clenching and unclenching. "If it even exists, I mean."

"We can't just leave him like that..." Bean kept her voice low, casting a wary glance over her shoulder at Porky. The man's expression was as impassive as before, like that half-scowl was the only thing his face could actually emote. He wasn't even really looking at them, but past them at where Big Jo was walking. Elfo had spoken of the toxic relationship between him and Jo, but she hadn't seen much evidence of them interacting either way. Had Porky ever even _spoken_? She couldn't recall a single instance. But one thing was for sure, even if he and Big Jo actually had a terrible relationship, she wasn't expecting him to turn on his boss at any point. There was no help for any of them with him, but at least his obsession with his master meant that Bean and Luci could converse without winding up with a spear in the back. "We have to do something..." Bean's whisper was more urgent and Luci let out a low growl in response.

"And just what do you propose we do? Try and attack these guys? You might be good at bar brawls with drunken idiots, but they're both armed." It was so rare for Luci to be the voice of reason instead of just blindly encouraging her to take the most foolhardy path possible, that Bean actually stumbled for a second in the loose, shifting sand.

"Who are you and what have you done to Luci?"

"Ha ha." The demon scoffed. "Leave the jokes to people with an actual sense of humour, Bean. If I encourage you to do it, you'll just get killed and I'd rather you off yourself where I can enjoy a little bit of luxury and the company of people who don't want to toss me into a volcano."

Bean sighed. It was a fair point. "No. I mean, even I know that'd be stupid, but still..." She watched Elfo crawling and winced anew. They weren't even getting that far from their starting point. They were coming back across the dune caddy-corner to the wagon, which meant they were basically backtracking. She didn't blame Elfo for not having the best sense of direction when crawling with his head close to the ground in the middle of a desert where the entirety of the landscape looked very same-y. Even worse, that he was in pain and probably distracted as well... But even if this situation wasn't his fault-

a small part of Bean's mind was trying to point out that there was someone at fault here and it wasn't Elfo, it was _her_. What had she been thinking anyway, letting Elfo out of her sight? Even if Elfo hadn't been a valuable asset, he was still tremendously accident-prone and a magnet for all kinds of unpleasant people. Luci was right, she should have kept him on a leash. They wouldn't be out here right now if he'd been kept in the castle...

\- Even if the situation wasn't his fault, Elfo wasn't helping himself out with this complete lack of any kind of method to the search. Her eyes went to the wagon again, the only easily discernable landmark other than the half-buried stone marker. Funny that only a few hours ago she'd thought riding in the back of a wagon like a piece of useless cargo had been the most humiliating fate she could have suffered. Turned out, walking through the desert while watching her best friend being callously used was a bit worse. What she wouldn't have given to be back inside though, even if it meant just sitting there with a bunch of useless rope and cleaning supplies...

_Wait..._ She grimaced, a thought crossing her mind that was probably idiotic. There had been a lot of things in the wagon, mostly useless stuff. Bean had briefly considered using several of the items as possible weapons, but other than a broom and some rope, there hadn't been much that would have been usable. Even the broom had been a flimsy thing and probably wouldn't have held up well to being used as a bludgeon.

But maybe there was something else it could be good for...

"You're thinking hard." Luci said, right in her ear. "Don't break something."

"No." She looked at Elfo, letting out a sigh. "I think I can help." She didn't wait to hear if Luci thought it might be a good idea, instead speeding up her pace while trying not to look like she was attacking Big Jo as she cleared a bit more of the distance between them. Behind her, she could sense Porky's jolt of surprise and the way his steps sped up, but that wasn't important unless he actually unsheathed his weapon to use on her. "This is useless!" She was almost yelling, and it was only just now dawning on her that she was actually pretty damn mad about this. Big Jo had done a lot more than disrupt her normal life. That would have been bad enough... but now he'd threatened _both_ of her companions by now just to satisfy some stupid whims of his. She'd had enough. She was ready to be angry and to express that anger with as much force as she could muster. "Elfo's not going to find anything like this!" 

Big Jo rounded on her and the intense stare made her breath catch in her throat. The man really was creepy, and the heat of that stare was nothing like the equally intense look of all those people who thought they could utilize Bean's position to raise up their own. Big Jo didn't need her in any sense. This was dangerous. 

Still, she clenched her fists more tightly and drew a sharp breath. "He's too low to the ground to see where he's going... plus he's in pain. I mean listen to him!" Elfo was making her point for her, still letting out soft pained sounds, though they'd become more grunts than actual words by this point. "I mean, isn't this just going to make finding your stupid lost city even slower? We're going in circles!" 

Jo's eyes narrowed dangerously and Bean almost regretted speaking up until the man finally intoned, in a voice like death, "Then what _do_ you suggest, Princess?" 

Bean felt a shudder run through her, a sensation like cold fingers scratching up the back of her spine. But Jo was showing some possibility of listening to her suggestion and that meant she had to follow through with it. For Elfo's sake, as well as for her own, since she wasn't sure how Big Jo would react if she really had nothing to suggestion. Porky had finally cleared the remaining distance behind her and she caught a glimpse of the metal of his drawn weapon. This was not the time to cow out. She drew a breath, steeling herself. "I can help. Keep him off the ground and going in the right direction. It'd be much faster if someone could see where we're going." Her voice was remarkably level and she couldn't help a slight surge of pride at how well she was holding it together.

"So you want to carry the elf? How... considerate." Jo said, and there was something different in his gaze for a second, in the way he looked her over, and Bean felt a different kind of discomfort surge inside her. Her cheeks darkened and she fought the urge to sputter. 

Not like _that_. Not however Jo must have been thinking. It was just her wanting to help out her friend. That judgmental look in the man's cold dead eyes was almost enough to make her abandon her plan right then and there, except that there was the soft sound of a thud from nearby as Elfo's hands slipped from under him and pitched him forward onto his face. He twitched in a pathetic heap of green limbs and Bean was able to shove any embarrassment aside for the few seconds it took to close the distance between them. She dropped to her knees, finally feeling bold - or distressed - enough to lift him off the ground and hold him against her chest.

He didn't even hug her back, his fingers twitching at the air for a few seconds before he seemed to realize that he wasn't on the sand anymore. He let out a sigh, finally, slumping in her arms. "Bean?"

"Yeah." She looked down at him with a smile she hoped was reassuring. "Don't you worry, Elfo. We'll get out of this." She couldn't say much more with Jo's gaze still on her. She also didn't really have a plan, so there was nothing more she _could_ share. She turned, meeting Jo's eyes with as much intensity as she could muster. "It's not like that." she said to Jo, finally feeling a little more composed. He was just trying to get under her skin with whatever insinuation he was trying to make about her and Elfo. It wasn't that much worse than his accusation implying that she 'consorted' with Luci, and it was just as baseless. "Look, this is just better for all of us. I don't care about your stupid pendant, but if finding it faster will help out Elfo, then I'll do it."

"So you're just going to carry him around like a baby?" Luci asked aloud, reminding her that she currently had Elfo tucked against her chest. 

Bean bit back some choice words for him. But he was right, this was already awkward and only threatening to become more so the longer it went on. Besides, that hadn't actually _been_ her plan. She had a different idea. "No. I had something else in mind." She gestured vaguely toward the wagon. She expected Porky to intercept her as she started toward it, but Jo just shook his head when the man gave him a questioning look. It didn't matter to him, she supposed, since it wasn't like they actually had any easy means of escape in this wasteland.

She set Elfo down in the wagon and he looked at her, a little dazed but offering her up a smile. She had a feeling that she was about to dash whatever hopes he might have had about being carried, but considering... well... everything that had gone down that they still hadn't had the opportunity to talk about... this was probably better. Bean reached into the wagon and pulled out the length of rope and the broom, holding it up. Elfo's eyes widened, even as Luci let out a snort of amusement.

"Oh, now we're talking." The demon grinned, hopping down to watch from a better vantage point.

"N-now we're talking...about what?" Elfo looked from one to the other. Now that he was in the shade, he didn't seem as heat-addled as before, but that just meant he was starting to look on the verge of panic again. "W-why are you looking at me like that? Bean?"

"Just hold still, Elfo." Bean said, "I've got this."

-

Bean's solution wasn't ideal. But she had to congratulate herself after the fact that at least it was _clever_. While bound to the broken-off broom handle, Elfo could be kept close to the ground but also not actually touching the surface of the sand. He'd flailed a little while she'd been tying him to the pole, but after a few seconds, he'd either figured out what she intended or he'd given up on struggling because she was much stronger and larger than he was. Either way, he was secured and she could maneuver him easily, sweeping him out over the ground in wide arcs as she made her slow way forward. 

She'd gotten the idea from someone who'd once come before her father in court with an item called a dowsing rod. It was supposed to be able to locate sources of water hidden under the ground. Of course, with Dreamland being a kingdom directly on the ocean, the man had no luck in actually demonstrating the thing to work. Everywhere he turned it had indicated the presence of water, and after a couple of puzzled minutes, trying to figure out what the man was up to, Zog had finally lost both his patience and his temper and _assisted_ the man into finding water... through the trap door leading to the ocean. While Zog had brushed it off afterward, Bean had been more than a little fascinated by it. If you could use a magic stick to find water, then what else could you use it to find?

It had led to her picking up the dropped dowsing rod and then attempting to use it to find other things. Instead, she'd just found her way to the bar and after a roaring evening of drinking, she left the thing somewhere in a back alley and had mostly forgotten about it. Until now.

So if Elfo could be used to find the lost city they were looking for, then he was basically like that dowsing rod. She wasn't sure why being on a stick was useful when it came to items like this, but maybe it had helped with getting closer to the ground. At the very least, she wouldn't have to walk crouched to make sure she was getting Elfo close enough to the desert to get some kind of reaction. She swept him in a wide arc and he made a small dizzy sound before glancing at her from the corner of his eye and offering her up a small smile. 

"Thanks, Bean," he called out to her. His breathing sounded a lot better, even if there was a certain wryness to his tone. "I'm not burning anymore. Now the only pain is humiliation." His small feet dangled in this position, though most of the rest of his body was bound too tightly to be able to move. She smiled back, feeling relief and reassurance that she'd managed to help him out while also not putting herself in an even more awkward position. Sure, they weren't exactly out of this yet, but she had to hope that maybe once they found this stupid pendant - if it even existed - that they'd...

_What? Escape? That Big Jo would let them go? She wasn't sure, though she was definitely leery of assuming that Big Jo would let any of them go when he probably still needed Elfo's blood to make the Eternity Pendant even work. Escape really was the only option they had... they just needed an actual plan. But that was a hurdle they would have to cross when they came to it._

Elfo made a small noise that caught her attention, not quite a sound of pain, but Bean was so fixated on him that she caught it right away. "Elfo...?"

He was tensed against the ropes, looking down at the spot in front of him with wide eyes. "I-I think I feel something..." She could feel something too, namely the vibrations that his trembling body was sending back through the length of the pole he was attached to. It was definitely similar to the dowsing rod then. Maybe he'd found water?

Then the echoing vibrations came from underneath Bean's feet and she didn't have time to do anything more than a single stumbling step backward before the ground came apart underneath her and sent her plunging into the darkness.

-


	23. Chapter 23

-

Bean wasn't sure how long they fell. The almost complete darkness around them was made that much more jarring by the single beam of light coming from above, the only evidence of a world outside the drop deep into the earth. Part of her expected to hit something and simply shatter and much like the fall off the edge of the world, she felt not fear but instead an odd kind of certainty that settled into the pit of her stomach and made her just stare toward that flickering beam of sunlight high above her. 

It was the sound of Elfo's high-pitched squeal of terror that broke the brief reverie that the fall had put her in, reminding her that _yes, they were actually falling to their doom_ and she wasn't drugged up or drunk enough that she wasn't going to notice when it finally hit. The realization came only seconds before she hit something that was hard but yielding. It was more sand, a big loose pile of it that mostly broke her fall. She sank deep into it, the excess coming down around her and briefly muffling her senses. While falling hadn't affected her as much as she would have expected, somehow the sensation of drowning in something semi-solid did set that panic instinct going. 

She flailed, her hands grasping through the loose, shifting sand. They broke through it, to find open air. She was still moving throughout, the weight of her body and her momentum dragging her down and slightly to one side. She broke through the side of the sandpile after only a couple of frenzied seconds and skidded on her side down the gentle slope of it until her hip hit something a lot harder and more unyielding. Ground.

Solid stone, actually. She winced, feeling like she had sand in every orifice, coughing a few times as she braced her weight on her hands and dragged herself forward on hands and knees until the sand heap behind her was no longer sliding down around her. It took a few seconds of catching her breath before she remembered what had gotten her attention in the first place. "E-elfo?" She called out? her voice raspy in the dust and stripped dry by the heat and lack of water during their wandering through the desert. 

There was no answer for a few long seconds and Bean's heart dropped in her chest as it occurred to her that he might not have even landed in the pile of sand and had his fall broken the way she had. That wouldn't kill him though, would it? She'd seen Elfo take a fall from a couple of high places before, like when he'd fallen over the edge of the waterfall. And there was that time with the bird he'd told them about - halfway through boring them with a long lecture on the difference between caramel and nougat - though she was pretty sure he couldn't possibly have been as high up as he said he was. She'd just figured that all heights probably looked equally high when you were super tiny...

But maybe he was just... really hardy or something. Maybe a long fall straight down onto a hard stone floor wouldn't actually kill him...

"Elfo!" She called out, her lungs aching as she put them to work, trying to extend her voice even further. If he heard her, he'd respond, right? She fell silent, waiting, fingers clenching against the cold stone floor as she scanned the area, trying to find a broken green puddle of elf somewhere in her eyeshot.

There was nothing, but she kept looking anyway. Then, finally, she heard it. A thin reedy voice rising high and echoing all around her in a strange way. "Beaaan!" She'd know that voice anywhere. She felt herself relax for a few seconds, letting out a relieved huff of air as she finally raised herself up on her knees and tried to get a better look around. 

Then another voice rose up. "Thanks for thinking of me." She couldn't help a surge of mingled embarrassment and guilt as Luci lashed out at both of them with his sarcasm. It had slipped her mind for a moment that he was there, though it was partly because she knew that he was incapable of being seriously hurt or killed, other than through some pretty extreme measures that seemed mostly unheard of outside of obsessive demon hunter types. When it took a volcano to get a demon out of commission, a mere fall into a sand pile probably wasn't going to keep one down for long.

Even still... 

"Sorry, Luci." She could make him out at least. In the sunlight reflecting down on the pile of golden sand, he was a dark splotch moving on all fours toward her. Once he was near enough, with her shuffling forward on her knees to meet him, he clambered up her arm after unsuccessfully trying to make a jump from the loose sand and finding it too precarious to balance on when performing demonly feats of [aerobatics]. He grumbled and sputtered in her ear as he settled on the solidness of her shoulder, bracing both his hands and toes in her shirt and giving himself a shake. Dust rose in a thick cloud from his fur. "Are you okay?"

"I've got sand in places that don't even exist." the demon muttered, turning his head away from her and starting to hack and cough before spitting up a massive wad of sand. He shook himself again, grumbling before raising his head at another soft screech from Elfo. "So where's Elfo?"

"That's the part I'm trying to figure out..." Bean said, easing to her feet and wincing slightly. Even with the cushion of sand to break her fall without actually killing her, she was still sore. She was going to have a massive bruise on her hip and leg where she'd first come down on the pile and she could feel the throbbing already starting since there was no alcohol in her system to dampen the effects of pain. "Elfo! Keep calling out!" She hesitated at the realization that he might be looking for them as well, something that was bound to be more detrimental than actually useful. "And stay still, we'll come to you!"

There was a brief, puzzled silence and then Elfo called out again. "Okay!"

Luci's ears perked high, twitching at the sound of the elf's voice. He scowled slightly, then pointed. "That way."

"Which way?" Elfo asked, and Luci rolled his eyes, growling as his ears went flat and his tail gave a slow lash where it dangled behind Bean.

"Shut up while I'm working, dumbass!" The demon sighed, realizing the futility of his words. "I mean... keep talking, I guess. But try not to say anything stupid."

Bean couldn't resist a smile at that, knowing as well as Luci did that such a request was futile. It didn't matter though, Elfo kept talking and this time about something inane involving candy. It was good just to hear his voice, even if she had no knowledge or interest in the production of candy items. They had to make a slow circle around the pile of sand, only to find other scattered piles as they travelled that made walking a little trickier. But even as they came around to the other side of the big pile that had saved Bean's life, she still didn't see Elfo.

It took Luci jabbing at her cheek with his tail before she got the point he was trying to make and looked where he was pointing. 

Up.

Somehow, though Bean and Luci had managed to safely - relatively speaking - land in a soft cushion of sand, Elfo had managed to somehow come down at an angle sufficient for his baggy shirt to catch on something and he was dangling a good seven or eight feet above the ground. Bean shook her head as they approached, looking him over with a mixture of curiousity and awe.

Luci hopped off her shoulder and began to scale the sculpture, what seemed to be some kind of serpent-headed man wielding a staff. The length of rope wrapped around Elfo had caught on the snake-headed end of of the staff at such an angle that it had kept him from going any further, the tight woven material just slightly stretched as he dangled. Luci let out a whistle as he actually saw what Elfo had managed. "Man, it's amazing you didn't just get skewered on this thing. I guess fools really are lucky." 

"C-can you get me down?" The elf asked, his voice softer and less shrill now that he had the two of them in visual range.

Bean couldn't quite reach Elfo from where she was standing, the tips of her fingers just barely brushed at the bottoms of his shoes. "Luci will have to cut you loose." She saw Elfo stiffen, his arms and legs flailing a little. It probably still looked like a pretty long fall from his vantage point. "Don't worry, Luci will let you down easy and I'll catch you from here." She held out her arms in indication and Elfo whined softly, looking down at her before settling with a soft nod. 

Luci scoffed but he didn't contradict her words. His claws raked across the rope, and with the lighting coming from high above and to one side of them, she could just barely see the way the rope frayed beneath his slashes. She adjusted her stance, moving to where she calculated Elfo would come down, then waited. 

It took two more swipes of Luci's nimble claws before the thick rope gave way and Elfo tumbled down into Bean's waiting arms. She had her legs braced well enough that she was able to catch him, stumbling back a step to keep from falling on her ass. She had only just regained a semblance of balance, with Elfo's face pressed into her shoulder and his small body still shaking, before another, surprisingly heavy, weight came down on the top of her head. Bean hissed out a soft curse as she finally lost her tentative footing and landed hard on her ass. "Luci!"

"Don't look now, Bean, but while we were looking around for Elfo, company arrived." Luci didn't even look at her, scowling across the room. Bean could see now, Big Jo had just reached the bottom of the ladder he and Porky had apparently brought with them. They had probably anticipated that the lost city was actually underground, something that Bean hadn't been thinking too hard about, even while using Elfo as a dowsing rod for desert treasure. She would have rounded on the man for not warning her that they were in for a huge fall that could have killed them, if she thought there was actually any point in confronting him on it. Instead, she had to just grimace and glare in the man's direction, especially as Porky joined him a moment later, weapon still at his belt.

Maybe she could have made her escape if she'd left with Luci in tow earlier, but it would have meant having to navigate through a strange underground city to avoid a crazed zealot. Not to mention, it would have left Elfo in their hands and that part would have defeated the entire purpose of this whole rescue mission.

"I see you're alive." Big Jo didn't sound either pleased or angry by the fact, approaching them with a confident gait and reaching out to pluck Elfo out of her arms. She almost punched him out of instinct the moment Elfo's weight left her grasp, but she spotted Porky's drawn blade and she settled for a moment with a grumble. Later. Surely they'd find something she could use as a weapon in this weird abandoned city? As Jo held Elfo up like a lantern, swinging him in a slow circle, they could hear it coming from the distance in one direction, a soft sound, like a musical note. Jo scowled, sweeping Elfo in that direction again and getting the same response. He set Elfo down in front of him. "Walk." Turning toward Bean, just enough that he could see her out of the corner of his eye, his gaze became even more forbidding. "All of you."

-

As they made their way deeper into the lost city, Bean had to admit that what she could see by torchlight was fairly impressive. Whoever the residents of Cremorrah had been, they sure liked their snake sculptures. There were an excessive number of snake-themed items all over the place, and considering how many vanity statues, tapestries and other depictions of Zog's likeness there were in Dreamland, the fact that this vastly dwarfed Zog's collection was impressive in a horrifying kind of way. "Man... they really loved snakes..." she mumbled. Big Jo paused in his tracks and Bean thought he might have heard her, but he didn't even look at her. Instead, he was lifting his torch high to illuminate more of the vast underground chamber.

Whoever the people of Cremorrah had been, they'd had a lot of skill. This city was far more well crafted than Dreamland. Even without being an expert on construction or building materials, Bean could see that the Cremorran civilization had probably been impressive in its day. It made the fact that the city was buried under the ground and seemingly abandoned all the more puzzling. "What happened here?"

"Maru happened here." Big Jo intoned, deadpan. 

Elfo let out a sharp gasp, causing the others to glance in his direction. Bean's eyes lit up for a second, wondering if Elfo knew something she didn't. He'd mentioned on the boat that he might have heard of Cremorrah in one of the books he'd been looking through, but at the time he hadn't actually been able to give any information. Maybe he'd remembered something? But no, with their eyes on him, Elfo just let his breath out with a cough. "I have no idea what that means," he said, a bit abashed, "I'm just really short of breath..."  
  


It didn't matter if Elfo knew or not, because Big Jo obviously did. More than that, he was proving all too eager to talk about the subject. He held his torch high as he approached a city wall. "Cremorrah was a kingdom of unimaginable wealth.. of snakes. Their thriving snake-based economy was the envy of the known world." He said the words as though they weren't somehow ludicrous. Who in their right mind used snakes as currency? Hell, there were plenty of people who probably weren't in their right mind in Dreamland - her own family chief among them - and even they weren't out of it enough to decide to use reptiles for currency instead of gold or other precious metals. While fascinating, it was also something Bean would normally have completely tuned out, like any kind of history lesson. Unfortunately, as Bean couldn't interrupt him without fear of getting Porky's sword up close and personal with her vital organs, she just bit her tongue and listened. Big Jo had a captive audience. Literally.

It got even worse when Jo spoke of their neighboring kingdom with currency made of live mice. It was no wonder these cities had become lost to begin with, if they honestly thought these particular live animals actually made good money. Bean was almost too caught up in the mental image of going to pay for something only to find that your money had gnawed its way right out of your bag, making her slow to notice the obvious as they entered another room. Jo's voice was still droning on, something about Maru attacking Cremorrah, but it was the sight in front of her that truly caught her attention again.

There were figures here, stone statues that had the perfect shape of humans. They were clearly meant to represent the residents of the city, but carved in such an odd collection of poses. It didn't seem particularly artistic to Bean's admittedly untrained eye. Her initial perception was supported by Big Jo's narrative, "Maru flooded Cremorrah with the potion and the residents were instantly turned to stone. But the king wasn't here." As the light fell across the statues, the poses were more familiar to Bean's eye. It looked like the people had been in the midst of dancing and cavorting. Big Jo's voice was derisive as he took in the scene in front of them, "Clearly his people had a wild wingding while he was away. Can you imagine such disrespect?"

Bean's mind immediately went to a similar situation not too far in the past and she shuffled a little, letting out a soft cough. At least this awkwardness was familiar, instead of something new derived from the bizarre scenario they'd found themselves in. Oh, to be back in the day when the worst thing she was dealing with was rampaging Vikings... "I cannot imagine... such disrespect." She managed, congratulating herself silently on her ability to mostly sound like she wasn't telling a bald-faced lie.

Luci jumped to one of the statues, probably just to see what would happen. It caused the statue to topple over into the next, each one falling and taking the next statue in the line with it in a domino effect. Luci simply stood there smugly as the collective gaze of their party fell across him, his tail giving a slow twitch as he dared them to say a word about it. Bean just shook her head, but Jo wasn't even paying attention to that.

_though it was kind of fascinating, in a carriage-wreck kind of way_

"He didn't have elf's blood, so he too was turned to stone. Still, he was the last to possess it. Find the king... find the vial."

He dipped his fingers into a nearby container and Bean could see in the torchlight that they came out dripping with something that she hoped wasn't human blood or something equally gross. A second later, Big Jo shifted his grip on his torch and brought it down to the [word for a fire starter thing]. Flames began to lick high, then followed the line of the sculpture downward, lighting a steady trail of fire in its wake and illuminating the rest of the room. It was an impressive effect, and even Luci - though he let out a derisive snort - still muttered "Showoffs" under his breath. The fire light lit up the entirety of the chamber, as well as extending to the other chambers ahead of them. 

There was a big pair of double doors, not too far away, but as the fire licked through the complex network of troughs and runners, it went circled around the large snake pillars in front of the door, all the way to the top and then there was the low groan of metal moving and the lock at the very top opened. Porky reached out, at Big Jo's silent command, and pushed the door. Despite its massive size, it began to swing open.

Big Jo was the first to enter the room beyond. "There he is... Remember the solemn moment we first laid eyes on King Doras."

There was no way that Bean could miss what this room was for. Sure it was bigger and more impressive than the throne room back in Dreamland - as befitting a civilization that was supposedly much more advanced and civilized than her own kingdom - but it was still just a throne room and designed to emphasize the man in charge of the whole thing. And there he was, standing right in front of the throne. Like the residents in the previous chamber, he too was turned to stone, though unlike their oblivious poses, caught in the midst of their reveling, he was frozen in a look of terror.

It was a solemn moment, all right, but not for the reasons Big Jo would probably have wanted. It just sent a shiver up her spine to be surrounded by this dead city and its frozen residents. She grimaced a little. "Wow. One day you're an amazing civilization... the next, you're a creepy spookhouse."

Bean took a few steps into the room herself, especially as she saw the way that Porky was nudging Elfo forward. As soon as he neared the throne on its dais at the room's center there was the sound again, that high clarion note that held for a few seconds before repeating. It was even louder than before. The pendant was here... it had to be. Bean's gaze raked around the chamber, wondering how big it was and how easy it might be to spot. The most logical place would have been in the grip of the king, something that Big Jo must have also realized, as he moved directly toward the stone figure in the center. 

There were two other figures as well, though unlike the horrified king, caught in his last few moments of life, the soldiers standing on either side of the throne looked as stoic in death as they must have been in life, standing tall and solid with their weapons held at the ready. They would likely have defended their king against peril... all peril but this dark magic inflicted on them by Maru. Big Jo paid neither of them any mind as he went directly for the king, but even from this distance, it look to Bean like there wasn't actually anything in his grasp at all. Maybe someone else had come into the city and stolen it already? It had obviously been like this down here for years, long enough for Cremorrah to become a city lost to the ages. It seemed like someone must have gone looking for it already... were they at another dead end?

At this point, Bean wasn't even sure she cared about the stupid pendant. Sure, her dad wanted it and he would probably throw a fit when they got back without it, but she'd come here for one reason, to rescue her kidnapped friend. The rest had been the mission for her dad's knights and if they hadn't succeeded at even keeping up without getting themselves captured by Big Jo and his crony, that was their own fault. She was under no obligation to her dad. She hadn't even given him a fake promise that she'd try to get the pendant herself.

Bean just needed an opportunity to present itself... She clenched her fists as she edged her way into the room, looking around. There were no other guards present, and she wondered if she could get close enough to wrest one of the weapons away from the hands of the stone guards and use it on Big Jo. She would still have been outnumbered - she wasn't sure either Luci or Elfo would be any help in a fight against two large armed men - but at least she would have had a fighting chance. It was all she needed. Surely some kind god existed out there who would just give her the god damn chance...

It was as though the universe itself heard her, almost enough to make her wonder for a second whether or not there really was some kind of divine being and whether he, she or it would care enough to help out a princess like herself. It could have been a coincidence, she supposed, not quite willing to chalk anything up to a higher power. Whether it was chance or divinity, the opportunity was there. One of the stone guards began to move, rounding on Big Jo. 

Dust was heavy in the air as Big Jo grappled with the guard, letting out an impatient snarl. Porky drew his blade, rushing in to help his master confront the enemy and leaving the three of them completely unsupervised. Now was the time to get the hell out of here. 

"Let's slip out under cover of all the clanking!" She called out, as softly as she could. 

The demon chose the oddest time to prioritize the mission they weren't even on, shooting a look at Bean. "Bean, wait. If we come home without the vial, your dad will pop a blood vessel! Probably one of yours!"

"We don't even know where it is! It's not on the frozen king guy!" Bean was ready to continue, to say that she didn't care about that, fuck her dad and his insane need to become immortal and magical, but then she realized the other flaw in her escape plan. "Where's Elfo?" Her voice was shaking a little as she looked around the room, wondering if he'd been caught up in the fighting. Just cutting and running without picking up the person they'd come here to find would have been the only way this might have gone worse. Other than them all dying, of course.

While she was searching desperately for their companion while trying not to attract the notice of Big Jo and Porky, who were locked in battle with the stone guard guy, Luci was already ahead of her. He scuttled across the floor, moving low to the ground so he was less visible. After a few seconds of uncertainty, darting her eyes toward the ongoing battle, Bean moved in roughly the same direction, trying to put what few obstacles existed in the mostly wide-open chamber between herself and the combatants. She could see what had caught Luci's attention, and hear it too, as there was the faint but clear musical tone coming from just ahead of them where Elfo was perched on the arm of the stone king's throne, his legs dangling as he watched the goings-on with a sort of oblivious cheer. Normally Bean found his good nature cute, much like watching a small adorable animal doing clumsy, ridiculous things, but right now they needed to get out of there as quickly and unobtrusively as possible. 

He looked up as they approached him, his legs swinging. The sound was louder and there was light coming from somewhere nearby, pulsing with the same pattern as the small sounds. The Eternity Pendant had to be close by... 

While Bean would have been willing to abandon the idea of getting her hands on it just to appease her father, the fact that it was so nearby meant that she had to consider reassessing the situation. For a few moments she froze, eyes darting around, trying to locate the source of both the sound and the light. It was coming from near the king. Or rather...

Inside the king?

While Bean was caught up in bafflement at this strange fact, Luci was already moving forward, climbing up the stone monarch's outstretched arm to peer into his mouth, open in an eternal scream. Now that he was standing right there, the pulsing light's source was more obvious. There was a blue glow coming from between the king's bared teeth and while Bean might have been reluctant to try and slide her arm into the man's open mouth in an attempt to retrieve the trapped item, Luci was under no such compunction.

_Though considering Luci had gone directly into her mouth while she was completely flesh, there was even less reason for him to be intimidated by a human who was already stone._

"Aha!" He said, voice coming out with a slight echo from inside the man's body cavity. There was the telltale scrabble of claws against stone as he clambered back up the king's gullet, emerging from the open mouth with the Pendant held in his paws. It was just like in the book, except that it had a faint purple glow coming from within. It was definitely magical. Just the close proximity to it made Bean's hair strand on end a little. 

Elfo was enamoured. He reached out with both small hands, gasping softly. Luci blinked at him but, strangely, didn't move to pull the magical item away as Elfo took the Eternity Pendant from him. As soon as it made contact with his small green hands, another sound arose, this time a louder, pulsing ding that reverberated throughout the entire room. At the same time, the glow from the pendant got far stronger, illuminating Elfo and the pendant in a flash of light.

It was enough to catch the attention of Big Jo, even when he was struggling in combat. The man's eyes flew to them and Bean felt a chill run down the length of her spine as that cold, almost reptilian gaze fell across them. This was definitely too much attention. They needed to have been gone several minutes ago. 

Instead of waiting for Elfo to jump down, Bean didn't even bother with the order to run. Instead, she simply snatched him up, fingers closing over the pendant as she ducked to quickly tuck it into her boot before she dragged Elfo against her chest and took off toward the exit like a gazelle being chased by hunting hounds. She had a bigger head start - and no opponent to put himself in her way, but it was a hair-thin advantage. Big Jo was moving - she could hear the sound of his boots against the stone floor behind them - and he was far faster than a man of his age, especially one with only a single arm, should ever have reasonably been. She grimaced, feeling her feet skid through loose sand as they entered the chamber with the revelers. Unable to stop quickly - and unwilling to risk losing more time, she had to brace herself and simply jump despite the shifting and slippery grains beneath her feet. She came down on top of one of the fallen stone citizens and then ran across the top of the stack of them, jumping from one to the next to make her way across the room. 

As they finally entered the main chamber where they'd first entered Cremorrah, she could see the rope ladder dangling clearly, illuminated by the sunlight from outside. Was it still daytime? It felt like they'd been wandering down here for hours. 

At this point, the heat and vastness of the desert above were less of a risk than sticking around and potentially being captured by Big Jo. At least on the surface, they had some chance of finding their way back. And if they didn't... well... at least they'd be lost in the desert and die of dehydration and heatstroke together. Except for Luci. ...But at least he'd _be_ there.

"Up!" She moved to shove her companions toward the ladder, shifting her grip on Elfo to raise him up as high as her arms could manage. The pendant slipped out of his fingers and Bean caught it more from instinct than rational thought, curling her fingers tight and feeling it bite into her palm while she tried to hold the elf steady so he could grab the ladder more easily. Luci jumped from her shoulder, landing on the ladder just above where Elfo finally had a precarious grip, the motion shaking the ropes for a few seconds before he scuttled upward with far more speed and precision than she'd seen him use most of the time.

Elfo's ascent was slower but, thankfully, still steady. Bean barely dared to pause long enough to bend down, sliding the Pendant into the top of her boot to free her hands for climbing.

As she reached for the rope herself, she glanced back to look across the room, seeing nothing. She wasn't sure where Jo or Porky were, or whether they'd been defeated by the stone guard guy, but she was willing to just take this opportunity when it presented itself. She grasped the rope ladder and began her ascent, grimacing as the loose coat of sand across the rungs made things a lot harder to grab. She went up without too much difficulty though, adjusting her grip as she went.

Bean made her way about a fourth of the way up the length of the ladder before she felt something grab at her ankle. The jolt of it almost dragged her downward, her hands slipping for a second before she grasped the rungs more tightly and felt the flesh of her palms tearing slightly. It wrung a hiss from her lips, but she was too preoccupied with the realization that she'd been caught to worry about the pain. As she whipped her head around, what she was was a seeming impossibility, Big Jo was standing there, having somehow worked his way to a higher vantage point in the abandoned city. His mechanical hand was curled around her ankle. 

She would never have guessed that Big Jo's makeshift metal limb could have such strength, but her attempts to kick free did nothing. The heel of her unencumbered foot slammed into the metal of his arm but found no purchase, simply sliding down the surface of it. There was no hint that she'd dented or otherwise damaged it. Big Jo's smile was almost more terrifying than his anger, the way he looked up at her with cold confidence. 

She shuffled, thrashing in his grasp and trying to wrest herself free. her voice emerged in a throaty hiss as she tried to kick him off, "No! Let go!" 

"Because of you, I lost a hand in that volcano," He intoned low and ominous. "And now you shall lose a foot, as I take this boot and all that's within it." She knew he'd been pissed off about her chopping off his arm, back in the volcano, but she hadn't expected him to actually take it out on her after mostly ignoring her throughout the trip. He was doing something odd with his replacement arm, turning a crank on it that caused the grip of his metal fingers to squeeze more tightly around her.

The pendant was still tucked in her boot, she could feel it when she moved in his grasp. Even if he didn't manage to take her foot off, there was no way she could actually climb the ladder like this. His weight was too much for her to even hope to carry, and he was more concerned with dragging her down than he was with whether or not he could actually get away from the city. Given his knowledge of the location, she suspected he would have found some other escape route even if they got away and cut his rope, but that didn't mean it wouldn't have been inconvenient for him. She was all too happy to make things as difficult as possible... if she could just get out of his damn grip. 

But she couldn't reach a weapon or even let go with her hand long enough to try and reach him and push him back, not without risking losing her already precarious grip on the rope ladder. She gritted her teeth, feeling the squeeze of the metal limb tightening further on her ankle until her foot started to go numb. At the same time, she could feel her hands starting to lose some of their strength. At this rate, she might not have been able to make it to the top even if she got free. High above her, she could see Luci and Elfo peering back down through the hole and the elf, at least, had an expression of panic on his green face. 

She shook her head at the looks they were giving her. If they tried to come down and help her, it would have just gotten them dragged back into it, making it even harder for her later. "Don't..." she mouthed up at them and saw Elfo's wince, as well as Luci's more subtle discomfort, ears folding and his face turning away. Across their bond, she could feel the vibration of his anger, his frustration, but also the effort it was taking to hide the soft emotions, the concern. Bean closed her eyes for a second, her awareness boiled down to the scrape of her burning fingers on the ladder and the pain centered on her squeezed ankle. This was it. She was going to be dragged right back down into Big Jo's grasp - probably lose her foot and definitely lose the pendant they'd worked so hard to find. She couldn't help but spat out angrily at him, "No wonder Porky hates you!"

Then there was another jolt, the sound of metal swinging through the air and then cutting through flesh and bone hitting her ears only belatedly. Her eyes flew open and she stared for a few seconds, dumbfounded at what she was seeing. Big Jo's mechanical hand was still attached to her ankle, still cutting off her circulation, but it was no longer actually attached to the man's arm. She caught a glimpse of the person who'd come to her rescue, recognizing the guy who'd been pretending to be a stone guard earlier and who was, seemingly, an agent from Maru. Whatever his reasoning for helping her escape, she was willing to go along with it. She shifted, bracing her foot against the ladder again and using it to catch her grip once more before starting her ascent. She would have been more worried about whether or not her foot would be okay once she was sure she wasn't in danger of being captured again. 

It felt like it took far longer than it probably did, the light from above becoming stronger as she reached the hole they'd fallen into and was finally able to crawl out into the bright searing heat of the desert. To think, only a few hours ago, she would have thought struggling through the intense heat of this sandy hellscape was something she wanted to avoid at all costs. How times changed.

Luci's claws sank into the fabric of her shirt as she clambered off of the ladder, their gazes meeting for a few seconds as Bean finally wrested Big Jo's severed hand from her leg. She read the suggestion in his eye without any problem, her own lips quirking slightly, even despite the precarious situation they were in. "So," he began and Bean just snorted, reaching over to where the rope ladder was affixed to the stone sign reading "The Lost City of Cremorrah". 

"Just help me," She said, as she tore the ties loose and the ladder slid back across the sand and into the open hole. It wasn't really enough, though. She was already thinking about how Jo had managed to track them down and kidnap Elfo after he'd tumbled to what Bean had assumed was his demise inside a volcano. Just cutting the rope and leaving him down there was bound to lead to more trouble later. She should probably have just killed him - if it were even possible - but despite killing Hansel and Gretel, she still wasn't feeling up to cold-blooded murder just yet. 

Elfo took a step across the shifting sand toward where Bean and Luci had town down the rope, slipping and almost sliding back down into the hole himself. Bean caught hold of him by the back of his shirt and the only thing to fall into the open crevice into the city was more sand. She and Luci both had the same thought, right about then, and both set to work shoving more sand into the hole.

Luci leaned down toward the opening with a smirk, "Let's see how you like getting bottled up!" His words emerged, tinged with far too much glee.

Maybe it wasn't actually as clever a plan as Bean had intended, especially evidenced by Big Jo realizing what they were up to and calling out "You'll never be able to fill this whole room with sand!" But there was a hell of a lot of sand for them to work with and Bean was willing to give it a try. After catching on to what his companions were doing, Elfo helped out too, as best as he could, kicking sand toward the hole while trying not to get too close. The shifting dunes slid more sand away from the stone marker and as it funneled down into the hole, Bean felt more than heard the telltale crackling down beneath her.

She hadn't considered how easily the desert had given way earlier, dropping them right into the center of the city. If it had been so simple to find, surely someone would have fallen into it ages ago? But maybe the real reason no one had found it was simply because no one had even looked. The ground was starting to sink beneath her weight and she snagged hold of the back of Elfo's shirt, grabbing Luci up by the tail and reeling him in as she struggled up the side of the nearest dune. She could already see what was going to happen if they stayed where they were, but the rumbling from beneath her was coming from all around. Was it even possible to get far enough away to escape the inevitable cave in?

As the ground gave way further, opening into a massive sinkhole, Bean's efforts seemed to be all for naught, as she couldn't go forward faster than the avalanche of rapidly moving sand swept her and her companions back toward the gaping maw of the earth. She could hear Big Jo's rasping cry as he was buried in the onslaught of sand, but she couldn't celebrate it when she knew that her own fate would soon be similar. 

Even as she tried to brace herself, causing her to flip onto her back, in a position where she could see her own doom coming at her as she slid down the shifting sand, she drew her companions in as well as she could, hands tangled in dark fur and clutching to small green fingers that returned her apologetic squeeze. She closed her eyes as the sand surged across her lower legs, swallowed her calves, thighs, hips. Despite knowing it would do nothing but maybe delay the inevitable for a few seconds, she drew a breath. Held it.

The sand closed in around her.

-


	24. Chapter 24

  
-

Bean had never flown before meeting the griffin. It was one of those things that most kids - human ones, at least - seemed to have on the list of things to try out. Bean had been no exception, though the one instance where she'd actually tried, jumping off a high up spot, Bunty had been there to catch her fall. She'd gotten yelled at by her father, though it hadn't actually had much effect on her at that point. If Zog hadn't become preoccupied with the impending birth of Derek, Bean might have kept up trying. As it was, she'd been too angry at the prospect of her new brother to waste time on thoughts of flying and had instead turned all of her effort toward making Oona miserable. In hindsight, she wasn't exactly proud of it, but she wasn't embarrassed by it either.

Still, it wasn't like she ever forgot the intrigue of it, the idea was one that went right down to some primal urge in humans. If only they could fly.

Being on the back of a griffin was about as close to that possibility as she was ever likely to come, and for the first few minutes of the trip, Bean alternated between holding on to the griffin's thick mane of hair and casting her hands to the sky in excitement. Luci sat beside her, less impressed by all of this as he leaned into the slight dip behind the griffin's neck and tried to look like he was comfortable. The griffin did have a surprisingly soft coat of fur, more than Bean would have expected from a creature like this. It was adequate padding against potential saddle sores - could you even get those on a flying creature? - and it made the trip a lot more comfortable than it might have been otherwise. She hadn't really gotten a chance to experience this in their mad pursuit of Big Jo earlier, too caught up with the need to get Elfo back to take in the actual sensation of flight. It felt... liberating.

It was another reminder of how stifling her life back in the palace was, something she had to shove to the back of her mind so she could just enjoy the sensation a little longer. 

Elfo was a bit more nervous about it, at least initially. She could tell more by the way he clung to her for dear life as they launched into the sky. He started to settle a little afterward, relaxing against her. She darted a glance down at him after a few minutes, noticing the way he'd gone a lot more still. "Elfo... you doing okay down there?" 

The elf made a small noise, noncommittal. Bean frowned, not sure what to make of that. They'd just gone through a lot, she had to remind herself, and Elfo might have been through even more on his own before they'd showed up to rescue him. It was no wonder he was quiet. But at the same time, she wasn't used to it. She nudged him again. "Elfo?"

He finally turned his head to look up at her. She couldn't quite read his expression but he looked like he was struggling with something. Now that they didn't have the immediate threat of Big Jo coming after them, she was reminded of their last conversation on the boat, and the last conversation before that, the day Elfo had been elfnapped by Jo. She'd said that they should talk later, that it was something she didn't want to think about when they were fighting for their lives. But it was later now and Bean still wasn't prepared for this conversation.

"I know what you're thinking." She said, hastily, words tumbling over themselves a little. "But..." she cast around for a good excuse to put things off for a little longer. Like maybe for forever. There was a roaring in her ears and she wasn't sure if it was her own heartbeat or the rush of the wing through the griffin's wings. "It-it's just too loud to talk!" She mock screamed, to make her point. It wasn't that loud though, no matter how much she wished it was, so she could use it as a valid excuse. There was no way he was going to buy that-

"Okay." Elfo nodded, and she wasn't sure if the brief flash of an expression on his face was relief or disappointment. He'd actually gone along with her though, so she had to be grateful for that much at least. She knew she couldn't keep putting it off, but she hadn't even had the time to work through her own feelings, so how could she even attempt to answer him on what she thought about their relationship?

"So... uh..." She bit her lip, trying to find another topic and coming back to the only one that was at the forefront of her mind while they were soaring through the air on the griffin's back. "Flying. This is pretty cool huh? Being up in the air like this?" It occurred to her a second later that Elfo might be afraid of heights, considering how low to the ground he was most of the time. But he never had any problem while they were sitting on the balcony, right? 

Fortunately for her, Elfo was in agreement on that part, at least. "Yeah, I guess it is. It's strange to be so high up. Flying's really not an elf thing." There was something almost wistful to his words at that and Bean remembered them falling from the cliff, the way Elfo had tried flapping his arms like there was some possible way he could actually fly. She could sympathize with that. She knew what it felt like. "It's just sad we can't see much." 

It was true, he was tucked in front of her, crammed into the small space between Bean's front and the griffin's back. The wide sweep of the griffin's wings made it hard to see anything below. Sure, there wasn't exactly a lot to look at - mostly the ocean below them - but at least Bean was sitting high enough up that she could actually see it.

"Would you.... like to get up on my shoulders or something?" She wasn't sure about the logistics of flying like that, but she was pretty accustomed to carrying Elfo on her shoulders in general so she didn't anticipate that it would be that tricky. When he hesitated, fingers tapping against his palms for a moment in hesitation, she smiled. She reached down, caught him under the arms and lifted him, her thighs squeezing against the griffin's midsection to steady herself as she hoisted him to her shoulders. 

He let out a soft sound of confusion, clinging at her as soon as he was slung up on her shoulders. He was curled against her head, his chin settled in her hair, a small whine in his throat.

"Open your eyes." She didn't have to see him to know that he had his eyes pressed tightly closed. But that really defeated the whole point of this. He was supposed to be looking and enjoying the view from on top of the world. She didn't have to see his expression, she could easily read it from just the slight shift in his posture. She knew when he opened his eyes by the hitch of his breath in his throat for a second. 

It was funny how well she'd come to know him in such a short time. It had been only a couple of months since they'd met, but she knew him better than she knew members of her own family. Maybe it helped that he was such an open book compared to the political intrigue and other nonsense of her father's royal court.

He relaxed a bit, shifting his weight to turn his face toward the wind with a soft hum of excitement and Bean could empathize with the rush. She leaned forward herself staring out across the water as it stretched out far below them. This was a way better way of crossing the ocean than days in the hold of a rolling, swaying old cargo ship. She was just starting to let the relief wash over her at last, the realization that they'd succeeded, not only in their mission of saving Elfo, but also in retrieving the Eternity Pendant her dad wanted. Maybe it meant he wouldn't actually yell at her for losing a bunch of soldiers and going to all those strange locations. 

She was a bit preoccupied with the possibility that her dad might be persuaded to give her more freedom, maybe even let her do some unprincessly things without her having to just listen to him say "no" and then do it anyway behind his back. It was only when she felt Elfo's grip on her slipping that she jolted back to awareness, just in time to register the strong gust of air that was blasting them. The Griffin stiffened her wings, catching them in the powerful blast of air to go along with it instead of being potentially knocked down into the water. Unfortunately, neither Bean nor Elfo had gotten the warning and Bean had only a second to try and react as Elfo off-balanced on her shoulders and tumbled onto the griffin's back, rolling down as the griffin's large body went up, and then dropping toward the ocean below.

"Elfo!" One of Bean's hands was gripping so hard at the griffin's hair that she was sure she was going to wind up pulling out a chunk of it, the other reaching back for her companion, fingers meeting only empty air. "Bird man! We have to go get him!" Luci surged up onto her shoulder at that, trying to get a better look below them.

"He's still falling." He reported back. "He's pretty light."

While Bean knew that Elfo was surprisingly hardy when it came to being dropped from high places and not actually dying, she also remembered something else that she hadn't gotten around to addressing. "He can't swim!" If they managed to rescue him again, she was so going to teach him. It was a skill that anyone living in a coastal society should know. Out of instinct, more than anything, Bean almost launched herself off the side of the griffin to go after him. It was only Luci's claws sinking into her skin through the fabric of her shirt that drew her up short. She glared at him a little, but his expression was impassive.

"You can't help him by getting yourself killed."

As much as she hated it, he was right. There was only one person who could help and, fortunately, they'd risen above the swirling eddies of wind so the griffin could reorient. Her powerful wings folded and she went into a dive. Bean had only enough warning to tighten her grip and hold on for dear life as they plummeted toward the water.

It all went by so fast. Bean couldn't see what was going on but their fall came to an abrupt halt as the griffin's wings snapped open again, sending Bean smacking her face against the back of the griffin's neck. She lay there for a moment, her heart thudding in her ears and her face half-buried in the griffin's dark mane, then pushed herself up on her elbows. "Elfo?" She looked behind her, out of instinct, alarmed to not see him there.

"I'm down here!" The familiar voice rang out from somewhere below. 

"Where...?" Bean looked around, baffled, then felt small clawed feet planting against her belly and pushing. She sat up completely to see a slightly smooshed Luci glaring up at her. 

"I'm right here, thanks." The demon kept giving her that cold stare for a few seconds before scuttling along the griffin's side to peer underneath. "Yeah. I think he's okay." His tail gave a lash. Bean swallowed a little before leaning over herself, wary of throwing the griffin off-balance as she peeked down. She got just enough of a view to see that the griffin was holding Elfo in her dangling paws. 

"D-do you need help up?" Bean asked, before venturing, "That doesn't look safe."

"I won't drop him." The griffin's rumbling voice had a chiding edge to it and Bean was forcibly reminded that she was riding on the creature's back and maybe it wasn't a good idea to antagonize her. Even so, it didn't stop her from being a little nervous, at least not until Elfo called up to her in reassurance.

"It's okay! This is kind of fun, actually!" 

Bean frowned a little, but Luci settled into a seated position in front of her. "Just let him enjoy it. You know your dad's going to need a lot of blood when we get back." It was as gentle a reminder as Luci ever gave and one that was spoken just softly enough that she was pretty sure he hadn't intended Elfo to hear it. She couldn't help a little smile at that, reaching out to rub at his ears. 

"Getting a little soft?" She teased quietly. The demon glared at her but leaned his head into the attention anyway. 

"He's just really high-pitched when he whines," Luci said, though it wasn't really an actual counter to her statement. Bean snorted at that, but she kept up the petting anyway. No matter how much Luci protested about being a heartless creature of evil, she suspected that it was mostly an act. She knew what that was like because some - though certainly not all - of her badass drunken princess thing was something she put on to piss off her dad and impress the yokels. It wasn't until she'd started hanging out with Luci and Elfo that she'd really gotten to just.... be herself instead of either being what everyone expected her to be or being the opposite, just to be a pain in her dad's ass.

It was still such an odd thing, to just get to be herself. She'd been trapped so long in the constant battle of expectations and her opposition to the expectations that she was forever catapulting between the rare moments of trying to get her father's approval and her more frequent attempts to do what she knew would most piss him off. Neither of those things had actually done anything to make her happy or more fulfilled, it was just an endless cycle of misery all around.

She sighed, slumping slightly on the griffin's back, resting her weight on her elbows. Luci's tail brushed against her cheek and she blinked at him. There was a strange expression on his face for a second, his ears assuming a slight tilt before he mumbled, "You're thinking too loud." She wasn't sure if he meant it literally, as in he could read her thoughts, or if he could just tell she was running through stuff in her head. 

"Yeah." She said because there was no point in denying it. "You've got to admit, this is the kind of thing that makes a person think."

"Well, maybe it's the kind of thing that makes _you_ think." Luci clarified, "But that doesn't mean you should." Bean frowned, ready to protest his easy dismissal of her need for clarity in her life, but he tapped at her cheek again with the spaded tip of his tail again, hard enough to get her attention while not being actually painful. "Look, we got the damn elf back... can't we just... enjoy being victorious for a little while before we get caught up in the inevitable doom and gloom? We don't get a win very often."

It was true. Bean sighed, nodding. "Yeah. I guess it can wait." There would probably be lots of time for self-contemplation when they got back to the castle and Bean wound up back in her usual routine of getting on Zog's nerves at every possible opportunity. There was always too much time to think and not enough booze to chase it all away. 

She reached out instead, stroking her fingers along Luci's back since he was in easy range to touch. She didn't actually pet him often, though she'd sometimes seen other people in the palace - usually attractive young maids - giving him this kind of attention on a fairly regular basis. He'd always felt a little bit distant when it came to being manhandled by either her or Elfo, though he was quick enough to take liberties with them whenever he felt the opportunity was there.... and usually for the purpose of humiliating them. She was sure that it was some kind of hang-up on his part but who was she to judge when she was such a fucking mess of a person? He stiffened a little at the first brush of her fingers against him, eye narrowed as he fixed it on her. He didn't actually pull away, just gave her that expression that sat on the verge of being a glare without ever crossing into it. It might have been a challenge, like he was daring her to try that again.

So she did. His fur was remarkably soft and there was something soothing about the act. She'd occasionally petted Elfo and that had been satisfying in its own way, especially since it tended to make him giggly. This was different, but it helped with her jangled nerves and Luci grumbled but set his head back down, half curled in a suspiciously feline manner as Bean sat there, just silently petting.

Whatever Luci might have thought of all this, it worked. She zoned out after a few minutes of the steady motion.

It wasn't until Luci bumped his snout against her hand that she jolted back to awareness. It was starting to get dark and somehow she hadn't noticed it. She pushed herself upright, looking around and feeling a few seconds of panic as she didn't see Elfo. "Elfo?"

"I'm still down here!"

Right. Bean wasn't sure how long he planned to stay down there - or maybe how long the griffin felt comfortable holding onto him without having to worry about dropping him, but with it getting dark she definitely preferred him to be up here where she could keep an eye on him. They'd already spent a lot of time and effort just trying to get him back from Big Jo, and after the first near-tumble into the ocean, she wasn't keen on risking it again. Still, peering over the edge, she had no idea how she could even get to him without risking plunging off the griffin's back herself. He was too far away, even not taking his short little arms into account. 

She grimaced, then turned her head. "Bird man, can you... I don't know... pass him up here?" 

The griffin's head turned a little and her visible eye was slightly narrowed, then she let out a sigh, her wings folding a little from their gliding state to switch to heavy beats that slowed their forward progress and almost put her vertical for a moment. Bean scrambled to catch hold of the griffin's hair to avoid being unseated, reaching out with her other hand to snag hold of Luci's tail when it seemed like the demon might slide backward toward the griffin's back end. She reeled him in close, barely catching what was going on with the griffin, though as far as she could tell, Elfo was being passed from hind foot to front foot, then up into Sorcerio's grip. Then the griffin righted herself, with Elfo still caught up in the crook of Sorcerio's arm and looking understandably nervous. But he was now also in close enough range that Bean could reach out and just snag him, tugging him away from the wizard and onto the griffin's back with his two companions.

"Well, that was something," Elfo said, hugging Bean as he was pulled briefly into her arms. He was a surprisingly heavy weight against her, more so than usual, and as she set him down, he flopped carelessly into the feathers and fur of the griffin's back. "Oh, man... I'm tired. That's weird, right?"

Bean considered, unable to help a slight smile at the question. Was it weird? She was pretty tired too, but she thought that after everything they'd gone through, not just today but over the past several days, would have been enough to exhaust anyone. "I think we've all earned some rest." She said at last, feeling the wash of exhaustion sweeping over her. She'd almost fallen asleep once already, now that everyone was accounted for, she finally felt like she could actually close her eyes and not have to worry about what would happen next.

"What, you're going to sleep? You mortals do that way too much," Luci grumbled, and Bean was reminded that he didn't actually need to sleep, though she knew he did indulge on plenty of occasions. When she looked at him, feeling the weariness settled into her, something about his expression - something in the cant of his ears, maybe - changed. He turned his head away slightly with a small scoffing motion. "Well, don't be surprised when you have laughing skull dreams." Bean's hand settled on Luci's back and he shuffled in to rest against her shoulder, setting his chin atop her and just lying there as she tried to find a comfortable position.

She could feel her arm brushing against Elfo, who was already sprawled out bonelessly, eyes closed. She turned her head toward him a little and smiled. Her other hand brushed at the hem of his shirt sleeve, just barely grazing his arm. "I'm glad we found you, Elfo." She'd been intending to say it, but given everything they'd been going through while dealing with Big Jo's kidnapping and then his attempts to kill them, she'd just never found the opportunity. There was no response and she had to resist the urge to shake him. Instead, she just called out, but quietly, "Elfo... you awake?"

"Mm..." Elfo said, though he didn't look at her and his eyes were still closed, one hand resting across his chest. His voice was soft and a little slurry. "I'm glad too..." It sounded like he was planning to say more, but whatever he'd had on his mind never actually met the air, instead fading into a soft, high pitched wheeze of sleep.

Bean's smile was wide though, wide enough to make the corners of her mouth sore. She kept one hand on Elfo's arm, the other, kneading in gradually slowing motions against Luci's fuzzy back. Funny, she hadn't thought she'd be able to sleep until she was back in her own bed. She'd been so keyed up by everything going on, the thought of actual rest was a bit bizarre... But even as that thought crossed her mind, it was already gone, stolen away by sleep.

The griffin glided on through the night, heedless of any possible laughing skull dreams. On toward morning. And Dreamland.

-


	25. Chapter 25

-

It was warm. It was the first thing Bean noticed as awareness started to creep in around the edges. She shuffled a little, pressing her cheek against the warm, slightly plush surface beneath her. It didn't feel like her pillow... It wouldn't have been the first time she woke up in a strange location, in fact, that was her usual state from day to day so it was more surprising on those instances when she actually managed to make it back to her own bed instead of collapsing on the floor of her room or in a random alleyway somewhere. This was definitely not a familiar place and yet...

Unlike most of the mornings - or often afternoons - after one of her drunken binges, the events of the previous day actually came back to her. There was none of the usual fuzziness, the point at which her memory eventually just cut out with the addition of too much booze to her system. Her eyes opened wide and she pushed herself up on her hands, propping herself slightly as she looked around. She could see Elfo stretched out beside her, still snuggled into the thick fur and feathers of the griffin's tawny back. He looked surprisingly peaceful, especially given all they'd been through and the fact that they were still on the back of a winged magical beast.

"It is so weird to wake up on the back of a flying griffin and remember everything from the night before." The latter was more bizarre than the former in Bean's world. A griffin was a little outside her norm, but not enough to be of particular mention. The lack of hangover though... was downright bizarre.

Ahead of her, Luci was perched on the griffin's head. He turned to look at her as she moved, his tail giving a lazy flip. Though his tone was sardonic, she could read him pretty well across their bond, enough to know that he was actually pleased. He'd had all night to think about the ultimate end-result of their mission and he was probably eager to have Zog indebted to him. "You mortal nerds sleep good? We're almost home" It was more rhetorical than anything, their bond meant that he could probably tell exactly how well she slept. 

Luci just snorted at that, turning back to the front. Bean could see his ears perk against the wind and she peered past him, forced to sit higher up on her knees to see past the dark whipping griffin mane. In the distance, she could see the rise of the familiar towers of the Dreamland castle on the horizon. For as long as they've been flying, it still felt like the trip had taken no time at all. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed... on the one hand, having this entire crazy mission done with meant that she didn't have to worry about Big Jo elfnapping her friend again. 

_Well... hopefully she wouldn't have to worry about him at all, though after the volcano, she wasn't confident that he was actually dead. Falling into molten lava seemed way more final than just being buried under a whole desert's worth of sand._

But on the other... she'd had a lot of freedom on this trip. Not in the sense of actually _being_ free, considering her captivity at the hands of Big Jo and his lackey, but just getting to have her adventure the way she wanted to. Not being beholden to the attitudes and whims of the others in Dreamland had been a relief. Even when Big Jo had been threatening them, it had never been because he held authority over her beyond whatever came from chaining her ankle to the floorboards of a cargo ship. She'd been allowed to enact her plans at her own discretion. She'd never considered how that would feel, being so familiar with the sexist oppression of her home kingdom. Returning meant that she was also going back to all of those backward rules and the limitations they imposed on her as a princess and as a woman.

For a few seconds, she briefly toyed with the idea of telling the griffin to turn aside, to have them all dropped off somewhere else. It might have meant getting rid of Sorcerio somehow so he couldn't tell Zog that they were alive and where they might be, which was the only thing that gave her pause. Luci's eyes were on her and she could already tell that he knew just what she was thinking because he mouthed the words "do it" to her silently, grumbling a little to himself as she shook her head in denial. She still wasn't ready to outright murder someone just yet, not even to get herself away from her dismal fate.

No. That just wasn't an option. And besides, at this point, she didn't really think there was any chance that the griffin would listen to her over Sorcerio anyway. So that left her with only the other thought that had already flitted across her mind earlier in their trip. Now that they actually had the Eternity Pendant, that had to give her some room for bargaining, right? "Back in Dreamland! This eternity pendant or vial or whatever you call it is going to be my get out of jail free card for like ever! I can do whatever I want!" She said, more to herself than to Luci who still looked like he would have preferred to just drop Sorcerio into the ocean and embark on their own non-Dreamland-centric adventures... like getting drunk and stoned in some other kingdom. "I'm totally gonna get those bangs."

Still held in the griffin's powerful arms, Sorcerio had the same thought as her. He wasn't well respected or liked by her father, mostly because he was a total quack and she wasn't sure he actually _had_ any real magical powers. His voice was as enthusiastic as she'd ever heard it before. "And I'll finally get the respect a man of my hat deserves!"

Bean knew her dad and suspected that this was wishful thinking on Sorcerio's part, but there was no reason to say anything about it. Besides, she was a little distracted by Elfo stirring behind her. As he woke up, he also sat up quickly and Bean was forced to reach out and snag hold of the back of his shirt to make sure he didn't slide off the griffin's back. She reeled him in, tucked him securely under one arm as he looked up at her, blinking the sleep from his eyes. "Bean?"

"We're almost home." She said, grinning down at him before hoisting him forward to seat him in front of her. He raised himself on his toes, trying to peek over the griffin's head and came face to face with Luci who was sitting there, looking back at the two of them.

"Good morning, sunshine," Luci said in that sarcastic but kind of amused way. "Hope you enjoyed not being used as a lab rat for a while."

Elfo stared at him, uncomprehending, but Bean understood. It was a fair point and the sort of thing that Luci, the most pessimistic of their trio would focus on. It was likely that the next few days were probably going to involve a fair bit of experimentation with elf blood. It couldn't be helped though, there was going to be no way of talking her dad out of letting Sorcerio mess with the pendant now that they had it and it couldn't have been worse than the things that Elfo had already been through.

And besides, if this worked, it wasn't like Zog would need to use Elfo's blood once he was immortal, right? The sooner he succeeded, the sooner the three of them could just dick around in Dreamland without having to worry about Elfo being Sorcerio's lab rat. 

Even so, she did hug him a little tighter for a moment, under the guise of making sure he didn't fall off of the griffin's back. 

-

As they approached the shore, the griffin began to fly in a wide circle, trying to gain some altitude. Bean pressed herself closer to the creature's back to cut down on the slight dizziness that came from these sweeping movements, squishing Elfo between herself and the griffin's furry body. Even Luci had to come down from his perch, sliding down the back of the griffin's neck to tuck himself into the back of Bean's shirt, between her shoulder blades. This instinct on her part actually saved them all from some pain as the griffin finally came to a less than picture-perfect landing, skidding across the courtyard cobbles with her entire front half dipping down and sending the trio pitching off over the top of her head to land on the ground at the base of the steps.

Zog was there already, looking down at them with that familiar impatient grimace. But unlike the previous times where Bean fell all over herself in the courtyard after being bucked off by a giant animal, this time she had what her father has been looking for all this time. She stumbled to her feet, brushing herself off as Luci climbed out from under her shirt to land on the ground. She was deliberately taking more time than she actually needed, just to rile up her dad a bit more. She had to have some way to get under his skin with all this. It wasn't until his face started to turn a particularly tomato-like shade of red that she finally gave him what he wanted.

Sorcerio ruined her dramatic entrance with one of his own, approaching the steps with a solemn look on his face that was probably unwarranted. "Your highness. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we retrieved the Eternity Pendant. The bad news is that we lost many good men-" 

Zog didn't let him finish, which came as no surprise to Bean. As soon as he got the confirmation that they'd actually retrieved the Pendant, he wasn't interested in platitudes about a bunch of knights he probably couldn't even remember the name of. He'd sent plenty of them to their horrible deaths well before this. They were infinitely expendable.

he hurried down the steps to meet them, "Yeah yeah yeah, great story. Where's my pendant?!" He flexed his open hand in a clear gesture. The pendant was obvious, standing out starkly against the front of Bean's shirt as she approached, lifting it off and holding it in her hand. Bean was ready to start presenting her demands but her father was too impatient to get to the whole "becoming immortal" thing to let Bean go ahead and talk. He snatched the pendant into his hot, grubby hands. "Ah, my dreams are this close to coming true" Then, ignoring Bean's involvement entirely, for the moment, he cleared his throat. "Now, where's my special little man?"

"I'm right here, father!" Even from this distance, Bean could see her younger half-brother's eyes light up at this moment of perceived interest in him. It was almost pitiable, if Bean could have spared any soft emotions for the annoying little kid. As it was, she knew better than Derek what their father was referring to, so she wasn't surprised at all when Zog just gave the young prince a dismissive wave.

"Not you. I'm looking for Elfo."

Derek's hand lowered immediately, shoulders crumpling slightly and Bean let out a breath. Not sympathy, but understanding. _Yeah. Been there._

Bean's gaze followed Zog's across the courtyard toward Elfo. Her companion wasn't on the ground anymore where they'd fallen, but instead, it seemed that with Sorcerio needing to get back to his work, that the griffin had found herself someone new to pay attention to. She had Elfo held cradled in her strong arms like he was a baby and her head was bent down, wriggling worms held in her mouth. If Elfo was alarmed that he was about to have live prey shoved into his mouth as a meal, he didn't show any hint of it. He only paused in actually taking the worms because Zog's calling of his name got his attention.

The griffin took a few steps toward the king, a slight furrow to her brows that told Bean that she wasn't exactly thrilled about this, but she set Elfo down on his feet. He was immediately ushered toward Zog and Sorcerio.

Zog held the pendant up as Elfo drew near, scowling at it. "Now, how does this thing work?" He tapped on it. It was glowing a little, probably from Elfo's presence, but didn't seem to be doing much of anything else.

It was Sorcerio's turn to shine, or so the man clearly thought from the way he had a swagger to his step as he drew close. He cleared his throat, pulling the Omnicon from under his robe. Bean hadn't even realized he was carrying it, nor did she want to think about where he'd been keeping it that he managed to conceal it without so much as a lump or bulge in his robe. She felt Luci's smirk in her direction as he caught her thought but she steadfastly ignored it.

The wizard cleared his throat as he flipped through the pages, making a dramatic - and completely unnecessary - gesture with one hand. "So, to use the Eternity Pendant, I have to consult my wealth of knowledge. He dipped his head close to the page, staring at the words intently before reading off. "To life the curse of death itself, one drop of blood from a trueborn elf. Into the vial it shall drip, to free one's soul from death's icy grip." Despite the unnecessary use of poetry, the message was clear enough. To get the pendant to work, they needed to add a drop of Elfo blood. It wasn't a reveal, it was just the expected way this was going to work. Still, Sorcerio puffed up as though this was an ingenious revelation.

Zog didn't waste the time to berate him, just holding out the pendant now draped around his thick neck. Elfo looked between the two of them with mild interest. Bean might have expected him to protest more but given everything he was used to while in Sorcerio's custody, it wasn't surprising that he took this relatively tiny dagger-prick with barely a blink and the slightest of grunts. As Sorcerio lifted him to chest level, Elfo held his small green hand high, the drop of blood welled at the small wound and then dropped into the vial. There was an immediate effect as it started to glow in the same way it had when they'd first found it.

Magic was radiating off the item, so strongly that it made the hairs on Bean's skin stand on end. Luci raised his paw a little, shading some of the bright, pulsing light away from his eyes. 

In front of them, Zog was flexing, stretching upward as though he'd burst out of his shabby tunic. "Woah! Am I turning into a god? I can feel the power rising up through my body... bursting out!" He called out, exhilarated. And then the light of the pendant cut out and Zog let out a huge, wet belch.

There was a small murmur of confusion among the gathered crowd. Was that it? Bean frowned. She'd been expecting something a little more impressive to happen after all that build up and everything they'd been through. Apparently, she wasn't the only one disappointed because Zog himself drew up short, looking down at his pudgy body.

"Aw... I'm not a god..." he muttered, looking at his flabby frame. "I'm not even a healthy man."

Sorcerio was undeterred, possibly because it had been his crazy idea to begin with. He peered at Zog with a dubious stare, leaning in as close as he could. Bean recognized the look on his face, it was the expression of someone trying desperately to convince themself of something that was probably not true. She'd seen it plenty of times on her own face in the mirror and on the faces of numerous other self-delusional people in Dreamland. "Oh, but it must have worked!" It wasn't clear if he was trying harder to persuade Zog or himself. "Now to test it, we volunteer to kill you."

Bean almost laughed at the shift of expressions on her father's face and beside her she could feel the same humour radiating off of Luci's small frame. Of course, Zog didn't want someone to take a stab at him - literally. And Odval, standing beside her father, was all too eager. The look on his face would have made anyone apprehensive as he raised one hand to get their attention. "Dibs."

Bean might have been tempted herself except that she didn't actually want to murder her father or she would have had numerous opportunities to do so before all this. Luci nudged at her leg, tapping at the side of her boot with his tail and she darted a gaze down at him.

"You know, if anyone should get dibs, it's you," the demon suggested, and Bean shot him a quick glare.

It didn't matter. Her dad was a fool, but not fool enough to put himself at risk like that. "Wait- wait, hang on, hang on. Let's try it on someone a little more.... not me."

The disappointment crossed the features of several people in the courtyard, but no one contradicted Zog's command. Sorcerio instead volunteered a suggestion. "I think I know someone who would welcome the attention."

Bean blinked, looking down at Elfo who padded over to her. He was still sucking on his pricked finger, smiling up at her blithely. She could tell that he was blissfully unaware of the entire issue going on with everyone wanting to take some potshots at her dad and she gave her head a little shake, unable to help a small, fond smile. Her hand reached down to ruffle the small strands of spiky green hair. 

Luci gave an impatient swish of his tail. "I wonder what loser would actually be willing to offer themself up to be a guinea pig for your dad's crazy immortality experiments." Neither he nor Bean said anything but they couldn't help their gazes going to Elfo who looked up at them in puzzlement, pausing in the sucking of his finger to blink slowly a few times. Finally, after a couple more slow sucks, he pulled his finger from his mouth with a soft pop.

"Why are you looking at me?"

-

It turned out that the patsy in question wasn't Elfo at all. But that made sense when Bean really thought about it. They still needed his blood and they probably weren't sure if they would be able to get more if they accidentally killed him to try out the Eternity Pendant. As they approached the castle trash heap though, Bean felt a twist of discomfort in her gut as she realized who Sorcerio had been referring to.

Even sprawled in a pile of rotting garbage with a sword still stuck through his head, Prince Guysbert managed to turn his head enough that he could look in her general direction. Bean's unease wasn't because of seeing the man's mutilated body, or even because he should have been dead by this point but was still managing to subsist on rotting scraps of food. It was because when he looked at her, he still acted like she was the most amazing woman she'd ever seen. Maybe anot her princess would have found it flattering, but it just reminded Bean that she'd had a hand in his current state.

Sure, she'd never wanted to marry him, but that didn't mean she'd intended for him to become a barely-living human shishkabob either. 

Elfo was peering at Guysbert with curiousity. He'd barely met the guy - even less so than Bean had the day she'd been supposed to marry him - so all of his knowledge of the former crown prince of Bentwood had come from the stories Luci had regaled him with of Bean's terrible - and to Luci, amusing - wedding day. When it looked like he might venture in closer, Bean caught hold of the back of his shirt and reeled him back in. He looked up at her, meeting her gaze for a few seconds while she pursed her lips and gave her head a slight shake.

Sorcerio crouched beside Guysbert's prone body, moving to slide the pendant cord around Guysbert's neck. "Now we can try it." He pulled his knife again and Elfo held out his hand obediently. Bean clenched her fingers against her palms as Sorcerio pricked her small friend once again, hoisting him easily to draw him in closer to Guysbert so the blood could be deposited in the vial. Elfo's little "doink!" sound effect was the cherry on top of this horrible guilt pie.

The vial began to glow again, pinks and purples brightening into brilliant whites, and as the magic surged again, blasting at everything in the courtyard with a burst of light. As they stared into the center of the dazzling magical glow, they could see the form of Guysbert as he rose from his prone heap on top of the trash to stand at his full, somewhat dashing height. His hand rose, gripping the hilt of the sword that was still impaling his skull, and he gave it a pull. It slid from out of his head easily, held aloft in his hand.

"My headache is gone!" 

For a few seconds, Bean actually thought it had worked the way Sorcerio had said it would, making it the one time in his life that her father's wizard had actually been correct about anything. More important, to Bean at least, was the fact that it meant that some of her initial guilt over Guysbert's fate was alleviated. After all, she'd been the one to go on the quest that had led to finding the vial in the first place, so if he was healed, it had been her work that had led to it. She wouldn't have to feel bad over killing him if she saved his life...

And then there was a sound, something burbly and unpleasant and then the hole in the side of his head where the sword had been embedded began to pulse, goopy gelatinous mush starting to dribble from the open wound before a mash of brain matter slid free. Guysbert said nothing else, just collapsing where he stood. The sword in his hand fell, stabbing into his torso and leaving him once again impaled on the trash heap. Luci was snickering slightly and Bean kicked out sideways with her foot, planting her boot hard in his side to shut him up while Sorcerio approached Guysbert's crumpled form, prodding at him.

"We lost him." The wizard stated, obviously. "But we cured his headache." He pulled the vial loose, holding it up again and peering at it.

Just a short distance from Bean and her companions, Zog was seething, and as Bean grabbed hold of Luci's tail and the back of Elfo's shirt, dragging them out of range, the irate king of Dreamland yanked off one of his own boots and threw it at Sorcerio. Even in terrible physical shape, Zog's aim was good enough to wring a yelp from the wizard as the boot struck him square in the face.

"Ugh." Zog shook his head. "I should have never let you glue those stars on your dunce cap."

-

So after everything Bean and her companions had been through in order to retrieve the vial, there was a blast of the trumpets to signal the return of the knights. Bean had no idea what they'd been up to during the entire ordeal, but they trotted their horses right up into the courtyard just in time to join the frustrated gathering already in progress.

Sir Pendergast was too busy staring at the back of his horse's head to notice the extent of the gathering, probably unwilling to look up and see Zog's fury aimed in his direction for their failed mission. It was the sort of look that tended to be visible on Zog's face right before someone got beheaded. As he drew to a halt, he cleared his throat. "Sire... we rode halfway across the world, lost three noble knights, we failed to find the vial and we lost the princes- ah... there she is!" He reversed course on his words as he saw Bean approaching with the vial dangling from her fingers. "-Holding the vial." He straightened up on his horse, trying to look composed. "In sum, it was a successful trip!"

His attempt at playing up his own involvement went completely ignored by Zog who was far more focused on Sorcerio's failures than that of his knights. "Yeah, real successful." The king glared at his wizard. "How can you keep messing up a recipe with two ingredients?" He snatched the vial from Bean's hand and caught hold of Sorcerio's ear, dragging the whining wizard up the stairs and into the castle.

-

And that was how they found themselves holed up in Sorcerio's research lab, continuing the experiments on the vial. There wasn't a great deal that they could do differently though. It was a really easy recipe and since there was nowhere else to put the blood other than the single opening, it didn't seem like there was any way to get it wrong. It was a foolproof method.

Except it wasn't, because there they were, a bunch of fools gathered around as Sorcerio kept repeating the action of dropping the elf blood into the vial. It would glow each time, lifting magically into the air for a few seconds before the power petered out and it dropped back to the table. By now, even Zog's anger had cooled into puzzlement and Sorcerio puttered back to the book with a soft curse. "I followed every possible interpretation of the directions!"

"Then what keeps going wrong?" Zog peered at the book himself, as though it would provide him with some answers, but Bean knew that her dad barely remembered how to read.

"Maybe the vial is a fake," Odval muttered, lifting it to eye level and peering suspiciously at it. 

Bean couldn't just be quiet at that, not after everything she'd been through just to get the damn thing. "It's gotta be real!" She protested, and such was Zog's state of mind that he didn't even bother to point out that she shouldn't even have been in the room, much less participating in the conversation. "I mean, it was glowing and dinging! No substance known to man both glows and dings." She'd seen the magic with her own eyes! The way it had reacted to Elfo, it just had to be real. The only thing that made any sense was if Sorcerio was just screwing it up again somehow. Sure, he'd said it was easy and the book certainly made it look so, but there had to be more to it, something he was missing.

"It could be a convincing knock of made of some kind cheaper magic material like middle earth zirconia or pleather. We need an expert."

Odval slid his hat back down over his eye with a scowl. "If only there was some way to know for sure."

There was a small noise from Zog, something that drew the eyes of the room to him. Bean couldn't help a flicker of surprise at seeing that look on her father's face. It was a strange sort of discomfort, not his usual bubbling anger but something else that went a little deeper. She could see the reluctance in his expression and that was jarring enough in itself because Zog wasn't the sort of person who was uncomfortable. He was the king and that meant he could do whatever the hell he wanted with impunity. What could make her father so reluctant? Whatever the internal war he was going through, he finally ducked his head and let out a rasping breath. "I think I know a guy. We'll have to fetch Old Man Touchy!"

Questions, just so many questions.

-

As they made their way down the winding staircases to the dungeon, torch held high and casting shadows across the stone walls, Zog finally explained. "Old Man Touchy," He said, as though it meant something. Bean and Luci trailed behind him, as well as a couple of the knights, only highlighting how dangerous he considered this Old Man Touchy to be. "He can identify anything he's touched.... and there's nothing he hasn't touched. That's why he's in the dungeon." Once he reached the bottom of the stairs and entered the dungeon proper, he approached a cell that Bean had passed many times in her life.

Weirdly she'd never thought to question the fact that there was an eyeless man in the dungeon who was also bound against the wall by each finger. Now that she was thinking about it, it definitely struck her as weird. But considering she was usually drunk when she ventured into the dungeon to gaggle at the prisoners as though they were animals in a menagerie, she didn't generally have many memories of the place at all. Only her time as Stan's apprentice, when she hadn't been drunk for the majority of her visit, really stuck out in her mind, and she'd been more focused on how bad she was at torturing people to pay attention to the minute details.

Zog kept a safe distance as he sent the knights into the cell to fetch the prisoner. The other two prisoners in the cell pressed themselves up against the far wall as the knights freed the man from the wrist manacles, though they left the finger clamps on. Both of the other men were tough looking ruffian sorts, the kind that Bean would have willingly shacked up with to get on her dad's nerves and yet they eyed Touchy with a wary, near-panicked look, trying to keep as far away as possible.

The knights dragged Touchy out and the old man's eyeless gaze fell across Zog, as keen as if he could actually see the king there. Zog hesitated for only a few seconds before turning and making his way back up the stairs at a rapid pace that would normally have winded him, but he was being unusually spry when presented with the opportunity to run away from Touchy's creepy non-stare.

As they came back to the council room, only then did Zog turn to face the prisoner. Bean had been smart enough to follow close behind her father, though she'd never managed to overtake him, so she was able to keep herself a short distance from Old Man Touchy when the guards finally unmanacled his fingers and took a quick step back, trying to get out of range. Bean did too, though Touchy made a beeline directly for Zog in a way that spoke of some kind of familiarity. 

"Long time no feel, your highness," The old man was almost panting with excitement, his long, emaciated form almost draping over Zog. Bean could see the flinch as the man's strangely lithe fingers moved across his shoulders and the line of his cloak. "It is an honour to fulfill your need for touch." 

Zog flinched at that. "Good to see the twinkle in the holes where your eyes used to be..."

As Old Man Touchy's hands slid down Zog's green tunic, the man started rattling off words that made only the slightest sense to Bean. She knew it was just a listing of the materials that her father's clothing was made of, in meticulous detail, but it meant nothing to her. Still, it did assuage her worries that Zog had called up a creepy quack who wasn't going to know the first thing about the pendant they'd brought back. This guy was creepy as hell, but he definitely knew his stuff.

Zog grunted, pushing Touchy away from him. "Enough chitchat. " Touchy seemed completely disinterested in Zog's words, instead running his hands over everything in the room. For just a moment, his fingers brushed across Bean's boot and she took a step backward without even thinking about it. Involuntary self-preservation. Fortunately, he wasn't interested in her. His fingers slid away to one side and the back of his hand bumped against Elfo. Zog continued, unaware of the man's distracted state. "Now here's the deal: this spell is supposed to need only two ingredients. This vial... and this elf's blood. But it's not working. I need you to tell me if this vial is-"

All of a sudden, something changed about Touchy. His idle interest became laser-focused and he ran his hands up Elfo's sides, making the elf squeal for a moment and burst into giggles. "That's my tummy!"

It sent a weird stab of panic through Bean's gut and she tensed, almost stepping forward to try and drag the weirdo off of her friend. Luci's tail wrapped around her leg, giving her a warning squeeze and she grimaced as she met his eye. Putting herself in range would have been stupid, and while she could guess that Luci's warning to her had a lot to do with the fact that Elfo endured a lot worse than a bit of handsiness on a daily basis and it wasn't worth it to get herself subjected to the same treatment, it didn't mean she was entirely happy with the necessary decision to leave Elfo to Old Man Touchy's tender mercies.

"Guards! Guards!" Zog was the one who stepped in at that point - or rather, had his knights do so. "No, you sicko!!" He growled out, thrusting the Eternity Pendant toward the blind man. "Examine the vial!"

Touchy let out a low hiss, "Oh, if you insist." Then he finally ran his hands over the item, a quick sloppy gesture with the pads of his fingers barely brushing along the vial's edges before he snapped impatiently, "The vial is real." All that build-up for such a small moment, but it only verified what Bean had already said. She'd been right! She knew it. The glowing and dinging had proved it in her mind but if this would convince her father, then she'd deal with it. Touchy was reaching for Elfo again and Bean's hand darted out, trying to catch the back of Elfo's shirt, but he was out of range. Touchy's hands settled on Elfo's shoulders, sliding up to press against his face. "It's this specimen over here that requires further examination."

His hands moved swiftly, fingers pushing and prodding at Elfo's cheeks and nose, smooshing his face in ways that Bean had always kind of wanted to do because he just had that kind of look about him, like something that was worth squishing and touching and hugging. Elfo had this kind of raw animal appeal that she'd noticed even her father couldn't resist sometimes. But she'd never dared to grab onto Elfo the way this man was doing. His large hand slid up under Elfo's shirt and gave the room a quick flash of his soft green tummy. Bean felt Luci's clawed fingers digging into her leg just above her boot and she wasn't sure if he was trying to warn her or if this display made even a demon uncomfortable. Elfo was squirming, while Touchy talked aloud, more to himself than to Zog or the others in the room. "Fascinating... I've never felt anything like this before!" There was something like awe in his voice.

Strange. Considering how easily Old Man Touchy had identified not only minute details of things like clothing materials as well as obscure things like the Eternity Pendant which presumably hadn't been seen by anyone in Dreamland before - and just how old _was_ Touchy anyway? - the fact that he was stymied by an elf was odd. Then again, as Zog had said on the day Elfo had first arrived to crash Bean's wedding, elves hadn't been seen for hundreds of years. So maybe Touchy had just never gotten his hands on one before.

"This isn't an elf..." Touchy said, softly, distracted, his hands sliding up Elfo's chest and down his sides before moving back to his face. "But it's not not an elf..." The guards were moving finally, presumably to pull the old man away from Elfo, but they didn't have to as Touchy sat back on his heels finally, empty eye sockets staring in Elfo's direction. His fingers grazed across Elfo's cheek again, almost tenderly. "He is, however, soft and velvety."

He really was. Now that Bean thought about it, the words made sense. That was the feeling she got when she put her hands on his cheeks sometimes. He was softer than a human and not just because of the slight layer of lingering baby fat around his middle. It was the reason he couldn't help but make her think of an animal because it wasn't just being soft... it was almost like a strange kind of fuzziness. Velvety. Right.

Whatever Elfo's thoughts on being manhandled in such a literal manner, he still perked up at the compliment. "Thank you." The rest of the words took a moment to sink in and then he turned to look at Touchy with wide eyes, "Wait, what?"

He wasn't the only one puzzled either, Zog blurted out in surprise. "What do you mean it's not an elf?!"

Touchy turned to not-look at Zog. "Your elf's blood won't work because this is not an elf." Unlike his earlier pronouncements, he didn't elaborate further, perhaps because, in this rare instance, he could only tell what Elfo wasn't, instead of what he was.

But he couldn't be right. Bean knew that the man was treated as though he was some kind of all-powerful, all-knowing being of creepy touch, but there was no reason to believe Elfo wasn't an elf. 

"Y-you're wrong!" Elfo's little green form was shaking in anger or indignation and he looked at the blind old man with dismay. "I demand a second opinion! Touch me somewhere else!"

He wasn't the only one upset. Zog was standing there with the wind taken out of his sails, looking down at Elfo like he'd never seen him before. Bean had heard that note in her father's voice before, the sound he made when someone was pushing and pushing at him, testing his patience. It was the sound he made right before he finally cracked. "So this little twit who I welcomed into my home, clothed and fed and built the finest luxury cage for _lied_ to me about being an elf?!"

"I didn't lie!" Elfo rounded on him, voice going high and shrill.

Bean couldn't be silent. She'd stood back long enough and let this go on despite her own discomfort and this was the last push she needed. She knew her father and if his anger wasn't headed off now, he might do something stupid. Or else he'd have a heart attack. Either wasn't ideal. "Dad, don't be ridiculous." She gestured at Elfo who was standing there, quivering in indignant anger, on the verge of tears. "His name is Elfo, for Pete's sake."

Of course Sorcerio had to pipe in and it took every ounce of Bean's control to not smack the dumbass upside the head. "That does seem suspicious. Tacking an O onto the end of Elf? Bah!" He scoffed as though his own name wasn't equally obvious. " It's suspiciously on the nose."

Elfo's voice was sharp as he tried to protest. "This is crazy! I'm an elf! My whole family are elves!" He raised his arms in a way that was more hapless than angry. "If you look up 'elf' in the dictionary, the picture is my cousin, Examplo!"

Zog wasn't listening, or he was too worked up by his own anger to pay attention. "Ah, you! You ruined everything I worked for!" Bean could see the throbbing vein in her father's temple as he stared down at Elfo with a look that was equal parts fury and disgust. "Lying to me in any other way than flattery is a mortal crime!" His fragile ego just couldn't stand the idea that someone wasn't just bending to his whim, whether it was possible or not. "Guards, seize him!" He gestured to the guards who released their grip on Touchy to go after the much smaller target. If it wasn't for the fact that Elfo was in danger, it would have been laughable how Zog needed two full sized guards to grab one easily picked up elf.

Or... non-elf. Bean honestly wasn't sure what to think anymore.

But regardless of whether Elfo was or wasn't actually an elf, that didn't invalidate everything he'd gone through and Bean was royally pissed off that her father could so callously throw him away. Literally thrown away, as Zog uttered the words that sent Bean's heart plummeting. "Elfo is hereby banished from Dreamland! Get him out of here!"

She'd kept still throughout a lot of this nonsense. She'd dealt with the disbelief in her conclusion about the pendant, even though she'd both known the truth and had been proven right. She'd stood back while some gross old man had touched Elfo in ways that made her want to punch him for his presumption. But this was something she wasn't just going to stand still for. Her father had already made her life thoroughly miserable and now he was about to take away one of the only friends she had. No. She wasn't going to let it happen!

"No!" Bean lunged forward to intercept the men, only to have Pendergast step in. He'd clearly been waiting to do so, expecting this move on her part, and despite how much she was frustrated by his misogyny and brownnosing toward her father on a daily basis, he was strong enough - and had enough leverage - that he was able to pull her back. His arms curled beneath hers from behind, hooking at her and holding as she struggled. Her struggles were matched by Elfo's squirming as he was dragged out of the room, crying out in protest.

She managed, by turning her arms at a painful angle and ducking her weight down, to slide free of Pendergast's grasp, but instinctively she knew that there was going to be no way to get to the door - and more importantly - out of the castle in time to intercept the knights who were dragging Elfo down the stairs. If Elfo was thrown out of the castle and wandered off, there'd be no way for them to find him afterward. Her mind was going over the variables and it was amazing how much she could put together and how quickly she could do it when there wasn't the constant fog of drugs and alcohol to get in the way. It was almost like she was smart or something.

Bean managed to dodge around both Pendergast and her father - the latter being a lot harder because despite Zog's lack of nimble skill, he still just _took up_ a lot of space. She rushed to the window and was rewarded with seeing Elfo being pulled across the courtyard to the portcullis. God, he was almost out the gate already. When had they gotten so fast? "Elfo!" She called out through the open window. He wasn't that far away, not yet. She still had time... 

"Bean!" He cried back at her, soft and helpless. "I'll miss you!"

No. God damn it, no. This wasn't going to happen. She'd just gotten him back! "Elfo! This is not over! Stay-"

Her words were cut off as Pendergast grabbed her again, yanking her back from the window. Damn it. She'd never finished her message and outside she could hear Elfo's high voice rising in a question she couldn't fully make out. Had he understood? She didn't know and that meant she needed to get out of here as soon as possible, in case he hadn't. She squirmed and tugged in Pendergast's grasp as she was dragged in front of her father.

While Bean struggled with Pendergast, trying to get free of the man's grip and keenly aware that every passing second was another second where Elfo could be in danger, Zog decided to express his anger in yet another of his futile methods, snatching up countless scepters and throwing them out the nearest window.

She glared over her shoulder, torn between focusing on the knight holding her and her father who was the cause of all this trouble. "How could you do this?! Elfo risked his life getting you that stupid vial!"

"Not now, Bean. Daddy's very angry." For someone who'd been yelling his head off a moment ago, Zog was surprisingly composed as he looked at his erstwhile daughter. Bean wanted to punch him. Kick him. Maybe pitch him out the window right onto his stupid spiky-haired head, if she could have stood any chance of actually being able to lift his fat ass without hurting herself. She was panting with her efforts to escape - and a little because her chest felt so tight that drawing air seemed impossible. She'd thought she lost him more than once on their whole stupid mission and she hadn't given a damn about the actual vial itself because a stupid trinket like that, even on that supposedly made people immortal - wasn't as important as the life and safety of her -

_ Her what? “Friend” felt a bit inadequate somehow. It didn't fully express how Elfo had so thoroughly wormed his way into her heart. Even if he was small and weird and possibly annoying, how could she fault him for that? She was big and weird and definitely annoying to a lot of people and he'd never cared about that. Anyway, it didn't really matter because he was more than merely important to her. In the short span of time they'd known each other, he'd become somehow vital. He reminded her of the things she'd almost forgotten... reminded her that hope was a thing worth having. _

_ She'd been so close to the edge of despair before he'd shown up and interrupted her wedding, ready to just give up and stop her fighting and let it happen. She wouldn't have wanted to say yes to Merkimer during their wedding but she'd had no hope of anything better. She remembered the feeling of resignation as she'd gotten dressed for the wedding and how she'd escaped the castle so many times in the past, it had become easy for her, and yet this one time she couldn't get away. She'd been too mired in the inevitability of it to think that anything could change... _

_ Just his presence, showing up when he had, had thrown her a lifeline. It had snapped her out of that cloud of despair and given her a reason to remember herself and fight back. Sure, maybe it had just resulted in them being captured and brought back, but she'd also put her foot down about the marriage nonsense and forced her father to see reason.  _

_ Elfo had given her hope and in turn, she'd had the power to take back her life. It was a constant theme in their friendship, something that she'd not found with anyone else, except maybe Luci. _

_ And that was another thing she wondered about, if Luci felt that pull too, because she hadn't known him that much longer than she'd known Elfo, but it felt like he'd changed too in all that time... if that was even possible. She would have asked him but never really felt it was the right time to bring it up... especially when it meant delving into her own feelings and what they could possibly mean. She wasn't ready for that. Not just to satisfy her curiousity. _

_ Even with this dire situation, she still wasn't ready for that. _

_ Friends. They were friends. That was all. _

Besides, this also made one other thing painfully obvious to her, and it was something far safer for her to think about than Elfo and what Elfo was to her. It reminded her of all the other callous things Zog had ever done during her life, all the things that had made her thoroughly miserable. Sure, just being a princess was bad enough, but it wasn't like her dad had ever actively helped her out or made her feel like her opinion and viewpoints were valid. He was always tearing her down instead, when he wasn't just ignoring her existence or acting like the very thought of her was some kind of immense shame.

Maybe it wasn't the time to bring it up, especially considering everything else that was going on, but it was all bubbling over and she was angry enough about what he'd already done to Elfo that her long-smouldering frustration and resentment over her own mistreatment finally flared up hot and powerful. "You know, I just realized something-" Her hands clenched into fists as she stared at Zog, eyes narrowed. "You're the reason I have a drinking problem-" There was more she wanted to say, but her dad didn't let her.

"Of course I am. I'm your father." He said, in a way that was absolutely infuriating because it was so matter-of-fact. It was clear that he _did_ know the shitty things he'd done to her and that they weren't even enough for him to get angry over. He was more upset over his stupid vial and his stupid quest to become immortal than he was in how he was fucking up his own children. 

She couldn't hold back, and any carefully thought out speeches about the ways he'd ruined her life were quickly pitched aside in favour of a full-on verbal attack. "You know what else you are? You're selfish! You're a terrible king, and if even if you do find a way to live for eternity, no one in their right mind would want to spend it with you!"

Zog glared at her, then bobbed his head toward Pendergast, who grabbed her arm. "Take her away! Lock her up until she stops pointing things out!' Another of the knights stepped forward to grab hold of Bean's other arm.

Pendergast hesitated for a moment, like even he was momentarily surprised by Zog's command. Throwing out Elfo was one thing, but Zog didn't often bother with anything more severe where Bean was involved. Usually he just kind of sat back and let things happen and indulged in griping about them later. "Her chambers, sire?"

Yeah, let them lock her up in her room. Like she couldn't just sneak out the way she always did. It was _too easy_. It was almost laughable. More importantly, it was part of the plan. She had to get out of here as soon as possible so she could catch up with Elfo before he got himself lost or kidnapped again. She would have been smug about the way that her dad was ignorant enough to play into her own hand like this, but then he did something she hadn't expected.

"Nah. She's too good at escaping from there." Though true, it still pissed her off that Zog actually had the foresight to realize that she'd just get out once they put her in her room and she stared at him in dismay while he continued. "Someplace more secure! And her smart-mouthed cat too!"

Luci was just as unamused as Bean, and though he looked more composed than she was, possibly because it was harder to see expressions on his dark face, she could still _feel_ the anger vibrating off of him. He backed up toward her, hopping up onto her boot. "Nice typical reaction, Mr. Predictable."

She didn't have the opportunity to say more, to really vent herself upon him, because Pendergast and his lackey knight dragged her from the room. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. This took a bit, but mostly because I was working on Nanowrimo and it was taking up most of my attention! I'm fixing up my nano fic for posting the chapters but I've also got several more one-shot that I'm wrapping up soon for posting too! I'll also have the final chapters of "The Devil Went Down in Dreamland" and "No Good Deed" available online in a few days!


	26. Chapter 26

-

Bean had the opportunity to count every single step on the slow way down to the dungeon. But that wasn't where they stopped. They went a level even lower than that which was how she knew that her dad's knights were taking this whole thing more seriously than usual. She stumbled as she was thrown headlong into the Meat locker, landing face-first in a side of uncooked bacon. She sputtered, burying her hands in the thick greasy slab of meat to push herself up. She rushed, but the door closed before she could reach it, forcing her to grip at the bars, peering through the small opening at the two guards who were setting up station just outside. If it weren't for them, there was a chance she could have reached out through the ridiculously widely spread out bars and just pulled on the lever to unlock the door herself. If she tried with these two bozos around, they would probably have swatted at her hands and made it difficult.

So instead she just resorted to demanding. It wasn't like she was being guarded by the most intelligent and strong-willed knights in the castle. "Hey! Let me out! If Elfo goes, I go!" She was giving them her most commanding expression - which probably wasn't that commanding but honestly neither was her dad's when he didn't have a trap door and a bunch of other armed guards around to bend people to his will. She had to be convincing, that was all. Her narrow-eyed gaze was intent enough that she should have been boring a hole right through Turbish's balding skull.

He definitely noticed what she was doing because he shuffled a little, uncomfortably, ducking his head into the neck of his armour a little and clearing his throat. "No cannot do, Princess." His voice came out meeker than a knight should sound, meaning that she probably could eventually work him over and intimidate him enough to get him to let her go, as long as someone else didn't come and give another order to keep her in there. Bean was already preparing what she was going to say to scare him when another voice came from the doorway to the room, one that was far more unsettling than Bean's could ever be.

"But I can." It took a few seconds for the words to really register because it was the last thing she was expecting to hear from the Royal Chancellor. He'd never been too fond of her or her 'antics' and made no attempt to hide how much he would have dearly loved to marry her off to someone as a political maneuver - and to get her out of the kingdom, preferably as far away as possible. The thing with Bentwood had just been the only deal he'd managed to work out that hadn't fallen through the moment the other kingdom got wind of just how much trouble Bean was. He'd been pretty angry about the fact it had not only fallen through but almost led to a war between Dreamland and Bentwood, but she was still the princess and her dad still liked her more than Derek. So the fact that Odval was coming down here and it wasn't to gloat at the fact that she'd been locked away like a common side of beef... well... that was a surprise.

Odval had a heavy key ring on his belt and a vulture-like air around him that made her tense as he drew near the door. But despite her concerns, he only slid the key into the lock and unlocked the door. The rasp of metal against metal made her wince for a second, even as she watched the door to her prison pulled open. It didn't help explain why he'd done it, and she was baffled as she stepped out of the Meat Vault. "Go. Find your friend."

"Wow... that's... pretty decent..." She couldn't think of anything to say but the obvious. Given how little love Odval had for her and her friends, it didn't make sense that he'd just... let her go. "I was not expecting that." Luci was moving to keep pace with her and his expression was less wowed than hers, just a kind of low-key annoyance that was only amplified by the way his tail kept flicking against the back of her calves.

Any gratitude she had toward Odval was quickly dispelled as the man showed his true colours - not that they'd been well hidden to begin with. "I wish you the best of luck embarrassing some other kingdom."

Aha. Well that made so much more sense. Of course he wanted her gone and she supposed now was a good time to do it, when she and her dad were on the outs. It wasn't like Zog was ever going to let his guards get rid of her under normal circumstances, but if they could say she'd just escaped and run off... well...

Luci was on the same page, smiling up at her sardonically, "But were you expecting that?" Their gazes met and it reminded her that she didn't really care about Odval's transparent motivations. As long as it freed them up to go find Elfo, she would take it.

"Yeah, Kinda." The two of them darted for the door, moving quickly, just in case there was anyone else on the castle staff who knew she was supposed to be locked up and decided to try and bring her back. As she made her way around to the castle gate, there were a couple of odd looks thrown her way but all it took was a glare from her and an answering puff of smoke from Luci to make them back off. Luci jumped up onto her shoulder and from there onto the lever to the gate, dislodging it with his tail and then riding the chain as the portcullis rose. He jumped down to her shoulder as she crossed the drawbridge and made her way through the streets of Dreamland.

-

She'd tried, really she had. Before she'd been grabbed, her message to Elfo had been intended to encourage him to stay as close to the castle as possible, to make it easier for them to find him during their inevitable escape. As they made their way through the streets surrounding the castle, there was little sign that Elfo had chosen to hang around, meaning he must not have understood her muffled yelling. It wasn't a surprise but it was still frustrating. Luci put his nose to the air, sniffing for a second before jumping down to the cobbled streets in front of her. "Looks like he went this way."

Bean hesitated a second, darting a glance back over her shoulder. Given the way she'd left - just steamrolling her way out the front gate instead of her usual sneaking - she was expecting to run into some knights coming to bring her back. They really couldn't afford to search every single building in Dreamland in an attempt to find Elfo... but she wasn't sure how Luci was so convinced. "How can you tell?"

The demon's eye narrowed a little and he let out a snort, his ears going sideways. "Look, I know you humans have lousy noses, but to anyone who doesn't, Elfo stands out. He stinks like candy. So unless someone other than the castle cooks is independently wealthy enough to be able to afford for confectionaries, he definitely went this way." He sniffed again then started walking in the direction he'd indicated, leaving Bean with no options but to either follow him or let him get out of sight. She chose to follow. It wasn't like she had any better ideas.

Luci kept his nose to the air as they followed the downward trending street past the center of town. They passed near the bar where the three of them usually hung out and Bean was momentarily tempted to stop in, to grab a beer for the road. Given the day she'd already had - hell, the last couple of weeks - she deserved the opportunity to get drunk, right? But it was way too early in the morning for the bar to be open. She still paused in front of it, dismayed. The demon took a few more steps before stopping in his tracks and turning his head to look at her. He eased back in her direction as he saw what she was looking at.

"It's closed." He pointed out. It was obvious because there was a sign saying just that, but that still didn't make any sense.

"It's not three am." She pointed out.

"I'm pretty sure there's a point where it's closed and hasn't opened yet. We're just never actually up that early." Luci nudged at her booted calf with one paw and she grimaced.

"After all this, I could really have used a drink," she confided, and Luci's expression was as sympathetic as the demon ever got. Which mostly meant that he gave his head a little tip, almost a nod, then tapped at her leg with his tail again. She let out a sigh, pinching at the bridge of her nose and trying to ignore the urge to just sneak into the place and steal some beer anyway. It would only take a moment...

"We'll find him." Luci said and Bean bit her lip, reminded again that Luci could see through her more easily than he usually let on. It was something to do with the fact that he was soul-bonded with her. He usually wasn't the voice of reason and support though, with that being relegated to Elfo. It must have been a struggle for him, having to take Elfo's position as the one who wasn't busy instigating her to get into trouble. He was right though... he had her pegged. She was starting to feel the flickers of nervousness in her gut, the worry that since her message hadn't gotten across to Elfo at all, that he might have gone too far or worse, been picked up by someone else. After their last mission to rescue their elf companion, she wasn't sure she was actually up to another one, especially one where she didn't have the resources of her father's knights and their supplies and horses.

If Elfo was too far... if they couldn't find him...

Shit, she really needed a drink. Just one. But Luci's paw was warm against her, she could feel it through the fabric of her pants, resting against her calf, the shape of his clawed fingers pressed against her. She wasn't sure if she just didn't pay enough attention to his body temperature normally or whether he was actually deliberately choosing to be warmer, but his touch was almost searing against her leg. It was a small pain that burned right through the near-panic that was bubbling in her, grounding her.

When she looked down, right into Luci's demon eye, she didn't get a vision of unsettling monstrousness, just a cool, assessing stare. She let out a slow breath and he repeated, in case she hadn't heard the first time in the midst of her surge of anxiety. "We'll find him." This time she nodded, not trusting herself enough to actually speak, even to agree with him. She managed to force her legs to move again, finally, moving with an awkward, stiff-legged gait in the direction Luci had indicated before, away from the security of the bar and its familiarity.

It took a few steps, but the more she forced herself forward, the easier it was to accept. They were doing this. They were going to find Elfo.

She had no idea what would come after that... whether there was any chance she'd be able to return to the castle after defying her father's orders or if she'd be stuck in exile because of this. But for the moment all that existed was the need to bring her friend back. She felt Luci's paw against her boot again before he climbed up her leg, perching himself on her shoulder. For a moment, he bumped his cheek against her, though she was certain he'd try to pass it off as an accident if she said anything about the gesture of solidarity, she couldn't help but feel a little bolstered by it. At least she knew someone had her back.

-

When they reached the edge of town, Luci perked up again. He'd kept his nose to the air for most of their hurried walk, though both of them had pretty easily concluded that Elfo had been heading for the outskirts of the kingdom right at the beginning. There had been some small amount of hope that Bean's longer legs meant she'd be able to catch up with their wayward elf a lot more quickly, but for such a tiny thing, Elfo could retreat really quickly when he needed to. The loosely defined road to Dreamland continued through the flat plains leading toward the Enchanted Forest, as well as the branching road that went further south toward the hills. 

Bean suspected that Elfo wouldn't have gone the other route - he'd never been there before, as far as she knew, and the forest was the more familiar path - but Luci was quick to confirm that, hopping down and dropping to all fours for just a second to scuttle back and forth before sitting up straight again. "Yeah, he was here." As he stood, he pressed one of his own shadowy demon feet into the much larger imprint of a shoe in the drying mud along the roadside. It was definitely too small to be human, and with that distinctive shape that only Elfo's footware seemed to have. "Probably ran off to the forest." Luci let out a snort, mildly annoyed. "So predictable."

"At least he's less likely to get kidnapped from there." Bean said. She wasn't as certain as she sounded, leaning down to scoop up Luci, holding him in the crook of one arm the way she usually carried Elfo. While it was true that most humans didn't bother going into the forest unless they had to, mostly due to the sheer amount of superstition surrounding the place, there were still plenty of people in the world who weren't ignorant yokels like the Dreamlanders and who might venture in for the prize of a very rare, magical elf.

Well... not elf. 

As they reached the edge of the forest, Bean paused a second, glancing back over her shoulder before ducking between the outlying trees. She hadn't seen or heard any sign of a pursuit, so Odval's command had probably kept the knights from ratting her out right away, but it was something she couldn't expect to last. They had to find Elfo and get him to safety before the inevitable manhunt for her. There was no way her dad was going to be reasonable enough to actually just let her go, especially after she'd pissed him off again with her criticisms.

Luci wiggled in her grasp and she loosened her grip long enough to let him hop down, his dark fur ruffled from being held so close. He gave her a slight grimace. "I'm not a teddy bear." He muttered, though his heart wasn't in his scolding. He scanned the forest litter. To Bean, who had never learned the specifics of how to hunt or track, the trail of elf footprints was quickly lost among the leaves and moss and the slight - to her nose - but distinct scent of Elfo was lost in the smell of loam and trees. Luci, on the other hand, just gave his tail a swish. "It looks like he came this way. He entered right between these trees." He paused for a second, leaning down to rustle in what seemed to be a meaningless patch of leaves. "I think he might have been crying."

Of course. It would have been more surprising if Elfo hadn't cried, considering everything they'd just gone through. Bean could have cried herself on a few occasions, though she'd mostly resorted to expressing her emotions with anger instead. It made her feel a lot less helpless.

"We'll find him." She said, fighting down her own surge of despair at the dismal possibilities that _they might not_. She wasn't going to fall into that trap. She took hold of her anger instead, gripped it tight and turned it into determination instead. She could feel a tingle on her skin, a warning hint of magic that permeated the entirety of the Enchanted Forest but especially anywhere that wasn't safely on the path, and she ignored it. As she took a few more steps into the forest, the path behind them seemed to drop off, leaving no visible hints of Dreamland in their wake.

-

As the trail wound further into the forest, Bean quickly lost all sense of direction. Luci didn't waver though, alternating between climbing up her body to survey the area and fussing around on the forest floor, finding evidence of elf presence that was - to Bean's eyes - pretty much invisible. There were a few instances where she could look at the faint indication of tracks and picture Elfo's oddly shaped shoes, but for the most part she was going into it blind.

Still, for someone as small as Elfo, with such short legs, he was proving to be either way faster than she'd ever expected, or else he was just making much better progress in the undergrowth than she was. As she climbed up onto a fallen log to cross a slight gully, Luci scuttled inside, calling up at her. "I found him!" She jumped down, feeling the swift patter of her heartbeat as she leaned down, trying to get a glimpse inside the hollowed-out log. Luci emerged a second later, lugging something that was decidedly _not_ Elfo. "Nevermind." He said and Bean let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "It's just three-quarters of a dead raccoon."

Bean sagged a little as Luci unceremoniously stuffed the dead animal into his mouth before scuttling forward a few more paces. She was determined not to give in to despair just yet, reminding herself that they'd literally tracked Elfo halfway across the world only a couple of days ago and that this was so much simpler, so much closer. They had to find him. There was no other possibility. But for some reason she was feeling more on the verge of despair now than she had been when the odds had been so stacked against them. Maybe it was because the last time she'd known she had backup, even if it hadn't been the most ideal. Now she only had Luci.

While Bean was distracted by her thoughts, Luci was distracted by something else. His tail flicked out, lashing across her leg, just above her protective boot. It was a jolt of pain that was enough to get her attention, even with her current state. "What-" she started, only to have Luci hiss at her, cutting off the rest of her words. She scowled for a second but felt herself tensing anyway, fingers clenching against her palms. Her voice was lower, barely above a whisper. "What is it?" They'd not had much luck on pretty much every trip to this damned forest and there were any number of strange creatures, so many stories of boogeymen in the dark depths of the woods and things that happened to those unfortunate enough to stray from the safe paths. She was travelling with a demon and he wasn't the darkest thing that supposedly existed in the Enchanted Forest, not by a long shot.

"I hear something." Luci said, unhelpfully, then waved an inky paw at her. "Stay here for a sec." Before she could protest, or point out that there might be more safety in numbers, Luci pulled away from her to slink forward into the dense underbrush, disappearing like a shadow in an unlit hallway.

Bean took a step forward without thinking. There were too many swirling thoughts but first and foremost was that she couldn't let Luci get out of her sight. Losing him too would have been the only thing that could make this entire situation more unbearable than it already was. She bit her lip to keep from actually calling out, in case it might alert whatever monsters were lurking. All of her care was for nothing though as her foot came down on a twig that blended in with the damp loam and rotting leaf litter on the forest floor. The snap of it made her freeze.

Then, from beyond the thick trees ahead of her, she heard a soft, high pitched and achingly familiar sound: the caught squeak of a frightened elf. Before she could worry that she might just be hearing something, imagining things that weren't there, she got verification in the form of a high wavery voice. "Who's there?!" 

Elfo.

She would have called out in response, but for a moment the sense of relief was too great, leaving her standing there with the breath coming a little hard between her teeth. It wasn't until she heard Elfo let out a sharp cry that she was finally able to unstick her feet from the ground, dashing forward and wincing a little as the waist-high brush caught at her tunic and legs, forcing her to struggle through them. She froze just outside the clearing, just in time to see Elfo leap down from the limb of a tree.

His agility was surprising, given his short limbs and his generally weak-seeming nature. While he was tough enough to endure torture at Sorcerio's hands in the name of science, he wasn't really athletic. He was crying out, but in desperate anger and fear, something that would have made her rush to the rescue under normal circumstances, but she was still a bit held up in the branches. What was he doing anyway?

He was braced on his knees, bent over and bringing his small green arms back in a frantic pummeling motion as he screamed out his usual greeting with a completely different timber than normal. "Who. Are. You!. Hi. I'm Elfo!" He registered the identity of his seeming assailant - assailee? - at about the same moment as Bean did. The flicking of that slender, spaded tail was enough to make her realize that Luci's attempts to go on ahead had only succeeded at earning him Elfo's panicked ire. Maybe it was a good thing she hadn't been the one to lead the charge, because it seemed like Elfo was really going at it, still slamming his fists into Luci's large black snout with determination, even as his tone shifted. "Oh! Luci!" His relieved words were punctuated by the thud of his blows. "The two of you came for me? You're the best friends I could ever imagine."

Bean could feel a wash of second hand emotion from Luci, licking at her across their bond. It was an odd mix, something she couldn't quite make heads or tails of, other than the obvious frustration and confusion. It mirrored her own. Luci's ears were back, his head turned slightly to try and soften the blows as he snapped, "You realize you're still hitting me, right?" There was danger and promise in his tone and neither was very encouraging. She would have reminded Luci that they weren't here to kill Elfo, but she was pretty sure that he had more restraint than that.

Elfo's tone was wobbly and embarrassed and yet he was still continuing with his blows, "Well yes." He said, and Bean shook her head a little, finally managing to wrest aside the tangle of branches while the two were conversing over Elfo's violent ambush. "But I'm afraid of what you'll do when I stop."

She could have told him not to worry. For some reason she was getting that much across their soul bond, that despite his frustration, Luci wasn't going to strike back for once. But Luci took any need for that out of her hands as he hooked the spaded tip of his tail in the collar of Elfo's shirt and lifted him high. Bean was there, at last, dropping to one knee beside the pair as Luci hoisted their missing companion high, right into Bean's waiting embrace.

She pressed her cheek into his warmth, feeling his arms coming up around her to return her hug. Her face hurt and she realized that she was smiling. The licking warmth settling in her was mostly her own, along with a slightly muted wash that might have been coming from Luci. Either way, she felt herself finally able to relax. 

Luci's tail unhooked as Bean and Elfo hugged and he sat up, grimacing. "It's about time." He turned over, pushing to his feet as he glared at the two of them, as though he was personally offended by this display of affection. He probably was. Bean reached out anyway, hooking her fingers against the scruff of his neck so she could pull him into their embrace. He stiffened, his tail giving a lash behind him but not actually pushing out of her touch. Elfo leaned into it too, curling a small green arm around Luci's body to hug him close. 

"We're all together now," she said finally, releasing her grasp long enough for Luci to wiggle free of her embrace. "This time, we're going to stay that way, no matter what." Elfo bit his lip, brows furrowed for a second before he met her eyes and gave his head a hesitant bob. Though Luci was ruffled and still engaged in smoothing down the fur ruffled from Bean's impromptu embrace, he still locked gazes with her, his ears giving a slow twitch before he sighed.

"Yeah, why not?" The corner of the demon's mouth quirked slightly. "I've been stuck with you two losers since Bean's wedding. It's not like things could get any worse." He was trying to be funny, most likely, but even with the sardonic edge to his voice, Bean could tell he wasn't as upset over this arrangement as he was acting. No matter how much the demon blustered, she knew that he had at least a little bit of a soft spot for Elfo, and though he didn't say as much to her, she knew from the feelings they shared across their bond, that he wasn't just sticking around with her because he had to.

"So... where do we go now?" Elfo asked, voice soft. If he expected that Bean and Luci had a more detailed plan beyond 'find Elfo', he was about to be sorely disappointed. She'd barely had enough foresight to get them this far. It was only the already dimming light that provided an opportunity to pause and think. It was going to be night soon, and as dark as the forest already was with its thick canopy of trees, it would soon be even more so. They weren't going to be going anywhere safely for a while.

"I think for now, maybe we should camp here." The clearing seemed fairly safe, they'd spotted no sign of dangerous animals and even if there were some, hopefully a campfire would be enough to keep them at a distance. Her answer didn't do much to assuage Elfo's worries, she could tell by the way he shuffled foot to foot. It was hard to know exactly what he was thinking about. The new information had come at them fast and without warning and given the immediate banishment on the heels of the reveal about his elf heritage, there was no way he'd had time to really process it. She could understand that. Life was just that overwhelming sometimes. Still, letting him get caught up in his own head wasn't going to help them right now. "Help me gather firewood," she said, and when he lifted his eyes uncertainly to meet hers, she offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, letting her fingers curl around his and giving a slight squeeze. "We can talk after."

"Okay." He said. Just that one word, but there was a lot behind it. Too much for her to think about right now. She was still dealing with the mental and emotional fallout of the last attempt to rescue her missing elf friend. She needed the respite, however brief.

Still, as she stood up, she didn't release his hand. He peered at their twined fingers for a moment but he didn't pull away. Maybe holding hands wasn't the best way to traverse a magical forest looking for things they could burn, but Bean didn't care. She wasn't ready to let go quite yet.

-


	27. Chapter 27

  
  


She honestly wasn't sure how long she stayed there with Elfo tucked warm and secure against her chest. It was enough time that Luci finally managed to wiggle away, something she'd already expected, given the demon's usual reaction to displays of affection. She was more surprised that he let them continue to hug without making some kind of snarky remark, further evidence of what Elfo sometimes liked to refer to as "Luci's really really deep down good side". Either way, she was grateful. As much as it hadn't been as long an absence as Elfo's kidnapping had been, she'd still felt those few hours right down to her bones. 

Maybe it wouldn't have been such a big deal if it didn't seem like the entire universe was doing its damned best to keep them apart, but given everything else, there was a certain amount of paranoia that was trying to settle in. 

She pressed her cheek against the side of his squishy green face and let out a soft breath against his ear that made him squirm a little in her grasp, though he didn't complain. It took a couple of minutes for his racing heartbeat to slow and Bean kept her hand settled against the middle of his back the entire time. When she finally drew back, more from the worry that her hold on him might have been cutting off his air than because of any real desire for distance, she met his eyes. "It's good to see you." She said past the slight hitch in her breath that was either a laugh of relief or a cut-off sob. "I was hoping you'd stay near the castle."

A deeper green flush rose to Elfo's cheeks at her words, embarrassment and dawning realization on his face. "So was that what you were trying to say?" He blurted out, then gave his head a shake. "I'm sorry I wandered off."

Bean didn't blame him for not understanding a garbled, cut-off message though and she squished his cheeks affectionately between her palms, something she hadn't done in a long while because she knew he found it undignified. "It's okay. We found you and we're all together again. And from now on, that's how we're going to stay." 

Luci cleared his throat, finally catching Bean's attention, though she didn't release her grip on Elfo just yet. His small green hands remained settled on her upper arms as she turned to look at their demon companion.

"While I hate to break up this nauseatingly sappy reunion, it's getting dark outside already. I'm not going to be a nightlight, so if you nerds need stuff like food or a fire, you should probably get to work on that."

"Oh... right." For once Luci's advice was not only not bad, it was actually really prudent. Something Bean might have expected from Elfo, in the past, and further evidence that despite the way her friends bickered, that they were rubbing off on each other more than they probably wanted to admit. "We can gather wood for a fire." She wasn't sure what to do about food. Dimly she remembered the strong smell of bacon from the Meat Vault and she couldn't help but feel stupid for not having considered grabbing some while they were making their exit. It would be okay though, she had confidence in their ability to get by as long as they were together. Elfo and Luci both had iron stomachs and Bean was sure she could find something in the forest that wouldn't kill her. 

She let out a sigh as she finally eased upright, getting to her feet. Without Elfo pressed in close, she could feel the slight coolness on the air, the forest already fairly dark with the thick canopy of trees overhead. It would only get colder before too long. Bean took a couple of steps, faltered for a second, and then held out her hand. Elfo's fingers slid across her palm and then curled with her own and she let out a small breath. At least if they were holding hands, he couldn't get snatched up again.

It made collecting the firewood a little trickier, but at least Elfo, with his closer to the ground vantage point, was able to spot things more easily. When Bean was forced to relinquish her grip, so they could actually start dragging their haul back, she made sure to keep relatively near, just in case. It wasn't exactly that she expected Big Jo or someone to pop out of the brush and grab him, but at this point, she really couldn't be too careful. 

Luci was waiting for them as they returned to the clearing, in the dim, it was possible to see that the tip of his tail was already glowing like an ember, carrying the faint smell of brimstone as he waved it in the air. While Bean was dragging some rocks toward the center of the clearing, at Elfo's insistence that it was the safer way to set up a fire according to the books - Elfo was arranging the sticks and a couple of the small logs they'd managed to drag back into a weird pyramid shape. It was way more effort than Bean had made in setting up the fire the last time and she'd had no problem getting hers lit and burning, but it was probably working as a distraction for Elfo so she didn't question it.

That was the thought sitting at the back of her mind that was becoming more and more prominent as she finally hoisted the last rock into place and had nothing else to focus on. When she went to help Elfo, he distractedly waved her off. As she eased onto a rock, back leaning against the large boulder at the edge of the clearing, she stretched her legs and watched. Luci joined Elfo, pointing out the flaws with his set up while Bean reached down to her belt, groping around for a moment before finally managing to locate one of her emergency flasks. She took a sip, rolling the liquid on her tongue as the questions rolled around inside her head.

Elfo hadn't really talked too much about the place he'd come from. She knew that he'd left his safe village in the forest because he found it boring - something she could understand from her own dull life in Dreamland - and that he hadn't exactly fit in there. But the exact details had never really come up and she'd never asked many questions. She'd taken the fact that he was an elf at face value, just like everyone else in Dreamland. What reason was there to doubt it? If someone small, generally elf-shaped, and named Elfo showed up, why would anyone assume he was anything but an elf? She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that it might not be true and she could only imagine that Elfo, himself, was just as confused about the matter.

She wasn't like her dad, she didn't have any reason to think that Elfo would have lied, especially not to her. 

Not to mention he was such a _bad_ liar, anyway, it wasn't like it wouldn't have been easy to see right through.

It meant that he had to have been similarly kept in the dark. As he finally peeled away from the newly lit fire and moved to sit on the rock nearby, she reached out to offer him her flask. He took it wordlessly. There was a long silence between them... stretching past the point where it was comfortable and companionable. Bean looked at him from the corner of his eye, though with night fallen at last, it was hard to make out even his familiar features in the uneven light of the fire. Even with that, she could see the slight hollow under his eyes that spoke of an exhaustion that went beyond just the time they'd spent being dragged around by Big Jo. Elfo was hurting. She wasn't sure what she could say to make it better... if there was anything that could possibly make it better to have found out that your entire life was a lie.

She waited, silent, because she didn't know what else to do. Pushing him might have been too much.

Maybe it wasn't the best solution, but after a few minutes, she could see the way Elfo's shoulders rose, the hitch in his body that was the prelude to more. After the relative stoicness he'd shown through all of their activities, it was almost a relief to see the air of forced calm finally crumbling around him. He'd always been the most emotional of the three of them and his tenseness had been more than a little jarring and unsettling. His shoulders hunched slightly as he took a long pull on the flask. Considering how rarely he could match Bean and Luci for alcohol consumption, she couldn't be blamed for reaching out to take hold of it when he moved to take another long pull. 

He couldn't talk if he got falling down drunk... and he needed to talk. She could tell that much. This wasn't the kind of absolution that someone could find at the bottom of a bottle. The incident with Old Man Touchy had disturbed him, and it hadn't had anything to do with the man's inappropriateness. 

_Touch me somewhere else!_ Elfo had demanded because it was better than the implications of the man's words.

She wasn't going to let him drink himself into a stupor before they got to the bottom of this. She wasn't sure he'd ever get any better if that happened. Besides, she only had four emergency flasks left. If he drank the entire one she'd handed him, she was going to run out within another day or so. With no guarantee of an easy refill, she wasn't too keen on that.

Even so, the words leaving her mouth caught her off-guard in the worst way. "Hey, hey hey! Slow down, champ!" She paused, her fingers atop his where they were curled around the cool metal. She let out a soft breath, almost a laugh. "Oh god, I'm turning into my bartender." Despite the humiliation of that realization, she still managed to wrest the flask free of his grip. 

Elfo's fingers twitched, still reaching for it for a second as she finally managed to pull it away. Then he slumped forward slightly, knees drawn up and his elbows resting on them. She'd always thought that Elfo, better than anyone, was good at expressing his unhappiness in small ways. She tended to go more for big displays of anger and frustration but she could read just as much in the curl of his small green body and the way he stared into the fire like his world had fallen apart around him. She wanted to prod, to nudge him to speak, but instead, she took a sip from the flask herself, trying to give him time to compose himself.

"It all makes sense now," His voice emerged, finally, soft and shaky. "Growing up, I never fit in among the elves." He began, and Bean felt a slight ache in her chest at his tone, and because she understood. 

She knew what it was like to feel like a stranger in the place you called home. It was a reality she lived every day when she was treated as an afterthought instead of a person. Even her own father barely had a moment to spare for her. It wasn't quite the same, but she turned her sympathetic gaze on him, trying for reassurance and not quite sure if she was managing it. "Listen, I feel you. After my mom died, I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere really..." She still remembered that feeling, the way it had felt when her father tried to explain that no, her mother wasn't coming back. At four, it had taken a long time to sink in. Sometimes it still felt surreal... 

After that, no one in the castle had ever treated her in quite the same way. Especially not her dad. She'd been left adrift, never quite finding a place for herself, never with any friends or peers... or anyone really, other than Bunty. She'd been so painfully alone until Elfo and Luci had come into her life. She'd never really considered where she was going with her life before that point, content to simply _exist_ in the haze of booze and sex with nothing substantial to hold on to. While she didn't always agree with them on everything - and with Elfo, especially, she sometimes didn't exactly understand his weird attachment to some semblance of morality - it still gave her a starting point. Besides, there were times when she did something good - or at least something with someone else's best interests in mind and she could kind of get it, a bit. It made her feel a little less like a crappy person.

Life without her companions had been, simply put, awful. With them... well, there were still awful moments, but it felt easier to get through them. When Elfo'd been kidnapped, it had finally solidified what she'd already kind of known deep in her gut... that she needed her friends. That her life was empty without them. She didn't want to go back to that.

Did Elfo feel the same way about them? Did being friends help him as much as it did for her? She almost didn't want to ask, in case the answer was "no". 

He seemed unaware of her thoughts, peering into the fire. From this angle, the set of his shoulders and the way his head dipped made him look like he was curled in on himself. He pressed his chin to his knees, breath emerging in a sigh. "I never even met my mom..." The notion was a bizarre one to Bean. She'd lost her mom at a young age, but she'd _known_ her at least. She wasn't sure if Elfo meant that his mother had died even earlier in his life than hers or if she'd somehow been absent for some other reason, but it didn't matter. The quiet resignation in his words made her fingers ache to reach out and touch him, to reassure him. He didn't need a mom, did he? He had them. "Maybe that's why I have such low elf-esteem."

Luci's response was more brusque than Bean might have attempted in her reassurance and she darted the demon a quick glance, not sure why he was goading. "Dude, you can't have elf-esteem. You're not an elf." Luci's eyes were narrowed, his expression unreadable in the firelight. He was good at getting Elfo riled up in general, maybe this was just more of that, something that would make Elfo forget that he was adrift. It was probably Luci trying to help in his own weird way.

She didn't think it was exactly what Elfo needed, but she couldn't help the honesty in her words. Luci was right about one thing, denial wasn't going to get Elfo anywhere. And now that she had no way of safely returning to Dreamland, the three of them were going to have to find some way to get by like this. If Elfo wasn't able to figure himself out, they'd be in pretty dire straits. "Hey." She said, as kindly as she could manage, "You're never going to be whole until you figure out who you really are." It was something she'd thought about a lot, after her mother's death. If anyone could be justified in giving this advice, it was her. "And there's only one way to find the answer."

Bean hadn't even realized where her thoughts were taking her, but as soon as she said it, she knew it was the inevitable conclusion. The only way things could go. Elfo was having an identity crisis and there was no one besides his own people who could make it clear for him. And that meant going back to where he'd come from. This time, though, she and Luci would be going with him.

Elfo's head snapped up, his eyes going to her, wide with shock. He'd forgotten about his hangdog look, completely replaced with disbelief. Their eyes locked and Bean didn't waver, knowing she was right. It was Elfo who stuttered over his denial, over his excuses. "No. Uh-uh. No! I can't go crawling back home! It'll wreck my image as a total badass!" Despite the seriousness of the situation, Bean couldn't help the quirk pulling at the corner of her lips at that. especially since Elfo seemed to actually believe what he was saying. _Badass Elfo. Now there was a notion._

"What did you do? Forget to return a library book?" She hadn't been the only one thinking it, but fortunately for her, Luci had been the one to mention what they'd both considered. She wasn't sure if it was because they both knew Elfo so well or because they were bonded and potentially sharing a mental wavelength, but either way, his snarky question was a pretty good summation of her own feelings on the matter. It was hard to imagine _Elfo_ of all people being some kind of badass. There were a lot of ways Bean could find to describe him, but that had never been one.

"Yes!" Elfo yelped out, indignant, not getting that Luci's words were - _probably_ \- mostly in jest. "I can never go back!"

She interjected again, not letting Luci do so. She was a bit gentler with it than the demon would have been, but her general gist was probably the same. "But you'll never know the truth unless you return to Elfwood." It was simple fact. If he needed to find himself, he couldn't do it here. 

It took a moment, Elfo staring at her in dismay. His hands fiddled against the fabric of his shorts, tugging at them fitfully. She could tell that he understood her logic, that he knew she was right. He was just a little too stubborn - or afraid - to give in. Then, finally, he spoke, his voice quavering for a second. "The only problem is the location is a secret and elves are never supposed to bring outsiders."

"You're not an elf." Luci's short tone made Bean cast him a quick glance, frowning this time. He wasn't really helping-

Except despite her own reaction to Luci's pushing, which was different than the way the demon often encouraged her to do things, Elfo actually perked at this new information. He was still thinking of himself as an elf, she supposed. Maybe Luci was right to just strike at the heart of the matter. Elfo sat up a bit straighter like that, uncurled from his self-pitying hunch and looking between the two of them. Even in the firelight, she could see a hint of relief on his face. "Oh yeah! Okay, let's go!" Absolved of any wrongdoing, just like that. It was true, the exact rules didn't seem to apply to him and it was an instance where his observance of the letter of the law seemed to miss out on the actual reason behind it, but he was doing what he should have been so Bean had little need to quibble.

They'd succeeded at lighting a fire earlier but there was still nothing to eat and as the embers finally started to burn down, she took a few more dips of alcohol to calm the rumbling in her belly. "We'll go in the morning," She said, feeling the exhaustion settle over her like a cloak. They'd been going nonstop today. So much had happened that it was easy to forget that she'd begun the morning curled up beside Elfo on the back of a flying griffin. For an awakening that came on the heels of their wild - if successful - quest to find her companion, it had been almost serene. This morning, it had been a good day in the making. Now she was just glad to be settling down with both her friends safely beside her. "We should get some sleep." 

As soon as the words left her mouth, it really kicked in. She was damn tired. Sliding from her rock, she settled onto the ground, stretched out near the dimming fire where she could feel the warmth. There was a small sound from behind her, Elfo giving an uncertain hum. She turned her head to look at him as he padded closer, for a moment it looked like he was going to flop himself on the ground beside her, the way he'd been resting on the griffin's back. She almost told him to, so she could reach out and tuck him against her like a teddy bear. Her fingers ached to do just that. But he didn't like being manhandled, and as much as she'd managed to put it from her mind, there was still a bit of weirdness going on from before that hadn't entirely been shoved aside by Elfo's kidnapping and subsequent rescue. 

_He tried to kiss you._ Her brain reminded her, no matter how she tried to shove it down. Then, somehow more damning, _**You** kissed him._

_It was the Bliss._ She reminded herself. That was all. It wasn't something she would have considered before she'd been high. Except that wasn't entirely true either, was it? The plague pit had been the first time she'd thought about it, but it had been with her since then, no matter how desperately she tried to drown it out. She hadn't meant to kiss him, at least. It had caused more trouble for them than anything, and that should have been enough reason to put it aside. _It's better this way, isn't it? It's safer._

For both of them.

If he'd chosen to stretch out beside her, she didn't think she would have protested, but instead, he paused. Hesitated for a few long seconds with his eyes never meeting hers, and then he shuffled down to her feet. It was that safe area she established ages ago, on that first night they'd met. As he curled against her calf, his cheek resting gingerly on her leg, her fingers twitched, aching to reach down and touch him. Luci shrugged, padding down to join the elf. He laid himself on top of Elfo like the elf was his cushion, despite the slight grunt of protest. Bean felt a small stab of dismay at that and it was like Luci heard it because he slowly raised his head again to look at her.

As their gazes locked, Bean felt a flush coming onto her cheeks. Luci's eye narrowed and Bean turned away, confused by the stab of guilt in her belly. It felt so much like the first time, the three of them alone in the woods by firelight. But there was definitely something different and tangible this time. It felt wrong that Elfo and Luci were down by her feet like an afterthought instead of by her side where they ought to be. There was a slight frustration too, that Luci was just allowed to _lay on_ Elfo like that and she couldn't even hug him because he was too far away.

Luci was still looking at her, a steady stare as Elfo shuffled and tried to get comfortable against her, completely unaware of the slight clash of wills that was going on. Bean blew a short huff of air between her teeth before she looked down at Luci again, scowling a little. His small smile reminded her that she wasn't going to be able to win in an argument against him without resorting to picking him up and chucking him into the woods.

_I know what you're thinking_ his expression said.

_I don't._ Bean thought, desperately.

The demon's gaze made a liar of her and she was forced to tear her eyes away, resting her cheek against her arm and trying to ignore his judgement. It took a while, but she could feel when he finally closed his eye. Elfo eventually stilled against her, drifting off with relative ease. Bean let the soft sound of his breathing lull her into finally dozing off.

-

They were on the way to the bar. It was such a familiar sensation that Bean didn't think to question it, but still, there's something that feels a bit off. She couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe it was just that she was expecting trouble because they always ran into some kind of weirdness in their day to day activities. She was able to shrug it aside for a moment, especially when Luci jumped up onto her shoulder to avoid having to walk. He felt so much heavier than usual that she almost cracked a joke about him laying off the diseased chickens but she was distracted by the sudden crowd.

When had they reached the group of people? Bean wasn't sure. She was just in the midst of it before she had the opportunity to react. There were a lot of people in Dreamland though, so these kinds of gatherings weren't unusual. They were especially common at executions. As Bean tried to push through the crowd, she felt a moment of panic seizing at her when she realized that she couldn't see Elfo through the throng of people.

Where was he? Bean shoved aside a couple of loiterers with a grunt. "Elfo!" Her voice echoed through the square.

Then the crowd was gone and standing across from her was the looming form of Big Jo. He was holding Elfo in one hand, gripping the squirming elf by the back of his shirt. Fear and anger flared hot in Bean's chest and she lunged for him, trying to clear the short distance between them.

But somehow he was further away than she thought. Much further. It was like the ground was pulling away between the two of them, stretching out infinitely. And it was the desert. And then it was the city of Cremorrah, with the stone eyes of the revelers fixed on her and their mouths open in silent screams. Big Jo held Elfo high above the bowl of sacred oil.

She'd been here though. She'd rescued Elfo... 

This was all wrong.

Sand started pouring in around them, swirling around her legs, tugging at her as she tried to slog forward toward Big Jo. Every step was a struggle and she could feel the bite of Luci's claws against her shoulder through the fabric of her shirt. "Put him down!" Her throat burned with the heat and the dryness. 

"Down," Big Jo intoned, his voice seemingly coming from all around them. "Yes! Down to Hell"

He plunged his hand down, Elfo still entangled in his bony grip. Down. Down. Right into the golden container of oil. Flames rose up around his arm, ignited by some spark Bean couldn't see. Her hands grasped at the air as she lunged again and then the sound hit her ears, a high-pitched wail of pain and fear that tore through her - right through her heart. _Elfo_!

No. Not this. Not again!

-

Bean jolted upright, her chest heaving. Her shirt clung to her back with sweat and she trembled as she tried to get past the phantom sounds of Elfo's agony that still vibrated through her head. As she darted her gaze down to him, needing to see that he was still there, that it was _just a dream_ , she spotted Luci. His claws were digging into her leg and even in the relative dim shortly before dawn, she could see that his dark fur was standing on end, his tail stiff and straight. He was quivering like a plucked string.

Had he been there? In her dream? Had he seen it too? 

She knew that he could enter dreams - or at least that he'd told them he could in the past - so he could have been there with her, that he'd witnessed Big Jo plunging Elfo into the fire. It was also possible that he was feeling her panic across their bond and that was why he was shaking so hard. Either way when their eyes met, she felt that same sensation of sparking fear and there was only one way that she could think of to quell it.

Her hand slid down, hesitated for a moment, then she brushed her fingers across the fabric of his hat. Eased lower, until the pads of her fingers barely brushed against Elfo's soft green cheek. He really was velvety... somehow she'd never thought about it before, why he was so appealing to touch and cuddle. It wasn't just that he was smaller and squishier than a human... he was also _softer_. She felt her racing heartbeat finally start to calm with the physical touch reminding her that yes, he was here and real. He hadn't been thrown into a fire. 

Elfo was still sleeping, despite the way she'd jerked upright and she was relieved to not have to explain her weird clingy behaviour over a simple bad dream. Luci was watching her and she tried her best to ignore it, knowing that he was probably tempted to say something that she wasn't in a mood to hear. For once, the demon remained quiet though, just letting her sort through herself. 

It was probably best that she went back to sleep, but when she stretched out again, slowly, so as not to jostle Elfo, she couldn't find the calm she needed to even begin to doze off again. She kept lifting her head to look down at the huddled form of the elf against her leg, fingers twitching. She drew a slow breath, finally, sitting up again before she could remind herself that this was stupid, a crazy idea.

Her arms wrapped around his small, limp form. He was warm beneath her fingers though, as she drew him against her. He jostled for a moment, letting out a small whine of surprise as he was manhandled, then went stiff and tense for a few seconds as he realized where he was. 

It's not that Bean hadn't hugged him before - she did so on a fairly regular basis, but it was always during the day when they were out doing other things. It was never in the midst of a quiet, _alone_ moment like this. There had always been something about times like this that had felt off-limit and weirdly intimate in a way that blurred lines that needed to stay very clear. She'd avoided it because of those ideas, those boundaries. Right now, she couldn't find it in herself to give a damn about something so trivial.

"B-bean?" Elfo's voice was muffled against her shoulder and she let her hand slide to rest against his back, her palm sitting flat so she could feel his warmth. When he was pressed so close against her like this, the rapid patter of his heart vibrated right through her and she closed her eyes, wanting to hear just that and nothing else.

"Shh..." She murmured in his ear. "Just... be quiet for a second."

He stifled another sound in his throat, his body stiff. After a couple of minutes though, he finally started to relax against her. His hands rose, hesitated a moment, then curled around her to return her embrace. She was grateful that he didn't mention how weird her behaviour was or ask her any questions about it, not even when she was reluctant to shift her grip and release him after a moment or two. She had the feeling it had gone beyond awkward by now, so there was no point in trying to backtrack.

Instead, she flopped back to the ground, a bit clumsily considering she had an armful of elf. She wasn't like her brother and she hadn't indulged herself in the use of soft plush toys to get to sleep, but she couldn't deny that something was satisfying about being able to cuddle Elfo close while she was finally starting to feel the lethargy creeping up on her again.

"Uh... Bean...?" Elfo's voice was small and then cut off into a slight yelp as Luci prodded him with the tip of his tail. The demon had made his way back up Bean's body again as she stretched out, resting bonelessly draped against her shoulder and upper arm. 

"Shhhhh...." Luci leaned in until his nose almost bumped against Elfo's. "Just enjoy it. Who knows the next time you'll get to."

Bean shook her head, raising her arm slightly to nudge him, and he fell quiet in his teasing. She could still feel the amusement radiating across their bond though, and it didn't ease off. She was able to ignore it though, especially as Elfo stopped his wiggling and settled his head against her shoulder. His breathing evened out, slowly but still more swiftly than she was able to find sleep. He let out a small hum, tucked close, and she paused, bit her lower lip for a second. Leaned down until her cheek grazed against his hat.

She pulled back a moment later, turning her head to look at Luci who only smiled at her. It wasn't as mocking as the one he'd given Elfo, but she couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed anyway. Luci twitched, shifting atop her, and for a few seconds she was certain he was going to crack some joke about all this. Something about how much effort it took for Elfo to get to sleep in her arms, maybe. But instead, he remained thankfully silent. He stretched out one dark paw, pressing it against her cheek in a gesture so soft and sudden that she wasn't even sure it had actually happened. and then she rested her chin against Elfo's hat and closed her eyes. "Yeah... I know..." Her breath came out in a sigh.

After everything, after that dream especially, she didn't think she'd ever be able to get back to sleep. But eventually she drifted off to the warmth in her arms and the soft, soothing smell of candy.

  
  


-


	28. Chapter 28

\- 

Bean thought she knew what to expect, going into Elfwood for the first time. But as the door appeared, a drawbridge that lowered seemingly out of thin air, it revealed a world beyond it that even all her time with Elfo couldn't have prepared her for. 

Elfo's love of candy had always been apparent and the moment Elfwood appeared, the sweet smell of it washed over her. It smelled delicious, but the warm sugary scent clung to the inside of her nostrils and it took a moment before she could really process everything. After those first few minutes though, she was starting to experience an overwhelming need to scrape the inside of her nose because the scent of peppermint and caramel, and other sweets were a maddening mishmash. How could anyone live in this? 

She would never have expected - not in a million years - that Elfo was honest in his assessment of being a total Badass. It was a bit of a boast that had always amused Bean, even before she and Luci had been given a moment to tease Elfo over it. But somehow it was true. Elfo, as soft and squishy as he was, was infinitely more impressive than the residents of the world beyond this weird magical barrier. Elfo could survive in the outside world. If the elves were all like this, it was no wonder he hadn't fit in...

The elves gathered around them as they entered, an angry crowd that barely came up to Bean's waist. Their small faces and pointy hats made them look ridiculous and adorable, but either she'd gotten her fill of adorable, ridiculous tiny folks with Elfo, or else Elfo himself was just more appealing to her because she didn't have to restrain herself from having to squeeze or swish them the way it had taken her ages to do with her little green companion. None of them was green either, though they came in a veritable sea of colours. Between their skin and their clothes it looked kind of like a rainbow had vomited over everything. Despite their cuteness, they were just as irate as any mob of Dreamlanders faced with an intrusion in their space.

Fortunately, Bean knew how to deal with crowds of angry people. She smiled as she looked down at them, especially as their leader - King, probably, since he was wearing a crown - growled out "Humans bring nothing but treachery and deceit."

Maybe he had a point, maybe not, but that didn't really matter. She reached into her pocket and pulled out one of her flasks, holding it high in the air and giving it a slight wave. The weird too-bright lighting of the place glinted off the metal and it caught the eye of the elves, causing them all to pause and look at her, following the movements. "I also brought booze." And just like humans faced with the promise of free alcohol, the elves forgot their wariness and gathered around her, holding out whatever they had on them that could hold liquid and vying for a spot where they could get some of the precious ale from her flask.

She was relieved that it was so easy to keep them distracted. She'd been expecting a bit more resistance overall but the biggest problem here was going to be whether or not she'd have enough to go around. As she poured, her eyes fell across the crowd, seeking out Elfo's small green form among the throng. He was wandering off slightly to one side in the company of an elf woman wearing a very low cut dress. It gave Bean just a second of pause, mostly because her eyes fell across the woman's ample cleavage and it was impressive even by human standards. She wasn't sure why Elfo was talking with this busty lady, but there was something about the way he was standing that made her bite her lip. 

It was hard to focus on reading into their interactions, though, when she had small greedy hands snagging at the hem of her shirt and trying to catch hold of her arms. She had to turn her attention back to the crowd or risk getting knocked over and swarmed. They weren't heavy - or strong - but there were _so many_ of them!

The next time she was able to glance up, trying to track Elfo down, she couldn't see him. For a moment - a completely bizarre moment - she wondered if he'd gone off with the attractive elf woman, but then she saw that easily identifiable dark hair and bow approaching her in the crowd and couldn't help a slight sigh of relief. 

Feeling reassured, Bean finally relaxed. Her flask was empty and she tucked it back into her shirt, retrieving another. "I'm down to my second to last emergency flask, so let's have a toast." She poured another round into the flower-shaped cups that the elves were holding out eagerly to her. Maybe she had learned something from her stint as an ambassador to Dankmire, because the elves were responding just as well as the swamp people had. Or maybe it was just that the true universal language was alcohol. Either way, it was a victory she'd take. After all the hostility and divisiveness that existed between their races, was it possible that she could be the one to broker a lasting peace? She cleared her throat, holding up her flask, "You've opened up your gates and your hearts. Here's to peace between our peoples, and may all ill will between elves and humans be behind us."

It took just four words, shouted at the top of some random elf's lungs, to dash that fanciful notion. "Look out behind us!"

The sound of hoofbeats on the colourful cobbles of Elfwood's street was deafening, several too-familiar uniforms coming into view as the knights rode right into the center of Elfwood through the still-open gates. In case the intrusion wasn't bad enough, Sir Pendergast had a smug air that made Bean bristle. "Thank you Princess Tiabeanie." 

"You followed us?" The words slipped out without consideration. It was stupid because the answer was obvious and the question didn't need asking, but somehow she'd just never considered the likelihood that they could have followed her. Odval, that damned scheming bastard! Had he known she'd find Elfo? That they'd come here? That she'd lead them right into the midst of an entire village of unsuspecting elves. This was the opposite of the mutual understanding and cooperation she'd had in mind with her speech. She'd been used!

"It wasn't hard with the trail of heavy bootprints and the telltale odor of Dreamland Ditch Weed." Pendergast seemed unaware of her thoughts, or else he just didn't care. He was certain to get some praise from her dad for managing to grab some poor helpless elves. And to top off the frustration, he wasn't even ashamed of the fact that he'd used her and planned to use these elves too, for her father's gain. He cleared his throat, holding up an empty sack that could have only one purpose. "The King of Dreamland requires elf blood. If three of the juiciest of you would hop into my sack, we'll be on our way."

Bean wasn't usually so riled by this kind of thing, callousness and double-crossing were not only common, but almost expected in the world of political intrigue. As much as she tended to avoid getting herself involved in matters like this, she was still aware of them. But this... this was different. They'd _used_ her to get to these people. She felt the heat running through her, causing her fingers to curl into fists. "How dare you threaten these innocent folk!"

But she was one princess with no weapons other than the empty emergency flasks she still had stashed away and her own nails and teeth. She couldn't take out several knights with either of those, which meant her only option was to try and talk some sense into them. So she didn't even bother looking at any of Pendergast's goons. They probably weren't even smart enough to understand her appeal, much less respond to it. Pendergast was leader of her father's men so he had to be more intelligent than the rest of them. She directed her words to him instead, gesturing to one of the nearby elves in an appeal to reason. "I mean look at this guy!" Despite her anger, her words softened a bit as she addressed the elf in question, her tone coaxing, "Show him what's under your hat buddy."

As the elf removed his hat to reveal the feline tucked away underneath it, Bean turned to the invading knights with her most cajoling tone, "It's not just a kitten. It's a _sleeping_ kitten." Surely not even the most battle-hardened knight could fail to see the appeal in something so adorable? "These guys are totally defenseless."

Maybe it would have worked. In some small, optimistic corner of her brain, Bean could dare to hope for something so unlikely.

But ultimately she would never know. She started a little as Elfo's voice rose from behind her, lower and rougher and so unlike his normal tone that she felt a stab of trepidation. "Not totally." It wasn't a good idea, whatever he had in mind, but there was nothing she could do as Luci passed Elfo a stone and she watched the way his green knuckles flushed white with his tight grip before he threw it at the knight. 

For someone with so little relative physical strength and coordination, his aim was good, and the stone ricocheted off Pendergast's metal helm, knocking it slightly sideways. The knight flailed for a moment, his horse startled by the shifting in weight. The beast bucked a little and the already unsteady knight fell from his saddle to land on his back on the ground, dragged down by his heavy armour. He snarled to his men in frustration, "Get those little bastards! And help me up!"

And just like that, any hope of a peaceful solution - if it had even existed - faded without a whimper. 

The elves were emboldened by this small victory and Elfo was at their forefront, as confident as Bean had ever heard him. "Sound the battle bells!" For people who didn't take Elfo seriously, they were quick to listen to an order when it was given and Bean was caught off-guard by the flurry of activity. There was little she could do to help or intervene at this point.

She'd thought the elves were helpless but as they emerged with candy weapons and went on the attack, she was starting to understand why they might have been considered fearsome at one point. They certainly were as ruthless as any human. She saw the head of one knight go flying from his body, while others were scrambling to find some way to counter this very strange series of attacks. They were used to fighting humans, not elves, and it showed in every move they made. It didn't take too long before their elfish hosts finally managed to route the small strike force and send them into retreat.

Bean went to join Elfo, who followed on the tail of the knights with an air of triumph. He stood as tall as his meager height would allow, peering into the woods with his legs straight and stiff and his head up in challenge. It was a side of him she'd never seen before. "You think you can defeat the entire elf kingdom with six knights! Ha!"

It lasted for all of the amount of time it took for the knights to regather and emerge from the brush again, this time with Odval walking confidently between them. This time there were even more, enough that Elfo stuttered out a count, his confident tone dissolving with each subsequent man to come forward. It wasn't six knights. It was definitely more than six knights.

Panic spread through the elves at this renewed force at their doorstep. "We need to disappear! Close the gates!" The king stood on the parapet, trying to give commands. He an unimposing figure, especially compared to Elfo's earlier boldness. Desperation coloured every word. 

There was a wail from one of the guards, accompanied by the screech of metal. "It won't close! The big girl broke it!" 

_Oh..._ Bean remembered. The chain that had snapped on her way inside... 

"We can't vanish with the door open! It would defy the laws of physics!" One of the other elves said and Bean felt a stab of something like guilt in her gut. Was this her fault? If the door wasn't broken, then they'd be able to disappear like before, right? 

A solution crossed her mind and there was nothing to risk by trying it at this point. "We can try and close it from the outside!" She was already dropping to one knee, grasping the wood of the drawbridge. She was large enough that even though it was heavy, she could still pick it up the way she could never have done with the bridge back at Dreamland castle. Even with the fact that she was basically a giant to these people, it was still heavy as hell. Elfo scrambled over to help her, green palms flat against the wood as they strained to move it.

Odval's voice rang out behind her and it took everything in her to not turn around and kick him in a sensitive spot. That rat. This was all his doing. There was no way her dad or any of his knights could have come up with a plan like this. "By order of your father, you will stand aside Tiabeanie!" His use of her name only made her bristle that much more.

She snapped, without looking at him. "Hey! No one calls me Tiabeanie except for my best friends and my worst enemies!" 

The door was moving. It was moving. She thought she spotted Luci throwing his weight into it too, helping out as much as it was possible for a creature so small to do. Behind her she could hear the telltale hiss of bows being drawn. This was probably stupid, it was a dangerous place to stand and she had no doubt that Odval would have been more than willing to have her riddled with arrows if he thought he could somehow explain her untimely demise to her father without somehow losing his head. It was only the fact that she was pretty sure killing her would enrage her father that lent her a bit of confidence.

Not that it mattered. She wouldn't have stopped even if she thought it was going to get her skewered. She'd started this, damn it. She would finish it. She almost howled as the heavy wood creaked almost to its highest position and she felt the uncanny sensation of magical tingling on her fingers. It went right through her and then the feeling of the solid surface beneath her palms started to change, becoming insubstantial. 

An arrow whizzed past her shoulder and it met nothing but thin air as the magic surged, like a static shock across her fingers, wringing a small yelp from her lips. Other arrows followed, embedding themselves in trees, in the ground. Bean fell to her knees as the object she'd been leaning on dissolved into nonexistence.

Elfwood was gone.

They'd won.

Her dad's men - and Odval - were going to be pissed about it. Her dad probably would be too, once the word got back to him that they hadn't managed to snag any elves, but Bean didn't give a shit about that. If they'd just come to her and asked her to approach the elves, she probably could have worked something out. She was turning out to be pretty good at negotiation. The lack of elf blood was their own damn fault for being greedy assholes.

Elfo turned to her, his green face jubilant, "You did it!" He bounced on his heels, arms spread like he wanted to hug her. She ached to do the same, especially since she was already crouched in the dirt.

She smiled at him though, feeling a surge of quiet pride at their victory. They'd done a good thing. She wasn't going to have to worry about what would happen to the elves because she hadn't realized about Odval's stupid scheming. "No, we did it." They were probably going to get dragged back to the castle after this and her dad was going to find some way to punish her for this defiance, but she didn't even care right now. It felt good.

Luci grumbled beside her, far less enthused than she and Elfo were. "Ah, screw team spirit. Those elves stole my stash." Bean couldn't help the snort she let out at that. It wasn't so much amusement as it was relief. It was over. They were going to be okay.

Despite the demon's lack of enthusiasm, Bean was unshaken. She smiled at Elfo, who turned to look at her with a small, wondrous expression on his face. "We _are_ a team." He said the words as though he'd only just considered them for the first time. It was weirdly endearing. Did he think they weren't? After everything they'd gone through together, after everything they'd gone through to _find_ him, how could he doubt it?

Her voice was small, wry. Fond. "I always thought so." 

His brilliant smile. It was such a thrilling little ache in her chest, the way he spoke, so hopeful. "Really?"

She wanted to tell him 'yes'. To reassure him even though it seemed like it wasn't a reassurance he should need after all this time. She had the words on her lips but they never hit the air. The only sound was something cold, hollow. 

Sickening.

The heavy thud of metal hitting flesh. For a moment it didn't even register because it was a sound for a different place and time. It wasn't for their victory, for their shared friendship, for this soft moment of bonding. It was a sound of battle, of war. 

Of loss.

_Oh god._

Bean felt a heaviness settled on her at that, rocks lodged in her chest. Her heart plummeted before what was happening had even fully registered with her. Then Elfo stumbled, pitched forward in what felt like slow motion, and the world slowed to a grinding halt on its axis. He fell into her arms in a way she didn't expect or want. An unwelcome embrace. She could feel him trembling.

Then she saw it, the arrow in his back. She'd known, deep down, that it was there. Her fingers were shaking as they slid down his back to where the weapon was embedded deep in his flesh. Bean hesitated for a moment as her fingers touched the wood and found it slick. It was slippery with blood. _Elfo's_ blood. Oh god, he needed that. 

Somehow despite the evidence in front of her, her rational mind was refusing to fully process what was going on. She was driven only by sheer animal instinct, a fluttering panic overtaking her. It was all she could to to not pull the arrow out of him -

_He would bleed to death if she did that. Bleed out here on this muddy ground._

-she snapped off the wood to leave the arrowhead in his skin where it could hopefully staunch some of the flow of blood. He was growing limper in her arms, heavier and she held him, his head falling against her shoulder. It wasn't the first time she'd carried him like this. It couldn't be the last. 

_But it was. it would be. She knew it deep in her gut._

"No! Elfo!" Her voice shook and she brushed her fingers across his arm, the curve of his sweet cheek. He was still warm but she could feel the coolness there that hadn't existed before. "Elfo, speak to me! Elfo!" Panic surged in her.

Beside her, she heard Luci's voice rise, so soft and hurt that it sounded alien to her ears. "... _Who did that_?"

He was worried about the wrong thing. It didn't _matter_ who did it. Not now. What mattered was Elfo. He felt so small in her grasp, so fragile. She'd never thought of him like that. He was a tough little thing. He'd been through so much worse before. If Sorcerio could drain him of blood on a daily basis then surely this was only a little worse? He could get through this. He'd be fine. He had to be.

"Now, just keep holding on, okay." She barely knew what she was saying, the words just falling out, small and aching. _Please_. "Just keep holding on."

He had to keep holding on. It couldn't end like this. After everything they'd been through. She'd only just gotten him back. There was still so much that she hadn't said...

So much she'd never thought about... that she still wasn't really ready to think about. She needed time. She needed to get herself together. Elfo was going to get through this and they were going to laugh about it later and everything would be okay.

"It's okay." Elfo's words matched her own thoughts and for a moment she almost believed them because she was so desperate to. But then he kept talking and she felt her heart stop. "It's okay, Bean..." The way he said her name hurt so much more than she could have imagined. He was smiling though, a smile she didn't deserve, trying to reassure her. "I always wanted to go out while I'm still young and hot. Your dad's got the immortality thing all wrong."

On the inside, she was screaming. Her dad had been the one to send the knights here. This was his crazy crusade for immortality! Her voice rose, sharp and shaking with anger and hurt. "That monster is not my dad anymore! You're all I've got!" His green skin was getting paler, his small body heavier. She cried out a plea. "Please, stay with me!" Pulled him close to her chest seeking the flutter of his heartbeat against her. Her last plea fell on ears that could no longer hear her, helpless. Aching. "Elfo... stay with me."

But he was gone.

-

She wasn't sure how much time passed with her crouched there, half curled over the body of her friend. It felt like her mind had stopped somewhere, unable to go forward with this new information. Elfo was... he was...

Beside her, she could hear a strange soft hiss, her blank eyes falling across Luci. If she hadn't been so caught up in the growing emptiness in her chest, she would have been surprised. There was steam rising on the demon's cheeks and she couldn't even begin to comprehend what she was seeing. "Aw man..." His voice came out, strange and broken, "If this is sadness, I don't like it one bit..."

Bean's fingers trembled, pressed into Elfo's shoulder as she pressed him close. There was a looming form beside her, looking down at her, and she felt the venom rising inside her, the rage, as Odval dared to speak to her, to reach out as though he'd touch her. Or worse.. touch Elfo. "Princess, it's time to go." She could have killed him, she thought. Would have, if there was any energy in her body left to spare for anything but the weight of her grief. She managed to gather together enough to knock his hand aside, forcing herself to her feet because she'd be damned if she needed to be carried.

She wasn't about to let any of them touch Elfo's body. They didn't deserve that right. They never had.

Her legs were stiff as she forced herself forward. Beside her, Luci was a drooping black shadow, his tail dragging on the ground in a way she'd never seen before. She registered it all dimly. The world still felt so far away. Elfo, tucked in her arms, was the only real thing left.

_Gone. He was gone..._

Behind her, she could hear Odval's voice, but his words slid across her consciousness, useless and meaningless. "We must relay a message to the king that the mission has failed. We didn't get a single elf. A real elf, that is..."

She ignored him. She held Elfo and she walked. A slow march back to Dreamland.

A slow march to hell.

-

It was a long walk back. They would probably have given her a horse if they hadn't expected her to try and escape again. As it was, she was at least offered the opportunity to ride but it would have meant getting on a mount with one of the men who was responsible for Elfo's death. More importantly, it would have meant putting Elfo down or handing him over to someone else and she wasn't going to do that. 

The third time. It was the third time she'd lost him. How could she have been so blind as to not see this coming?

Were there signs of it? She'd led the men to Elfo. She'd led them to him and Elfo had died. It was all she could think. It was her. She'd done this. Maybe it had been at someone else's command... maybe she hadn't been the one to fire that arrow... but she'd killed Elfo. She was just as culpable as they were.

-

She was staggering a little as she entered the chapel, barely able to drag herself the remaining distance. She hit her knees in front of the steps, unable to go any further. Even with that, she still managed to not drop Elfo, kept him close and safe. She looked down at him in her arms. She hadn't looked since she'd felt the last tremors of life leave his body, not wanting to face what she knew she would see.

He was dead and there was nothing she could do about it. She knew he was dead but seeing it, his cold pale form, it was still hard to believe. Bean shuffled carefully, her hands cradling him as she finally laid him down on the step in front of her. Had he always been so small? He looked inconsequential in the towering importance of this place. But the chapel didn't matter to her... and he did.

Bean bit her lip, fighting at the hot prick of tears at the corners of her eyes. Her fingers pressed to Elfo's soft cool cheek.

"Aw, Beanie..." She heard the familiar footsteps before she heard her father's voice. Both made her cringe a little in anger and bubbling frustration. "If there's anything I can do..." Zog's thick hand brushed at her shoulder and she flinched hard, smacking his hand aside and turning to face him with fire in her eyes.

"Don't touch me!" She almost screamed. "Nothing you can do can fix this!" 

_How dare he? How dare he try to sound reasonable. How dare he try to act like he cared. If he cared about her, he wouldn't have taken away someone she-_

_Her friend. He wouldn't have taken away her **friend**. One of her only two friends in the world. God, she had so little. How dare he-? _

She cut through his bullshit, his attempts at sympathy, with venom in her voice. "Elfo is dead because of you!"

If he'd tried to deny it, she wasn't sure what she would have done. Tried to murder him maybe. For all of Luci's attempts to get her to knock off her father, it was going to be Elfo who led to her committing regicide if Zog even _dared_ to try and deny what he'd done.

But he didn't. Much to her surprise. His voice came out soft with what she could only hope was shame. "Maybe I did go a tad overboard."

As much as it was at least an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, it was far from enough. "Your fanatical obsession with the Elixir of Life, was it worth all of this?!" She knew the answer already. It wasn't. Nothing was worth all this. It made it so much worse that it was just a fantasy and Elfo - Elfo had been _real_. "I don't even think it's real! It's just a myth in a book"

Her dad's voice was unnaturally calm and it did nothing to soothe her anger. "It's unfortunate you lost your friend, Beanie."

As if he had the right to say those words. Bean felt a stab through her gut. Betrayal. He made it sound like such a small thing... as if losing Elfo wasn't enough to shatter her whole world. "I didn't just lose my best friend!" It was the first time she'd said the words out loud, something she was only now realizing. Why had she never said it to Elfo? That he was her best friend. What had held her back? It felt both right and wrong and she couldn't reconcile it in her mind. "I lost my father! You lied to me and betrayed me!" She didn't want to see Zog. She wanted him gone, to never darken her door again. She had no father. "Get out!"

Maybe he felt how close she was to really breaking. Maybe somewhere deep in his unfeeling husk of a heart, he had the tiniest spark of decency for the daughter he'd hurt at every turn. She heard the shuffle of his boots and for a moment it seemed like he was going to double down, maybe try to comfort her again as though he had any right to try. But instead, his footsteps rang hollow on the stone as he gave her the one thing she needed right now. He left her alone.

The ornate double doors of the chapel swung closed behind him, a hollow, hopeless sound.

In the silence that followed, Bean curled herself over Elfo's tiny form. With Luci standing, watchful but silent, Bean pressed her forehead to the stone step of the chapel and poured out her grief to the cold stone, to the brittle moonlight, to the uncaring heavens... 

-


	29. Chapter 29

-

  
  
  


Time passed but she didn't know how much. No one came in to interrupt her. Luci was there, but he was uncharacteristically silent. He eased in closer, close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body in proximity but not quite close enough to actually touch. Waiting.

Eventually she didn't have anything left in her, not tears nor energy and then she felt Luci's small paw against her arm. If it had been anyone else, she would have lashed out, pushed it away as unwelcome, but it was Luci. Bean raised her head, feeling strange, listless and bruised. The look on Luci's face was inscrutable and for a moment she didn't feel anything across the bond they shared. It was like he was closed off to her. She wasn't sure if it was because the surge of her own emotions had been so strong or because he was trying not to let her feel what he was feeling right now. Either way she let out a shaking breath, hesitated, unsure what to say to her only _living_ friend left.

"You-" Luci paused, cleared his throat. His ears gave a slight sideways twitch and then he tried again. "You should go lie down." 

Her mind balked at accepting the words, they were so mundane. So unattached to everything that was going on right now. It was also what she might have considered reasonable advice, something she would have expected more from Elfo than from Luci. Truly her entire world had been flipped upside down in the span of only a day. This morning she'd been alight in victory, with her friends by her side. She'd triumphed above all odds and saved Elfo. She'd found him and brought him back home where he belonged. Now he was... was...

She sat up, finally, unsteadily, looking down at the small form she'd been crouched over. Elfo was awash in the moonlight filtering in through the broken window behind the statue of Bean's mother. The silvery hue covered up a lot of the reality of the situation, smoothing out the dark shadows, hiding the unnatural paleness of his green skin. It made him look more normal. In this light, he could almost have simply been asleep... if only she hadn't known better. He was so small in the huge open room. So vulnerable. "I can't just leave him here..." There was some fleeting, crazy thought of dragging him back to her room, wrapping him in blankets, like it could somehow bring some warmth back to his still form. Even she knew that it was impossible. But that didn't mean she could make herself abandon him to lie out in the cold all alone either.

There's a roughness to Luci's voice that she's never heard before, and an equally strange tenderness to the way his paw squeezes at her arm. "I don't need to sleep." He said. "I'll stay with him, now..."

Bean thought she'd run out of tears but somehow she still had a few left to spare as she met Luci's gaze.

As much of a tough act as he put on, he had to be hurting too. She knew that despite their differences, Luci had cared a lot about Elfo in his own evil way. His voice had been shaken, back in the clearing. He seemed calm enough now but there was still some small part of Bean that felt guilty. "But..."

"Just do it." Luci said, and he didn't bother repeating himself for once. It wasn't cajoling, it was a heavy order and she bit her lip hard. Maybe it was for her own good, but she felt so heavy as she finally pushed to her feet. Her legs shook with the effort.

She counted the steps as she left the chapel, left Luci sitting there in silent watch.

Left Elfo.

She lost count a few hundred steps in, well before she reached her room. She also lost any sense of what was real or not. Everything felt disconnected around her. As she finally staggered into her own room, drunk on exhaustion and grief instead of her usual booze, she fell face-first onto her bed. She hit the mattress and though it was soft, it brought her no ease. She wasn't even sure she'd be able to sleep. Not now. Maybe not ever again.

Just when she'd managed to convince herself of that fact, exhaustion finally caught up with her and dragged her down. 

-

Elfo was curled against her. She wasn't sure when he came in. He almost never actually spent the evening in her room, usually heading back to his own cage when it was so late that even Bean was ready to pass out from exhaustion. But he was there. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, buried her face against his hair and held on tight, even as he let out a soft squeak of surprise.

When he finally managed to wiggle enough that she loosed her hold a little, he pulled back to meet her eyes. There was something different though, the happy moment taking on a strange air. Maybe it was the weirdness of the moon visible through the nearby window, but Elfo was cast in a pale, silvery light. "Bean." He said and she felt a little thrill in her chest at the familiar sound of his voice. She was far too happy to see him, she knew that. She just didn't know why. This was all pretty normal, wasn't it.

"I'm sorry." The words that followed made Bean blink, uncomprehending. Sure, Elfo did apologize from time to time over stupid things - and sometimes over things that he really should _actually_ have been sorry over - but she couldn't see anything that he would have done to warrant it at the moment. 

"What do you mean?" She said, then wished the words had never left her mouth. "You don't have to be sorry..." She reached for him again, trying to drag him close, to reassure him, but her fingers brushed his shoulder and went right through. 

Panic surged in her at that and she tried again, hands reaching for what wasn't there, going right through his moonlit form and meeting nothing. Desperate, she lunged forward with her full body, to catch hold of him, but she went right through him. There was light all around here, Elfo's pale form dissolving into motes of dust that hovered in the moonlight before fading away.

-

She jolted awake, chest heaving. At some point in her sleep, she'd grabbed hold of one of the pillows and had clung to it so tightly that the cover had split and scattered down feathers across her bed and the floor. It hung limply in her grasp.

Bean stared down at it for a few seconds, uncomprehending. 

A bad dream. It was all a bad dream...

But as the world settled into place around her, she felt any feeble hope of this all being some kind of nightmare fading away. It was real. She stared down at her own hands. She hadn't noticed it before, but there were still a few smears of blood on the heel of her palm and she cried out, soft and uncertain. After a few moments of this barely-audible keening, Bunty must have heard her.

As Bean sat there, listless, her servant scrubbed at her hands. "It'll be all right miss, you'll see." Bunty tutted. The blood on Bean's fingers came away easily. The knowledge of her own guilt didn't budge.

-

They buried Elfo. Bean had enough energy to insist on it. Her dad had been more than willing to just toss his body into the plague pit to be burned with the rest, but even he knew not to push his daughter any further. There was no one present other than herself, Luci, and a couple of the servants who'd drawn the short straw on the duty. They dug a shallow pit, not nearly as deep as they might have gone for a human. It was probably fitting enough though, since they hadn't even been able to find a coffin in Elfo's size to bury him in. All the available ones had been taken for burying children.

The glass aquarium Luci had tracked down in the castle storage room would have to do. And it looked... nice enough... Bean supposed. Kind of classy in a way. Elfo did have an appreciation of pretty things. She couldn't have been sure that he would have liked it and not thought it was cheesy, of course, but it was so much better than the alternative.

The servants were fast at their job and it was only Bean's glower that gained her enough time to kneel beside his makeshift coffin before they lowered it down. She pressed her palm to the glass, biting her lip.

Luci said goodbye. But she still couldn't.

She just watched in silence as they threw down the dirt and slowly, scoop by scoop, Elfo disappeared from her view.

-

  
  


Elfo was dead. It was a simple fact, unavoidable. 

But that didn’t mean she was any close to accepting it, not even a couple of days after their makeshift funeral.

Bean sat in front of her window, forehead leaning against the glass. She hadn't even bothered trying to escape after the argument with her father. "Elfo's dead." She said the words out loud to the empty room, as if it could make them more real... or less real.

There was a motion in the dimness, a shadow separating itself from the rest to stand beside her leg. Luci's paws were tentative as they brushed at her knee to get her attention. She didn't look at him, but she still had the image of him trapped in her mind's eye, standing over Elfo's body and drooping from pointy ears to pointy tail. She could understand... she'd been drooping too.

"He was my friend." She said. Bean didn't know if she was talking to Luci or just to herself. She swallowed hard, tasting the words on her tongue and finding them wanting. "He was my best friend." She felt Luci shuffle beside her and there was a brief surge of guilt, wondering if Luci would understand what she meant. Her bond with the demon was strong, but different. Their souls were linked, incontrovertibly, nothing short of her own death - and maybe not even that - could change or sever that bond. But her strong attachment to Elfo had been different... unexpected and surprising. It was nothing she could have anticipated.

She didn't want Luci to feel left out in the wake of her grief, but as she finally got up the energy to look at him, she could see an odd expression on his dark face. His eyes were crinkled slightly at the edges, his ears at half-mast. His tail dragged on the stone floor. "Yeah." There was a little hurt note to his voice that made Bean feel even lower, but then Luci added. "He was mine too..." His ears went fully back and she could feel his discomfort and uncertainty battering at her from across their bond.

She'd never been able to feel much from him before. Bean wasn't sure if it was because he was just feeling actually vulnerable for once or if she was just that much closer to him now. Luci moved to stalk away, to be alone, and she reached out with her hand, settling it on his head and feeling him jerk under her touch.

He was soft beneath her fingers, not like a real animal would be, but still warm and pliable. "Hey." She said. "Don't go."

He hesitated, looking up at her through narrowed eyes. She could tell he was looking for signs of pity... she knew him that well. She let her lips quiver finally, pulling into the frown she'd been trying so hard to avoid. She'd been angry for a while after Elfo's death, unable to afford another show of vulnerability. But now, here, with just the two of them, she could just be sad for a moment.

"Stay with me." Their eyes met and she swallowed hard. They were both thinking of Elfo, how Bean had asked him the same thing. It hadn't worked then. "Please."

Luci's eyes went down to his own dark paws as he flexed them. Then his small body surged up onto her lap. He'd always preferred to sit on her shoulder, letting Elfo rest against her like this. He didn't like being held or hugged.

But as her arms curled around him instinctively, holding him as a warm weight against her chest, he didn't protest. Maybe he was thinking of Elfo's hugs. Maybe he missed them, in spite of all the times he'd complained about how sentimental and useless they were.

He wasn't Elfo. Neither was she. But they still had each other, at least. It would have to do.

-

It was hard to find normalcy again. A few days passed, bleeding slowly into a couple of weeks. It never quite felt real. With the passage of time, Bean expected to feel it less, but some things just weren't the same. She kept expecting the early afternoon greetings she got from Elfo after she finally dragged herself awake and they never came. There'd been a time when the cheerfulness of them annoyed her a little bit, especially since they always came when Bean went to rescue Elfo from his cage for the day and he was somehow in better spirits than she was.

There was still a cage, of course. It was just empty.

At least the drinking still helped. Kind of. When she had enough booze, the rest of the world around her went away for a while and she didn't have to think anymore. The feeling of equilibrium she'd had coming back from their trip to rescue Elfo and find the vial was a distant, foggy memory. 

Luci was always there when she went to the bar, but without Elfo around for him to pick on, he seemed to get his kicks by harassing the other patrons, sometimes enough that Bean had to rescue him from a beating. It was fine though. Fighting when drunk was even more distracting, especially since it prevented her from ever reaching the mopey, thoughtful stages of drunkenness. 

They were stumbling drunk, just two hours into the evening. It would have taken longer with Elfo there, since they'd always wasted some good drinking time early on in the evening while Elfo was trying to persuade them to take more time to enjoy the taste of the liquor and the pleasant company. Either that or complaining about the lack of candy-flavoured mixers. Bean stared into the bottom of her glass after spending a minute and a half tipping it into her mouth with nothing coming out. When it finally clicked that there was no beer left, she groaned, slamming the glass back down on the counter. "It's broken."

Luci's laugh was more than a little mocking, his ears sitting at an angle that was hard to read. "The glass is fine, Bean. You're just a lush." His tail flicked out, curling around his own glass to draw it close. She was pretty sure he'd had just as much as she had, but through some kind of demonic magic, he wasn't as affected as she was. He took a deep drink, in a way that seemed annoyingly obvious, like he was rubbing his endurance in her face. She fixed him with a narrow-eyed stare.

"I-I'm fine, okay..." She reached out to take his drink away from him, too lazy to order another herself, but he slapped her fingers away with his tail. She hissed, drawing her hand to her chest and rubbing it. "Stop it!" She settled back in her seat with a low grunt. "Elfo would have let me-" Her words cut off partway through the sentence, falling into an awkward silence.

Luci tensed at that, his tail jerking and then standing straight up for a few seconds. "Yeah. He would have." He slid his drink across the counter until it bumped the back of her wrist. She looked down and didn't take it.

They sat there, silent, for a couple of minutes.

Bean dipped her head, letting her cheek rest against the smooth wood. Her tone dropped, thoughtful. "Luci..." she could feel his attention on her, even without looking up. "What happens when we die, anyway?" She reached out to tap at Luci's glass. "You come from Hell, right?" She wasn't sure if there was any chance that Elfo would have gone to hell after he died. There were a lot of people in Dreamland and she was pretty sure that most of them were headed down there after they croaked - including Bean herself, probably - but if anyone seemed likely to avoid a fate of eternal damnation, it would have been Elfo. He'd always been so obsessed with being good. Even still... "Do you think he's...." She let the question trail off into nothingness.

"What?" Luci's ears went back for a second, his eyes widening. For a moment he almost seemed hopeful. Then his lips twisted a little and he crouched over his glass, pulling it against his chest. "Elfo? Pff. No. He's too much of a wuss to get into hell." He pressed his muzzle into the opening of the glass and sat there for a moment. "Stupid elf..." 

The princess let out a sigh of her own at that. It wasn't that she'd been hoping Elfo would be in Hell, but at the same time there was something comforting about knowing where he was. "So he'd be in Heaven, right?"

Luci shook his head a little at that, letting out a bark of laughter. "I don't know a lot about Heaven, except that it's full of do-gooders. His gaze turned thoughtful, his tail giving a swish. "When you die though, you don't usually go to one or the other right away... like... it takes a bit of time unless you're really shitty or, I guess, really a saint."

This was new information, something that Bean hadn't considered before. "So wait? What? Where do you go then? Are you a ghost?"

The demon shook his head, giving a dismissive wave of one black paw. "Nah. I told you already, ghosts are losers who got murdered." He paused, considering something for a second before shaking his head. "Nah. He's probably just in like... Purgatory right now." He didn't look up at Bean, but she could tell he knew she was confused. "It's a place in-between where you go if you're waiting to go to Heaven or Hell or one of the other places."

"Wha- there's other places?" 

Luci glanced at her, his ears back, muzzle wrinkled. "Shit. Yeah. Heh." He pushed his glass away. "That's one of the things you mortals shouldn't know about but..." He shrugged. "See, different religions have different afterlives, so... this place is kind of in-between all of them. It's where people get sorted out and shit. He's probably there."

Bean frowned at that. "So it's not heaven and it's not hell." She looked up and then down as she spoke. "So if it's not up there or... y'know... down... then where is it?" 

"It's down." Luci laughed. "But... less down. Look, it's the afterlife, Bean. Things don't always make sense. You'd think they'd put it somewhere a bit less accessible though, considering how many people just.... y'know go there."

"I thought you said people were supposed to go there?"

"Well... yeah doy. _After_ they die, they go there." His tail flicked out and whapped her across the forehead. "It's just some losers manage to get there without dying, which... y'know... it's just inconvenient for everyone." He paused, lips pulling into a grin. "Pretty funny though."

There was something about Luci's words that sat strangely in the back of Bean's mind, but at the moment she wasn't sure what it was that had caught her attention. She frowned as she pushed Luci's glass aside and rose to her feet, staggering a little. "I think... I'm gonna throw up." She made her way to the door on wobbly legs, barely managing to get outside before landing on hands and knees and expunging the contents of her stomach.

She didn't have a lot of recollection of the walk home. Luci had perched on her shoulder, his clawed fingers gripping in her hair as he guided her through the confusing mishmash of streets. Somehow she was in her room, lurching toward her bed. Then she was falling and she kept falling long after she hit the mattress.

-

She woke up, but only reluctantly. For a moment, she wasn't sure where she was or how she'd gotten there. It had been a long while since she'd gotten blackout drunk... 

Her face was pressed into her pillow and for a few long moments she remained just where she was, feeling the throbbing in her temples that was just shy of actually becoming painful. If she moved, it probably would be. God, why had she gotten so wasted? She was surprised she hadn't woken up in a puddle of her own vomit, at this rate.

There had been something going on... Bean couldn't quite recall what it had been. She and Luci had been talking about something and it seemed like it might have been vaguely important. But what...? As she shifted, she felt the pain spike through her head and groaned, dragging her rumpled blanket up to cover her face. As she pulled it, she felt a slight resistence and had to yank harder. She heard a low grunt as she finally managed to wrest it free, accompanied almost immediately by the thump of a body hitting the floor.

She blinked, her eyes not wanting to focus as she crept cautiously toward the edge of her bed and peeked over, bleary. Luci was sprawled on the stone floor, his dark ears pressed back against his head as he squinted up at her. "Ugh. Good morning to you too, asshole."

"Luci!" She had to rest her chin on one arm as she looked down at him. "I'm.... feeling really gross."

"Don't throw up!" The demon snapped, hastily rolling to all fours to get out of the way of a potential splatter zone. "God damn Bean. I've seen some benders in my day but you were really over the top." He smiled, though the expression didn't quite reach all the way up to his ears which were still droopy. "It was kind of awesome, admittedly." He climbed up the side of her bedspread to sit at her shoulder. "I bet you must be feeling pretty awful right about now."

Bean didn't have to actually say anything, just glaring at him sidelong and fighting the sudden surge of nausea sitting in her gut. "I think I... may have gone a bit overboard..."

"You think?" Luci laughed, but the muted swish of his tail meant that he was probably in pretty bad shape himself. Normally he was a lot more active when lording her mistakes over her. "You probably should have tapped out earlier."

The princess drew a hissing breath between her teeth at that. "You could have done something to stop me. Instead of just shoving more drinks at me." She did have the vague recollection of Luci chortling while pushing two more glasses of beer across the counter. As she gazed down at herself, she finally put together that the strong smell of alcohol was coming from her own clothing, as if she'd bathed in the stuff.

"Hey. Keeping you from making stupid decisions isn't _my_ job!" Luci snapped back. The words were harsher than they needed to be, but as they met the air, both of them froze.

Oh. Oh yeah. It was coming back to her now. Why she'd needed to drink... what she'd wanted to forget. She looked toward the open window, blinking back the studden prickle of tears at the corners of her eyes. "Yeah. I guess it's not." She lay there in silence for a moment, facing away from the demon. She wasn't expecting much, so the slight shifting of the bed with his motions caught her off guard, as did the small black hand that pressed against her shoulder. She bit her lip, still unwilling to look at him.

"Hey." The demon gave an awkward cough, a sound that might have been a laugh if it hadn't been so hesitant. "It's..." Not okay. He did pause before letting that word escape his lips, since they both knew it would have been a lie. Instead, after a moment of pause, he settled for the same useless placating words she'd already heard a hundred times before. "He's... he's in a better place now."

"Yeah." Bean did laugh but there was no real amusement in it. "He's in Hell, right? Or Heaven, maybe. He did suck at doing bad things. Or..." There was something else pricking at the edges of her memory. "No. You said he's not there, didn't you?" They'd already had this discussion before, the previous night. It had been before Bean had finally reached her state of total drunkenness and had finally passed out in a stupor. 

When she turned her head to look at the unusually silent demon, she noticed a wrinkle in Luci's dark muzzle, his ears sideways a little in a hesitant way. "Well. No, probably not. He's not bad enough to go straight to hell. And he was kind of a dork, so I'm guessing he wasn't enough of a 'saint' to go to heaven just like that." He paused. "Purgatory. Yeah. I'm remembering. We talked about this already."

They had. The missing pieces of the night were beginning to slot into place and Bean shuffled with a groan, rolling slightly toward the edge of the bed before catching herself and pushing upright. It was only then that she realized she was still wearing her boots and they were covered with mud. "What the hell?" She inspected them, only to notice more strangeness when she reached down to untie her boots and realized that her arms were covered in scratches like she'd been exploring around in a rose bush. "What did we do last night?"

Luci grunted, struggling to his feet and moving back to the edge of the bed, looking down at the telltale trail of muddy bootprints that came in from the staircase. "Looks like we went out exploring somewhere." He poked at Bean's scratched up arm, making her hiss. "Does this hurt?"

"Yes!" 

"Hmm... the plot deepens then. Where did we go? I mean Dreamland is a crap kingdom, but it looks like you decided to go for a roll in a pigsty or something. Even the streets here aren't _that_ bad." He hopped back, climbing onto her shoulder and almost succeeding at knocking her precarious balance off and sending her flat against the floor. "So, what were we talking about? Maybe that will give us some idea of why we - or at least you - went stomping around in the dirt."

"It's the same thing we were just talking about," Bean said, hesitantly, trying to slot together the wildly mixed up pieces of the puzzle. There was only one thing that stood out in her memory as foremost and consistent while the rest of her thoughts were a jumble. "We were talking about-"

"Elfo." Luci finished her sentence so she didn't have to, but she nodded in silent assent, despite the fact that the added motion made her head throb worse.

Of course, it was Elfo. More and more, it was hard to not think about him. How did you just ignore the fact that your best friend died in your arms? Bean didn't think she had it in her to just completely push the memory aside, even if it would have been easier on her to just go back to blissful ignorance. No wonder she'd drunk herself stupid last night. But what about Elfo would have led her to go running around and getting scratched up like this? And why was she so dirty?

An uncomfortable thought struck her and she started looking around the room, jolting to her feet and swaying for a second, hesitant and paranoid and more than a little guilty. Luci let out a low screech of surprise as she stood, struggling to maintain his perch on her. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for a body," Bean said, voice flat. She paused a moment for the words to sink in, carefully easing around the other side of the bed before dropping to her knees to look under it. That move was a mistake since there was nothing under the bed and also the sudden change in altitude completely screwed up her balance and she face-planted into the stone. She grunted, lying there for a second before pushing herself up on her elbows. Her voice was soft, shaky as she admitted. "I um... I was afraid maybe..." They'd been talking about Elfo, about missing him, and for a brief terrifying second, Bean wondered if she'd been in a drunk enough haze that she'd decided to go get him. Or... his corpse.

But there were no dead bodies in the room and she felt both relief and a strange sense of disappointment at that fact.

But if she hadn't gone grave robbing in an effort to find Elfo, then where had she gone? She looked at Luci who was sitting up slowly, having fallen from her shoulder when she lost her balance. He gave himself a shake. "What the hell Bean..." He seemed more shaken than angry, moving to stand beside her shoulder. "I guess it's a good thing that you didn't decide to go running around Dreamland with Elfo's body in tow. But it's not like that would have done much anyway, considering his spirit's not in it. Though... I bet it could have been funny. Just pretending he's alive or something..." As much of a terrible person and an even worse friend as Luci could be, she didn't believe for a moment that he would have found the idea of dragging Elfo's dead body around and pretending he was alive to be appealing.

"I just... I wanted to find him." She sighed, stretching out on the floor, letting her cheek rest against the cold stone. It felt nice against her hot cheek. "I'm not sure where I thought I was going... I guess... I should just be happy I got back here instead of getting myself lost."

Luci was silent. She'd been expecting at least some agreement. Slowly Bean raised her head again, peering in the direction she'd last seen him. He wasn't looking at her though, instead his gaze was focused at something on the floor. The tip of his tail gave a slow twitch and he made a sound in his throat that broke into a soft laugh, incredulous. "I think I know where you thought you were going."

Bean jolted up straight at that, pushing herself to hands and knees and crawling toward where he was sitting. She could see what appeared to be a ripped out page from a book - not that she cared much about books. But scrawled on it, in what was undoubtedly a drunken and uneven version of her own writing, was the word "Plan". It was followed by a bunch of nonsense letters that were smeared into each other, but that wasn't the important part.

The page had what seemed to be a cloud at the top of it and fire and vaguely demon-shaped scribbles at the bottom. In the middle there were a couple of lines that looked like hills and a river with the word "Elfo" followed by a question mark.

"What am I looking at?" She frowned. "Is that... you?"

"Well, I'm no art critic," the demon replied, his tone dry. "But I think you were drawing a map of the afterlife. I mean... don't get me wrong, your art sucks, but that is obviously supposed to be Heaven and Hell."

Bean reached out, brushing her fingers across the page. Next to the word Elfo was a scribbled blob. With a little imagination, she could make out the pointy ears and the hat she'd been envisioning in her drunken mind's eye. "And Elfo. So... what's this... middle place? It's not earth."

Luci let out a soft hum. "I think I'm remembering some things I might have blabbed on about." He sighed. "I'm a demon but we have some rules, y'know."

"Where." She fixed a steady stare on him. "Where is this?"

The demon raised his hands in a helpless shrug. "Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's purgatory. And yeah. That's probably where he is."

-

"Purgatory." Bean mused. She'd pulled off her boots and settled onto her bed, her bare feet hanging over the edge. She held the paper in her hand, her thumb tracing over the edges of her scrawl. "So why don't they tell us about this?"

"Pff... it's because religion exists to placate the masses and that means it's gotta be as simple to understand as possible. So... basically, it's geared around your average idiot." The demon reached out with his tail to poke her in the side. "So of course that means that a slightly above-average idiot is getting the same dumbed-down version as the rest of the stupid masses."

Bean made a non-committal noise. She wasn't sure she would have classified herself as particularly smart, but then she remembered that people were apparently buying water from a naked guy who sat around in a barrel all day. "Okay. I guess that makes sense. So. Purgatory." Her brows furrowed. "You said something about it. Last night." She was wracking her battered brain for more information. "People can go there...?" 

Luci was pensive, his eyes narrowed a little. He finally gave a soft cough and the corner of his mouth tugged in an uneven smile. "Yeah. I mean they're not _supposed_ to. But... y'know... mortals do a lot of things they're not supposed to be able to do. Turns out you really can't idiot-proof the whole system."

He reached out to take the paper out of her hand, smoothing it across the bed. "I mean, as a demon, I know this kind of stuff. It's not a big deal for a demonic being to go in and out of the underworld... even if the underworld in question isn't actually Hell." He tapped at her crude drawing of Purgatory. "And this place is just... it's confusing. It's not a good place for mortals." But despite his precautions, he was looking at her, his pointy black ears slanted back just a little and his eyes crinkled at the edges. It was like he wanted to say something else.

"But Elfo is there. Right?" She reached out her hands, setting them on his shoulders. He was so small that her touch almost covered up half of his body. "And if he's there, that means we can go to him."

"Yeah. Heh..." Luci dipped his head. Smiled at something humourous that he didn't share with Bean. Then he raised his eyes again and met her gaze steadily. "That's what it means."

Bean nodded, more to herself than to Luci. "Okay." She slipped off of the bed and winced as her feet brushed the cold floor. She had to balance on one foot as she grabbed one of her discarded boots and tugged it on. "Let's go then."

-


	30. Chapter 30

  
  
-  
  


It was perhaps a bit unwise to make such a hasty decision. Luci had said he knew a way to get to this place, Purgatory, but from her own muddy tracks and her scratches, Bean was pretty sure she'd already tried to go there based on Luci's information before. Of course, the previous night, she'd been so intensely drunk that it was amazing she'd gotten home at all, and her hazy recollections of Luci had put him in a similar state, if not quite as bad as her own. 

They'd been two drunk morons roaming around looking for what was probably a really complicated place to find. It wasn't supposed to be a place for mortals at all.

With some rest and a drink - water this time - Bean felt invigorated for their impossible task. She didn't want to think about the complications that might arise. It was all just a few simple steps. Get to the Underworld. The Purgatory one. Find Elfo. Bring him back.

What could go wrong?

Bean rustled through her things before making a quick trip down to the castle supplies and snagging a few things that might have been useful, like rope and a lantern. After a moment of pause, she also grabbed a sword from the castle armory. With it on her hip, she felt more confident at her ability to take care of any threats that they might run into, supernatural or otherwise. 

While she was preparing, Luci was busy too, doing who knew what with the piece of paper and a vial of ink. He kept dipping his tal into the vial and scrawling on the sheet, muttering slightly to himself in a language she didn't understand. She came up to him, fully geared up, and carefully prodded him in the shoulder. "Hey. You ready?" She frowned, brows furrowed. "Also, what were you saying? I mean, I'm not a master of languages, but it was all Greek to me."

Luci looked up at her, a sardonic smile on his face. "Yeah. That's because it's actually Greek. But... uh... good job."

While Bean was trying to figure out if she should be offended by his remark, he clambered up onto her shoulder again, clutching his newly scribbled scroll. His lashing tail splattered ink stains across the front of her shirt. "So. Here's the deal. Getting into Purgatory isn't the easiest thing to do... well... I mean it's pretty easy to do it the normal way. Just die without being a saint or a complete monster. But getting in alive... well that's gonna be a bit harder. So!" He waved the paper in the air. "Fortunately for you, I have a map and the expertise we need to do this crazy thing."

While they were talking, there was a thump from the hallway, the sound of heavy feet, probably from one of the castle staff coming to fetch her for some stupid royal thing. Bean scowled. "Well, I guess we'll have to sneak out of here first." She took the rope she had and considered it for a moment before shrugging and just snagging the sheets off her bed instead. Why not? It had always worked before. 

As she sat on the windowsill, looking down, she gripped the sheets tightly in her hands. Luci sat on her shoulder, fingers tangled in her hair as he peered at the drop. "You know, if we let go, you could get there way faster." His tone was conversational.

"Yeah. No. I'm not doing that." She began a hasty descent, going faster as she heard the sound of someone yelling in frustration from her room.

Whether their crazy quest succeeded or not, at least she was going to get out of whatever stupid dinner or royal ball or whatever that her dad was planning. So her day was already going a little better.

-

She stole a horse. She had no idea how far away this entrance to Purgatory was going to be and Luci wasn't particularly helpful because he never had any intention of actually walking so she couldn't trust his estimation of the distance. There was no way she was going to get stuck going on a massive cross-country quest and carrying him the entire way. Once they were mounted and had managed to evade the incompetent guards - knocking Turbish over in the process of getting out the gate - Luci hopped off of her shoulder to sit in front of her on the horse.

"Okay. So, we're going to have to go past the Enchanted Forest." He gave a slight wave of his hand. "And then we just take a left, a right, another two lefts, sacrifice a baby and BOOM! Purgatory."

"Okay. That doesn't sound too- wait... what?" She peered down at the demon with wide eyes and he smirked up at her. "We're not sacrificing a baby. Where would we even get a baby at this point?" They were already surrounded by stretches of open field on the way to the forest and there wasn't a good opportunity to backtrack to the city again. Even if they did, Bean still wasn't entirely feeling kosher with murder. Bunty did have a lot of kids though... She shook her head. Yeah, they weren't doing that.

"Of course not." Luci laughed up at her, a mean little laugh. "I was just seeing if you were paying attention. But... I mean if you're cool with it, we could just sacrifice a baby for fun. It'd be good for lightening the mood!" She narrowed her eyes and slapped him across the back of the head. Though he swore loudly, he took it in stride. 

The trip through the Enchanted Forest was remarkably uneventful, a nice surprise after every other time they'd gone through there. It was a location that seemed rife with trouble for them and even when they weren't running into crazy murdering cannibals or running from her dad's men trying to drag her back to an arranged marriage, it just wasn't a great place to visit.

And... Elfo had died here. She put that out of her mind, gritting her teeth and setting spurs to her horse to speed the animal up as they made their way through the wending forest trail. It got darker and darker as they went through and this time there was no cheerful chatter from their elf companion to lighten the mood in a way that didn't involve dead babies. Bean was relieved to see light ahead as they reached the edge of the forest and finally felt herself relaxing once they cleared the trees.

It was rare for her to come this far on her own, so the territory was less familiar. Her only opportunity to venture this far out had been when they'd been looking for the vial, and Elfo. Luci didn't let her go too far on that beaten path though, reaching up to press his claws into the meat of her arm as she approached the mountains. "Not that way. Left." 

There was no road to the left. Not that she could tell. There wasn't anything that stood out as a landmark and all she could see was open plain with the beginnings of some weedy scrub. She had no idea how he knew where they were supposed to go, but as a demon, he definitely had infernal powers that she couldn't understand. She shrugged, then turned the horse left into the uncharted.

It took an hour or so of riding before Luci corrected their path again, up ahead there was finally something more interesting in the distance, a low line on the horizon that eventually solidified itself into a low mountainous ridge. Soon enough, they were coming up alongside it and Bean was expecting to stop or to divert all the way around it, even though it seemed to go on for some distance. Luci gave a little grunt and climbed onto her shoulders, digging his heels into the side of her neck like she was a horse he was applying the spurs to. He grabbed a handful of her pale hair, tugging her head to one side. 

Bean tried to give him a dirty look out of the corner of her eye but he was ignoring her in his infuriating way. She turned in the direction he was indicating, walking alongside the ridge. The stone was mostly plain, where the growth atop it wore away there were lines of different colours. It didn't seem to have much in the way of variation but Luci still grabbed more of her hair in his other hand, this time pulling her toward it. 

She tightened her hands on the reins and Luci dug his heels into the sides of her neck as she let out a hiss. "What are you doing? This is a rock wall!"

"Bean, we both know I've steered you wrong in the past... like... dozens of times. Man, you're gullible! But you're just going to have to trust me on this one. It's the smart thing to do. Unlike the last three dozen times, when you were just... really stupid." He jiggled at her hair, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Go right straight toward the wall. And speed up. C'mon, Bean. Do it!"

"Luci-!" She bit off her words with a hiss and sank her heels deep into her mount's sides, making the horse jolt and buck slightly before planting its hooves and lurching forward, right toward the solid mountainside. 

It was crazy, she told herself in the seconds before impact. Why was she listening to Luci? As the demon himself had pointed out, he took every opportunity to give her bad advice, to get her into trouble and even to put her and pretty much everyone else around them in danger just for a laugh. Bean was probably going to slam face-first into the rock and break her nose and Luci would get his jollies for a bit before they actually got around to the important part of this whole mission. As the horse's feet touched the ground right in front of the solid wall, her eyes closed tight, teeth gritting in anticipation of the impact.

Time stood still for a few seconds while she waited for it to come, then she heard the click of hooves landing on rock, the horse's weight jolting and shifting as it moved a few more paces before dancing to a halt. Her hands were white-knuckled on the reins her chest starting to hurt as she realized she'd been holding her breath and let it out in a gasp.

When she drew in a new breath, the air was different, damp, and a bit warm. The smell was nothing like it had been only a minute ago. She could hear the sound of moving water somewhere nearby. Luci shuffled where he was perched, sinking his pointy toes into her shoulder. "Bean. You can open your eyes."

And so she did. Though she told herself it wasn't strictly because Luci's prompting had actually been comforting enough to break through the momentary confusion and uncertainty regarding her new situation. She opened her eyes expecting... she didn't know what. But what she was looked nothing like the plain fields and brush and cliffside she'd been riding along for the past several hours.

She looked like she was still outside, honestly. She turned her head to look behind her and didn't see a mountain or a field, but what seemed to be the yawning entrance of a cavern behind her as if she'd stepped into a giant cave. The environment beyond that looked foresty but also swampy. It was definitely not where they'd been just a second ago.

"Wait... how did we..." Her voice trailed off in confusion and Luci slid around, hopping off her shoulder to land on the pommel of the saddle. 

"It's magic, Bean. Need I remind you that you're traveling with a demon and you're trying to rescue a dead elf? You'd think you'd just take things in stride by now." He turned around, leaning against the neck of the horse. "Just go with the flow." He made a gesture with his hand and the motion disturbed their mount, making the beast shake his head. Luci was sent tumbling to the ground, hitting the smooth surface of a cobblestone road that Bean was only just registering was even there.

She switched to looking ahead of them instead of behind. "So the magical underworld where dead people live is just... a cave?"

Luci rolled to his feet with a muffled swear, dusting himself off. "It's not 'just a cave', Bean." He gestured in the air with his fingers as he spoke, his tone mocking. "This goes beyond what your mortal mind can handle without... like... exploding or something. Trust me. I could explain it to you but I really don't want to."

"You don't know how it all works, do you?" Bean drawled, deadpan.

"...I don't have to answer that." Luci spat back, clawing his way up her leg to rejoin her. "Anyway, let's just forget about who knows and doesn't know what. We're here and I was right. So, let's just keep doing what I say, regardless of how crazy it sounds and what trouble it might get you, specifically, into. Besides-" He steered clear of getting too close to the horse again, just hopping to seat himself primly on Bean's shoulder. "We're not technically _in_ the underworld yet. This is just the gateway."

"And the gateway to the underworld is... a wet cave?" Now that she'd had a moment to look around, Bean was feeling even more dubious about this endeavor than she had been before. The inside of the cave was, if anything, even wetter than the seemingly swampy location that the entrance supposedly was coming from. There was water just ahead, in puddles and rivulets. The path wound through them in an unstraightforward fashion leading deeper into the cave where it was even darker than the half-lit dimness they were standing in. "It's dark too." She sighed. "Hold on. I came prepared for this."

Despite the dismal surroundings, she was pleased with herself for remembering to bring gear, and even more so that she'd picked the best, most useful gear for navigating a magical underworld-entrance cave. She pulled the lantern out from the pack slung behind her and held it up. She kept it there for a few seconds before tapping at it. "Why isn't this working?"

"..." Luci's gaze radiated a mixture of disgust and disbelief. "What? You've never used a lantern before?" 

Bean bristled. "I always got ones that were already lit. I mean it can't be that hard, right? We had a lantern lighter back in the castle." She didn't remember ever actually paying attention while their lantern lighter was doing his job though. She bit at her lower lip, twisting the little knob on the lantern before Luci smacked her hand away.

"Ugh. Amateurs. Here." He opened the glass front and brought his tail around. The very tip of his spaded appendage glowed, bright as an ember, for a second and he touched it to the wick. It caught immediately. Luci closed the lantern, watching the light rising and illuminating the walls of the cave around them. "There you go. Voila! One lantern, courtesy of your own personal demon." He held it up for her, still gazing at her expectantly even as she took it from him. He gave a cough and then, when she didn't respond, continued with a loud and obnoxious clearing of his throat.

"What?" Bean asked, nudging her horse forward with her newly lit lantern held aloft.

"You could say thank you." Luci snapped back, jabbing at her with the pointy tip of his tail. "I did a thing for you and you know I didn't have to because I'm a demon and I can see in the fucking dark... but I did. Appreciate me, damn it!"

Normally Bean would have shrugged off his demands because he tended to be an asshole and got her into way more trouble than he got her out of. This time though, she softened a little and smiled, turning her head to look at him out of the corner of her eye and smile. "Thanks, Luci. I'm really glad you're here."

Mollified, the demon settled again, still sitting stiffly on her shoulder for a few more seconds as they made their way deeper into the cave, following the strange cobbled pathway that was strikingly and deliberately placed, even though it also didn't go entirely straight and veered off into weird side directions. Maybe it was just the nature of the place giving Bean some weird vibes, but she was careful to nudge the horse to keep on the path... not that the animal needed it, seeming reluctant to actually venture off.

She was relieved that all of them were on the same page because there was a weird electric feeling on the air. It was similar to the Enchanted Forest but even stronger somehow. The deeper they went, the less light there was until the only illumination was what was coming from the lantern she was carrying. She couldn't see the walls around her anymore, or the ground, outside of the faintly lit stone path she was following. It was almost like they were walking through nothingness instead of inside a real place. The silence surrounding them was uncanny, without even the sound of dripping water. Even the sound of the horse's hooves against the stones was muted.

Luci slid off her shoulder after they'd been moving for who knew how long. He landed on her knee, leaning forward with his pointy ears pointed even more. "We're almost there!" His voice was excited but a little hushed.

"How do you..." Bean started to ask, only to have her words cut off as the world lit up around her again. It was as though they had stepped into a different room. There were candles all around, rising out of the water in fanciful sconces and hanging from a ceiling that seemed to be infinitely far above them. Or maybe they were just floating in midair. She could see that on either side of their stone path there was nothing but deep, dark water. 

Ahead of them, there was a hanging lantern on a tall pole, the path ending in a wooden dock. Beyond that, there was nothing but a wide expanse of river. The horse drew to a stop as soon as its hooves hit the wooden planks, shuffling nervously and putting its ears back flat against its head. Bean tightened her hands on the reins for a moment, leaning forward to look over the edge of the horse's large body. 

The river in front of them was dark as ink and moving rapidly. It stretched out beyond as far as she could see beyond the light of her own meager lantern and the candles scattered throughout the large cavern. It wasn't like the castle's moat back home. The idea of swimming in it was ludicrous, even if it hadn't also terrified her on some instinctual level.

"What..." She looked down at Luci. "Is this it? Where are we supposed to go now? I don't think I can swim across this..." She shifted her weight in the saddle, hopping down. Her boots made a hollow thunk on the planks as she took another step forward, peering down from this new vantage point to confirm what she'd already guessed from on top of her mount. For some reason, the water was even more disturbing up close. It didn't look anything like regular water now. When she held her lantern out over it, the water seemed to ripple upward in slight waves, as if it was trying to get to her hand. Bean gasped, taking a step back from it. "What is this? Luci...?"

The demon curled his fingers into her leg, just above her boot. "Don't get too close to this water, Bean. I know I'm not normally the type to say this, but you really don't want to jump in recklessly. Ugh... I sound like Elfo." He let out a hiss. "I hate you for making me say that!" He leaned down, peering over the edge of the water. It swelled again, near where his nose was peeking out and his tail rose high and stiff like a scared cat. He brought it back down after a moment, with an air of false composure that was all too familiar to Bean. 

"This is the river surrounding the underworld. The Greeks called it Lethe. You don't want to touch it or getting back to your normal mortal life won't be an option anymore. Even I don't want to know what'd happen if you actually decided to go for a leisurely swim!"

Bean gave a stiff nod in response. She hadn't exactly been planning to go skinnydipping in weird black magical water, but she swallowed any urge to say so. "Then... what are we supposed to do now?" Frustration was starting to bubble in her, despite her efforts to contain it. She wished Elfo were here to provide a calming voice... or to panic and give her something else to have to focus on. "Did we come all the way here for nothing? Where are we supposed to go now?"

"Shush, Bean!" Luci's voice came out in a vibrating growl. "Silencio! This is _not the time_!" He stood up straight, peering off into the distance while Bean looked down at him in a mixture of disgust and confusion. "Put out that lantern!"

She almost asked why but remembered their earlier encounter with the rock wall, the one where she'd been forced to put her trust in Luci, despite the number of times he'd brought her trouble in the past. If she could do it then, she could do it now. If he'd wanted to be an asshole and get her into trouble, he wouldn't have been warning her now, right? She licked her fingers, reaching into the lantern and pinching at the wick. She could feel the prick of heat against her skin before the fire went out in a sizzle. Her fingers burned for a few seconds and she popped them into her mouth.

Even with the lantern out, it was still pretty easy to see everything with all the other candles. The underworld seemed to be putting about three-quarters of Dreamland's yearly spending budget just toward all the candles currently in this cave. The light was different without the familiar orange glow of her normal fire, and she noticed that the flame on the candles was actually a weird shade of pale blue. Ghostly, almost.

Speaking of ghosts, from ahead of them, across the dark water, she could begin to make out something. A dark mass that was approaching them with surprising swiftness, gliding over the water while barely seeming to touch it. As it drew close, she realized it was a boat, but a strange one that was made of wood that was startlingly smooth, like it was from a tree carved out of stone. Instead of being brown, it was bleached white, like bones left in the sun. Standing at the head of the boat was a figure clad in long robes that went all the way to the floor. A hood covered the head of the strange boatman and from the front of his boat, a swinging lantern with the same blue flame hung. 

The boat was being maneuvered with a simple long pole but despite the powerful current sweeping downriver, it was hardly affected. It came gliding up to the dock, bumping against the wood with a sound like a whisper.

Bean felt a shiver run up her spine as the hooded figure looked at her. Her fingers twitched as they dropped to the hilt of the sword she had strapped at her hip. She felt Luci's claws sink into her leg, just above her boot, and stopped short of actually grabbing hold of the weapon. It was just as well, she wasn't sure she wouldn't have pulled it out if she'd actually touched it and she didn't know anything about this mysterious boat... man. Woman? Person.

"Who asks for a ride?" The voice emerged, despite the figure's hunched posture and ghostly look, the voice was actually smooth and powerful instead of weird and raspy like one might expect from a ghoul or demon or something. Bean's lips twisted slightly, her head giving a little shake before she felt Luci grab her again and managed to clear her throat.

"Um. It's me. Princess Tiabeanie... uh... Tiabeanie Mariabeanie de la Roch-uh..." She cut herself off as the figure leaned forward a little more and she had to struggle not to scramble backward and risk falling off the dock or bumping into their horse who was blocking the path back. "J-just Bean. Princess. Uh. Bean."

The figure reached out a hand, long skeletal fingers emerged from beneath dark flowing sleeves. For a moment, Bean was afraid the thing was actually going to try and touch her but, instead, it raised a hand to pull the draping cowl back from its face, exposing its head. 

It - he? maybe? - looked surprisingly human in form for a magical underworld creature. Though gaunt and very, very pale, his face was normal-ish. His eyes were dark and his hair was silvering and a bit whispy where it was slicked flat against his scalp. His piercing gaze raked over her and his eyes narrowed in confusion. "You... you're not dead."

Luci took the opportunity to ease forward, slinking with the sort of nonchalance only a demon or a narcissist could manage. "Well of course not! She's with me." He held out his hand even though the boatman would have had to lean down impossibly far to take it. "The name's Luci. That's right. _The_ Luci. I know..." He waved both hands in the air placatingly. "You probably thought I'd be taller." 

If there was one thing that Bean knew from personal experience, it was that Luci was tremendously good at bullshitting. Whether or not it was believable wasn't really relevant when it came to whether Luci actually tried or not and Bean was intensely grateful for the fact that his intervention had taken the man's attention off of her at least for a while. 

The demon continued, despite the fact that the boatman was staring down at him with a blank expression. "You see, I was doing my job out in the mortal realm and uh... I got a summons. For a meeting. Very important. Evil, y'know. But I couldn't leave her behind for... reasons." For a moment he hesitated, looking up at Bean with a slight widening of his eyes that Bean recognized as slight panic.

She jumped in without thinking. "He's uh... he's my emotional support demon! I need him. I can't go anywhere without him!" She reached down and scooped him up, holding him against her chest tightly. For a moment his legs kicked slightly, a sound muffled as her hand rose to cover his protest for a second, only falling away as he sank his claws into her wrist. "So he had to bring me. Or his... guy he meets with would have had to provide me with a replacement demon."

Luci gritted his teeth a little at her lackluster lie but gamely played along. "That's right. And there's no replacing Luci!" he let out a nervous laugh. "So... that's why we're here."

The gaunt man looked at Bean, then down at Luci, his eyes narrowing into thin slits. Bean could feel the sweat beading at the back of her neck. The silence stretched out far longer than she could easily endure, then went on a few seconds longer as she wondered just how this was going to get them killed and whether or not the circumstances of her unfortunate demise meant that she'd wind up somewhere where she'd never find Elfo.

Elfo... well, at least if she died here, they'd all be together. Assuming Luci could take the boat and find the both of them in the underworld, of course. It seemed like a very Luci thing to do.

"Well... I suppose." The man said finally, though his tone was as deadpan as it had been before. "But you realize that this means that you are taking liability for..." He gestured at Bean, as if he couldn't quite encapsulate her with words. She felt herself starting to relax, just a little. She wasn't sure if Luci had been that convincing or if the creature was a lot like the staff back at the castle and was bored enough of his job that he didn't really care. Either way, she wasn't about to argue with him.

Luci gave a slight click of his tongue, gesturing at the boatman with one hand. "Yeah, I got you, man. Believe me, Luci knows what he's doing." In a particularly bold display of confidence, he lept forward, landing on the man's shoulder and patting at the side of his head in a buddy-buddy fashion. "I wouldn't dream of making your job any harder. I mean it's hard enough already, right? Bean, get in the damn boat." He said the last part so smoothly that she almost didn't register it separately from his schmoozing for a few seconds. Then she hastened forward, stepping into the boat and crouching slightly as it rocked in the water. 

As she looked back over her shoulder, she saw their horse still standing there on the dock, making small noises in its throat as it shuffled from hoof to hoof. "Hey, should we bring the horse?" She wasn't sure if it could fit on the boat at all, but if they just left it there, it was going to be a long walk home. And what if they needed a speedy, exciting escape?

The boatman made a low sound at that, his eyes narrowed. Luci hastened to pat him on the cheek. "She's joking. She's joking. Tell the man you're joking Bean, so we can get the hell out of here."

Bean ducked her head for a second, chastened, "Uh. Yeah. We didn't need that horse. For reasons that might potentially be suspicious. So... yeah. We'll leave it." As the ferryman took his stick in hand, beginning to push the boat away from the dock, Bean raised a hand, palm up in the direction of the horse. It wasn't quite a wave. "Bye... unnamed horse that I stole."

The horse gave no reply, of course. It was a horse.

-


	31. Chapter 31

  
  


-

  
  


"So this is a big river..." Bean began, conversationally. She was sitting in the boat, looking over the edge at the water moving in dark eddies around the wood. It was fascinating, but not necessarily in a good way. For a second, she felt a strange urge to reach out and touch it, barely catching herself before doing so. "I suppose you do this a lot? Just... taking souls back and forth, I mean."

"Not _a lot_." Luci gritted. "Souls don't generally come back from the underworld Bean. That's not a thing that happens and especially not a thing we should talk about happening in front of this lovely... what are you? A ghoul?"

"Charon." The ferryman said. He didn't clarify if it was a name, a species, or just a word he liked the sound of.

"In front of our good new friend Charon." Luci was making a few gesturing nods of his head toward Bean. She wasn't an idiot and knew that he would have been telling her to shut the fuck up if he could actually say so in front of this guy without being suspicious. Right. They'd probably need to come back this way with Elfo once they had him. They didn't need him getting curious about their motives and why they kept bringing up souls and stuff.

"Oh. Right. Yes." Bean was aware that her voice was a little too loud but found it difficult to do anything to make it quieter. " We do enjoy making new friends and not talking about plans. I mean... talking about non-plans that we totally don't have. I mean... we enjoy being not-suspicious." Luci rolled his eye and pinched at the bridge of his nose, but fortunately, Charon wasn't looking in his direction.

"Like Bean was saying, we are just going to the underworld for the thing I told you about and-" Luci perked up. "And I see the shore, oh thank god." His last few words tumbled over each other and Bean was wise enough to not make a comment about how his relief might also be construed as suspicious, in the off chance that maybe the ferryman was really stupid and hadn't figured out they were lying.

There was a soft thud as the front of the boat bumped against another dock, one that looked so much like the one they'd come from that if it hadn't been for the absence of their horse, Bean might have thought they'd just turned around and gone all the way back. It had been so easy to lose track of direction with the way this whole place was formatted. It was just very same-y so far. She was just as relieved as Luci when she could step out of the boat and onto the dock, Luci clambering up after her.

"Thank you for the ride, Charon." Bean said, in her best diplomatic voice. "We really appreciate it." In response, the ferryman held his hand out, palm up. Bean looked blankly at it for a second before Luci nudged her.

"Pay the man, Bean. So we can get the hell out of here." The last part was mumbled hastily beneath his breath. The princess coughed, reaching to her belt to the pouch full of coins that she'd wisely thought to bring. It hadn't been for paying for a ride across an underworld river, but she was actually two for two when it came to the usefulness of her forward-thinking. She congratulated herself for being so smart as she laid a coin onto the ferryman's palm. Bony fingers snapped shut over it and drew it back into a draping sleeve. 

He didn't thank her, just moving to grasp his pole and push back off into the river. Bean gave a slight shake of her head. She hadn't been expecting much in the way of gratitude for a service she was paying for, but the fact that the guy was so silent still gave her the creeps a little. She waited until she thought he was out of earshot before speaking. "So... that guy was... not fun."

Luci shrugged, starting to walk forward and pausing long enough to look back over his shoulder at her. "It's the underworld. You're going to have to get used to it. Creatures that live down here aren't usually the best conversationalists, especially since they don't get paid to torture people. Now c'mon." He pulled the scrawled map out of seemingly nowhere and held it up. "According to this map I drew, the underworld consists of different parts. Some folks get sent to different sorts of afterworlds after they die."

"So there's Heaven and Hell and this place has even more afterlife places?" Bean fell into pace beside Luci as they hopped down from the dock. There was another stone path ahead but this one was illuminated with lanterns that gradually changed colour from the dismal blue to a muted red. The path ahead was starting to look more brightly lit, allowing her to see that outside the cobblestone walkway was either thick moss or actual grass. How could grass grow so far down here? They had to be like... a hundred feet or more underground by now.

Right. Magic.

"Well, we in Hell don't generally disclose this, but yeah, basically. We only get the people who believe in certain kinds of afterlife. If you don't fall into that category you wind up somewhere else. And all roads lead through purgatory unless you've got a fast pass to somewhere else, which most people don't. So I'm guessing Elfo will be in the main part of Purgatory. At best, he might have gotten to one of the entryway areas, if he got lost or something. So we just have to track his soul down, snag it and bring it back with us. Easy."

It did sound easy and Bean didn't trust that for a second. She was busy frowning and looking down at her feet pensively as she walked, and when she raised her head again, she jolted, coming to a halt in surprise. "Woah!"

Somehow the cave was no longer a cave and she was standing in some kind of big open meadow instead. Slightly rolling hills stretched out ahead. She could see a few people who were standing or sitting around. There was a small group gathered around a tree, shuffling stones back and forth in a makeshift game. No one looked like they were being tortured, but no one was having much fun either. It looked peaceful but tremendously dull. "How did we..." She cut herself off, pinching at the bridge of her nose with her fingers. "So this is Purgatory. It's not what I was expecting."

Truth be told, she hadn't known what she was expecting. But it hadn't been this. At least this meant that Elfo probably wasn't being tortured down here, which was a nice change from the way he'd died. Not to mention a nice change from the way he'd been kept in a cage and used as the subject of brutal experimentation for the last few months. It was probably close enough to Heaven for him.

Luci dropped to all fours for a second, scampering back and forth in a way that was painfully catlike. "Hmm... no... no... nope... move aside, dork." He shooed away a person who was sitting cross-legged on the grass, whapping the man with his tail until he shuffled out of reach. Luci paid him no further mind, looking for... something. "Wait... maybe..." He paused, stood up again, eyes narrowing and his nose reaching high into the air. "There it is!"

"What?" Bean perked at that, rushing over to stand beside him. "Do you know where Elfo is?" She looked around hastily, expecting - hoping, really - to see him somewhere nearby, perhaps behind a tree or under a bush, but there was no sign of him.

"Yeah, it's him. I'd recognize that smell of candy and flop sweat anywhere. You'd think that'd go away when you die, but eh... the afterlife is weird." He took a few steps and scented the air again. "Looks like he went this way." He strode toward an area where the hills began to slope together. "Man, Elfo must've been confused or something. Why would he come this way?" His head was down near to the ground as he moved, his tail swishing high behind him.

He was so busy following Elfo's trail that Bean was the one who had to reach out and grab him by the tail, yanking him to an abrupt halt as he let out a soft swear, his ears flat against his head as the motion jerked his feet off the ground and made his large nose hit the grass. "What the fuck, Bean?!" He shook the blades of grass from his eyes to glare back at her but she wasn't even looking at him. Instead, Bean was staring past him at the spot where the sloping hills on either side of the valley came together. 

There was a tall stone gate between them, which looked like a giant door. The frame was just sitting in the middle of the air, unattached to anything and the double door behind them was open, just slightly. Of course, given the relative size of it "just slightly" was enough to fit three people standing side by side, or maybe two people if both of them were Zog.

It wasn't the door that was the problem. It was the very _very_ large monster standing in front of said door.

Bean was used to ferocious-looking dogs since her dad had a pack of hunting hounds, but this one was three times worse than any of the most aggressive and scary dogs her dad had in his kennels. It was at least three times the size. No, even more. Ten times the size. It was also covered all over with muscle rippling beneath a powerful hide and not an ounce of fat under its fur, in contrast with Zog's hounds who were often a bit overfed when not actually being used for hunting.

Oh, and it had three heads. 

So yeah. Three times worse. All three of the heads were looking at the two of them, but especially Luci, with bared teeth and an aggressive air.

When the demon finally registered the presence of the three-headed dog, he backed up quickly, jumping and sinking his claws into Bean's shirt and clambering up to her shoulder. She could feel his small black body bristling as he showed his own teeth to the beast, his tail lashing impatiently. "Great. So there's this."

Bean eased a little closer, the dog watching her warily as she drew near. Around each of the three necks was a thick collar made of black leather and from the center head there was a metal tag. "It says... Cerberus."

"Ugly pain in the ass, more like." The dog growled anew in response to Luci's words and he eased to hide behind Bean's neck. 

"Yeah. It's big, mean and ugly. I got that." Bean reached up with her hand, prodding him in the side with a finger. "So, how do we get past it?" When he was silent for a second, she prodded him again. "Luci. You're the one with the map here." Her eyes narrowed. "...You knew this was here, right? You accounted for it?"

The demon's big nose was buried in her hair and it was impossible to actually see his expression from this angle but she could still feel the vibration of it as he let out a small not-quite-laugh. "Of course I did." The words were mostly muffled and she felt him tense more as the giant three-headed dog let out a throaty bark. "Maybe." Then a second later. "No. I didn't, okay. I've never actually been in this area of the underworld!"

Bean reached up, catching hold of the demon by the nape of the neck and lifting him slowly, bringing him around so she could meet his gaze. Except that he had his head lowered to around the area of her breasts, something that she would have probably smacked him for if she hadn't known that it had nothing to do with ogling her like a weirdo. His ears were back and he radiated a mixture of misery and resentment that was all too familiar to the princess. "So... you're saying you lied to me?" Not that it was entirely surprising. He was a demon and one who continually led her wrong at every possible occasion. 

But he'd also never given her this look when accused of lying her or leading her into trouble. His dark eyes rose for a second, flicking up to meet hers while his ears pinned flat against his head. His legs dangled in the air and he didn't make any effort to pull himself free. "I didn't technically say I'd been here..." He muttered, noncommital, then raised a hand to press against his forehead. "I mean, you just assumed. And you know what they say about assuming. It makes an ass out of you." 

She was amazed at how calm she felt. "Luci." 

The demon twisted in her grasp finally, reaching up with his claws and gripping at her wrist to steady himself or wrest himself free. Instead, he clung for a second, his tail swinging in the air. "It was a half-baked plan, okay. I get it. But it wasn't like it wouldn't have been one even if I did know this place that well. It's a crazy plan, Bean. I know that and I think you do too."

"Of course I do." She swallowed, bringing him back to her shoulder and letting him go before reaching into the bag at her hip and reaching inside. She fetched out a leather wrapping filled with strips of jerky. She'd intended it as something to eat while they were traveling since she had an ample appetite and didn't subscribe to the idea that princesses had to be thin, half-starved waifs. But she'd never met a dog who didn't enjoy treats. "Hey there... doggy... uh... Cerberus. You're a good boy aren't you?" She held out one of the strips of meat and noticed the dog's focus snapping to where it sat in her hand. The jaws that had been clenched in the beginnings of a threatening snarl opened slightly, allowing her to see the long slimy tongue peeking between them. The beast's stance changed slightly, confused and a bit wary but intrigued.

So. Just a big dog then, really. That was a bit easier to work with. 

"Yeah, you are. You want a treat. You're doing such a _good job_. You're such a smart boy, watching this gate and keeping out all those nasty demons!" She heard Luci's low muttered grumbling but ignored it. This was more important than his evil ego.

Cerberus let out a slight whine at that, his floppy ears going back in confusion. Given that he was a giant terrifying dog monster, he probably wasn't used to someone praising him and calling him a good boy instead of running away screaming. His gaze darted around uncertainly, his three heads looking at each other before they glanced behind him at the door. His tail shifted, lowering from its aggressive arch and giving a hesitant wag as he took one - very large - step forward. His middle head dipped down, his breath was hot and hit Bean like a powerful gust of wind, almost staggering her for a moment.

She planted her feet and kept herself steady, remembering the way that her father's dogs had always tried to push their boundaries just to see who was in charge. _Just a big dog,_ she reminded herself and was rewarded a moment later as the large beast's eyes dropped to her palm and he took the meat from her hand, almost delicately. His tail was definitely wagging now and the other two heads started to crowd in as well, whining. Fortunately, she'd brought enough jerky to feed each one.

It was the moment of truth, once the dog's three heads had each devoured their portion of the meat and there was nothing left to distract them from her presence. For a few seconds, there was a tense energy on the air, Luci almost vibrating on Bean's shoulder but smart enough to keep silent throughout this. She wasn't sure if it was because he trusted her intuition or because he just didn't have a better idea himself. Either way, he didn' t move, even as the dog finally shuffled, his aggressive stance completely changing as he eased into a relaxed pose, pushing his muzzle against her hand.

Bean let her hands run across his floppy ears, moving to scratch behind one of them. "Yeah, you were just hungry. You're just a big sweetheart, aren't you?" The dog's heads crowding in close finally got Luci to move, hopping down from her shoulder to stand behind her instead, trying to get out of splatter range of the monster's lolling tongues as Bean was unceremoniously bathed in dog drool.

Well, she reasoned, at least that meant they were friendly now. It was time to test it, as she moved to step around the dog. "I'm just gonna go in, okay? You're cool with that right?" The dog paused, tail curling up in a quizzical manner for a second but he made no attempt to intercept her. As she drew near the open door, the massive guard dog lowered his heads and whined at her, giving her the giant monster equivalent of puppy eyes. Wasn't that just like a dog. "Aw... don't give me that look. We can play when I come back, okay?" She was just about to the door and Cerberus moved like he was going to follow her. She raised her voice just a little, giving a firm tone, like one she might use on a small child or an elf. "Stay." She pointed to the ground in front of her. "Stay here. Down."

The ground shook as the large animal flopped unceremoniously to the grass, stretching out in a pouting manner while looking up at her through the corner of three eyes - one on each head. But he didn' t move and Bean breathed a sigh of relief. 

"C'mon, Luci." She gestured at the demon who was still standing where they'd begun. He bristled a little, stepping carefully around the dog's huge body before darting to join her. One of the heads started to bare its teeth in a slight growl but fell silent when Bean's eyes fell over it. Luci was at full speed when he reached her, jumping up and catching his claws in her shirt, clambering onto her shoulder.

"Let's get the hell out of here, Bean." He muttered low, darting a dirty look at the sprawled dog. "I think we've had enough making friends for one day." With his ears back and his shoulders up, he'd never looked more like an angry cat, especially when he realized her shirt was still damp with drool. "Damn... you stink like dog breath."

"I got us out of the situation," Bean said and then it sank in. She really had gotten them out of the situation. Another one. That made three times she'd thought ahead and brought something useful. She was on a roll! "I'm doing good!" As they entered the door and came into a new room that was somehow both outside and inside, she head her head up high. "This whole underworld thing was easier than I thought it would be." She confided in Luci who was walking alongside her. "I mean... not gonna lie, but I thought this was going to be pretty impossible."

When she envisioned life after death, usually during her drug-fueled moments, she'd thought mostly about Hell and what that would be like. Considering the sort of life she'd lived, she'd been resigned to it anyway. To most Dreamlanders, except for the most delusion, it was a given where they'd wind up. It was why Dreamland had gone through so many religion changes. There were just so many people looking for something to bring a more hopeful meaning to their life. Bean had never subscribed to that though, nor to the idea of feeling hope at all.

She looked down at Luci, musingly. Though he hadn't been the only cause of change in her life, he'd been the catalyst for it in his appearance before her wedding. She still wasn't sure why he'd come or what his original mission had been, but before it, she could never have envisioned herself doing something like this. She'd been doomed - as she put it - to be nothing more than the queen of a fabulously wealthy formerly-magical kingdom. A fate that wasn't worse than death, but was only marginally any better.

"Say, Luci..." She said, surprised at his quiet when he was usually more than ready to take the credit for things like their run of good fortune on the way down here. "You okay?"

He gave a grunt and she wasn't sure what to make of that, her steps slowing a little. The demon came to a halt and Bean came to a halt, backtracking a short distance to stand in front of him. The demon was looking down at his own feet, where the dark of his paws was stark against the dusty reddish-brown stones. "Yeah."

Bean dropped to one knee without thinking about it. "Hey." She reached out a hand, let it rest on his small shoulder. "We're doing good. We've come this far. We'll find him."

His eyes were dark as ever as he looked up at her, his mouth opening and then closing firmly. Whatever he'd been planning to say got swallowed up behind his teeth for a moment and she could tell he was actually struggling, torn over something. She could understand that... he'd never been the most forthcoming about his emotions or his problems. Bean could empathize because she was similar. The two of them had that in common, both at odds with Elfo's easy honesty about... well... just about everything he was feeling and thinking at any given moment.

Elfo would have tried to say something to comfort Luci. It would have probably failed but given Luci cause to mock him, leading to the demon being in a better mood. But there was no Elfo here to be the butt of Luci's jokes. There was no distraction from whatever could plague the mind of an evil entity. There was just Bean and Luci. A princess and her demon. Still, she owed it to him - and to Elfo - to try. "I know this isn't going the way we planned, but we're great at just rolling with it, alright? We'll get Elfo and get out of here." She couldn't envision any other outcome for this mission, or at least she didn't want to.

For some reason, instead of being reassured, Luci tensed up more, his tail moving in a whipping lash behind him before standing up straight. If he'd really been a cat, his fur would definitely have been puffed up in agitation. "That's not the point!" He snapped finally. 

It was hard for her to stay composed when the demon was being frustrating and vague about what was bothering him, but god damn it, she was trying. "Okay. Then what is. Come on. You're obviously upset and we're not getting anywhere like this. So we're just gonna stand here uh-" She looked around at their surroundings for the first time and registered the strangeness of them for a second before continuing "-stand here in this weird infinite hallway with all these doors, until you just tell me what's the matter."

She was half afraid that the demon was just going to dig his heels in and refuse to say anything. It was something she might have done herself only a few months ago, determined to hold on to the misery and anger because it was all she had. But she knew better now. She'd learned a lot from the two strange creatures who'd come into her life. She never knew what Luci got from their interactions or from the weird bond she knew they shared, but it had to be more than just enjoyment of her suffering.

"Are you worried about finding Elfo?" She knew he missed the elf, though he would never have admitted it. Besides, hadn't this been as much his idea as her own? He'd been the one who was leading the way almost throughout the entire process.

"No!" Luci sputtered, then spat out. "Maybe! But that's not the problem here, Bean!"

Bean's voice was calm. "Then what _is_ the problem?"

"I..." Luci was standing stiff and straight, drawn up to his entire diminutive height, but in the face of her direct question, he started to slump a little, a movement that began with his ears and ended with him dropping to a crouch against the unforgiving floor. "I don't know what we're doing." He muttered low. "I'm a demon. This isn't what I expected." 

The princess couldn't help a small smile at that. "Yeah. I get you there. This whole underworld thing is really messing with me too."

"Is it?" Luci scoffed. "You seem like you've got everything in hand. I just don't understand you humans. You make such a big deal out of the most trivial things in life, you fall apart over every decision and you're just... the most hopeless creatures that could exist. You're not smart, you know? Mortals are stupid, useless bags of meat and they're disgusting in all the worst ways. You all think up awful things that even a demon can't come up with and that's frustrating enough but how-" His words cut off into a laugh. "How are you better at this than me?" He looked up at her, a shadowy black ball of anger and insecurity.

God, she could relate. She'd felt like this so many times in her life. 

"I'm not, Luci." She said, plainly. It was only when she stopped to speak that the words began to really sink into her own awareness. "I'm actually terrified. I have no idea what I'm doing here." She hadn't let that really touch her in all this time because as scary as the idea of facing monsters and ghouls and who knew what else was, the idea of not going after their companion when she had the option to... of leaving Elfo to whatever tortures or awfulness that the underworld had to offer.... "But I can't..." She gave a nervous cough. "I can't leave Elfo down here. I can't."

She remembered the feeling of him in her arms far too clearly, the moment he'd died. There'd been a period when he'd been there, Elfo, her best friend, and then he just hadn't been. Funny how a lot of things had been different once he was gone. The longer he'd gone, the more she'd thought her old normal life would just resume. It would suck but she remembered what it was like to be resigned to it. Going back to that should have been simple, but it proved impossible. And no amount of trying to feel normal could get past the growing knot of guilt she felt in the pit of her stomach.

Bean had made her choice, in a drunken stupor in the bar, when she'd decided to go after Elfo, regardless of what it took. She knew that she tended to do whatever she thought she most needed or wanted with her walls down like that, no matter how stupid or how many risks. Sobering up should have made it possible to bury the need again. It hadn't.

"Luci." She barely heard her own voice, her knees starting to hurt from being pressed into the hard ground beneath her, but she didn't move away, didn't stand up. She stayed as close to his level as she could. "He'd have come for us."

The demon was silent, looking at Bean's hand on his shoulder like he wanted to push it off and didn't have the energy. His own dark paw came up, clawed fingertips brushing against the skin of Bean's knuckles, leaving shallow scratches there. "Yeah." He shook his head slowly. "He's an idiot. A sappy idiot." The corners of his mouth curled a little in a gesture that was both exasperated and a bit fond. "No way he would have gotten as far as us though." 

The comment got a snort from Bean, amusement this time. "Yeah. That's fair." She squeezed at Luci's shoulder. "Hey. This isn't about one of us being better than the other. We're both good at some stuff and crappy at other stuff. And maybe... you know... just maybe, Elfo is good at some things we're both bad at-"

"Yeah. Like cleaning your room. And apologizing to all the people we regularly piss off." 

"Yeah. Those too. But the point is, we can make up for each others' weaknesses. We're in this together. And together, we're gonna get through this crazy underworld place, kick some butt, take some names and immediately forget them, and get our god damn elf back."

Luci gave his tail a swish, his gaze inscrutable for a second before he dipped his head once, a swift little nod. "Yeah. Okay." He let out a breath, setting both paws on Bean's knee for a second. "Let's do this. The underworld isn't going to know what hit them." He climbed up Bean's arm, sitting on her shoulder again. "So... with that established... let's get going already, Bean. Stop dallying!"

Bean bit back the urge to complain about how he was putting all of this delay on her, but she knew what it was like to pretend to be normal. She'd talk to him about it later, after they didn't have to worry about the inevitable perils coming up ahead of them. "Yeah. Okay." She stood up straight and started to walk, reaching up a hand to brush against his side as she carried him.

After a few more steps in silence, Luci had to add. "Oh, and for the record... Elfo would totally have died on this crazy quest. Like... in the first 2 minutes."

"Yeah." Bean smiled. "He would have."

-


	32. Chapter 32

-  
  
  
  


"So... I know you've never actually been in this part of the underworld because you're a demon from Hell, but... what's with all these doors anyway?"

"Oh, they just lead to different moments in space-time existence. You know... basically, they reveal everything about your life and the entire meaning behind it." Luci gave a wave of his hand. "The usual stuff. Boring."

"Whoa? What? Really?" Bean looked around, eyes darting from door to door. "There's so many of them!" She felt her fingers starting to itch with curiousity, wondering what would happen if she actually went over and looked through one of them. Would she see herself? Her own past? Her future? The possibilities were endless.

Then Luci cut in with a mean little laugh, his heels rocking against her shoulder as he tapped at her cheek with one hand. "Nah. I had you going for a moment there, didn't I? I have no clue what these are. We don't have doors like this in Hell. It's probably like... storage closets or something." As Bean scowled and started to angle toward one of them, letting her curiousity get the better of her, Luci grabbed her hair and gave it a yank, snapping out a bark of surprise. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just checking what's there," Bean said, matter of factly. "It'll just take a moment."

The demon gripped her hair more tightly as she drew near one of the doors. "No, Bean!" His voice had a weird hitch to it that drew her up just shy of opening the door, her fingers pausing on the handle. "You know I never say it, but you don't want to do that. Don't mess with this underworld stuff." He pulled the map out again, held it up in front of her eyes. "The underworld is made to keep souls in Bean. There's a reason people can't just walk out of here. It's basically a labyrinth of possibilities and distractions. Once you're in, you stay. You can't trust anything here. There's so much to navigate that even a seemingly simple decision can totally screw you up."

Given that Luci didn't ever preach caution to her, Bean reluctantly let her hand fall away from the door. Instead, she busied herself by taking the map from Luci and looking at it. "So how much of this is accurate? You said you'd never been here before... how are we going to find Elfo in a place like this?"

"The map is just a guidebook, Bean. It's not accurate because it can't be accurate. Nothing here ever stays in the same place all the time. These are just the places we'll need to go through in order to get where we want to go... which is where Elfo's soul is most likely to be."

"But if things change and we don't know where to go and places don't stay in the same place, then how can we even find the path through these places?" The complexity of what Luci was suggesting was starting to give her a headache.

"That part is actually simple. We just need to think like Elfo. And also, I can smell him if he's been in a place... he's pretty distinct. So to get to this place on the map-" Luci tapped an area with his clawed finger. "-we just have to follow our nose and find the right door."

"You'll have to be the one to do that," Bean said. Even if there was a chance she could track Elfo by scent, it would take a lot longer and be a lot more uncomfortable for her to manage. Luci raised his head and took a few whiffs of the air before tugging her hair again. 

"Forward Bean. He went this way."

He rode her for a distance. She wasn't sure how long it was because the hallway was both enormous and nondescript with no indication of the passage of time. It could have been a few minutes or a few days. Eventually Luci hopped down to the ground, moving swiftly along the floor.

"Closer... closer... his smell's getting stronger down this way." Luci's steps zig-zagged, following whatever trail he'd found, and Bean was reminded of Elfo's skipping gait and the cheerful way he'd hum while they were walking together. The demon finally skidded to a halt in front of one of the doors. "This is the one."

It looked like literally every other door in the hallway, with the only evidence of Elfo's presence being Luci's nose. A short time ago, Bean might have been wary in trusting Luci's nose, especially after his admission that he didn't have any personal experience in this realm, but there was nothing to do now but trust and keep going. She took a deep breath and reached out, pushing the nondescript door open.

-

The room behind the door looked more like what Bean had been expecting of the underworld, the stone walls of caves around her, surrounding the two of them as they moved through a narrow passageway. The walls and floor were slightly damp and slippery, making it hard for her to move with any speed or risk falling and smacking her head against the walls. Luci kept pace at her feet for a moment before darting ahead, to avoid being underfoot. Ahead, she could hear the sound of running water. As they turned a corner in the labyrinthine tunnels, she saw what looked like another river. This one was different than the previous one, being roughly the shape and size of a normal river. There were people down beside it, gathered along the bank and it seemed shallow enough that they could easily go inside. As she watched, one person moved into the water, going ankle-deep, then a bit deeper. Then the person paused, stopping before losing forward momentum and starting to mill around aimlessly. There were several people there, doing the exact same thing, seemingly. Bean couldn't quite understand what she was seeing and approached cautiously.

"Hey. You all okay over there?" She called out, giving herself a little bit of space in case these people were going to react badly to the sight of a living person. They were definitely not among the living themselves, as they looked a bit strange, almost washed out, like the colour had been mostly bled from their bodies. They weren't translucent, but they seemed like they should be.

As she spoke, one of the people - spirits? - on the bank turned to look in Bean's direction. Aside from the weird colouration, the woman looked like a normal human but her gaze was a bit unfocused, large dark eyes fixing on Bean and her head tilting. Now that Bean was closer, she could see that the entire bank was lined with people. Several of them were starting to slowly wander away from the water, moving toward another area of the cave that didn't go anywhere. There was a solid rock wall only a short distance away, but as the people were reaching it, they drew to a halt in confusion before trying to go in the same direction again.

What was going on here?

Bean couldn't make heads or tails of this strange behaviour, but the woman who'd looked at her was now coming vaguely in her direction. She was dripping wet, her clothing soggy and clinging to her body. She'd been in the water up past her waist and she was soaked. As she drew near, Bean felt a tingle of unease running through her at the way the woman had such a vacant stare on her face. It didn't look normal. There was a prickling sensation along her arms and she noticed she had goosebumps at the same time that Luci grabbed at her boot, tugging at it frantically.

"Bean. Do not let her touch you." Luci growled the words out past his gritted teeth. "You can't get wet here." At the sound of his voice, the princess reacted immediately, backpedaling away from the approaching woman. The lady took a couple more steps in her direction, confusion solidifying on her wispy face before she started to wander off in a different direction. Luci kept an eagle eye on her until she was out of easy grabbing distance, then moved to prod Bean in the foot. "I know where we are now, I think. This is Lethe, the river of forgetfulness."

"Forgetfulness?" Bean wasn't sure how to comprehend what he was saying. Why would such a river even exist? "What's this... even for?"

Luci gave a slight shrug of his shoulder. "I don't know. I remember reading about it. We don't have anything like this in Hell. People aren't supposed to be able to forget things unless we want them to." He paused, expression growing thoughtful. "Maybe that's the point of it here. I'm guessing not all of these people are bound for hell. Maybe they want them to forget stuff."

Bean considered what that meant, the implications. Would it be better to forget? All of these people were dead but a lot of them were fairly young. She could only imagine that their deaths hadn't been pleasant ones. Given the nature of the world, she wasn't sure she could blame someone for wanting to forget their life in the mortal realm. Then again, it didn't exactly look like the people were aware of the implications of going in the water either. 

Something struck her then, something she hadn't even considered without knowledge of this place. It sent a stab of fear through her. "Wait... if Elfo came through here... does that mean he'll have forgotten us?" In her imaginings of how this would go, she wouldn't have expected that Elfo might not even remember who they were by the time they found him. On the one hand, his death had been awful... but on the other. "He... he can't forget us. Luci. He can't forget us, right?" Her voice rose a little, pitching oddly shrill at the end as she felt a stab of despair go through her gut at the thought.

What would be the point of all this if Elfo wasn't going to know who they even were?

No. She couldn't let that thought stop her... They'd come too far. If Elfo didn't remember them, they'd find a way to make him remember. And if he didn't remember and it meant he didn't want to come back with them... well, they'd just have to bring him back anyway and then work on getting him to remember. They could do this. They had to.

Luci didn't answer her, when she looked down at him, she could see the slight wrinkle at the edges of his narrowed eyes. He hadn't thought about it either, she realized. She was a couple of steps ahead of him on this one, but she wasn't too thrilled about it. He cleared his throat, ears going back. "That's a hurdle we'll have to cross when we get to it." His claws sank into her pant leg and he climbed up to her shoulder and then kept going until he was perched on top of her head. There was some tugging of her hair as he gripped her while looking around. "Do you see him? He could be here." 

"Can't you smell him?" Bean asked, grunting as Luci's weight shifted and she felt him rip a few hairs out of her scalp. She was scanning the crowd herself, looking for someone small and green. She could see a couple of smaller-looking figures but at least one of them was a child. The others were small, but even smaller than Elfo and their pointy hats were red. They were rushing at the water with loud yells, only to get immediately engulfed by it. They floated slowly back to shore. "I can't see him anywhere here... there's so many people."

"Yeah. You said it yourself, Bean. There's just _so many people_ here that there's no way I could possibly smell him in this crowd. And that's even before considering that he might have taken a bath in lethe water." Both of them grimaced at that. Elfo didn't enjoy baths, but he was fine getting wet. The chances were good that he'd actually gone in the river. Bean could see the far bank of the river from where she was standing and there were people there too. The folks might have had memory loss, but a fair number of them had still managed to ford the river and were now heading somewhere else further into the cave. They didn't have any more direction than the people on this side of the river, so she wasn't sure what exactly they were accomplishing. They must have just gotten lucky, if that was even a thing here.

The realization that people were crossing though, brought up another problem. "Wait... what if he's over there? How are we going to get to him then?" She looked at the water. While it wasn't rough, not even in the slightest, the calm trickle of the water belied the real issue here. "There's no way we can swim across this!"

If they got wet, they'd probably lose their memories too, and then they'd never find Elfo. They wouldn't even remember they were supposed to be looking for him! 

"Well... we don't know if it'll affect living humans or demons." Despite the words, Luci sounded dubious. She knew that he wasn't exactly wanting to make that determination and risk potentially losing his memory over it. "What if... um...." He tapped his foot against the top of her head. "What if you just go in and I'll stay up here and... kinda guide you in the right direction?" He grabbed hold of a double-handful of her pale hair, holding it like reins. "I could just steer you like a horse." He clicked his tongue and pressed his feet against her temples.

Bean narrowed her eyes at the suggestion. "Luci. We are not going to risk me going in the water. I don't care if you can steer me. If I lose my memory, I won't be any help in getting Elfo back and we have no idea if there's any way to get memory back after all this.

"I'm sure there has to be some way..." Luci demured, but he didn't try too hard to convince her. Probably he didn't want to have to deal with two amnesiac nutbags on his hands at the same time. "Well... I mean the river does keep going in that direction..." He jerked on the left strand of her hair, forcing her to turn her head and look to the left. There weren't nearly as many people in that direction, as the bank itself seemed to get steeper further away from the ford where they were standing. The river was flowing in that direction and started to get narrower but probably deeper too. As Bean walked in the direction he'd indicated, she could hear the gurgling of water moving faster, splashing over rocks. 

If anything, this area looked even more unwelcoming than the bank with the people who'd lost their memories. "I'm not sure this is a good idea either..." Bean said as they walked. There were a few stragglers out in this direction, even though the crowd had thinned considerably the further away they got. 

"Shh... shut up Bean. There's got to be some way to cross this damn thing without getting your brain completely melted. I mean it's the underworld... they've got to have some staff or people who work here. Can you imagine having to retrain someone every time you have your employees come into work? That's just ineffective. Besides, no one would pay for that! There's a place to cross. There has to be. Like a service door."

There was something up ahead. When Bean squinted slightly she could see the indication of something. By now, there were no other people around. They'd been looking as they walked - or Bean had, at least, in the off chance that she might spot Elfo. Then she paused, steps hesitating for a few seconds. There was a person sitting on the ground a bit ahead of them, still a fair distance from whatever they'd spotted. It was probably one of the mind-melted people, so Bean moved to skirt around whoever it was. She froze, catching a glimpse of them. Her mind refused to click things into place for a second.

When Luci poked at her with his claws, trying to get her attention, she tilted her head to look at him. "Bean, what's up? You're acting like you've seen a ghost or something." His lips curled in a smirk, as though he'd amused himself with his cleverness. "I mean, you've seen a lot of dead people down here, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah." Bean said, slowly. "I do know what you mean." She changed her course to ease in closer, to confirm what she suspected. The person was wearing a familiar uniform, presumably the one that he'd died in. The emblem of the tree that was present on most of the dreamland armor stood out particularly vividly to her. The last time she'd seen it - for all of a couple of minutes while they'd been watching the man being impaled - it had been stained with blood and split across with the thickness of a massive icicle. "Hey... you... you're one of Pendergast's men, aren't you?"

She realized belatedly that the chances were good that he wouldn't even recognize her because of the lethe water. And even if he hadn't been exposed to it, it wasn't like she was on the best terms with the royal knights anyway. She had no idea what his name was before he'd died. She didn't know what he did, whether he had a family. Aside from Turbish and Mertz, she couldn't have placed anyone on the royal guard by their appearance. She only recognized this guy - however dimly - because she remembered the frantic search for the missing elf with more detail than most of her interactions with them. It was one of the few times she hadn't been drunk too, which probably helped.

There was a weird feeling in her gut as the man looked at her. He wasn't bleeding here, there wasn't some gaping hole in his dead spirit chest, he didn't look like he was in any pain. But for some reason, she still felt... bad.

"Bean..." Luci tapped at her again. "We're wasting time. He's just another dead guy."

"I know him." She said slowly, then added. "Kinda. He was one of the guys who came with us to rescue Elfo. He died in the cave of the single trap." 

"Oh. One of those guys?" Luci snorted, clearly having less thoughts about the implications of running into someone they'd kind of helped get killed. "They were losers, Bean. And it wasn't like they actually helped much in finding Elfo. I mean... this dude died like what... five minutes*** into the trip? Just leave him. We're almost to a way across. I can feel it." His tail rose, quivering like a tuning fork.

Bean couldn't be quite as blase about it as the demon was, though she was pretty sure that was at least in part due to spending all that time with Elfo before. She'd never spent a lot of time worrying about other people or how things affected them. It had been weird enough to feel that way toward Elfo and Luci but doing so toward a stranger? She remembered Gwen the witch and that strange feeling.

_'That's called compassion, Bean._

Elfo had sounded so proud when explaining the concept to her afterward, but she'd only been halfway paying attention. All she'd really known was that the idea of killing a potentially innocent woman - even if she was also a witch - had made her feel... well... bad. And she felt bad about enough stuff in her life without having to actively do something that made her feel worse. Maybe that was compassion. It sounded complicated when Elfo had talked about it but boiling it down to her own feelings when she did things made it a lot easier to understand.

That's what she was feeling now, probably. Compassion. Sure the man was already dead and there was probably nothing else bad that could happen to him worse than that, unless he went to Hell like Luci had mentioned. "Hey there, uh... you." She didn't know his name, even though she knew he'd said it before dying. When the man looked at her directly, his expression was blank. Yeah, so the water had gotten to him. It was no surprise. It didn't really matter what she said now, he wasn't going to be able to understand what she was trying to do. But damned if she didn't still feel obligated to for some reason.

"Hey there." The man parroted back at her, head tilted a little. "Do I know you?" He looked around at their surroundings, guileless. "Where are we? I don't remember how I got here." He paused, brows furrowed. "I don't even remember who I am."

Bean's smile was forced but still as friendly as she could manage. "Yeah uh. You're a knight."

"I'm a knight?" For a moment the man was excited, looking at her in eager expectation. Bean had made his day, she guessed. Then he added, "What's a knight?"

As a princess, she'd never been good at encouraging people or reassuring them. It wasn't in the job description. People had to act like that toward her, not the other way around. Still, despite her inexperience and Luci's grumbling, she gave it her best shot. "You're a guy who really likes helping people. You did a good job at it." It was a lie but the man was dead. There was no reason to be mean about his actual incompetence.

She could feel Luci's baffled gaze on her face and she had to bite back the urge to say something and justify herself. If Elfo was here, he would have said that someone didn't need a justification to be kind to someone about something and she missed him so hard that she ached. For some reason, even just this small stupid thing made her feel a little less shitty about herself. It was a feeling she'd lived with for so long, every day of her life, and she hadn't realized how much having someone who actually took a little time to treat her like a person had affected her.

It made her feel better. Even if she still had a lot of times where she didn't feel like she was a failure, she was still a little better than she had been before. Bean of a few months back wouldn't have spared a moment. Bean of right now actually gave a bit of a damn about the feelings of someone who wasn't herself. It was the strangest thing.

That warm feeling inside only got stronger as the dead man reacted positively to her reassurance, giving her a smile even though he was still obviously baffled by what was going on. "Well... thank you. I'm glad I did a good job!" He started to wander away, back in the general direction of the bank they'd come over from, his gait almost cheerful compared to the way he'd been slouching uncertainly only a few minutes ago. Bean stood and watched him, feeling that odd mix of relief and wistfulness. She didn't speak until she felt Luci prodding at her again.

"Well, that was... fun." The demon drawled. "A regular hallmark moment, right there."

"A what?" Bean's brow furrowed in confusion and she stared at Luci sidelong. His dark gaze fixed steadily on her. She could tell from the way he was holding himself that he'd made some kind of joke, probably at her expense, but she didn't understand it at all. "I was just trying to help him a little."

"He's dead, Bean. No one can help him. Dead is dead." If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was jealous, except that Luci always made it clear what he thought of mortals. They didn't have a lot of value to him.

Except, y'know, those times when he did weird things to help her and Elfo. Or that time he'd cried after Elfo's death, even though he had denied it afterward. The big bad demon wasn't quite as bad as he thought, and he definitely wasn't as big as he acted. 

Maybe Elfo had pegged him better than he thought. It made her wonder about the things he'd said about her and if those were also truer than she'd thought they were. 

Was it pathetic that she hoped so? Perhaps, but she didn't want to think about that for the moment, especially since Luci, true to form, was starting to behave a bit like a selfish jerk... or... well... like a stereotypical demon.. She knew he was just having trouble. Dealing with his own emotions had to suck when you were a being of pure evil... She knew that she should have some patience with him but she was still finding herself hard-pressed to not point out that it wasn't costing them anything but a minute or two. She understood a bit better now, she thought.

Either way, there was no point in not going along with him and they did still need to find Elfo. She didn't want to be stuck being the 'nice' one in their group for too long. She didn't have the patience for it, even if she wasn't personally as much of a jerk as she'd always thought she was. She sighed, nodding her head "Fine. We'll go. We really need to find a way across here though..." 

She wasn't entirely certain about Luci's assurance that they'd find somewhere further up, considering how little he'd been right about other than the general laout of the place but it couldn't hurt to try. The worst-case scenario was going back to Luci's original plan to have her jump in while he rode her to the other side. She wasn't looking to try that, but if it was the only option... she would do it. It was better to forget than to go back to the human realm with her tail between her legs and the constant wondering if she could have actually saved Elfo by taking the risk.

But true to Luci's musings, she could see the thing up ahead that he'd already had the vantage point to spot. It wasn't a boat, which was what she would have expected if she'd thought there'd be anything there. Instead, it looked more like a bridge. But not the kind of bridge that a sane person with a healthy desire for survival would have bothered trying. The long legs of the bridge were spindly and looked as though they were barely holding the weight of the structure itself, much less anyone who might be foolish enough to try and cross it. 

In front of the bridge, there was something else, a tiny building. It was like a small house but with no windows to it. As they came up upon it, the top half of the one rickety door swung slowly open to allow someone inside to peek out at them. It was a rather unsettling looking grey figure, somewhat gaunt and clad in a long dark robe. The robe didn't conceal any part of his - her? - face, nor did it cover the long frightening claws tipping the long knobby fingers. There was a wide smile on the creature's face, one that showed a lot of teeth. Bean wasn't quite sure if it was meant to be friendly or terrifying, but given the number of perfectly nice monsters she'd met, one could never be sure.

"Uh... Hello...?" She began, uncertainly. Was she supposed to talk to the creature? It looked like the building had something to do with the bridge and it was likely that they weren't going to be able to just get across so easily. One thing about this place was that it was turning out to be both easier and harder than she'd expected. 

She'd thought there'd be more fighting. Just Bean and Luci, kicking ass and taking names on their quest to free their missing friend. Instead it was a lot of puzzles and friendship lessons and having to think about herself in ways that she wasn't entirely comfortable with yet. She had no doubt that this whole bridge crossing thing was going to be more of the same. 

While Bean was dithering, Luci hopped down. "Oh, give me a break." Her gaze snapped to him. He was moving in an agitated pace toward the building, his tail raised high and stiff. "We don't have time for this bullshit." He turned to Bean, waving a hand at the new creature. "Yeah, this is pretty typical of the Underworld. Just look at this creep."

Bean looked. He did, admittedly, look pretty creepy. "Maybe he's not as bad as he seems?"

"What?" Luci scoffed, his words tumbling out faster than she was used to hearing from him. He stalked up right in front of the building and gestured directly at the weird bridge guard, who peered down at him with nothing more than a bland expression and a slow blink of his bulging lizard-like eyes. "I'd say it's pretty obvious that this asshole is some kind of bridge troll. He's just here to block our way so we can't get to Elfo. Trust me on this Bean, I'm a demon and I know how these kinds of things work."

He clambered up onto the rim of the open door, so he was standing level with the creature. Despite Luci's ranting, he wasn't getting much of a reaction outside of another long, silent stare. The creature neither agreed nor refuted Luci's claims, simply allowing the demon to continue on his tirade. 

"Uh... Luci?" She was normally cool with causing a scene, but Luci's agitated behaviour seemed a bit out of line even for him. In the off-chance this guy wasn't specifically here to torment them, it didn't seem smart to continue harassing him. What if they really needed him to get across?

In the back of her mind, she was also feeling a spike of concern and she wasn't sure exactly what was causing it. Luci was definitely reacting weirdly and she didn't have time to process it and deal with it right now. 

He didn't let her finish whatever she'd been planning to say. "No, Bean. I've got this guy figured out. See, any moment now, he's going to come at us and be all spooky and shit. He'll be like "In order to cross this bridge..." Luci crouched forward a little where he stood, effecting a more hunched pose despite the fact that the creature was standing as straight as Bean was. His 'creature voice' came out raspy and shaky, like he was imitating an old woman. "You have to do this _impossible_ task in return. Mwahaha."

Both Bean and the creature were staring at Luci as he went through this parody of what the beast was asking of them. Bean's eyes went to the creature's and it only blinked again in response. If it was upset by this portrayal or if it agreed, she couldn't really tell. But it wasn't moving to smite Luci or anything, so at the very least, it wasn't angry enough to do something. Still, she was feeling her own stress levels jumping and knew she needed to shut him up before he actually did screw them over.

She strode forward quickly, snagging Luci up in both hands, fingers curled around his middle as she lifted him away from the perch he was on and stuffed him unceremoniously under one arm. "Please excuse my friend here. He's uh... he's had a long day. We're not here to start trouble." At the words, she heard a muffled snarl of protest coming from the demon trapped under her armpit, his small feet kicking into the air and his tail smacking Bean across the belly. Fortunately, her clothing took most of the brunt of the blow and she was able to slide her other hand down and catch hold of his tail to keep him from repeating the action. She was aware that she looked ludicrous like this, carting Luci around like a sack of angry potatoes, but all she could do right now was roll with the punches.

And if there was one thing Bean was pretty okay at, it was just reacting. 

She kept the forced smile on her face, letting the words continue to roll from her tongue. She could be a dignitary in this situation... if she could face down some rednecks trying to feed them to a swamp monster, she could do this. "We're just a pair of travelers in your uh... lovely underworld. We got a bit turned around and we really need to cross over here to get back on track without losing too much time. We know you're probably here with a job to do..."

The creature blinked again, as slowly as earlier, and Bean felt her heart starting to sink. Was it even understanding her? What if her attempts to placate it were all going to be for nothing because it didn't even speak human? Luci's statements earlier had been pretty rude... but if it hadn't known what he was babbling on about, that could explain a lot.

"Yes." The sound of the word surprised her. Firstly because it was an actual word, secondly because the creature's voice was low but not raspy and weird like Luci's crass interpretation of a bridge troll. "I do have a job."

"Well, of course, you do!" Bean scrambled to reorient herself in the light of this new information. "And... y'know you're doing great. Just great. We don't want to cause you any trouble with... your job. Whatever your job is."

"My job is to keep people from crossing the bridge without permission." The creature replied smoothly. Shifting to lean forward, elbows resting on the bottom half of the door as it peered at Bean, then at Luci who had fallen silent as soon as the guardian creature started speaking. His tail fell limp with surprise, and Bean finally let it fall from her grasp to swing freely. 

"Well! Of course it is! I mean... pff... no one wants people to just... _cross_. Y'know.. without getting _permission_." Bean was aware that her words were getting a little too loud and nervous but she wasn't sure what she could do about it. They just kept coming. She squished Luci more firmly under her arm, struggling to come up with a new line, something that could somehow magically persuade the creature they could cross. "So uh..." She tried to drop into a conversational tone, like the creature was an old friend. "How do we get permission, again?" She let out a soft laugh, trying for casual and coming out more desperate than anything.

The creature stared at her and it was somehow even more unsettling now that she knew it wasn't just a dumb beast. When it opened its mouth wide, its pointy teeth flashed dangerously. "You have to get permission from me."

She felt Luci jerk again and kept him pinned. She wasn't sure if he was surprised or angry but neither of them would do much good right now. The reaction was automatic on her part, fortunately, because she was still struggling to make sense of what she'd just been told.

"So... we need... _your_ permission? That's what you're saying?" No. That couldn't be right. She had to be misunderstanding.

"That's right." The creature bobbed its head, one nod.

For a few seconds Bean just stood there, a ragged princess with a mostly empty supply pouch, a struggling personal demon under one arm, and a missing friend she still needed desperately to find. Nothing had been simple so far. It couldn't be now. 

_Could it?_ Maybe she was overthinking it. Maybe the fact that it was so simple was the real test. Was she wrong for expecting more? 

Bean bit at her lip, worrying it for a second as she met the creature's gaze steadily. It wasn't showing any hints of backing down, of being nervous, or that it was lying. Well... nothing for it. There was nothing to lose by trying when the alternative was a terrible plan that probably wouldn't have worked anyway. "Can we... have your permission?"

For just a second, the creature's large eyes widened. There was a moment of silence, punctuated only by the sound of the river gliding rapidly on its way. 

Please. Bean thought, feeling the sweat beading on her brow and at the back of her neck, seeping down into the fabric of her shirt and making it cling to her back. Please let this be the right idea. She'd been doing so well so far, passing all the hurdles she'd been presented with. It couldn't end here, not like this.

She'd come too far.

Her own words were echoing in her head, insistent, and she took some strength from them, some of the confidence that had taken a hit back on the riverbank was seeping back into her.

Whether it was because she'd actually asked, or whether her determination had somehow proven her worthy, the creature's smile got even wider somehow. It was more terrifying than it had been before, but also more friendly in a weird way. "Princess Tiabeanie." She jumped a little bit, not expecting to hear her own name from an underworld beast. "You may cross my bridge. You have my permission." The creature reached up, grasping the handle on the upper half of the door and pulling it slowly closed. As it latched closed, there was a hollow rumble around them. Bean could feel it all the way down to her bones.

There wasn't anything different about her surroundings, not that she could notice anyway, but it did _feel_ different. Without any instruction, she could only assume that it was okay to cross the bridge in the usual fashion and she approached it, a bit slowly. Once she drew near, she finally loosened up her grip on Luci and he fell to the ground. He landed in an awkward crouch, straightening himself up slowly and brushing himself off with an exaggerated motion, not looking at her.

"Sorry about that." Bean began, her words stilted, hesitant. "But... I mean it worked, right? We can cross and we don't have to risk losing our memory..."

If she'd been hoping for Luci's approval or some forgiveness, it wasn't forthcoming. Luci responded to her reasoning with a noncommittal sound. "C'mon. Let's get this over with." He didn't wait for Bean to clear the distance, just starting across the bridge. Even his small form looked uneasily large on the thin structure and Bean felt her breath catching as she watched with morbid fascination, half expecting the entire thing to collapse and dump him into the river. It didn't happen though. Luci crossed the distance at a fast walk, not pausing or looking back until he reached the far bank. He finally turned then, looking at her from the corner of his eye. "Hurry it up, already!"

It wasn't until his impatient goading that it fully registered with Bean that she needed to actually _cross the river_ over this bridge. It was a stark feeling. She'd come this far and she'd succeeded in overcoming several obstacles, including getting permission to do this... and yet... To get to Elfo, she had to go across this death trap.

She looked at it with new eyes, feeling some of the triumph starting to bleed out of her when faced with this cold reality of the situation. She'd worked so hard just to risk her safety on this death trap. 

She looked more closely at the bridge, swallowing hard as she examined it. Somehow, from close up, it looked even more dubiously stable than before. Bean tried for calm as she approached it, her feet shuffling as she paused on the bank, the toe of her boot just barely bumping against the wood of the bridge. There were no supports. She was noticing this now. No handrails. Just a walkway only two planks thick. Even as she watched, it swayed with a slight bit of wind against it. 

"You can do this..." She muttered low, fingers clenching until her nails dug into her palms. It was the silent mantra she repeated to herself as she raised her foot the minimum possible amount she could in order to step on the bridge. "Just put one foot in front of the other." Her other foot came up then, easing in front of the first, a wince already on her face as she moved to set it down, trusting her weight fully to the wood...

It didn't move. With her feet planted on the surface of it, the motion and sagging she was expected didn't come at all. It felt like she was walking on a stone surface, solid and unmoving. Steady. She froze for a second in shock, shifting her weight to test it, wondering if maybe she'd lost her mind for a second. But no, it was still the same bridge, as rickety-looking as ever. It was just also - apparently - magically sturdy. It took a second for her mind to catch up with her feet, which had taken this new information and translated it into 'get the hell across this thing now'. By the time she could begin to really process this new information, she was almost at the other side.

"About time," Luci muttered as Bean cleared the last couple of feet, finally stepping down beside him. Bean ignored him for a second, to look back behind her. The bridge looked as terrifying as ever. What Bean didn't know was if she'd have to cross it again on the way back. But there wasn't a toll booth of any kind on this end. Not that it mattered since there was nothing to block her from using it again. 

But it brought up questions she hadn't considered before. As Luci led the way deeper into the underworld, Bean found her gaze kept drifting back to the river and her mind was traveling even further away, tripping over itself on its journey.

-


	33. Chapter 33

-

  
  
  


Luci wasn't normally silent. He was quiet compared to Elfo, or even to Bean herself, but he was always actively involved in conversations, even if it was just to smoke and laugh in the face of mortal follies. They'd been walking for a while now, though ever-changing scenery, and Luci had been bizarrely quiet. He hadn't commented at all in the face of the spooky dead forest with the twisted trees that were reaching out for them. He'd given up opportunities to talk about the uselessness of mortals when Bean had taken a while to traverse the winding mountain path that somehow managed to exist somewhere deep underground.

One thing was for sure about the underworld... it was as confusing and varied as the realm above, and seemingly just as treacherous. Maybe it didn't matter though, if you were already dead. A fall that would have killed Bean might do nothing to a spirit. Luci hadn't even suggested that she might do anything dangerous while attempting to scale the path.

So, who knew how long later, the silence was starting to get to her at last. There was still the ceiling of the cavern somewhere above but she couldn't see it through the haze of clouds lingering and obscuring everything. There were even clouds on the ground, rolling fog that made the increasingly spongy ground even more difficult to traverse. 

"How are we in the underworld but there are still swamps?" Bean asked, mostly to have something to fill the silence. She wasn't sure why Luci was so reluctant to talk, though she'd had a lot on her own mind. She wanted to bring it up but, given the way the demon had been reacting to her earlier, and their brief confrontation before choosing a door, she wasn't sure if she had the energy to deal with the inevitable conversation that was going to come up. She wished Elfo was here, once again, to have a distraction from things, if nothing else.

Elfo would have been better at this than she was... but he was used to situations where people were arguing and having to step in and do something to take everyone's mind off of things. And Luci... he and Bean had never really fought, exactly. Sure they'd had some disagreements, mostly over whether or not murder was actually cool - 

_ Luci said yes, Bean was still on the fence  _

\- but this was a change in their dynamic and one that wasn't welcome at all. She'd been taking solace in her demon's presence, their shared feelings after Elfo's death, but now that was seemingly gone. She didn't like it. This wasn't how she wanted things to go. What good was it doing all this if it was going to split them apart? Elfo was supposed to be bringing them together.

She just wished he could be here because she could have complained to him and he would have just tried to comfort her even though he'd have no idea of what was going on or how to fix it. It was just how he was. It wouldn't have been useful for any reason except being a warm body to hug. Somehow she'd gotten used to it, even only having him around for a few months... It was weird how much she missed a sensation she'd almost never experienced in her life before he'd showed up.

Luci's only response to her question was a soft grunt and for some reason, it really got to Bean. She was silent for a few more steps, looking around her. The quiet was giving her time to think and she didn't like it. At least when there was something going on, even if it was disastrous and high risk, she didn't have the time to think or wonder about what she was doing and whether or not it was the right thing. Bean spent a lot of her life in a desperate attempt to not get too familiar with the inside of her own head, something she knew that Luci was aware of. And the things that were trying to shove themselves into her attention were... unsettling, to say the least. 

Bean finally spoke again, not because she wanted to, but because she had to. The quiet was killing her. "When we find Elfo-" Not 'if'. Never 'if'. "-Are we going to have to come back the same way, or is there an exit we can take from there?" It would be a long way back with him in tow, and she had no idea how easy it would be to navigate along the same route they'd already taken. The underworld seemed to be randomly put together from pieces of the world above, without much in the way of rhyme or reason. Luci still didn't respond and Bean felt a fluttering sense of unease sitting in the pit of her belly that was growing more intense with every step.

The way their surroundings had given way to more swampy wilderness with droopy trees and open areas of water, she felt even more nervous. The water probably wasn't deep, but she couldn't know that for sure, and between the fog and the slight brush, following a path was getting harder and harder. It even seemed darker a bit, somehow. There was still no actual sun, even if the earlier areas had been illuminated enough that she'd briefly forgotten that they were still inside a cave. 

There were more lights around them, but this time instead of coming from lanterns or candles, there were just balls of glowing luminescence lingering over the pools of water. While she'd been distracted, the entire world had become... pretty creepy actually. If she'd been envisioning an underworld before actually coming to one, this was a lot closer to what she might have been picturing. 

_If there's a path, don't stray from it._

The voice in her head was vaguely familiar, but she wasn’t sure if it was something Luci had told her or something she’d read at some point. Once again, she wondered what exactly had gone down on that missing night in her memory, when they’d decided to go look for Elfo and kickstarted this whole crazy adventure.

She looked down, noting that she was still following it, even though it was fainter and the stones pressed into the swampy ground were partly obscured by the plant life starting to grow over the edges of them. The mist made them slippery so she had to slow down a little, especially when one step almost sent her foot skidding out from under her. She glanced over to where Luci was still walking, and if nothing else made the problem clear, the fact that Luci wasn't trying to ride her shoulder through this terrain would have made her aware that something was wrong. She just wasn't sure how to address it.

The areas of solid ground surrounding their path were getting less and less clear, the stone walkway traveling between islands of obviously firmer ground. She shifted her steps to ease in closer to Luci as they walked, missing his warmth as the entire region around them had dropped a few degrees in temperature. The tendrils of fog crept across the pathway, brushing against her ankles and leaving her even colder. How could Luci stand it down there?

"Hey? You... uh... you wanna climb up?" She offered, trying not to sound desperate.

"Nah." Luci's pattering steps sped up, letting him get further ahead of her as she bit her lip, fists clenching slightly in frustration. 

There was a minute or two longer of quiet, stretching across Bean's nerve endings and driving her mad. She swept her gaze around, trying to find something to distract herself from it, her eyes traveling across their surroundings. There were even more of those weird lights hanging over the water. As Bean looked at one of them, it flickered and then started moving away rapidly over the surface of the water.

"...what?" Bean froze in her tracks, wondering if she'd been seeing things. She hesitated a second longer, feet shifting. The corner of her foot edged in close to the border of the path they were on and she paused, not willing to venture in that direction to see if the light had actually moved or not. Everything seemed normal immediately afterward and Bean continued on, rubbing at her own arms in an effort to dispel the weird sense of cold.

A short distance later, it happened again, this time on the other side of the path. Bean had been in the middle of a step, coming down awkwardly as she was distracted. This time she froze, facing out in the direction of the moving light. She crept closer to the edge of the path, cautious to not get too far from the center. They were on a narrow walkway between two of the 'islands' and in that direction there was nothing but a pool of dark water past the edge.

The light was gone almost as quickly as it had come, but another glow caught her eye for a second as her gaze flitted down. She blinked, feeling her breath catching in her chest as she looked down fully at the water.

There was something underneath. She could see illumination coming from down below, something glowing in the water with a sickly green glow. Her eyes flew wide as the shape of the thing in the water registered with her and she took a sharp step back. "Oh my god!"

The sound of her voice pitching high in panic was finally enough to make Luci stop walking, his head whipping around to look at her. "What now-" he began, taking a couple of steps back toward her, only to have his question interrupted by Bean's answer.

"There's bodies in the water!" Now that she was looking, she realized that it wasn't just the one, but there were other dark forms too. Most of them were obscured by distance and the mist, but there were definitely more than just the one she'd spotted. There was a flickering light on the surface of the water, like a candle-flame, burning a pale blue-green. It was centered over the body in the water.

When her gaze flickered to the next light over, that one also seemed to be centered over a form in the water and a horrifying thought struck her. "Are... are all of these lights... attached to bodies?" 

The demon came nearer, peering over the edge into the water. The way he was leaning, Bean felt a momentary panic that he might lose his balance and fall in and she wasn't sure what would happen if he did...

_If there's a path, don't stray from it. Not even if it looks like the right direction, not even if there's something there that you want or **need**. Don't do it._

What if all of these people had been coming in this direction and had fallen off the path? That could be why there were so many of them. The thought was horrifying, in some ways the idea of winding up like this, a cold corpse in a watery grave for all eternity, was more terrifying than the idea of just going to Hell. At least Hell would be warm...

"Lost spirits." Luci's voice was soft, grim. He raised his nose to the air and scented it. "But he's been through here... I smell him."

"Elfo?" Bean's voice was shaky. Surely he wouldn't be one of these bodies?

"Yeah. It's not a strong smell though. It seems like it's getting weaker." He grunted, easing back from the edge and turning along the path they were following, head still raised. "I think we need to hurry the hell up, Bean."

If Luci was losing Elfo's scent, then he was right, they needed to get to Elfo while they still had the capacity to find him. Otherwise, she had no guarantee that they ever would track down their missing companion, especially with no other leads. "Do you know what's beyond this?"

"I know what could be beyond this," Luci said stiffly, after a few seconds. "But it's the underworld and things aren't always in the same place all the time. Which is why we need to get a move on and track Elfo down and then get out of here."

Bean nodded silently, taking a jerky step back from the edge and speeding up her steps as she moved along their path again. She was trying to maintain a sense of calm, but for some reason what she'd seen had affected her more than just the vague notion that they could get lost and not succeed. She could wind up like this. That could have been her back in the water... quiet and unmoving, staring up into nothing with a tiny light as the only evidence of her presence. Did the people in the water see the things around them like the spirits back on the riverbank had? 

The more her mind raced, the more her feet tried to follow, until she was running along the stone pathway, moving at a desperate clip toward the exit that had to exist somewhere in front of them. Her long legs swept her ahead of Luci and she heard him let out a bitten-off swear.

"Bean! Wait up!" From the corner of her eye, she could see him moving behind her, sprinting on all fours, a blotch of dark shadow against the foggy stone, chasing her. 

Her boot came down on a smooth bit of cobblestone, the slickness of it combining with her forward momentum and skidding her footing out from under her. For a few heart-stopping seconds, her feet left the ground entirely. Bean was used to falling, she'd had many tumbles whether from random adventuring about town or just getting too drunk to stand up, but this sent her stomach right down to her feet. She felt weightless for a few seconds, the anticipation stretching the moment out even longer before she came down again, her arm hitting the path first, with a hard thud, then the rest of her still going forward while her upper body tried to stop, flipping her heels-over-head so she landed on her ass.

She skidded a little, her body sliding across the damp ground. She saw the danger before she reached it, her fingers lashing out to catch at whatever she could get her grip on and only succeeding at tearing a nail off past the quick as she tried to keep herself from going off the path.

Then her entire lower body hit the water as her momentum carried her forward, a shock of cold so complete that it registered for a single stunning second as heat. Her nerve endings were on fire and she couldn't even feel the pain from her arm where she'd hit the ground or her torn fingernail. She was dimly aware that Luci was calling out her name from somewhere behind her.

After the first shock to her system had worn off enough that she could move, she tried to pull herself out of the water, the wetness on her hands from splashing down conspiring with the already slippery stones of the pathway to make leverage impossible. Her motions weren't able to bring her forward any further, and there was an uncanny sensation around her legs, like something was gripping them.

Were the bodies inside the water capable of grabbing her? Could they be trying to pull her down into the water to join them? She wasn't dead, damn it! Her breath came in harsh, ragged pants as she kicked her feet, feeling her limbs tangled in either swamp vegetation or undead limbs, not willing to look down and see, just in case. Then she felt what were definitely fingers brushing her arm and she let out a strangled cry, smacking out and feeling her hand hit something solid.

Her flailing earned a yelp and a string of muffled swears from a familiar voice and she had the presence of mind to stop waving her arm in the air as Luci reached out again, claws gripping into her skin, digging in hard enough to get her attention. " _Bean!_ " He snapped, impatient and agitated. "Calm down! You're making yourself sink more!"

It was hard - almost impossible - for her to regain enough control over her limbs to focus on slowing her motions. Her heart was still racing but she closed her eyes to block out her surroundings as she drew in a deep, shuddering breath and tried to find purchase again. There wasn't enough for her to easily grab onto for leverage, so the most she could do was creep her arms forward on the ground, pulling her weight ahead, inch by agonizing inch. Every second took forever, an eternity where she was waiting for undead hands to grab her and yank her back into the chilly water, dragging her down into the depths where she'd never get away again.

She had no idea how long it took, but Luci was a steady presence beside her, his paws clenching against her arm in a way that was both painful and yet infinitely reassuring somehow. She wasn't alone in this. She remembered Elfo's mantra about friends and how friends made things easier and she thanked whatever gods were out there that she hadn't been crazy enough to try this alone.

As she managed to drag herself fully back onto the pathway, she felt her own limbs shaking, giving way underneath her finally to drop her to the ground where she lay for a moment, shivering. Luci pushed at her shoulder, kneading into her skin like a cat, along her shoulder and down her back. Every place he touched flared and burned, his paws hot against her, every point of him a small inferno on her skin. The sensation was painful enough to make her groan but as he continued down to her legs, it started to fade into a more familiar tingling sensation, like when her foot fell asleep after sitting for too long.

Bean lay there, breathing through the pins and needles, her chest rising and smalling in short bursts before she managed to steady herself. At last, she was able to shuffle one arm underneath herself, pushing herself up slightly before reaching down with her other arm, fingers pressing against her wet leg. "What... ow... what was that?"

There was a slight patter of feet and then Luci came around to the front of her, looking down at her with a grimace. "That was stupid, that's what it was." He gave himself a slight shake, wringing his wet paws. "You're not dead yet, but you would be if you'd gone in there." He peered across her body to where the water was sitting tranquil and placid, not nearly as dangerous in appearance as it was in truth. "This place is geared toward spirits and underworld creatures, not weak squishy mortals. That stuff would suck the soul right out of you. Trust me, we've got stuff like that in Hell... it's just mostly made of lava."

She sat up the rest of the way, still shivering. "I-it's cold..." She rubbed at her own arms in a vain effort to warm herself. 

"No, you're just not all the way back together yet." Luci reached out a hand and brushed his dark fingers against the back of Bean's knuckles. As she looked down at her own hands, she could see that they had a faint blurriness to them. It took a few seconds for her to realize that it was actually her hands and not her vision. There was a slight echo of her hand that lagged behind in every small motion. "Your soul just needs time to settle back. You'll be fine."

Wait... the water had been actually sucking her soul out of her body? Bean hissed in alarm, shoving to her feet. Her legs were still shaky but she was feeling more than a little anxious to be away from this place and it's creepy soul-stealing water full of dead people. "L-let's get out of here in the meantime." She held her hand out to Luci and he hesitated again, eyes narrowed, feet shuffling, before he moved toward her, climbing carefully up to seat himself on her shoulder again.

"Yeah." He said, still subdued. "Let's go."

As they made their way along the road, they huddled a bit closer together. They stayed that way until the light from up ahead started to brighten through the trees and the swamp was at an end.

-


	34. Chapter 34

-

There were no pools of water and no dead bodies this time, but the surroundings were almost as inhospitable as the last area they'd passed through. Bean let out a wheezing breath, pausing to reach down to her waist and taking a sip from the canteen she'd thought to bring. Earlier in the trip she'd been pleased with herself for remembering to bring herself something to drink. As soon as the liquid inside hit her tongue, she was abruptly reminded that she hadn't packed water inside it, but had instead filled it with liquor.

She grimaced, not because the lukewarm liquid was unwelcome, but because the trip had already been difficult enough and now her only options were to go through this barren desert landscape without anything to drink, or to get drunk in an effort to avoid dehydration. After a few seconds of consideration, she took one full swallow and put the canteen back. Hopefully this damn desert wasn't as big as the previous swamp.

"How large is this place?" She asked Luci, feeling his eyes on her. He was still perched on her shoulder and as much as she should have been grumbling about the extra effort of carrying him, she'd been reluctant to suggest he hop down, especially after the incident in the swamp. His presence was a slight comfort and she kept having to resist the urge to pet him like he was actually a cat.

God, she could really use a hug right about now.

"Big." Luci said. He met her gaze from the corner of his eye, sensing her frustration. "Hey, you asked." He leaned against her, legs dangling casually as he pulled a cigar out from nowhere and lit it carefully with his tail. "It's the underworld, Bean. If it's anything like Hell, it's precisely as big as it needs to be."

"That doesn't even make any sense." She muttered in response, wincing as he blew a puff of smoke into her face. "Hey... let me have some."

Luci considered for a long moment as they walked a bit further, following a trail made out of hard-packed sand. There were the faint imprints of footprints, bare feet, boots, human, animal... all kinds. But the only prints of interest to the two of them were the ones that were made by small, intricately cobbled elven shoes. Elfo's footprints. At last, Luci shrugged his thin shoulders and passed the cigar over to her.

"Be that as it may, Bean," he gave her name some emphasis there. "Is this any weirder than half of the other magical shit and curses you've encountered? I mean your best friend is an elf and you also have... y'know... _me_ , your personal demon." He swished his tail slowly, batting her with just the spaded tip. "I mean, this is only a little more weird than that."

"...yeah, okay... fair point." She conceded reluctantly. As she drew a drag from the cigarette, she responded immediately with a cough. It occurred to her, a bit belated, that smoking in the hot desert when she had no water and had been drinking alcohol might have been a mistake. "I just wish we'd get there already. How far is it?"

"If you keep asking, I'm going to turn this whole trip back around." Luci snapped. 

She shook her head, passing the cigarette back to him and trudging forward, her eyes cast down toward the ground to watch the footprints as they ventured further forward. What had Elfo been looking for, all the way out here? Why hadn't he stayed in the meadow near the entrance? Or by the riverbank with the lethe water? Why here, of all places? "Where are you going, Elfo?" She muttered softly, not expecting an answer.

"Maybe he's not going anywhere. I mean... we both know he's kind of an idiot." 

She wasn't sure what it was about Luci's tone that needled her with that remark. He'd called Elfo a lot worse in all the time they'd been together, something that the elf had always taken in stride. Bean had too, since she was just as prone to be referred to as a loser and a nutbag when Luci was in the mood to be a dick to them. But now, with Elfo dead and this whole crazy trip to get him back, the way Luci tossed around this casual insult was too much. Bean let out a grunt at that, moving automatically and smacking him off her shoulder.

Luci fell to the ground with a dusty thud and a grunt. He lay there for a second, a dark splotch against the pale sand, and then he jolted to his feet abruptly. There was agitation in every line of his shadowy body, the same tension that had been there since they'd passed Cerberus' door, but now he was making no effort to hide it. "What the fuck, Bean?!"

"Don't say that about him." Her voice was flat, steadier than she thought she could manage with the amount of frustration bubbling in her. It wasn't a new feeling, but she found it weirdly liberating to finally say what she'd been thinking all this time. It was far easier to defend Elfo than herself because no matter how much the elf had reassured her that she was a good person, a kind person, she didn't believe it. It just didn't sink in. But she knew he was a good person and he deserved better than Luci's constant needling.

And he'd deserved better than dying with an arrow in the back, which made the entire system unbelievably unfair...

There was nothing Bean could do about that part, other than this entire unlikely rescue mission, but she was ready to finally speak up when it came to some defense of his character. Was this her life? Weird adventures and arguing with a demon?

For his part, Luci went silent. He also stopped walking, allowing Bean to get a couple of feet ahead of him before she drew to a halt as well.

"Oh yeah?" His voice was deliberately soft, enough that she almost had to strain to hear him. Dangerous. It was a tone he didn't use often. They'd reached some precipice here. They'd come close to it before on this trip, more than once, but had never tipped over it. Bean felt a prickling sensation behind her eyes and instead of pulling back, she threw herself right off it instead.

"Yeah." She said, her voice determined. She looked down at him steadily. "I mean it this time, Luci. It's enough."

"Why? Because he's dead?" Luci's tone was bizarrely cheerful in a way that was definitely fake. "What? You're gonna stand up for him because he bit it? Really? Or are you just feeling guilty?" Bean's eyes widened as Luci took a few steps forward, closing the short distance between them. He couldn't say it. He wouldn't... "That's it, right? You're feeling guilty because his death is your fault."

Bean stood there as Luci came up alongside her. Her hands were clenched into fists against her sides, and it took everything in her not to just respond by snapping back the way she wanted to. More than anything, she wanted to lash out at his words, they were so casually cruel. 

It was what she'd been thinking though, for a while now. What he'd said was nothing more than what she'd suspected from the moment she'd felt him breathe his last in her arms. If she hadn't come to find him, then Zog's men wouldn't have found Elfwood. They wouldn't have attacked and Elfo wouldn't have been shot. 

Oh god. It was. It was _her_ fault.

Even accepting the blame for Elfo's murder though, because she knew now it was true even though she'd spent days trying to examine what had happened from every angle and make sense of it, it didn't mean that she could just stand there and take what Luci was saying. He was trying to get to her - and succeeding - but it wouldn't distract her from the other parts of what he was saying. 

She'd been putting up with Luci's frustration through the majority of the trip and it was getting harder and harder to simply ignore it and put it aside for the sake of the mission. He'd always been one to poke and prod at her, to look for reactions or weaknesses and dig his claws in where he could, but he'd always been at least a little playful before. Not nice, exactly, because he was an evil demon, but she could tell that a lot of his worst suggestions had been more in jest than because he expected her to actually do something about it. 

This though... the way he'd been reacting, the increasing bitterness with which he was responding. It was wearing her down. "Luci. Stop, okay. Just..." She drew a harsh breath between her teeth, trying not to shake. "This isn't going to work." Bean dug her nails into her palms as a distraction, trying to keep herself focused, turning to put her back to him. If she had just a moment, she could compose herself and not completely lose it... but then Luci had to speak up again and she felt the last dregs of her patience slip from her grip.

"Well yeah, I could have told you that from the start," Luci grumbled back. She could picture him without looking back, standing there with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He'd be the very picture of affronted pride. The all-knowing demon who for some reason decided to help out a couple of stupid mortals because it amused him. Except that was a lie and it was one she was getting so tired of.

"No. You couldn't have." She whipped around finally, glaring down at him. For a few seconds, she could see him hesitating, his eyes widening as he let out a soft noise, surprise registering before he hastened to cover it up and failed to manage it as completely as he'd no doubt hoped. Instead, he clenched his clawed hands into fists and tried to raise his head and look unaffected by her contradicting his words. "That's a damn lie, Luci and you know it! You were the one who thought we could do this. You never said you thought it wasn't possible. I mean you... you were the one with the map. You were the one who said you knew what to do!"

  
  


Bean was moving then, starting to pace, her breath coming ragged in her chest as she finally let out all the things she'd been holding close to her chest, everything that she'd been thinking and not saying because this whole mission was _too damn important_ for her to waste time on arguing with the one ally she actually still had. This was falling apart rapidly and she had no idea what it meant for the mission or their friendship but it was a slow-motion carriage wreck she was hard-pressed to actually stop.

"I was lying!" Luci snapped back, bristling. "I'm a demon, Bean. Or have you forgotten? I'm not here to be your friend or Elfo's friend. I wasn't sent to make your life easier! I'm corrupting you and that's the only reason I'm even here!" His words were striking out, lashing at her already fragile morale and tearing it ragged.

"Well if that's how you feel, then why did we even come?" Her words came out angry but cut off into a sob. It was too much. She felt her legs getting shaky under her, whether it was from the stress or the exhaustion. Or maybe it was just because she'd been walking through a stupid desert without any water. Whatever it was, the world had decided to do a slow lurch around her. She sank to her knees. 

As she landed, she caught a glimpse of Luci. His expression changed in the seconds where she went down, his eyes getting big in something like panic, the motion toward her, paws stretched out, only aborted after he'd taken two steps in her direction. His name was a strangled yelp on her lips.

Oh. 

Oh yes. He _was_ lying. Luci lied like breathing, being an infernal being. But what she was seeing for these few seconds, was the truth. She felt a little thrill of vindication run through her at that. She was right and Elfo had been right and why was the world still trying to slide out from under her knees. "You a-hole." She muttered, voice raspy from the dryness. "I should know better than to listen to you..."

Luci froze, his ears going back for a moment, then he pushed them up again with determination. She'd already seen through the act though. "Yeah. You really should. That's your mistake, Be-" His biting words, the half-formed taunts, were cut off as she reached out and grabbed him. She could feel him tensing, probably expecting a blow, but instead she yanked him in, held him against her chest while he didn't respond other than the stiffening of his small frame and the way his tail whipped behind him, coiling into a confused question mark at his back.

"Bean-"

"Shut up." She expected him to struggle. He was a demon and he'd always made such a big deal about how disgusted he was by soft mortal emotions. Affection was the worst of all. But he didn't pull back, didn't claw at her. He didn't even curse her out over it, which was the least she could have expected from a demon. "Just..." She let out a breath, half-sob, half-laugh. They really weren't that different, were they? "Just stop. You don't have to lie. We're a team." 

As she pulled back enough that she could look down at him and meet his gaze, she felt her confidence starting to reassert itself. "Look." Her words were punctuated by a short huff of wry amusement. "You screwed up, okay."

She could see the walls trying to go up, to reassert themselves. It was reflected in the way Luci's eyes narrowed and his ears went back in annoyance. "Well, this is a great start. Senstive yet reassuring..." He tapped at his own chin, making an exaggerated thinking sound. "So yeah, uh... fuck you too, Bean." She let the angry words roll over her. He was mad, she was pricking at his ego in a way she knew he didn't like and it meant she'd have to push harder. She wasn't willing to stop without making herself clear.

"You did. But that's okay. I mean... I screw up all the time. It's fine. We're not perfect, but that's why we make a good team." It wasn't as eloquent as a speech Elfo might have given about friendship - well, maybe just as eloquent but not as sappy and sweet, at least - but that wasn't how she did things. "And even together, we mess up but we can still get through it together. You don't have to feel bad about making a mistake. We can work together and we'll fix it. I mean... nobody's perfect, right?"

"Well... speak for yourself." For a moment, Bean wasn't sure she'd gotten through to him, his tone was so flippant, but then he paused, his gaze darting away from her and not meeting her eyes. "I thought it would be easier." He pulled out his map, spread it on the packed sand, and stared down at it like he expected it to reveal the truth about the universe. "I know how Hell works. Just between you and me, I was kind of a rock star there. But this place... it's not the same. It's just... weird. It's not what I expected." He stood there for a moment, with an air like he'd just confessed some deep dark secret.

"Oh Luci." Bean breathed. She smiled though, just a little. She rested one hand on his shoulder. "Hey, We wouldn't have gotten this far without your information. I'm sure if we were in Hell, you'd be rocking it. You don't have to worry. No one's going to think less of you for not knowing everything." Well, she wasn't going to, at least. "You know more than I do."

"Yeah." He said slowly. "That's true." He finally met her gaze then. "I do know more than you do." Given his words, she was expecting him to push her reassurances aside in favor of more bragging, something to bolster himself, but instead, there was something soft to his smile for a second. "We're a team, huh?" His paw rose like he was going to push her hand away, but then he just settled his fingers atop hers for a second.

"Yeah." She bobbed her head, "The best team." Bean cleared her throat softly. "But we're still missing someone."

Luci nodded slowly at that, squeezing his paw against her hand. "Yeah." He drew himself up again, but a lot of the tenseness from earlier had gone away. Bean could understand. Sometimes you just needed to know someone believed in you. She didn't know what Luci's life had been like before he'd left Hell to become her personal demon, but considering demons were mostly assholes - in her limited experience - she couldn't imagine that it had been full of love and support. He'd come a long way since they'd met. They both had. "Let's go get the team back together." There was a renewed confidence to his words and Bean was relieved, even if she was still parched and tired.

She held out her hand to him, expecting him to bat it away the way he normally would have. He considered for a few seconds before giving a slight snort, shaking his head and then resting his paw on top of hers. Bean smiled, then slid an arm around him and hoisted him up until he could climb across to her shoulder. "Okay." She said, easing to her feet with a slight wince. She'd almost forgotten, in all of the excitement, how much she was hating this particular environment. "Let's get out of here..." She looked down again, scanning the ground for any sign of Elfo's footprints. Fortunately, elf shoes were obvious enough that even a non-detective like Bean could find his trail. It wasn't like he'd made any effort to hide it.

As she started to follow along, hoping against hope that they would reach the edge of the desert before she passed out from heatstroke, she could feel Luci reaching a paw to tangle in her hair, just along her temple. It was a constant reminder of his presence and despite the heat of his body - which was just one more source of warmth in an already baking desert - she welcomed the touch. 

"I think I see something." Luci called out to her after a few minutes and Bean squinted, raising her head and trying to catch a glimpse of whatever he was talking about. She trusted him to be able to see more than she did, given he was used to the brightness of molten lava as part of his normal surroundings. Her eyes certainly weren't doing her any favours... between the harsh sun and the heat radiating off of the sand in waves, she could barely see. 

"Which way? Is it just ahead?" She squinted, trying to get some idea of where he was looking. He made a small noise, glancing sidelong at her before shifting so he had one paw braced on each of her shoulders, his chin resting on top of her head as he grabbed hold of a handful of hair on either side of her face.

"You mortals aren't made for harsh conditions..." He said, chiding but not in a harsh way. "Well, don't worry about it. This is the kind of thing a personal demon is for. This and occasionally getting you arrested for stealing some rich lady's carriage."

Bean laughed softly at the memory. "Oh yeah. That one was pretty fun." She paused as he tapped his foot firmly against her shoulder. "Okay. So which way?"

Luci grimaced, his head raised as he looked around again. "Okay, it's just slightly over there..." He gestured with his paw, but when Bean turned her head to look where he was indicating, his tail slapped against her cheek, discouraging her from glancing in that direction. "Don't look!" He grumbled low, muttering something under his breath. "Check me on this... you mortals can't stare directly into the sun, right?"

"...uh... no." That was a sure recipe for going blind, which was common knowledge even among uneducated peasants... which meant that of course Bean had learned it from Bunty.

"Well, that might be a problem, seeing as how we'll be walking right toward it the entire time..." Luci drawled. "And I'm not sure it's going down... this is a weird place... the damn thing hasn't budged in all the time we've been here. I suppose we could still wait it out."

It was a prospect that was terrifying for a different reason. She still didn't have any water and even the canteen full of booze wouldn't be enough to keep away the dehydration for too long. Waiting here in the vague hopes that the sun might go down - especially when, as Luci had pointed out, it hadn't budged in all the time they were here - could prove fatal if her canteen ran out and she was too weak to go on.

But what could she do? Going straight toward the light source would probably blind her. "Maybe... I guess I could just... squint my eyes and try it?" The only alternative was going back and given the rest of what they'd been through, she wasn't eager to try it. And they needed Elfo. Like she'd pointed out just a moment ago, they were a team and part of their team was still missing. They weren't going back without him.

"Yeah... that's a pretty stupid notion." Luci let out a sigh, pondering options and then finally said, "Just close your eyes, Bean. I've got this. Go in the direction I tug. And don't ask questions." Bean frowned a little at this, but given everything else, she wasn't as wary of trusting him as she would have been once. Luci was actually kind of bad at being a bad friend, but she wasn't going to point it out at the moment or he'd probably feel the need to do some kind of dick move. She closed her eyes, feeling his paws in her hair as he gave a tug that was even on both sides, the equivilent of guiding a horse forward. She followed the instruction without need for clarification, and when he would slightly move on one side or the other, she adjusted her steps to match. It was easier than she expected and after going a slight distance, she barely missed the ability to see. It was a handy thing too, because the desert was so damn bright up ahead that she could still kind of see the gleam of it even through her eyelids. She kind of wished she had a blindfold. Part of her had to wonder if she was able to figure out what he meant for her to do so easily because of the weird bond that was set up between them when she'd opened the box and released him all those months ago. They were more in-tune than she might have expected to be with someone like him... or just about anyone, really. As much as she loved Elfo - but platonically, of course, not _love_ love - there were plenty of things he did that just plain baffled her. She and Luci were usually on the same page.

She didn't know just how long she was walking, but she'd fallen into an easy rhythm and the two of them were enough in sync that she barely felt the tugging before she knew which direction to go. She wasn't sure where exactly they were aiming for, but Luci radiated confidence and it was a stark change from earlier when he'd been on the verge of some kind of breakdown.

Then there was a shift, her foot came down and the ground was different. She hesitated only to have Luci bat at her with his tail, coaxing her forward a few more steps. As soon as she took that last step, before Luci's hands tugged back and up in an indication to stop, she felt a blast of cool air against her skin. She waited a second, even so.

"You can open your eyes now." Luci said finally. His paw patted her lightly on the cheek, the way Bean might have patted the flank of a horse. She wrinkled her nose a little but finally, carefully, peeled her eyes open. She'd been clenching them so tightly that for a moment she saw bright shapes lingering in her vision. They slowly cleared up, allowing her to see Luci's nose almost bumping her own as he peered around her. "So, can you see? Your eyeballs didn't get baked or anything?"

She gave her head a slight, muzzy shake. "Y-yeah. I think so." Now that she could actually see what was around her, she was noticing that this was very different from the desert she'd been in only a short time ago. It had been an abrupt change. As she glanced back, she could see what looked like an open door just standing there. The frame of it was attached to nothing, but through the door she could see the familiar brightness of the desert. Bean blinked a couple of times, baffled at this sight. "Wait... there was just a random door? And it led us here?" 

Luci shrugged, not as affected by the bizarreness of this as she was. "Eh. Underworld." She stalked back toward it for a second, looking at it, then carefully walked around to the other side of the door. As soon as she passed the doorframe and looked at where the door had been, it was gone. 

-


	35. Chapter 35

-

"Whoa!" Bean jolted, taking a step back. "That's so weird!" She walked forward toward the place the door had been, hands outstretched, feeling around for anything. There was nothing but empty air, even as she went well past the spot where the door would have been. It was only after she'd stopped swiping her hands at empty air that another thought occurred to her. "Wait! If it's gone, how will we get back?!" Panic was starting to creep into her, but she was interrupted by Luci swatting her across the face with the spade of his tail. It wasn't nearly as hard a blow as it could have been, so its aim was to get her attention. "What?!"

"Turn around," Luci said, deadpan.

When Bean did, she could see the door again, still standing there placidly, still leading to the desert. She frowned, an expression that turned into a scowl soon enough. "Oh. Okay. So it's a one-way door. So that's how it is, huh?" 

"Just be glad it's not gone. I don't know any way out of this place other than the way we came in." Luci's tone was far too nonchalant for the weight of that comment, but she didn't have time to address it before he was making a soft noise, trying to get her attention. "Bean. Look. I think we're just about there..." He hopped down to the floor, landing with a soft thump.

The sound didn't echo, even though the new room they were standing in was a massive dining hall. It was the sort of place that would have been full of people, back in Dreamland castle. A place for events and parties and kowtowing to the dignitaries from more wealthy nations that they were hoping to get money from. Of course, this place could have swallowed Dreamland's largest chambers whole and had room for about seven or eight more castles for dessert.

Speaking of dessert, the tables themselves were laid out with desserts of all kinds. Infinitely long dining tables with a variety of treats that ranged from simple whole fruit all the way to a giant multi-tiered cake with life-sized candy figures on it. It stood several times taller than Bean, rising up like it wanted to touch the cathedral ceiling and coming far closer than any type of food ever should. 

It wasn't the sort of food that Bean went for as much, being decadent but too varied for Bean's relatively straightforward tastes, but it was impressive enough that it made even her mouth water. There were also casks of some kind of liquor, one of which had just been poured from because there was a sparkling droplet of deep golden fluid dangling from the spigot. It reminded Bean that she was desperately thirsty after their time in the desert and the swamp. She hadn't had anything but a couple of gulps of lukewarm alcohol out of her canteen the entire time and she'd given away the jerky she'd meant to eat if she needed energy during the trip.

Her feet were ushering her forward toward the table before she could even think about what she was doing, it wasn't until she heard Luci's hiss that she was jolted out of her thoughts, coming to a stop a few feet from the table. The food was glistening temptingly, just out of reach of her hands. "Huh?"

"Bean." Luci darted to clear the distance between them. "I'm not sure this is a great idea." He punctuated the statement with a low grumble. "And now I'm sounding like Elfo. Damn it Elfo! I can't be the one giving both good and bad advice!" He lashed his tail and butted his head against Bean's leg. "You should know better than to take things people offer you in the Underworld. That's like accepting a gift in Hell. It's always got some price attached to it, and you probably won't want to pay it." He paused. "Well... unless you're a masochist... but even then it might not be great." He hopped up onto the table, gesturing with his paw. "I mean... a giant fancy banquet set up with no one here ... no guards, no guests? Nothing? If this doesn't scream suspicious, I don't know what would."

She had to admit that he had a point. It wasn't like someone was going to put this much work into making a fancy meal that wasn't going to get served to someone and the complete lack of any visible people was alarming with this new context. Gwen had mentioned something about food and the Underworld specifically but Bean had been a little preoccupied eating some rare uncursed brownies and had missed a portion of what she'd said.

But she was pretty sure it had been something along the lines of 'don't do it'. When both Luci and Bean's little 'inner Elfo' voice that she'd had to develop in response to his absence were saying the same thing, it was time to sit up and take notice.

She looked away from the vast spread with a sigh. "We gotta find him soon." She rubbed at her belly, feeling the raspy dryness of her tongue. "I can't go on too much longer without water." Considering all the water they'd passed on their way here, it was patently unfair that not a single drop of it had been drinkable. Stupid Underworld. She began to walk around the table, as Luci kept pace walking on the wood, managing to deftly wind around all of the platters before hopping from the top of each chair to the next as he moved alongside her.

As they crossed the big open room, drawing nearer to the cake that was the centerpiece of the display, Bean could see more of the detail on it and she had to be impressed. It had more columns than any cake her dad had ever gotten made, despite his obsession with them for some reason. The figures on it were intricately designed and very large. They looked so lifelike that she could almost reach out and touch them. And they were all posed in interesting ways, enacting different scenes.

It wasn't until the oddness of the poses caught her eye that she paused again. Luci got a few chairs out in front of her before stopping and looking back. "Bean. Remember, we talked about this and we both agreed that I need to not be the one telling you to make wise decisions. It makes me literally need to puke. So don't make me say it again."

His words didn't quite sink in, she was too fascinated with what she was seeing. the nearest figure on the cake was a man lying on the ground. There was red frosting underneath him, where the icing on the cake was shaped into rocks. It looked so realistic... like he'd fallen and broken his back or his neck. Why would someone put this on a cake?

As she looked at the other figures on the cake, they presented a similarly grisly tableau. Most of them anyway. There were a few figures of people lying in bed, with others standing around them and those were marginally less horrifying. A realization was slowly sinking in.

"This is how they died..." Her voice was sober. Luci came back, moving swiftly across the table to stop beside her. His paw nudged at her hand where it was settled against the wooden back of one of the chairs. Her fingers clenched into the wood as she bit her lip. Some of the scenes were too familiar to be comfortable. There was a figure of a man holding a limp woman in his arms, and another of two people lying side by side in what seemed to be the aftermath of some terrible accident.

She had a vivid flash of Elfo's fading warmth in her arms as she'd carried him home. It had taken a long while for him to get cold, but the trip by foot had been a long one as well. She remembered all the while that she was so used to carrying him that it was almost normal. It was almost the same as all the other times when he hadn't been able to keep up, when he'd just wanted to be close, or the times when she'd enjoyed just holding him because it was somehow soothing. 

If she'd closed her eyes, she could have pretended he was alive. Except that he wasn't.

It wasn't until she got back to the castle, when they'd insisted she put him down and then finally two of the soldiers had wrested him out of her arms before her dad had finally shown up with his pathetic effort at some kind of apology... then it finally sank in with her. That was it. There was no more Elfo. She wondered who the woman was and whether the man holding her had been a relative or friend. What they'd meant to each other...

She turned her head away, biting at her lip and feeling the familiar prickle behind her eyes. "Let's... let's just get out of here. He's not here."

"Bean." Luci's voice was odd, coming out of him with a wheeze. She'd never heard that note before, like he was struggling to speak. Her gaze flitted to him, eyes widening. He was standing there, the claws on his feet digging into the table in an effort to steady himself. His eyes were on the cake, and she almost made a joke about how maybe being around Elfo had given Luci a taste for sweet things after all... something like that. It would have been a pathetic effort to take her own mind off of darker thoughts with a bit of useless humour, but then she noticed his paws were shaking a little.

"Luci...?" Her own voice was a little higher than usual, rising at the end in a second of alarm. Luci was rarely shaken. As a demon, he'd probably seen some awful things in Hell, and he certainly had no problem with bodily injury or carnage when inflicted on stupid mortals. She'd only seen him upset like this the one time... that brief moment after Elfo had been shot and he'd mewled out a plaintive question to the world. "What... you're scaring me, Luci. What's wrong?"

Her gaze followed his, going to where he was looking. She knew what had caught his attention as soon as she saw it and she felt her own heart sinking into her shoes. The tableau was familiar. She remembered that moment with too much clarity. She'd thought about it several nights, lying in bed with the forest glade burned into the backs of her eyelids.

It was strange to see herself from an outsider's perspective, even leaving aside the fact that the her on the cake was made out of candy. There was a tiny candy Luci there too and the amount of detail was impressive from a completely functional*** standpoint, but she was too busy looking at the tiny green figure in her candy arms to fully register the trivial details. "...Elfo."

She reached out, not thinking about the motion and the fact that they'd come so far down here and she'd been warned not to touch anything - and especially not _food_ \- but she couldn't help it. She shoved it all aside to snatch the figures off of the cake, complete with a handful of icing that clung to her fingers. She drew it close to her chest and Luci made no effort to stop her. He eased in closer, his paws settling on top of her cupped hands, warm and solid as Bean drew a sharp breath and it hitched in her throat.

She sank to her knees, her demon slinking down off the table to remain close to her as she sat heavily on the floor. She'd been through so much on their trip, she'd gone through deserts and forests, literally, and it was something as stupid as little decorations on a cake to break her. She let out a laugh, one that twisted into a sob, her eyes squeezing shut. Luci was pressed in close against her, the tips of his claws digging into the skin along her knuckles as his paws were pressed tight against her own hands. She couldn't help it then, her shoulders shaking, eyes stinging with the salt from her own tears. 

Luci made a small uncomfortable noise, and she couldn't see his expression but she could picture it well enough, the way his ears would be back. He didn't like big displays of emotion... not unless they were anger or drunkenness... and being this close to her while she was bawling like a baby had to be rough on him. But he didn't move away, not even though he could have. He rubbed his paws against her instead, kneading at her hands in some effort at comfort. 

"I..." She hiccuped, choking off the word, then bit her lip hard enough that she could taste blood for a second. Slowly she uncurled her fingers. She'd been gripping so tightly that they'd turned white and tingled numbly. She got just a peek of what she was holding and quivered anew. "I miss him..."

It was too simple a statement to really encompass what she was feeling. It was a loss that left a hole in her, a yawning ache that didn't go away no matter how she tried to fill it with distractions and alcohol. She couldn't have fathomed it, the days and weeks before they met, that she'd ever care enough about someone to miss them like this. She hadn't even cared that much about herself, much less bothering with investing time in anyone else. She'd never had friends...

Was friendship always this painful? She couldn't begin to fathom why someone would ever put themself through this. For what? Just the opportunity to be close to someone for some small amount of time. She felt a flickering anger in her, her hand rising to swipe at her eyes and leaving a smear of frosting across her cheek. "Stupid Elfo." She choked out, looking at the blurred bit of sculpted candy in her hands. "Why didn't you just... just..." 

Just stay out of her life. Just leave her to the miserable, but thankfully simple, mess that had been her existence. She could have just settled into her stupid arranged marriage and been low-key miserable for the rest of her life and that would have been fine. Not great, but at least that she could have dealt with. She was angry, suddenly, a spike of heat that burned right through her. She drew her arm back and whipped the little bit of candy across the room before she could register what she was about to do.

Then she sat there, watching with her heart dropping into her stomach as it went soaring across the room. Time was passing so slowly that she registered every detail of it as it soared in a graceful arc before it finally hit the stone floor, skidding for a second as it held its shape surprisingly well, then finally hitting the side of a chair and shattering into shards of candy.

The sound of it reached her a moment later, just a feeble little crack as Bean sat there hyperventilating. Luci let out a small noise beside her, a miserable whine of laughter. "Holy shit, Bean... Just..." He coughed, his voice shaking. "What did you do?"

It occurred to her in that moment, from the sound of Luci's voice, the raw distress in it, that maybe it was more than just some kind of symbolic item. She didn't know a ton about the Underworld or how it worked. The thing could have been Elfo, somehow? His soul, maybe? Had she just thrown Elfo's candy soul across the room and broken it?

Bean staggered, skidding forward across the floor while simultaneously trying to get to her feet. She cleared the distance between herself and the broken bits of the candy Elfo. There were some bits of white candy that were from her own figurine and she didn't have time to think about whether or not it meant her own soul had also been somehow broken. She went down on her knees again hard as she swept the broken pieces of candy together as much as she could. Most of them had either shattered into pieces so small she couldn't find them or had skidded far out of reach. Her hands trembled as she tried to push the pieces back together.

She heard the patter of demon feet from behind her, coming in close. As her flailing hands finally stopped moving, going still as the realization that she wasn't going to be able to fix this sank in, she felt the press of his body against her back. His small black arms went around her and she realized with a shock that it was a hug. He was hugging her.

Bean shifted, her hands shaking as she reached up to push him away, but he was solidly pressed against her and she slid her arms around him instead, holding him tight. 

Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought. It would have been stupid for that to be how a spirit was kept in the underworld. It didn't even make any sense. She could hope that it was just some coincidence that this was the place Luci's nose had led them to. Or maybe this was the underworld's way of having a 'welcome to being dead' party? With... a creepy cake showing the exact moment you died. It would only have been the third weirdest cake Bean had ever seen in her life.

"You're getting soft, you know." She murmured to the demon, her fingers carding through the short fur along the back of his neck. He tensed for a second at the words before arching into the touch of her fingers. 

"Don't get used to it." He muttered, pressing his nose against her shoulder and letting out his breath in a sigh. "I thought he'd be here." His voice was soft, half-muffled against the fabric of her shirt. 

Bean nodded slowly, her gaze traveling back to the cake, which looked thoroughly mauled with a big chunk taken out of it where she'd been grasping desperately for the candy figure. Someone was going to be pretty angry about it, probably, and she didn't have the energy to be worried about it. As she was thinking it, there was a sound from behind her and she sighed, closing her eyes for a second. Of course. Even if Elfo was still in here somewhere, they'd just blown their chances of getting to him if they got caught ruining some stupid party.

The steps were getting closer and Bean let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, steeling herself as she eased her feet beneath her and stood up. She turned to look at the person approaching. It was every inch what she'd always envisioned Death to look like, tall and thin and clad in black. The figure was carrying a bag across one shoulder and slowed as it drew near them. The hood-covered head looked from them to the mangled cake, then back at them, sill silent.

Then the figure reached up, drawing the hood back to reveal a dark woman with long pitch-black hair. There was a furrow to her brow as she stared down at them. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" She set her sack aside on the floor and Bean eyed it warily, half expecting it to start leaking blood or something equally unpleasant. "This soul repository isn't ready yet."

As Bean struggled to make heads or tails of this new information, unable to decide if this actually clarified anything or just made it all more confusing, the woman was looking her over and coming to some of her own conclusions. "Is that a demon? What is a demon doing here?" As Luci opened his mouth to speak, she raised a hand. "No. You don't talk unless you're answering some of my questions. You Hellspawn have no jurisdiction in my Underworld."

Luci grumbled, muttering something unintelligible in the woman's direction as she rounded on Bean. "And you..." She hesitated, eyes narrowing in confusion. "You're not a spirit." She raised a hand, pinching at the bridge of her nose as she let out a groan. "Not another one of these..." 

Bean and Luci cast a quick glance at each other, Luci smirking and Bean with an uncertain smile. They hadn't been immediately captured and threatened with eternal torment, but that didn't mean they were in the clear. It seemed like maybe this wasn't as infrequent an occurrence as Bean might have expected. "Do people come down here all the time?"

The woman looked at her with a sardonic stare. "People come down here all the time, yes. Just about everyone comes here eventually... except... y'know saints and total monsters-" At her words, Luci gave a gesture and a wide grin, as if to say 'what did I tell you'. "But pretty much everyone is dead by the time they get here." She groaned again. "But occasionally we wind up with one of these little slip-ups." She ran a hand through her dark hair, which shifted and stirred in a non-existent breeze, the tendrils of it stirring and drifting slightly in Bean's direction like grasping tentacles. She took a step back, trying not to look rude to this person who obviously had at least a bit of authority here.

"We're not here to start trouble."

"Yes." The woman said, dropping her hand to her side. "You are. You can't lie to me, Tiabeanie. Down here in the Underworld, we know everything about you." She strode forward, her tall lean form moving with purpose. The concealing robe masked the ease of her movements and up close, she had the air of a large predator, circling the princess and her companion in a swift lap. "It only takes one look. See, a few seconds ago I had no idea who you were, and now I know every detail. What you like, what you don't like. I know you sneak into your little brother's room at night and move his toys around to make him think that they're really alive and might eventually murder him in his sleep. I know all the people you've hooked up with in your life and that you didn't have feelings for any of them. I know you lay awake at night and wonder what the point of your life even is... when you haven't had enough alcohol to make you pass out, at least." With every word, the circle she was making around Bean drew in closer, a sensation like the princess was being caught in a snare that was drawing tighter and tighter. But her tone was light, almost conversational. 

Bean's danger senses were screaming at her. The woman looked ordinary enough aside from her weird outfit and the fact that she had to be some kind of underworld entity, but something about her made Bean want to run. She planted her feet instead, holding her ground. She'd gone up against bigger opponents before and come out ahead. Usually it was because she'd cheated, but not even some underworld creature could make her play by the rules if she didn't want to. "If you know all that stuff, then I'm sure you know why I'm here. And you know I won't stop until I get what I want."

The woman's eyes were dark as she turned to face Bean. Dark like the pitch black of a cave with no entrance and no torch at hand, or like a night sky where all of the stars had been swallowed. Bean remembered looking into Luci's eyes and seeing a terrifying living mass of darkness but this... a cold, meaningless void... it was even more frightening.

"You're looking for your... friend." The woman said at last. The slight pause in her words was odd but Bean only gave a curt nod in reply, not willing to try actually speaking in case her voice came out too shakily. "The elf."

"His name is Elfo." She surprised herself by the firmness of her correction. "And he's my best friend." She crossed her arms, feeling some of the chill around her break at this gesture of confidence. She felt better, abruptly. Speaking had broken some of the spell over her and she realized that this place was just trying to break her nerve. It had been trying to send her running since she'd first arrived, but nothing had actually been able to permanently hurt her or even affect her in any major way. Could this realm of the dead have no effect on the living? It wasn't a hypothesis she was eager to test out, but the possibility lingered at the back of her mind. "The two of us-" She gestured to Luci, reminding the strange woman - and herself - that she wasn't in this alone. "-we came here to get him back."

"Did you?" There was a hint of amusement in the woman's smooth voice. She made a gesture with her hand, catching Bean's attention, her fingers clenching into a loose fist before opening again. On her palm sat the candy figure from the cake, but it was intact. "This is what you came for, is it?"

"Is... is that actually..." Bean hesitated, reaching out as if to take it, but her hand stopped just short of actually touching it. It couldn't really be Elfo's soul, could it? Why would he be on a cake? It didn't make any sense... but then again nothing here made any sense. "We want Elfo. We're not here to play some dumb game."

"She's wasting our time, Bean." Luci urged, standing beside her leg and resting his paw on her shin. "She wants to keep us from finding Elfo and getting the hell out of here." His tail gave an impatient lash and she looked down at him, lips tight. She gave a curt nod. He was right. She didn't have a lot of time to waste here. The numbness in her fingers that she'd noticed after her unplanned dip back in the swamp was even more evident now and she wasn't sure what would happen if it spread too far.

_No, she did know. She'd die. Somehow. Or at least her physical body would and then she wouldn't be able to just leave the underworld._

It was a risk she'd been willing to take, but it didn't mean she had to waste precious time on this nonsense. 

"Didn't your little demon friend here tell you? The underworld runs on games. We get so bored, you see. Being surrounded by the dead all the time. They're pleasant enough, but not nearly as entertaining as the living." She smiled, an expression that was somehow too wide and showed off teeth that gleamed too white. Once again Bean was reminded of either some kind of large predatory beast, or else a grinning skull. Neither of those conjured reassuring images in her mind. "Every once in a while, someone like you comes down here. They get a warm enough welcome. And most of the time, after being in the underworld, they stay."

She didn't say they'd chosen to and that part was unsettling but already what Bean had expected. "I don't intend to stay here. We're getting Elfo and we're going home."

"That's rude, Tiabeanie." The women ran her hands down the front of her black robe, smoothing it out even though there were no wrinkles to be seen. The motion made her seem taller somehow. She towered above Bean where before she'd been almost on the same level. Or had she? Somehow the woman defied Bean's mind's attempts to categorize her. She didn't need Luci's claws digging pointedly into her leg to remember that she was dangerous though. "No soul leaves here. It's simply not done. But you still have the option to go. For a little while longer, at least." Her dark eyes narrowed and Bean felt the tingling in her hands and resisted the urge to look down at them. She couldn't break the gaze or she had the feeling she would lose whatever ground she had.

"You won't give Elfo to me?" Her mind balked at that. No. It simply wasn't an option. She wasn't going to leave now, after all they'd been through. Luci's hand was steady against her and she took some comfort in the heat of his small body beside her. "Then we'll take him."

"And just how do you propose to do that, _Bean_?" She put the emphasis on Bean's nickname, but she seemed genuinely curious. Maybe the underworld creatures weren't as knowledgeable as they thought? It could be that they couldn't tell what she might do from here, only what she had done back in the mortal realm. Perhaps she could do something... unexpected... that this woman wouldn't see coming.

Whatever it was, Bean couldn't see it coming either. She was operating on sheer animal instinct and a fair measure of fool confidence. "I _challenge_ you." She could have smacked herself for it. What possible way could she beat an immortal magical lady? Sure, she was good at sword-fighting... well... passable, at least. She was even better at bar brawling. But this woman was who knew how old and probably some kind of spooky creature with magical powers. She doubted it would be a fair fight.

"You..." The woman's eyes widened for a split second and Bean realized she was right, she'd actually surprised her. She wasn't infallible, just a powerful magical being. That meant she did still have some chance. "You challenge me?" Humour crept into her voice at that, at the ludicrousness of it. "And just what kind of challenge can you be hoping to give me?"

"Uh..." Bean was struggling to find something suitable, trying to steer clear of anything that might be too intellectual or rely too much on chance, which would probably favour the underworld creature, given the way the odds in gambling were almost always stacked toward the house. "You have to agree to my challenge. Before I tell you."

The woman traced her finger over the small candy figures still sitting on her palm, nudging them thoughtfully.

Bean tensed slightly as she watched the motion, the way that the woman’s nail brushed over the tiny figure of Elfo in candy Bean’s arms was maddening. She could so easily have broken the figures in half - or worse, split them apart - and there was no way Bean could have closed the distance in time to do anything about it… if there was anything she could have done about it anyway. She was just toying with Bean… it was something Bean had to remind herself of sternly. She couldn’t rise to the bait or lose her confidence.

“I don’t see what’s in this for me.” The woman said. “If I wait long enough, you’ll belong to the underworld anyway.” Time was already running short and she had a good point. 

“But how entertaining would that be?” Bean blurted out, as boisterously as she could. “I mean, we both know that you’re just… hurting for some kind of entertainment. You said so yourself. And humans… we’re just a lot more fun when we’re alive, aren’t we? We can still do things that you can’t expect. Dead people… well they’re just… dead and that’s all. Nothing new. Nothing unexpected.”

She’d hit on something, she could tell. Luci was vibrating like a plucked string beside her and then he was climbing her leg carelessly, moving to plant himself on her shoulder to be eye-level with the underworld creature. "Bean's right. I know your kind. You're a lot like us demons, you know. Hell, purgatory... it all works the same. Humans come in, we put them in their place and that's it. A big ol' boring machine. I know you're just planning to wait until Bean here finally has her physical body fade out of existence because then you can get your claws into her, but one thing I found out while living up in the mortal realm is that mortals are a hell of a lot more fun before they die." He swished his tail, a teasing gesture. "And I think you're just afraid that if you actually try Bean's little challenge, that you'll find maybe you like the uncertainty and unpredictableness that comes with these messy flesh-bags." He was taunting. Bean recognized the way he was talking and leading the woman on because it was a tactic he so often used on her. And it invariably worked... or at least it did when he was using it on her. She could only hope that the woman had some sense of pride, enough to be goaded.

It was hard to tell with the way the woman had such dark eyes, though her expression was definitely taut, lips drawn into a straight line. She was thinking about what Luci had said. Bean couldn't imagine what would it would be like to be immortal and spend an eternity in some repetitive job... "You're trying to get a rise out of me, demon." She didn't use Luci's name and Bean wondered if she even knew it. She had reacted badly to his presence initially and Luci had said that creatures from Hell didn't really go into this particular underworld, so maybe she just couldn't read him or know what he was thinking. "You are right, of course."

The easy way she conceded the point was jarring to Bean. It also reminded her that she would need to come up with some challenge she might actually be able to win, if the woman took her up on this whole thing. Bean felt beads of sweat on her back, sinking into her shirt and making her skin clammy. Her hand moved down to her handy pouch, the one that had been packed full of useful items throughout the entirety of her trip. She'd planned better than she could have ever expected - or her luck had been running in overdrive - but now both her foresight and her luck were leaving her with nothing to draw back on. the only thing left in her bag was her mostly full canteen, the one she'd been foolish enough to fill with liquor instead of much-needed water...

Her only real failure, on this trip. That and not bringing a final brilliantly planned item that would bring an undead creature to her knees. Bean clenched her fingers against it as the woman continued, kneading at the soft leather*** sides of the canteen fitfully. 

"Death is boring. But it's supposed to be. It's the final rest, for those who deserve it."

"And what about for us?" Luci said, softly. Bean almost had to strain to hear him. "I know how this goes. Day in, day out of a thankless job. Getting nowhere. The time I spent on earth, with these two losers... it's been the most entertaining few months of my life. I don't want it to end here." Bean wondered about his words, his tone... what it meant. She'd suspected maybe he was attached to them and it had been all but confirmed by his reaction to Elfo's death, but even though she'd known that he was bonded to her soul and it meant he'd be with her as long as she was alive, she'd never considered the impact that her going to the underworld and never coming back from it might have on him. Would their bond be broken? Would he be stuck in this non-Hell underworld with her?

She would have to ask him, if she survived this. She was pretty sure he wouldn't answer her though.

The woman reached out and Bean froze in place, expecting that the dark nails that seemed increasingly clawlike would brush against her. They didn't though, instead she touched at one of Luci's vaguely feline limbs before her long fingers slid up slightly to grab hold of the demon by the back of the neck, lifting him like a kitten. The ease of the motion showed off a remarkable amount of strength. Luci was surprisingly heavy for a creature who was made up of shadows and lots of evil packed into the basic shape of a normal-sized housecat, but the woman lifted him like he weighed nothing. Seeing him like that brought a red haze to Bean's vision and she clenched her hands. Her fingers dug into her palm while her other hand squeezed frantically at the canteen. It was as strong a reaction to the way the woman had been teasing her with that Elfo figure, and she again had the urge to slap her silly and take Luci back. There was a slight pop as her powerful clench squeezed the lid right off of the canteen and she was brought back to reason by the sensation of the alcohol splattering across her fingers and dripping to the floor.

What a waste. There was still some left in the canteen but the majority of it was on the floor and on her leg. SHe raised her hand automatically to her mouth to lick the dregs of it off her fingers as Luci and the woman stared at each other. It felt like they were having some kind of conversation, a silent one, but whatever it was about she would never know. Both of their gazes went to Bean and then the woman's fingers uncurled, dropping Luci to the floor. He landed on all fours, his tail lashing.

"Okay." The woman said, finally. Bean's eyes widened, a flicker of disbelief running through her, even as she was still standing there, sucking on her own fingers. Despite her hopes, she hadn't been expecting this. "I'll take your challenge, Princess Tiabeanie. If you win, you'll get to take your little elf... friend..." her lips still curled over that word, in amusement or maybe distaste, "back to the mortal world with you... but if you lose, then you will return to the mortal world with nothing."

That seemed.... honestly too good to be true. Even if she didn't win, she could still leave? "Wait? So if I lose... I can just go? Without Elfo?" There had to be a catch, right? Going back without Elfo was the last thing she wanted to do, but it seemed like she was being let off too easily. The woman had just been threatening her with the fact that her soul wouldn't be able to leave the underworld at all! There had to be something more to it. Bean was further tipped off to this fact by the way the woman's smile widened. She narrowed her eyes, staring at the underworld creature and clenching her fingers slowly into fists. "Just spit it out. What's the catch?"

"The catch." The woman laughed softly. "I said you'd be going back with nothing. That includes everything you brought with you."

Bean looked down at the pouch on her hip, the canteen still in her hand. She didn't really have a lot on her. "...you mean you want me to go back naked?" Even that, while inconvenient, wouldn't exactly have been a particular hardship for her. Except if she had to go back across that desert area again.

Luci made a small sound, a snort, or a laugh, and then shook his head. "Don't be stupid, Bean. She doesn't want to see your bare ass." He drew himself up to his full, diminutive height. "She's talking about me."

Comprehension was refusing to settle in. "But you're already naked-" She paused partway through the sentence because Luci was giving her that whole 'I'm talking to an idiot' expression that she recognized from his conversations with just about everyone in Dreamland, but especially with Elfo. "Which was obviously _not_ what we were talking about." She cleared her throat, her words a little too loud as she tried to backtrack. "So... what about you?"

"If you lose, your demon friend will be staying here, with me." The woman said.

The full impact of the words took a moment to hit, but when it did, Bean recoiled. "Wh... wait... what? That's crazy!" She looked down at Luci, waiting for him to agree with her about how ridiculous the very idea even was. But his expression was surprisingly unaffected. He gave his tail a slow swish as he raised his gaze to meet her eyes. If he was worried or upset, he didn't show it. "She can't be serious? Luci? Why would she even need a demon down here? Aren't you from a totally different... system or something?"

"Well yeah. Hell and the non-denominational underworld don't share the same leadership. Not unless you believe in some higher power." He raised his paws, making air quotes at that part, disdainful as ever. "But that doesn't really make a difference here, Bean. This isn't because she really wants a personal demon of her own. It's because you brought shit all to bargain with and I'm apparently the only thing you have with you that you care about. Which... I guess I should be flattered, but seriously Bean?" He let out a breath, one that hitched for a second and maybe it was their bond kicking in for a moment to provide her with some insight, but the slight way he bit his lip and the momentary twitch of his dark ears belied his mocking words. On some level, he was actually happy that he meant this much to her. She wanted to hug him at the same time as wanting to slap him. Was this the conversation Luci and the woman been having without talking out loud? This is what they'd agreed on? She was pissed.

"We're going to talk about this later." She said, her voice rising in a growl. She narrowed her eyes, feeling the anger darting through her as she met the woman's gaze. "So you want me to choose between my friends? Is that it?"

"Oh no. That's entirely up to you. You can always walk out of here right now and you will have exactly what you came with. If you choose to take that risk, it's your decision. I won't force you."

Maybe she was saying it wasn't forcing a choice between Luci and Elfo, but Bean didn't buy it for a minute. It absolutely was a choice because she could either put up Luci as collateral in an effort to get Elfo back or choose not to even try because the demon was at risk. She didn't want to choose though. It was the great thing about the two of them... they'd come into her life together and they'd been with her together ever since. She didn't need to pick one over the other and they wouldn't have tried to make her. It was probably because they needed each other the way they needed her too, like they couldn't be quite complete otherwise.

Whether she went back without Elfo or without Luci and Elfo almost didn't matter from the standpoint of being able to feel better... except that going back without both of them would leave her completely alone. She let out a shaking breath, head dropping and her fists shaking by her sides. She couldn't risk it. She had so little left.

She hadn't thought anything could deter her from her quest to find Elfo and bring him back, but this... this was the one thing. 

The woman nodded slowly, gesturing back at the long dining hall in the direction they'd come from. She still held the little candy figure of Elfo in her hand as she waved. "Then you may go. The exit's just back the way you came." Her smile was both satisfaction and perhaps a bit of disappointment. Maybe she'd been hoping for a better show, something to liven up her dreary underworld existence. 

Bean turned slowly, took a step without really thinking about it or looking, and then found her foot bumping into something solid. Claws sank into her leg, just below her knee and she looked down to find an angry demon affixing himself to her calf, glaring up at her in personal offense. 

"What are you doing?" He said, in a tone of voice too soft and calm to be genuine. It was the same tone he always used when he was enticing her into some kind of a trap. She met his gaze, feeling a whine rising in her throat and barely stifling it. 

"I'm leaving." She let out a soft breath. " _We're_ leaving."

"And what about Elfo, hm?" He rubbed his claws against his own furry chest and then examined them with overwhelming interest, not looking up at her. "You know, that guy we basically came all the way out here for? Annoying little green guy? The one who died and we were trying to bring him back."

"I know who Elfo is!" Bean blurted out, not sure where he was going with this, but unable to deal with his demonic passive-aggressive goading. "I haven't forgotten why we came down here!"

"But it seems like maybe you have." Luci stopped his exaggerated attempts to ignore her, looking up to meet her eyes directly. "Because it seems like we're about to leave without him, just because you're chickening out on a challenge."

Bean drew a sharp breath, dropping to one knee and grabbing hold of him by the scruff of his neck, raising him to eye level. She glared at him, dismay burning hot in her chest as she tried to keep her voice angry instead of hurt. "We're leaving without him because I can't lose you too." Her breath emerged in a soft hitch. "You're all I have left." 

"Then don't lose," Luci said, and when Bean opened her mouth to snap at him, his paws pressed against her lips to hush her. "I mean it. She's just trying to get into your head. If you walk away now, you can't try this again. The underworld is a one-time trip for living creatures, Bean. If we step out of here, we'll never get Elfo back. And I think you'll regret it if you decide to just walk away from an opportunity like this." It was so rare for Luci to be serious and insightful... about as rare as it was for him to be genuinely encouraging of anything that wasn't probably going to get them arrested. She gave her head a slight shake, hesitant. Uncertain. 

"Luci..." 

"You can do this, Bean. You _have_ to do this." The demon let out a soft laugh, shaking his head at himself. "Do it, Bean. Do it. _Do it_." His paws slid away from her face, patting her briefly on the cheek as she finally lowered him to the ground again.

"Okay." She breathed, keeping her hand on him for a second and feeling the warmth of his silky fur under her palm. She turned, rising to her feet. Luci's small form bumped against her leg as he moved to stand beside her in a show of unity. "Okay." She said again, more firmly. "We'll take your challenge." 

-


	36. Chapter 36

  
  


-

The woman's demeanour changed as soon as the words of assent left Bean's lips. She beamed, her tall lean form sparking with a new energy. Bean was reminded immediately that she wasn't just dealing with some kind of Underworld peon. Whoever this woman was, she clearly had a lot of power and enough authority to agree to a competition with the soul of a mortal as the ultimate prize. "Very well." She smiled beatifically, "The onus was upon you to choose the terms of our competition then, Princess. You have five minutes to determine what game it is we'll play for the soul of your dead friend." She gestured in the air, the candy figure in her hand flashing for a second longer before vanishing, possibly into her long flowing sleeve.

Bean tried not to let the small detail get to her, the reminder that the woman held Elfo's soul captive. It was difficult enough that she still didn't actually have any idea what kind of competition she could muster against a creature like this. Magical creatures were never easy to predict and she'd never paid enough mind to Bunty's stories to know what worked best against any of them. She looked to Luci, hoping for some kind of inspiration, but the demon was distracted or at least deep in thought, staring down at Bean's booted leg like it held some meaning to him. He was probably just thinking about how he was doomed to spend an eternity stuck in the underworld with this woman and who knew what else. The thought sent a stab of determination through Bean. 

There had to be something that she was good at. She was middling at a lot of things and she mentally cursed her dad for stopping her from really getting far in her sword training, riding or anything else that was even vaguely useful. If she hadn't had to sneak out of the castle so much, she wouldn't even have known how to lace her own boots. Too bad it couldn't have been a competition on how to sneak out of her room to get drunk...

Speaking of which... Her gaze went down to the canteen she'd dropped when she'd been confronting Luci about the risks of this whole ridiculous competition. It was open at the top and the contents were still sluggishly dripping onto the floor. It reminded her about how parched she was, that she hadn't had anything to drink since this entire mission had begun. She crouched, wasting a few precious seconds out of her limited time to pick it up. There were a few drops inside and what the hell, it couldn't really hurt at this point. It wasn't even enough alcohol to get her the tiniest bit drunk and she mentally cursed her high alcohol tolerance for not letting her get tipsy before taking on an immortal being.

She tipped the canteen to shake the last drops of ale onto her tongue, swallowing them as she looked regretfully at the empty container. Her pouch was empty too. She was finally completely tapped out. She could almost hear the seconds counting down until the woman's focus turned back to her, her mind searching frantically for something she could do. Having ruled out most forms of fighting - except maybe arm wrestling, but she wasn't sure she could manage that as well sober - as well as most other feats of strength or dexterity, she was left with the alternatives being games of chance where she might have at least even odds of coming out on top.

"Luci?" She whispered, probably too loudly for the sheer quiet of this place. "Do you have loaded dice?" He usually cheated at games, so it wouldn't have surprised her if it had been the case. He looked up at her, blinking slowly. She wondered what he'd been thinking about that had taken so much attention but now that his focus was on her he gave her a lopsided smile. "Now who's thinking like a demon?" He sighed, making a gesture with his paws. "No go, Bean. I can't access all my demonic powers here and in case you hadn't noticed, I don't really have actual pockets. All I've got on me is that map we started off with." He did pat her on the knee. "I'm proud of you for thinking of something so underhanded though, really."

Well, with that off of the table, it seemed like a straight-up game of chance was still her best bet and Bean sighed at that. If only she had more liquor, she would have had a way better poker face. "Okay then..." She let the canteen fall at her feet with a dull thump and for a moment something was trying to elbow its way to the front of her thoughts. She frowned a little, wondering what she was missing. Was there something she was overlooking?

No. She still didn't have any skills to speak of. Nothing good in a competition. Few things that didn't involve imbibing booze in order to steady her hands a little...

Then a thought finally struck her, as the dark-skinned woman cleared her throat. "Your time is up, Princess. What is it we'll be competing in?" As Bean still didn't answer, she shifted impatiently. "Come now. If you don't answer you'll have to forfeit. We don't want that."

Bean held up her hand. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do have something..." A memory was flittering across her thoughts, a time her own father had been in one of his moods and had taken to throwing verbal potshots at her - and everyone else in the room - until Bean had called him out for being a jerk. She'd proven herself better than him, because he'd been so easy to goad and already a couple of drinks into drunkenness. The two of them had cleared almost two casks of ale between the two of them, until even the formidable King Zog had slid under the table, unable to guzzle another drop.

Yeah. Of course, it was hard for her to think of something she was good at. She hadn't been given the opportunity to do much other than wander around the castle and seethe in frustration at being treated like a lesser person just because she had the bad fortune of being Zog's daughter instead of his son. But her anger had led her to engage in the time-honored Grunkwitz tradition of drinking every available person under the table just to prove she could.

"I challenge you to a drinking competition." She said flatly. The long silence that followed her words earned a tight-lipped smile from the princess. The woman actually seemed taken aback for a second, surprised. Suspicious. Bean didn't back down, keeping a steady stare on her.

"Are you certain you wouldn't rather-" The woman began and Bean jumped in immediately, not letting her finish.

"Nope. Just the drinking."

"I'm sure we could-"

"Driiinking." 

"But-"

"Drinking!" Bean tipped her chin up, looking at the woman with a cutting stare. "Come on. You can't seriously be worried about having a few friendly drinks with a princess...?" A princess who was going to drink this underworld creature under the table and then take her friends home. And she was pretty damn ready for a drink by now. 

Luci let out a laugh as the woman made another sound, undoubtedly ready to try and ask Bean the same question again. "You know better. A deal is a deal, right? It's the rules. You set the conditions and you let Bean decide the competition. You can't back out on it now. It doesn't matter if Bean wants to compete in drinking, swordplay or bean counting." He had that gleeful tone he used whenever someone got a taste of their own medicine. As much as Luci loved watching anyone get tormented, there was always something even better when it was someone who'd been gloating just a moment before having the tables turned. 

"It's not the nature of the competition that is the problem, demon." The woman snapped, losing some of her composure. Mortal beings are not allowed to imbibe Underworld food without consequence. But to enable this competition, your human companion would have to do just that."

"Hmm... Yeah. Sucks for you. You can't claim her soul because you're bound not to unless she loses. Guess you'd better hope you win, huh?" He was flippant but Bean had a feeling that his words were meant as much for her as for the woman. He was looking at her sidelong and she squinted a little in confusion, not sure why he was making her aware of this. "Hear that, Bean? You're gonna get to do what no mortal has done before. You'll get to try the booze that only spirits can actually drink. Y'know, I've heard that spirit food won't make living humans fat. Too bad your dad didn't know that, huh?" His eye closed slowly, but she couldn't tell if it was meant as a wink.

"So, are we doing this?" Bean buckled down. "You can't refuse, right?" She looked at the numerous casks, the ones she'd been eyeing earlier when she'd come in from the desert. 

The woman groaned out loud at that, her flowing robes whipping around her as she strode over to one. "As you wish." She made a gesture with her hand and two mugs appeared out of nowhere. It was a handy trick, one that Bean wished could work out in the normal world. As she filled them, Bean settled into one of the chairs with a smile. One heavy mug thumped down in front of her, full to the brim with frothy ale. "Demon. You are bound by the rules of the Underworld as much as I am. You must be scorekeeper. You cannot cheat in favour of your mortal."

"Pff. Like I'd do that? I like not getting inflicted with excruciating pain. It's more fun when it's happening to someone else. Besides-" his shoulders rose in a shrug. "I don't have to. Bean's got this. You've obviously never seen her drink."

Bean smiled at him lopsidedly, wishing she was as confident about her prospects as the demon was. She gripped the mug, peering into the frothing liquid and taking a deep breath. "Well... here goes nothing." And everything. She lifted the mug to her lips.

It was such a natural action, even though she hadn't gone on an actual roaring bender for ages her body knew the motions and she chugged the liquid. She had time enough to register that it felt good on her tongue, even though it was lukewarm. Her parched throat burned for a moment and then the liquid continued to flow and she remembered how thirsty she was. She knew it was a game of endurance, not speed, but it didn't slow her any. Her empty mug hit the table as she let out a long sigh. "This was a good choice..." If nothing else, she wasn't going to lose everything she had left in her life while she was sober.

There was a patter of paws and then Luci was there, shoving her refilled mug into her hands. Glancing over at her opponent, Bean noticed that the woman had just finished her own drink, just a few seconds behind Bean. Even though she'd been reluctant to take this challenge, she was holding her own and that took a bit of the edge off of Bean's renewed confidence. Even if this was a game she was good at, it was still a game she could lose. She took the newly filled mug from Luci, looking at him with determination.

"We'll get it done, Luci." She muttered, then threw back another in a skilled quaff. His only answer was a smile and another mug. 

Drinking a lot was one thing, but deliberately drinking a lot in a contest was another matter and Bean was finding quickly that she'd begun this contest with a slight disadvantage. Her empty stomach meant that she was starting to really feel the alcohol only a few drinks in. She gritted her teeth between the fifth and sixth drink, looking across the table at the woman who was keeping up with Bean and showing no noticeable symptoms of drunkenness. What if a creature like this couldn't even get drunk?

She had to shove the thought from her mind, drowning it in mug after mug of frothy booze, pausing only to belch and give herself a bit more room in her belly. 

As with most things, when you added in the competitive angle, it took some of the simple fun out of it and made it into a chore. It applied to drinking as well and Bean had to turn her focus to the physical task, lift the mug, swallow the contents, slam the mug back down. It was never empty, thanks to Luci's quick work and she had no idea what her own tally was, much less her opponent's. She had to keep going, to outlast the woman she was fighting and hope that it was enough.

Bean paused between drinks for a second, it was somewhere in the high teens or low twenties and she was really feeling it. The room around her was starting to spin but even that wasn't as bad as the sense of overwhelming fullness in her gut. She wasn't sure she'd be able to hold out at this pace, not because of drunkenness but because her stomach might not have been able to keep an entire cask of booze in it. She clenched her fingers tight on her own mug, then felt the brush of Luci's paw against the back of her hand. She let out a soft groan. "How'm I doing?" Her words were slurring and Luci's expression was a small, tight smile.

"You've got her on the ropes." He said. When Bean looked up, she wasn't sure if he was lying to her. The woman didn't look like she was drunk. She was moving like some kind of automaton from one of Bunty's stories, steady and without any real expression or hesitation. She just lifted the mug, drank steadily and then put it down again. Bean felt a prickle of fear through her at that because she was getting pretty drunk herself. 

"Luci..." She confided, probably more loudly than she intended. "I'm afraid." It was something she wouldn't have admitted to anyone but Luci or Elfo, but in her drunken state, her sense of being vulnerable was heightened too. She knew it was making her hesitate and having trouble getting around that fact. Luci, though, was not having any of it. He wasn't Elfo, who was willing to coddle her with kind words and then do his best to try and pick up the mess afterward. He just smacked her across the face with his tail, as ruthless as Zog had ever been with her when dealing with her drunkenness. More, maybe, because he meant it.

"Don't you cow out on this." He snapped firmly, then slapped her again with a paw that was normally soft and padded but hit hard when he was using it to whap her across the face. "Keep focused. You're not going to lose this because you've overthought things. What kind of a drunk are you? You're princess god damn it, Bean and you will drink this undead bitch under the table."

She blinked a few times, feeling the sting on her cheek, then nodded dumbly. She was reaching for the next glass without thinking, even though her hands were shaking a little and she had to clench more firmly just to make sure she wouldn't drop it. She became like a machine herself, raise the glass, drink. Raise the glass. Drink. The repetitive motion that didn't require any thought on her part. 

She had to silence her thoughts while doing so, letting the actions fill her mind to keep her from wondering about what would happen if she would fail this. The consequences were too much to consider and still be able to keep going without scaring herself. There was nothing but this... just the drinking and the woman across from her. Far from most barroom contests, this was unnervingly quiet, with no hooting and screaming patrons and no bar brawls going on in the background. Just this.

She wasn't sure she could do it... she had no idea how much she'd had to drink and no way of telling how much time had passed either. It just felt like there was a lead weight settled in her gut, and that any more could make her explode. Her fingers shook, refusing to grip the handle on the mug until Luci nudged her again.

Her voice emerged in a plaintive whine. "Luci... I... I don't think I can..."

"You can." In contrast with his earlier harshness, his words were almost considerate now. "Trust me Bean. It's the last one. You've almost won." Her vision was blurring so much that she couldn't tell what that look he was giving her was. If he'd used a tone like this on her normally she would have been suspicious at his motives, that he was being kind. Now she could only wonder in a second of despair if he was lying to her because she was about to lose and he saw no point in continuing with his usual asshole behaviour in the face of what was sure to be their final moments together.

"You... you're a good friend, Luci." She slurred out, not sure if the words were intelligible. The demon's eye was wide at that, his ears back and she closed her own eyes so she couldn't see anything else and couldn't hear anything but the roaring in her ears as she raised the last mug to her lips and swallowed through the urge to vomit. There was nothing to do now but get it down and keep it down. She had to count every gulp just to keep herself on task enough to get it done.

Then, finally, there was nothing left in the mug and she was swallowing empty air for a few seconds more, convulsively. She couldn't quite register it yet, not until Luci's paws grabbed at her risk, finally pulling her hand down.

"It's over, Bean." He said. His voice was so carefully neutral that she couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking at the moment. She just nodded for a second, struggling to breathe and to not retch. For a moment it felt like she was about to puke up every drop of liquid in her gut and struggled to keep it down. She pinched the bridge of her nose and counted, breathing shallowly through her teeth as the feeling settled finally.

"Okay." She murmured, once she no longer felt she might retch. "Okay. I think I'm good, Luci." She swallowed hard, finally daring to glance across the table at the woman. At first it didn't look good. She was sitting there, mug in her hand and looking unaffected as she had been when they'd first begun. It was enough to send Bean's heart plummeting. Then the woman moved and it became more obvious that it wasn't entirely the case. The woman's motions were stilted, awkward. She knocked her own mug off of the table as she leaned forward with a sound that Bean had never heard before.

If someone had told Bean that someday she'd not only defeat the leader of the underworld in a drinking match, but that she would also manage to get said underworld leader to actually puke all over the floor like your standard human drunk, she would never have believed it. Unless she'd been really high on snakeroot or some other hallucinatory drug, at least. But that was exactly what she was seeing right now and only the fact that she was barely holding it together herself kept her from engaging in her usual smugness after a hard-won victory.

It took a few seconds longer for it to sink in completely. She swallowed hard. "Luci? Did I-?"

The demon pulled out the map he'd been carrying this entire time, the back of which he'd been keeping tally in a bunch of disorganized hash marks. He either had no trouble reading them or this was entirely for effect. "Hmm... well let me see." 

"Luci!" She could appreciate showmanship but this really wasn't the time. If she had enough coordination she would have already grabbed and shaken him. "Did I win or not?!"

His eyes narrowed and he tossed the quill aside with a grumble. "Fine. It looks like Miss Leader of the entire non-denominational underworld here managed to clear 36 glasses of ale. Not bad." He pressed the pad of his paw against the sheet, drawing his palm over it in a motion that smeared the dark material. "But that's apparently weaksauce compared to a delinquent like you, Bean. You had 42 glasses. Also, that's not mentioning that by the unwritten rules of booze drinking competitions, if you barf you lose automatically. So there's that too."

"So... I won?" she asked, her voice trembling with disbelief, even as the woman groaned, propping herself back up on the table on one elbow and wiping her mouth, her dark eyes narrowed dangerously. "I did. I won!" She pushed herself to her feet, then immediately was forced to lean against the back of the chair she'd been sitting in. "Ugh... winning doesn't usually make me feel quite this awful."

"That's because you're usually drinking against inferior opponents, Bean. Most humans don't have a high tolerance for liquor." He turned to face the woman as well, one hand on his hip while the other held his tally sheet-slash-map up. "So, we won fair and square. You're bound by your own rules." He waggled his fingers against the parchment with a lazy grin. "So, give us the elf."

The woman grunted at that, turning her face away for a moment to not look at the two of them directly. It took some effort for her to get to her feet again and she brushed her hands down the front of her robe as elegantly as she could manage when she was swaying slightly. "So it seems." She raised her hand, brushing the tips of her fingers across her own forehead and like that her motions were a bit steadier. Bean spared a moment to wish that kind of remedy worked so easily on her... remembering that she was going to have to go out the way she'd come in and newly uncertain about how easily she could manage it. "You'll have your elf back... as long as you can get out with him."

"What? No? Nuh-uh." Bean surged forward, forced to grab at the table with one hand to keep her feet. It didn't matter that she was facing the leader of this stupidly laid out place. SHe'd come this far, won an impossible competition and she wasn't going to go through even more nonsense to get her elf back. "You said you'd give him to us! So hand him over!"

The woman smiled and Bean couldn't honestly tell if it was meant as condescending or genuine. "I would. You did win, princess. But that isn't the only rule that we must abide by here. Unanchored souls cannot be simply yanked back to the mortal realm. It is a process that takes some time. And this last test is not one that I have any control over." She gestured with her hand and the small figure sat on her palm again. 

"You've shown great persistence, great strength and great cunning to make it here, Princess Tiabeanie. Now you must show faith." She considered for a second, then shook her head slightly, reaching out to press the pads of two fingers against Bean's forehead. The slight throbbing that had been sitting heavy in Bean's temples faded slightly and she felt steadier. She was grateful for the magical hangover cure, even though she didn't trust the motives for it. "This is yours, Bean." She set the figure of Elfo into her palm. "With this, you can restore your friend to his physical body upon reaching the mortal realm. But it is a fragile thing, this magic and you must trust that it will work. 

"So your last challenge is this..." She guided Bean's hands, closing her fingers around the figure. "I will return your friend's soul to you. You will have to guide it to the living realm once again. But you cannot _look_ at it, do you understand? Your friend's soul will follow you back from the underworld but if you look back, he will disappear."

"But..." Bean shook her head. "That doesn't make any sense... Why can't I just have his soul now? I could carry him to the surface... he'll get lost on his own." She laughed, a small despairing sound. "He's so bad at keeping up..."

The woman smiled, rested her dark hand on top of Bean's pale hair with her fingers carding gently like soothing a startled horse. "That's just how it works, little princess." She cleared her throat, looking at Luci. "You are bound to this one's soul demon. You understand that for the purposes of this, that any action you take counts as one of hers."

"Yeah," Luci said, flatly. "I can't peek, huh? Stupid, but it's the same bureaucracy we have in Hell so..." He shrugged. "Got it." He climbed up onto Bean's shoulder. "Bean... c'mon. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can lord this whole thing over Elfo for the rest of his pathetic life."

She bit her lip, still wanting to protest what was an obviously stupid concept when she'd already been through so much just to get this far. "Fine." She let out her breath in a sigh. "Let's go, Luci." They made their way toward the door, steeling themselves for the walk back. As much as Bean thought this was a pointless exercise, Luci was right. They just had to plow right through it. They'd have Elfo back soon enough. She could feel the woman's eyes on her back, but she was unwilling to lose right off the bat since she didn't even know when this challenge really started. She didn't look back.

-

Crossing the desert was a little easier when she knew it had a finite end, but with Luci uncharacteristically silent on her shoulder, she was feeling a prickle of unease settled low in her gut. "Hey." She said at last, probably about halfway through the sandy region. "Say something, won't you? This... it's kinda dull, you know?" She chuckled, a sound of humour that she didn't really feel. "I need to think on something besides what we're doing right now."

"Yeah," Luci said. "It's the whole dilemma, isn't it? The more someone tells you to not do a thing, the harder it is to avoid it. You just want it that much more. Would you really have given a shit about looking behind yourself if she hadn't said anything? No, of course not." She could feel the whip of his tail against the back of her shoulder blades and winced slightly. 

"Luci." She warned. "This is exactly the conversation I didn't want to have right now. I wanted to talk on... I don't know... normal teenager things. Like how much I hate my dad. Or... I don't know... boys? I guess."

That, at least, jarred Luci from the obsessive train of thought about how they weren't supposed to be looking, much to Bean's relief. She didn't want to think about Elfo following them back because she knew the sound of Elfo following. He wasn't exactly quiet and the silence she was hearing behind her now was definitely not an Elfo trait. She was hoping to talk on anything other than that, no matter how inane.

"So uh... I was pretty good back there, huh?" This was a topic that at least bolstered her, reminding her of her recent victory. "I mean... I just beat like... the owner of the entire underworld." Her breath emerged in a laugh, relief finally washing over her in relation to that particular tense moment. Somehow it had taken a while to settle in finally, but she'd won. She'd done it. "Man, I think that might even beat my old record. I honestly can't remember what it was cuz I passed out pretty soon afterward and Elfo was already drunk and didn't keep count."

"It was 28," Luci said smoothly and she didn't have to ask him how he knew. He wouldn't answer her anyway, or if he did, how could she know it was actually the truth? "You do have an impressive capacity for alcohol Bean," the casual way he said it made her tense in anticipation of what was about to come next. She knew that tone and it always meant there was some other fact he was about to bring to light, usually to humiliate her. True to form, his next words were "But don't go patting yourself on the back about it too much. I knew you were going to win."

"...Because I'm so good at drinking?" Bean supplied hopefully.

"What? Pff. No. You're basically still junior league when it comes to drinking contests in Hell. I mean... you're okay for a stupid fleshy mortal but not even close to top tier."

Bean bristled at that. "But I beat her, didn't I? She's not even a mortal." 

"Well yeah." The demon leaned back a little, stretching his legs out, each one individually and as smugly catlike as she'd ever seen him. "But you had the advantage."

It didn't compute. She'd been in the underworld, facing the leader of said underworld who was an immortal magical creature, on par with demons like Luci and she'd had the advantage? Was it even possible? "I don't follow." She said carefully. 

"Well, Bean... you remember your crazy witch friend? The one we spoke to before we got started on this whole mission? She told you about underworld food, if I remember right. I was mostly stuffing my face with those cursed cookies."

That was right. Gwen had said something about the food. That she shouldn't eat it. It would have some kind of dire consequences if she were to consume food from the Underworld when she was still a mortal creature. Bean felt a belated shiver of cold dread run down her spine. "Wait... she said not to eat anything." That was why Luci had stopped her initially, trying to keep her from eating any of the desserts. But then... "I drank a ton of ale!" Her voice rose in panic. "Does that mean I won't be able to leave? Was that a bad choice of contest? Oh god..." There were too many possibilities at that, most of them were disastrous. 

Fortunately, this time, Luci didn't leave her to stew in her own thoughts for too long. "Oh, you don't have to worry. A deal is a deal here. It's the same as in Hell, which is why you'll never catch a demon making a direct promise. When an immortal magical creature swears to do something, they're bound by their word. Even if - like in this case - their word means breaking a few laws of underworld physics."

"So you could say she royally screwed herself over by not requiring you to name the rules of your competition before she agreed to it. Because if you won, she couldn't keep your soul down there, not even if you did something that'd normally lead to you getting stuck. So don't worry about that. You're clear. But-" He laughed, "That's the really great thing. For you, I mean. Definitely not for her. Food in the Underworld doesn't affect the living the same way. It's more like... the essence of the food than the real deal. So all that Underworld ale you had was only like half as potent as the stuff you normally guzzle."

"So I didn't break my record? It only counts for half?" A second later, the rest of the implication of that struck her. "Wait... you knew about this? Is that why you were so confident that I'd win? You knew I'd pick a drinking contest!"

"Well..." The demon paused a moment when she'd been expecting him to gloat about his foresight and how he could tell everything she was going to do because he was just that awesome. Instead he lowered his head a little, abashed. "I mean, I hoped. But... it wasn't a definite. You mortals can be so unpredictable. How is a demon supposed to be able to keep up with your weird minds? So I thought it was possible, but I wasn't sure..." He admitted this last part with his ears back.

"You didn't know for sure I'd win..." It was the real takeaway from this, even more than the knowledge that she'd probably won because of a fluke rather than her own prowess at drinking massive amounts of booze. She brushed that aside at the bigger surprise, the more relevant one. "You encouraged me to take the challenge and you didn't know I'd win..?!" It meant that he'd put himself in her hands for real, that it hadn't been just a cunning ploy on his part. The realization left her shaky inside, both from the very real possibility that she could have lost her only remaining friend and the fact that he'd had enough confidence in her to encourage her to take that crazy challenge to begin with.

Luci made a soft sound at that, a non-committal grunt that tried to give away nothing. Bean wasn't having it though. She was angry and relieved and happy all at once.

"Luci?" She pressed the point, needing to hear it for some reason, and at last the demon gave way for her.

"Yeah." He muttered, crossly, the words barely audible. "I didn't. But I calculated the odds and I thought you had a good chance." He sat there in silence for a moment longer as they walked, she could feel the swish of his tail grazing against her back occasionally. "And it wouldn't have mattered anyway." He sighed. "I would have done it even if I didn't think there was a snowball's chance in Hell you'd make it." His gaze darted away from her as she tried to meet his eyes. "You're not the only one who never had a friend before. I don't know how I got stuck with you two losers, but..." His shoulders rose in a shrug.

"You're a good friend Luci. I guess I got lucky that you were my personal demon."

"Damn straight you did." He said, bolstered a little by her steering clear of the potential mushiness. "Best personal demon a princess could have!" He paused, his paws pressed against his own legs, claws kneading into his fur. "Hey, Bean... just one more thing...."

"What's that, Luci?"

"If you ever tell Elfo I did something for gooey sentimental reasons, I swear I will suffocate you in your sleep."

"I know you will."

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's actually a missing scene in an earlier chapter that I forgot to type up. I'll either go back and add it into the relevant section or post it at the end as a missing scene. Either way, I'll update this note and add another one on both the relevant chapter and the tags!
> 
> The basic scene is Bean and Luci briefly meeting Gwen who gives them some advice on the underworld.


	37. Chapter 37

  
  


-

  
  


It was silent again as they neared the entrance to the swamp. Bean wasn’t sure what to say, or that she wanted to say anything at all. Luci’s casual comment had hit deep, despite the fact that she’d known he hadn’t even intended anything malicious by it. He was looking at her from the corner of his eye, his ears down, as apologetic as he ever got.

“Bean.” He was the one to finally break the silence. “It’s okay.” That was all, just a few stilted words.

“No. It’s not.” She closed her eyes for a second, her feet shuffling forward, barely moving enough to maintain some momentum. “I just really didn’t want to think about this, you know…”. She really hoped Luci’s assessment was accurate and that Elfo’s soul wouldn’t be able to hear or remember anything they said. If she could wipe it from her mind, she would. Here she was having another heart to heart with her personal demon and it was becoming an alarmingly common occurrence in her life. She’d never thought of herself as the kind of person who went to anyone for advice or cared what they had to say. It was her own life, damn it.

“I didn’t ever want to need anyone in my life.” She said, keeping her gaze on the ground in front of them, registering enough of the path that she avoided falling into the water. This time, the creepiness of the place barely registered. “My dad wasn’t exactly great and I lost my mom. I mean, I had Bunty, I guess but she’s…”

“A bit dim?” Luci supplied helpfully.

“She’s sweet,” Bean said, in a moment of defensiveness. “But yeah. She’s not the smartest person and she’d never go against my dad and the whole rules thing. I could never tell her anything important. So I thought, hey, I don’t need people. I’m doing fine by myself.” She’d told herself that so often that she’d almost believed it, deep down, but it never mattered. There was always something missing. “And then you showed up. Both of you.” She almost turned her head to look over her shoulder and barely caught herself. “I never had a friend before that.”

“A demon and an elf.” Luci shook his head. “You’ve got some weird tastes, Bean.” He didn’t deny being her friend though, not like he had that first day they’d met. “But that’s not the problem is it?”

“Yes! It is!” She stopped, the fog closing in around her feet for a moment. “I can barely handle being someone’s friend. I can’t be more than that. I don’t even know how I feel about him.” She winced. If Elfo was hearing this, she was going to hate herself later. 

And it wasn’t exactly a lie. Her feelings regarding the elf had been messy for a while. It was so much easier when she’d been primarily concerned about casual hook-ups because the only thing that mattered was that they were available and at least marginally attractive - and that they hopefully didn’t have the plague. Feelings didn’t have anything to do with it, just physical satisfaction.

When it came to her friends - especially Elfo - she got something else. It was that feeling of hope back in the woods, something that filled the parts of her life that had been lonely and empty before. She’d never thought about how alone she felt until she had other people to be with. Even though they argued and didn’t see eye to eye on everything, they helped her in a different way. She still didn’t know who she was or what she wanted out of her life, and maybe she would never completely figure it out no matter how long or hard she tried, but she knew one thing and she knew it very, very well. She didn’t want to try it without an asshole demon and a neurotic elf beside her all the way. They belonged together.

Maybe she did have other, more confusing feelings where Elfo was concerned. She remembered that night at the party, just at the beginnings of tipsiness and desperate to find a dance partner. She’d been avoiding the one person she’d known would say yes. It seemed kind of a dick move to lead him on when what he wanted was something soft and squishy and warm and not the casual hookup that would have given Bean the rush she needed to get through the evening.

He wanted a girl he could watch the sunrise with. She was definitely not that kind of a girl.

She'd been happy to find that he'd found someone else, someone who'd be a little more what he was looking for. A smart girl, probably. Maybe one who was more affectionate and a little less murder-prone than Bean. She'd been almost desperate to meet the girl he was talking about, the one she'd seen in her vision. The perfect woman. 

In hindsight, and as Luci had gleefully pointed out after the fact, she'd been grasping at straws and trying to push her own problems off on someone else. As much of an asshole as the demon could be on an everyday basis, nothing he'd done just to be a jerk had cut as deeply as his matter-of-fact assessment of her behaviour. "What are you, some kind of head doctor?" She'd resented it all the more for being accurate and for having to admit - at least to herself, a little bit - that she was running from the very idea of wanting that kind of relationship with her best friend.

...at the time, she hadn't even been willing to call him her best friend. She'd been afraid to try the words and have them come out wanting or inaccurate. She'd tasted the idea by herself one time, introducing Elfo to a fictional boyfriend she was hoping would pop up and be that perfect ideal she'd been looking for but even just getting the words "this is my friend, Elfo" to roll easily off her tongue was hard.

When he'd died, it had been so much easier because it had finally set things in stone. That was it. Everything about their relationship summed up in those three words. "My best friend". He was that and would never be more because he was also dead. If it hadn't hurt so badly, she might have been relieved.

She wished she could talk to him, that the silent spectre following them would just talk to her, let her hear that high, whiny voice that she'd come to associate with the feeling of just being happy for once. She needed to hear him so badly, to see him, to touch his face and hug him and then not let him out of her sight for the rest of his life. She was going to be that creepy stalker friend and she didn't even care at this point.

"I just need him." She said, shakily. "That's all I know right now."

Luci patted at her cheek in a manner that would normally have come across as condescending, but for the moment, it actually soothed her a little. "You'll have your chance." He said after an awkward pause. God, he wasn't good at this whole comfort thing, but he was trying so hard that she wanted to hug him anyway. It was probably hard for an evil creature to manage. "Once he's alive again, there'll be plenty of time."

  
  


"Yeah." Bean let out a long sigh. "You're right." She sped up her steps, trying to use the physical activity as a distraction as well. Besides, she was still aware of the fact that she'd been here too long, the sense of disconnect from her own body was more evident when she wasn't having to deal with Underworld weirdness or actual peril. It would have been the worst possible thing to go through all this and never make it out because her own mortal body just gave in on her before she could escape. 

-

  
  


She could finally see the familiar rolling hills ahead, heralding their return to the river lethe. This time she didn't waste time along the bank, going directly to the bridge where she'd crossed the first time. It didn't terrify her as much now, not after the rest of the things she'd been through. She did have a moment of pause as she was halfway along it - a literal pause as she froze in place, wondering if Elfo would be able to follow. It was pretty narrow... but he was also pretty small. She swallowed hard, again reminded at how easily she'd nearly fallen prey to the temptation of looking behind her to check on her dead friend. 

"Hey Elfo. Just... take it slow on the bridge, okay. Don't be afraid, it's way sturdier than it looks." She reached the other side and stood there, counting her heartbeats for a minute or two and straining to hear the sound of Elven shoes against wooden planks. The river was making noise, true, but it didn't seem like it should be enough to completely conceal the sound of those elfen heels against the bridge's surface. But she still heard nothing.

The longer it went on, the harder it was to not wonder about it. It really felt like she should have heard him, that they would have been made aware of his presence somehow. He was by far the least silent member of their trio. 

She'd thought this would be easier. And it was hard, but not for the reasons she'd expected at all.

"Elfo... you are there, aren't you?" She asked, not expecting an answer. As anticipated, none came. "Please be there..."

She started walking again and this time her steps didn't come quite as easily. It wasn't that she was lagging deliberately, there wasn't that great a distance remaining for her to cover before they'd finally reach the exit, but now she was a little distracted, straining, struggling to hear anything coming from behind her. She needed evidence that he was there. She could feel the tension in Luci too and wondered if he was thinking the same thing as she was.

"Hey. You with me, Luci?" She asked, her throat feeling dry and scratchy. 

He was silent for a second then, “Yeah.” She could feel him shifting on her shoulder, his paw sliding into her pale hair. “Do you remember what she said, Bean? Did she swear that we’d get Elfo back if you won? Those exact words?”

“What?” It seemed like he was on something, his out of nowhere question was too pointed to be random. “I don’t remember…” She had to wrack her brain

The demon was bristling a little on her shoulder. “Damn it. Immortal creatures are bound to our word, but only to the letter of it.” His tail was lashing behind him, she could feel it batting against her shoulder. “If she didn’t say we’d get him back, we might be screwed.”

“You think he’s not there?” Bean felt a cold shiver running down her spine. It would have made so much sense, but not in a good way. Her head almost snapped around to see, the need to verify one way or the other was overwhelming. Luci’s paws jerked at her hair, keeping her from fully turning her head.

“What are you doing?!” The demon snapped impatiently, giving her head another jerk. “You can’t look!”

“But what if he’s not there?” Bean’s breath was starting to come quicker, her heartbeat racing. It was the questions she’d been trying to avoid thinking about during their walk. 

“But what if he is?” Luci hissed. “If you look, we’ll definitely fail to get out of here with him.” He groaned, dipping his head. “Man… I hate dealing with underworld bureaucracy… Especially when I’m on this side of it.”

“So we just have to keep going all the way to the end and we won’t know for sure if she kept her end of the deal or not until then?” The unfairness of that arrangement was clawing at Bean but she knew Luci was right. There was nothing they could do at this point that wouldn’t endanger their chances of getting through this. “It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Luci said, dourly. “Why should death be any different?”

Bean’s fists clenched but she kept her feet going forward, moving steadily, counting her steps as she walked past the poor lost souls on the bank of Lethe, out the door they’d come in. The infinite hallway went on only as long as it had before, but it felt like it took forever now that she had something to look forward to - or dread - at the end of the journey. Her footsteps rang loud in her ears, echoing through the long chamber. There were still no other sounds and her heart was ratcheting lower and lower in her chest with every step. Down to her belly, sinking toward her feet.

She might have been walking back toward a future that was functionally the same as her life after Elfo’s death but worse because she’d had the opportunity to get him back and had failed. 

But she persisted. She had to. 

If Elfo was here, he would have trusted her. So there was nothing to do but listen to that small inner voice telling her to hang in there and keep going.

-

Cerberus was happy to see her as she emerged. He didn’t even bother with more than a cursory glance toward Luci this time, pressing one of his large noses against Bean’s hand and wagging his tail. She was able to manage a smile at that. It was rare to be greeted with enthusiasm, like someone was actually happy to see her. It had taken a while to get used to it with Elfo, that he actually just seemed thrilled at the idea of hanging out even if they weren’t doing anything important. “It’s good to see you too, buddy.” She said, petting at the ears on two of his heads with her hands while the third just butted up against her chest looking for affection. 

It took a minute or so before the large canine settled down enough that Bean could carefully extricate herself from him without turning around or looking behind her. “Now sit. You can’t follow me home. My dad would blow a gasket.” It would almost have been worth it to see his expression when she showed up with a giant three-headed dog the size of a horse.

She was hoping that the dog might give some indication about whether or not Elfo was behind her, but he never had his attention caught by anything else and it just heightened the unease. She brushed it aside, even as the dog shuffled a step or two over and sat down reluctantly, all of his floppy ears pushed back as he gave her the giant dog monster equivilent of the puppy eyes once again. Funny that it worked just as well on a large dog as it did on a smaller one… or on a smaller elf. She apologized out loud, even though it was likely he wouldn’t understand her words. “Sorry I don’t have anything for you this time. But when I die, I’ll try to make sure I’ve got a couple of steaks in my pocket, okay?”

As Bean continued, she half-expected the dog to follow anyway and wasn't sure if she was relieved or not when there was no sound of big dog feet behind her. Luci kicked his own small feet against her shoulder. "Well at least the thing can listen... even if it's just to stupid mortals." It wasn't entirely sure if his ire toward the beast was because it refused to treat him like a sentient being that could give it orders or just that he was catlike enough that dogs didn't sit well with him in general. She wasn't going to ask, mostly because it would just frustrate him more than he already was and she didn't need one more problem on this trip.

Not much longer. She had to remind herself of it. Not much longer now.

The world was growing darker around them again, a stark reminder that no matter how weirdly lit and surface-like the underworld looked, that they were still basicallly in some kind of magical cave. The blue flickering lights surrounding the path they were on were familiar and Bean stepped carefully as they drew near the vast expanse of dark water, only hesitating just in front of the dock. "Wait... can Elfo ride on the boat with us?" She wasn't sure if that would be possible without her catching a glimpse of him. If his soul was there, would he have to take another boat? Or was it entirely a non-issue because he was a soul and didn't even need to cross the water the way mortals did?

As the boat glided up to the dock and Charon looked at them with that familiar bland expression from before, Bean bit her lip and closed her eyes, reminding herself not to think about it. She had to trust that this would work out. No matter how much she was used to even the slightest lapse leading to a kick in the teeth or a stab in the back, there were just some things in life - or death - that had to be taken on faith.

"Ready?" Luci asked her softly. At her quiet nod, he jumped down at last, settling on the edge of the boat. True to the conditions of their victory, he didn't look back at her, not risking a tacit failure since he was bound by her agreement as well. Even with everything else going on, she couldn't help a little flash of gratitude toward him.

"Yeah." She stepped onto the boat, lowering herself carefully to make sure she didn't pitch into the water. She swallowed, closing her eyes for a moment just feeling the slight shudder of the hull as it began to move at last. It was easier to avoid temptation with her eyes closed and she worried at her lip with her teeth. "Thanks, Luci." She said, the sound of water on the ferryman's guiding pole providing the only distraction from her own mind. 

"Of course." The demon replied coolly, then was silent. Bean could almost picture his suspicious expression, the look of slight disbelief he got when he wasn't sure if someone was trying to fool him with something. "For what?"

"For coming with me." She said, "For being here. Just... for being my friend." 

She heard a slight shuffling beside her and then felt warm paws settle on her knee. Luci didn't say anything about her proclamation or her gratitude, but he did remain close by, giving her something to focus on. As they moved, she was counting the moments and between the swaying of the boat and the grounding heat of Luci's paw on her leg, she found herself zoning out for a moment.

Awareness hit her hard as the boat bumped into something solid. She was forced to grip blinding for something to steady herself. She turned her head firmly toward the front before she slitted her eyes open cautiously. She could see the dock and beside it, the horse was still there. The animal didn't seem to be distressed or hungry, which made Bean wonder how long she had been gone. 

Charon cleared his throat, loudly, and Bean muttered an apology as she scrambled up onto the dock. She didn't look directly back at him, but she tried not to seem like too much of a jerk as she kept herself facing forward. "Hey, uh... thanks. For taking us across. I really appreciate it."

The silence that met her gratitude was puzzled rather than sullen as it had been before and then the ferryman's voice rose in a confused croak. "You're welcome."

As Bean moved to grab the reins on her stolen horse, swinging herself up only a little awkwardly, Luci clawed up the side of the saddle blanket and perched himself ahead of her on the pommel, noting blandly, "You didn't have to thank him, you know. That's his whole job."

"I know," Bean said, pressing her heels into the horse's sides to guide him back along the path they'd entered by. "But... I don't know. I guess I didn't feel like being a jerk, you know? I've done a lot of that." There were a lot of people she'd dismissed over the years because they were just doing their jobs and she'd never stopped to consider that they were also people. The memory of the soldier on the riverbank flitted across her mind and she felt a little less guilty thinking about everything when she put it together that just being a little nice to someone could actually make a difference. "It doesn't hurt to be nice to someone."

"Okay. But I gotta ask... who are you and what have you done with Bean."

"Oh, shut it, Luci." She pulled her hand away from the reins to flick the demon in the back of the head. "You'd better watch out when we get Elfo back. We both know that niceness is catching."

Luci only hissed in response.

  
  
  
  
  


-

  
  


“I can see light ahead,” Bean leaned forward in the saddle slightly, her hands quivering on the reins for a moment. “We’re almost there!” Her thoughts were torn for a moment between anticipation and dread. One way or another, she was going to know whether the woman had told them the truth, if her challenge had paid off in the end. But the possibility that she’d been lied to and that she was going to find them arriving back in the mortal realm without their elf in tow was forefront in her mind now. There was nothing else she could think about.

Her breath was coming a little hard, like she’d been running, and Luci was vibrating on the saddle in front of her. “C’mon” He said, ears back as he ducked his head down a little, his tail lashing across his haunches like an impatient cat. “Can’t this glue factory go any faster?”

“Well yeah, it can.” Bean scowled, “but… I mean aren’t you worried?”

“That we’ll get out and find out that this whole trip was a useless waste of time?” Luci filled in the words she was unwilling to utter aloud. “Well, if I was the type to worry, I probably would. But you know… better to rip the bandage off fast. The longer we delay, the longer it’ll be until we know the depressing truth.”

Bean was silent for a few seconds, listening to the hoofbeats against the stone. “It doesn’t actually sound more appealing when you say it like that.”

“Yeah. I know.” Luci poked her with the spade of his tail. “C’mon Bean, let’s get this over with.”

She nodded, lips pressed tightly together and her fingers clenched against the reins as they covered that last short distance. It took a heartbeat and a lifetime all at once. As they reached the mouth of the cave, real daylight hitting them for the first time in hours - days? weeks? - Bean quivered, unable to help the slide of her eyes as the horse edged forward over that slight distance separating the underworld from the mortal one. She managed to keep her head steady a few seconds long, enough that the horse's hooves came down with a dull thud in dusty grass instead of the stone they'd been walking on all this time. As soon as the sound reached her ears, her head whipped around at last.

Bean drew her breath through her teeth in a hiss, her eyes widening slightly. She could feel the dig of Luci's claws in her shirt and into the skin beneath as he clambered up onto her shoulder, as impatient as she was. For a moment, just a few seconds with the horse still pulling forward, she could see something behind them in her remaining glimpse of the underworld. A small, painfully familiar form. Though indistinct in feature, she could recognize that shape anywhere. She felt the sting of tears at the corner of her eyes, her voice caught in her throat for a second before emerging in a croak. "Elfo!"

She slid from the back of the horse, so fast that the animal bucked in a panic, dancing away from her. She didn't even care as she darted back. But as soon as she took a step, instead of going straight through to where she'd come from, she hit the rock wall that they’d just come through. Her hands scraped against the solid stone and she clawed for a moment with her nails, tearing free a bit of lichen and dirt. 

“Let me in!” She cried out to no one. There was no reply, the wall didn’t give way to her and she could only pound it with her fists a few more times before she sank to her knees. Her breath hitched in her throat, her dirt-smeared hands coming up to press against her eyes. “This isn’t fair…”

Behind her, she could hear the faint patter of demon feet as Luci came up to her. She didn’t have to look at him to see that he was drooping. “Death’s never fair.” He said, and she could have smacked him for that. She almost did, turning and raising her hand automatically before she stopped herself. The demon’s ears were back, his eye narrowed into a pained squint. As much as she wanted to hit something, she could hardly do it to Luci, who’d done nothing but try to help all this time. Instead she reached out, grabbing hold of him and dragging him close, crushing him against her chest and holding tight to his small form.

At least she still had him… at least they still had each other. It didn’t make things better, but she could be grateful that her crazy mission hadn’t cost her Luci as well. She buried her face in his dark fur that smelled a little like brimstone, her fingers carding through the softness of it. After a moment, she could feel his paws come up, pressing into her hair and stroking it with the same motions.

How long the two of them sat their commiserating, she didn’t know, but it was long enough that the horse came back, idling in the grass nearby. Bean let out a sigh into Luci’s fur and uncurled herself. “This sucks…” she said, but there was no heat to her words. 

The demon let out a soft breath, a wry laugh. “Yeah.” He looked back at the wall they’d come out of, his ears back. “I guess…” He swallowed, cleared his throat. “I guess we should’ve waited…” 

It wasn’t meant to, but it hurt to hear that. Had it been just a trick or an illusion that he’d been following them at all, or had they just - as Luci lamented - turned too quickly and condemned Elfo back to the Underworld? Bean’s impulsiveness - often encouraged by Luci - had gotten them all into trouble before, but never something they hadn’t been able to get out of. It was hard not to feel like this was her fault… that if she’d just held on to her patience a little longer, they’d be holding Elfo right now.

And she missed him… it was like missing a piece of herself.

“This is it, I guess...” She said, at last. Luci raised his head at that, though his ears were still drooping slightly. If he was waiting for her to say more, he was going to be disappointed. There was nothing more to say. They’d failed.

  
  


-

  
  


It was hard to get her legs to respond. She knew that there was nothing they could do, the limitations of their entry into the underworld meant that there was no way to try again, nothing she could do. But she’d known that, hadn’t she? No second chances, as Luci had pointed out early on when they’d started this thing. 

The knowledge that they’d come so close hurt more than simply failing would have.

At last, Bean managed to push herself to her feet. Her hands were shaky and she felt a little lightheaded as she finally climbed atop her mount again. If the beast had decided to be intractable, she would have been in trouble, since she wasn’t sure she would have been able to keep much of a hold on the reins. But the animal seemed relieved to have her finally saddled up so it could return to Dreamland after all the weirdness it had been put through. Bean didn’t even have to guide the horse as it walked, moving back along the path they’d come.

-

The trip back to Dreamland was a long one, retracing their steps. The fact that Bean’s horse went unerringly toward the castle meant that she didn’t have to expend a lot of energy or thought to the process. Instead, she was able to focus on her guilt and frustration. All the things she could have done differently. 

Luci prodded her with his tail and the brief jolt of pain was enough to get her attention. She raised her eyes to where the demon gestured and saw the towers of Dreamland castle coming into view beyond the trees. They were almost home.

It hadn’t occurred to her, through all this, what kind of reception she could expect from her father and his knights. It wasn’t like they could hide that they’d left without permission and gone off on some wild elf chase. Her dad had been remarkably sympathetic - for him, anyway - to the degree of giving Bean some space to be sad and angry. She wasn’t sure if this would be included in the crazy things she was allowed to do because she was in a mood.

Though, considering Zog’s own numerous crazy missions that he sent his men on, it was a definite case of the pot calling the kettle black if he did complain. At least the only people she’d endangered on this mission were herself and Luci.

_And maybe Elfo’s soul._

As they actually entered Dreamland, Bean felt a twist in her gut, a feeling like nausea. Even if her dad didn’t decide to arbitrarily throw her into the dungeon over this whole escapade, she expected he was still going to yell and chew her out. She wasn’t in the mood for that at the best of times, but especially not right now.

“We don’t have to go back right away,” Luci said, perhaps privy to her thoughts. Or maybe he just didn’t want to deal with that either.

He had a point, and it didn’t even take any persuading to convince her to go along with it. The only real question was where to go instead? 

-

Her first impulse is always to go to the bar. It would be so good to get drunk right now, to drown out her sorrows in alcohol and to keep drinking until she hopefully passed out and didn’t have to worry about the consequences of her actions for a while. But it would also have been the first place her dad would go looking for her and she wasn’t going to risk getting dragged before him when she wasn’t already completely out of her mind drunk.

While she was brooding over it, unable to settle on any exact wheres, her hands were moving still, tugging at her mount’s reins and guiding the horse in a wide loop around the outside of the castle.

She didn’t know where she was going until she was there. And then she realized there really hadn’t been any other place she could have gone.

-

Bean abandoned the horse halfway up the hillside and went the rest of the way on legs that felt like they would collapse under her at any time but kept propelling her forward. She could see the simple marker they’d used for Elfo’s grave, because anything else would have been too expensive and time-consuming, especially for someone regarded as some kind of pet by the majority of Dreamland residents, including her dad.

She dropped to her knees beside the mown up earth, staring for a few long seconds but not seeing anything. Luci came up beside her, standing just slightly behind her and being thankfully silent.

She wasn’t sure why she’d come, really. Elfo wasn’t here. He was back in the underworld, probably. It wasn’ like he could know she was around. It wasn’t like he could _hear_ her.

And yet, she talked anyway. She talked because she needed to. It was more for herself than for Elfo.

“Oh, Elfo…” The words emerged in a sigh. “There’s a lot of things... I never really thought about saying a bunch of stuff. There wasn’t really any reason to, I guess. You were always here. There was always plenty of time to do things later.

“But now you’re not here… and there’s no more time. And I just… I wish I’d said them. Even if they were just stupid stuff.” Bean felt the hot prickling of tears beading at the corners of her eyes and had to pause, biting her lip for a second in an attempt at composure. She wanted to stop there but she couldn’t. Instead, she poured out her confusion and uncertainty to her best friend’s grave.

“You really wanted to talk about that kiss, didn’t you?” She remembered Elfo’s awkward insistence, his need for clarification that Bean couldn’t provide because she didn’t know herself why she’d kissed him. She could have blamed the drugs, but it really had come before they’d kicked in, part of why she could remember it so vividly. Every detail. The warm press of his lips, the smell of him like a warm sugar cookie with the scent almost drowned out beneath the lingering smoke from the castle fire and the new clinging scent of Bliss covering his body. It had been only a few short seconds but it was burned into her memory. And how could she talk about it when any attempt to even think about what happened sent her into a spiral of confusion and doubt.

“I guess I should have said something. I really didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know. I’m not good at _feelings_. I’m good at drinking and pissing off my dad but I’m not good at having friends or…”

_Or anything more than friends._

_If that could even have happened, she thought maybe it would have been more awkward than she’d anticipated. More strange. More surreal._

_Maybe the confusion she felt could have been the first stirrings of more. Now Elfo was dead and she would never know._

“I thought I’d have the time to figure it out. How I feel about you. I’ve never felt like this. But I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I think maybe I’m just… broken. Maybe I can’t even have relationships the way people talk about in stories. What is love, anyway? I couldn’t tell you.

“You weren’t supposed to die!” Her voice broke on the word, her tone one of mingled guilt and anger. She couldn’t blame him for that, but she did. Just not as much as she blamed herself for bringing the grim fate down on Elfo’s head in the first place. “You were supposed to stay with me!”

Her head drooped and she felt the wet tracks of tears down her cheeks, her breath hitching in her throat. Any anger she felt toward Elfo burned out quickly, leaving her nothing to grasp onto. “I miss you…” she said, finally. It was all she could manage through the tightness of her throat. “I wish you were here. No matter how bad it got… having you around made it better…”

She was in the middle of a breakdown and she couldn’t stop it. She didn’t have the energy to. Not even when Luci was standing there behind her, still silent as a shadow. When she was forced to brace her hands against the grass to keep from losing her balance entirely, Luci finally moved. His small feet made almost no sound as he padded up beside her. His paw hesitated for a moment, then pressed against her arm.

Luci was rarely silent, not unless he was just watching the events he’d put in motion unfold and amusing himself. He seemed unsure, leaving his paw there for a second before patting at her arm like had had no idea how to be soothing. Maybe he just _didn’t_ know how. He was a demon, after all.

He cleared his throat. “I could tell you he’s in a better place now. That’s what you mortals like to hear, isn’t it? That you die and go to a better place?” He laughed a little at that and though it sounded mean, Bean understood. It was pretty hard to reassure someone about where their soul would eventually end up when you were a demon and you knew what Hell was like.

“I guess… at least he’s not going to Hell, probably?” Bean raised an arm, wiping it across her face. Strings of snot and tears clung to her skin and she ignored them as she drew a hitching breath. “I mean… he didn’t do a lot of bad things… he kept going on and on about that…”

“I mean, maybe he didn’t murder anyone, but I’d say his fashion sense is bad enough to land anyone a one-way ticket to Hell.” Bean looked at him, sharply, and Luci’s ears went back a little as he ducked his head in a moment of chagrin. “Sorry. It’s a joke.” He ran a paw through his fur and set his chin on one knee. “I know, it’s not that funny, but I’m sad, god damn it! I’m not up to my normal standards.”

Bean patted at his shoulder. “It’s okay.” She smiled, “At least you tried.”

Biting her lip she let her thoughts wander down that path they’d started on, her fingers carding through Luci’s dark fur. She didn’t know if the underworld they’d been to was good or bad, or whether Elfo was bound for one place or another. Everything had been more confusing than anything. Would he spend his entire life as a mere decoration on a cake? She blinked at the reminder of that little detail, her breath catching for a second as she fumbled her hands toward her pouch.

The sudden shift caught Luci off guard. He’d been leaning into the touch of her hand as she petted him and her absence left him off balance. He let out a sputtering swear and lost his balance, pitching face-first onto the grass. “What the Hell?!”

Bean didn’t even notice what he was doing past that point, she was too preoccupied with grabbing the pouch from her belt. She fumbled with it for a few seconds, trying to get the ties open. She’d never had this much trouble before, not even she she was drunk. But at the moment, it was all she could do to yank it open without actually tearing the fabric. If she had just ripped it open, she wouldn’t have cared, she was beyond worrying about something so trivial.

The cake topper. She’d put it away when they’d left and hadn’t even thought about it. But it was supposed to be Elfo, right? That was what the woman’s words had implied, that it was representative of Elfo’s soul. So if she had brought it out with her, then maybe the whole nonsense about Elfo following her had been just a decoy of some kind? He could still be possible to save?

Her mind was trying to rise up and present her with the logistical problems. How could that even work. If it was his soul, what good would it do if she had it on her anyway? If it was Elfo in the tiny figure, would he just be tiny from then on? And if Elfo was in her pocket, then what had been following them all the time on the way back from the underworld?

She’d seen him… seen him crumble to pieces… but that couldn’t be right. He was here, he had to be…

The fabric finally slid open and she slid her fingers inside, both eager but also suddenly nervous. What if it was broken? She had to be careful with it… Her fingers closed around the hard shape of it in her pouch and she drew it out, breath catching in her throat as she forgot her need for oxygen in her excitement. She could feel the contours of it in her hand, her thumb brushing across the familiar triangular shape of an elf hat. But as her fingers opened, the solidity of it came apart in her hand, she barely got a glimpse of a shape as the item she was holding dissolved in her fingers, much the way that Elfo had dissolved when she’d looked behind her at the entrance fo the underworld.

  
  


As she watched, her hand opened, empty, except for a few shimmers of some kind of bright dust that quickly slid from between her fingers to scatter across the grassy ground, some of it peppering onto the churned up dirt from Elfo’s makeshift grave. She watched it, feeling a strange numbness spreading from her hand up her arm and to her chest. It wrapped around her. 

It was a worse feeling than the dismay and anger that had hit her back when they’d left the cave. Then she’d at least had something to hold onto, her fury toward the strange underworld minion who had tricked her. Now she had nothing. The ashes of her one remnant of that trip slid from her and left her with nothing. Nothing.

Luci was struggling up next to her, his tail lashing then curling into a stiff question mark above his back as he saw the remainder of the figurine sift down across Elfo’s grave. His small dark chest hitched and heaved for a second and she saw him turn his head away, eye blinking rapidly. He didn’t look at her, didn’t say anything, but she was okay with that. She had no idea what she would have said if he’d actually wanted to talk, or worse, offered her some kind of consolation or sympathy.

She didn’t want that. She just wanted Elfo back.

Dimly, she was aware of the sky dimming around her, the clouds from further on the horizon were finally starting to reach them and blocking out the sunlight. It was gradual, as she sat there on her knees, but it fit her mood better than the sunshine could have. It was dismal and her mood was dismal. 

All they needed was some rain to make this whole depressing tableau complete…

No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than something wet hit her cheek. For a moment she thought it was a tear, but it was cold. 

Of course… It was like the world was determined to add insult to injury. Bean threw her head up to the sky to glare at the clouds. Past them, even. She’d never been too convinced on the new religion that they’d been working on, but if there was a god - or gods? - up there, she was pretty pissed at how big of a dick he, she or it was. “Really?” She called out, her voice rising in a shrill laugh. “Well, this is great.”

The demon beside her looked uncertain for once, his ears back. He grimaced as a drop of water hit him on the shoulder and moved closer to Bean. “We should get inside.” He pressed a paw against her arm, giving her a slight shake to get her attention. “We won’t do Elfo any good staying out here anyway.”

Bean had to bite back the urge to lash out in response, to accuse him of just wanting to go back to somewhere he could be comfortable. Why should they be comfortable when they’d failed so badly? It felt wrong somehow and she was about to round on him when she noticed how the damp was starting to make Luci’s fur cling to him. The look on his face was one of brief vulnerability, something she rarely saw from her evil companion. But he was either too tired or too emotional to cover up his feelings and the tug of his paw at her sleeve, curled in the fabric, was far weaker a motion than she would have expected. He also wasn’t making any fun or goading her and that was telling by itself.

She sighed, feeling the anger starting to drain from her. Reaching out, she caught hold of Luci, tucking him against her chest and turning slightly so the rain wouldn’t hit him as easily. “Yeah.” She closed her eyes for a moment, head dipping low. “Yeah. You’re right…. Let’s go in.” She was partway through the motion of picking Luci up, something he normally wouldn’t have tolerated but was allowing at the moment, when she heard something. It was a sound like a dull thump and for a moment she mistook it for the echo of distant thunder. “Sounds like it’s going to get bad this time…”

It was the wrong time of year for thunderstorms but there was no use in taking chances. Their luck wasn’t good enough that she’d risk staying outside with lightning about, especially considering at least five or six Dreamlanders managed to get themselves killed by lightning every rainy season.

But while she was in the midst of getting to her feet, Luci stiffened in her grasp. His claws sank into her skin, only slightly dulled by the fabric of her shirt. “Luci-” She hissed in warning, only to have him hiss back, even louder. He’d never looked more like a cat then at that moment, his ears forward and his eye gleaming in the dim light like there was a torch behind it. His tail was up and straight behind him, his wet fur trying to rise in spikes across his hackles. “What…” She tried again, only to have his paw clamp against her mouth.

“Shut the fuck up!” Luci growled and Bean was tempted to bite his paw in retaliation. She didn’t because who knew where it’d been? She was definitely going to kick him, though, when he got within range of her feet. He didn’t let her finish the thought. “Listen-!”

Listen? Listen to what? Bean’s eyes narrowed, her head shaking helplessly. What was he even on? “Are you high?” It was the only reasonable explanation. Luci had weed on him all the time so he could have been smoking at some point while they were on the way here or even while she was frantically fumbling for the figurine that might have contained Elfo’s soul.

If it had dissolved, did that mean it had never had Elfo’s soul in it? Or had his soul somehow been destroyed… for real? Both thoughts were bad but the former was more palatable somehow.

She didn’t have the opportunity to indulge in too much speculation because Luci’s tail whapped her on the side of the head and she tried to drop him to show her displeasure. Unfortunately, he was latched on tightly by the paw on her shirt and the other on her shoulder. He only unhooked one of them long enough to grab her by the side of the face like she was an unruly child he was trying to get the attention of. “Listen!” He repeated himself and this time, though reluctantly, she did.

She heard it again. The sound. A dull thump. What had sounded like thunder didn’t have the rolling echo to it that was familiar. This was something else. Bean’s eyes widened a fraction and then she whipped her head around, trying to place the sound. It was almost like the sound of hoofbeats on packed dirt… or was it more like the sound of someone knocking on a wooden door? Neither seemed quite right and neither really fit either. There was no one anywhere nearby, no horses either, and there were certainly no doors out here in the open.

“What is that…?” She managed at last… the words slipping from her tongue and hitting the air with a slowness that belied her reluctance to commit to the question. Did she want the answer?

Luci didn’t answer, if he even knew. Instead he squirmed in her grasp and she realized she’d instinctively gripped tighter at the uncertain noise. It took a slight rake of his claws across the back of her hand before she released him with a low hiss, rubbing at the shallow scratches and glaring at him. The expression went unnoticed, his back to her as he landed on the ground. 

Normally the demon stood upright, to avoid as much comparison to a cat as possible. It never stopped people but it was an effort Luci put into things for his own sake. The fact that he’d not only landed on all fours but didn’t bother immediately straightening up, was alarming in a different way. She took a step forward, questions finally rising to her lips only to die out as she saw Luci shuffling forward on the ground on all fours, his tail curled up and high, the spade of it twitching, rotating slightly like the arrow on a compass. He paused again, made a small noise in his throat as the direction of it steadied and he took a few steps forward, paws shuffling through the grass until he reached the edge of the loosely packed soil.

They’d lowered Elfo’s coffin through here only a few days ago. Given all they’d been through, it felt like forever. She moved toward him. “Luci, what are you doing?” The rain was starting to pick up slightly and the ground beneath the demon’s paws was already fairly muddy and getting more so. If she’d known that storms would come through so quickly after the funeral, she might have insisted that Elfo’s body be interred in the crypt instead, even if her father had objected she was sure she could have guilted him into it. Bodies from poor graves… shallow graves like the makeshift one they’d dug for Elfo… had a tendency to get sodden in heavy rains, sometimes even coming to the surface. 

At least Elfo was in a coffin…

The thought crossed Bean’s mind even as Luci’s dark paws started to dig into the ground, tearing up brand new clumps of grass and churned mud. He dug into the soil without any of the usual fussiness he showed at keeping himself clean and un-mussed and Bean felt a stab of alarm in her gut. 

He’d gone crazy. That had to be it. What was he doing? She dropped to one knee behind him, reaching out and curling her fingers in the loose fur along his nape, picking him up by the scruff as if he was a real cat. “What are you doing? I thought you said we had to get inside-” A clump of mud hit her in the face and she sputtered, holding him at arm’s length. He was already wet and getting more so, his fur plastered to his body like a drowned rat and his legs paddling at the air in an undignified manner he would never have permitted under normal circumstances. “What the hell! Luci!”

“It’s not thunder, god damn it!” Luci finally shouted, his own voice dropping a few notes into a lower register that reverberated through her body. She shut her mouth immediately, uncertainty washing over her. He never took that tone, not even when he was up to trouble. He didn’t leave her waiting this time, perhaps sensing that she wasn’t going to just let him go so he could resume whatever craziness had consumed him. “It’s not. It’s coming from under the ground!”

Under… 

There was nothing under the ground though. They didn’t exactly have a lot of burrowing creatures in this area because the peasants tended to capture them as a supplement for their meals, which was a remarkably effective means of pest control. Even without that, the sheer amount of rock in this region meant it was hard for the damn things to get much of a foothold anyway. It was also why graves tended to be more shallow here… So there was nothing to make that noise. No animals. Certainly not any people.

Except.

No. Her mind balked before finishing the thought. It wasn’t possible. There was no way. 

There was _someone_ down there, but only if one were to count the presence of… well… corpses. Corpses belonging to a certain best-friend-slash-weird-potentially-romantic-partner? But corpses didn’t make sounds. Dead people were just dead. 

"Silent as the grave" was the adage. It was there for a reason.

She was going to dismiss it, but then she heard it again, the same sound. But now that she was on her knees in the muddy grass, she could hear it more distinctly. Definitely not thunder. It wasn’t from the sky, even with the fact that the rain was starting to come faster and the darkening clouds were foretelling a truly momentous storm rolling in. 

It was from the ground in front of them. No. Under the ground.

And there was only one thing there… one thing that she’d helped bury not so long ago. She stared, feeling her breath catch and her heart jump in her chest for a second in a fashion that was either excitement or fear - or both. No. It couldn’t be. 

But it had to be. What other explanation was there? Luci was right…

Her hands were moving before she could even register it. She dropped Luci to the ground where he immediately went back to digging, shovelling the wet dirt back between his legs like a dog. She didn’t have the time to make fun of his method as she was too preoccupied with curling her hands into the dirt, scooping away sloppy handfuls and throwing them randomly to the side. It was like she was trying to swim, but through a muddy sludge that didn’t move aside easily. The rain wasn’t helping. She could feel it against her back, the wind starting to pick up and tear through the dampness of her clothing. Her hair was already wet, clinging to her cheeks and she must have looked just as muddy and messy as Luci. She didn’t care though.

It wasn’t the messiness of it that was the trouble. As she dug, she found that there was a problem she hadn’t expected. Given that Elfo’s coffin was only three or four feet beneath the ground - far too shallow to provide much protection from wild animals or the elements - it should have been easy for them to make a dent in that distance even with just the two of them. But despite their frantic efforts, they were barely making any headway.

Bean’s breath was coming hard, her lungs burning as she was forced to pause for just a second with a cry of frustration. There was another thump and it galvanized her to dive back in for a few more sloppy handfuls of muck before she straightened up. “Why isn’t it working?” She called out in despair. Her tunic was clinging to her front, stained more brown than blue, a mess that travelled all the way along her arms and even up to her neck and chin. As she straightened up for a second, caught up in her frustration, she realized what the problem was. Just getting a slight distance revealed that the rain was hurting their efforts in more ways than one… it didn’t just make digging an ungainly and messy process, but the wetness of the ground was causing the mud they were chucking to slide right back into the hole. 

Every effort to excavate was like taking one step forward and two steps back. “Shit…” she hissed, more to herself than anything. “This isn’t good… we’re not going to get through this way…” 

Luci turned his head to look at her, but his paws kept moving in a dedicated blur that impressed even Bean. Even while he was talking, he was still digging. “Stop saying what we can’t do and keep digging!” he snapped at her. His tail lashed out, stinging against the side of her hip as he tried to push her to resume. When she didn’t immediately respond, other than to drop a muffled swear in his direction, he grimaced. “In case you forgot, we buried the dumbass in that damn aquarium!” She wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but he didn’t leave her in the dark for long. “It’s made of glass, damn it! If it hasn’t already caved in from all the dirt…”

Oh. She hadn’t even thought about that part. All of Luci’s fears made sense. He was right. The glass was flimsy and that was bad enough. It was surprising enough that it hadn’t caved in, but the fairly compact size of it - given that it was only large enough to fit the body of a tiny elf - probably helped with that respect. But it wouldn’t help too much if the actual dirt above it was to become suddenly much heavier… like say if it absorbed a lot of water and became heavy, sludgy mud.

If he… If he was in there… somehow… then it was possible that the thin glass of the aquarium wouldn’t hold up under the added pressure. And even if it did… was there air? She didn’t think that was likely. She was alarmed to realize that they hadn’t heard another thump again for a while and she felt the panic surge in her.

He could suffocate. If something they had done had brought Elfo back… but back to his own body in its grave, he could already be running out of air. That would have been the worst possible outcome of their trip to the underworld… to lose Elfo again because of their own shortsightedness.

_But it made her realize that she’d been damn lucky that she hadn’t let Zog just chuck him into the burial pit with all the other corpses. He would have been burned away and maybe he wouldn’t have had any possibility of coming back without a body…_

Bean bent herself to her task, more fevered this time. Her hands moved together this time, dragging the earth more than scooping it. She pulled in long strokes, pushing as much of the loose soil as she could with each gesture. She was making progress, she thought, even if a lot of it came rolling back. She gritted her teeth, tasting mud creeping into her mouth and making her gag slightly on the grittiness of it. She just turned her head, spat as best she could and kept going. The hole around them was getting deeper but the going was also getting harder.

So close… they had to be close now right? How long had they been digging? How far had they gotten? How long… god…. It was quiet now. So quiet. 

Were they too late?

She couldn’t think that. There was a prickling at the corners of her eyes and she bit back on the pain and the near-overwhelming urge to just give in to despair. This wasn’t going to end this way. She wasn’t going to stop, not until she knew for sure. If there was even the slightest chance…

She plunged her hands deep into the muddy hole, scraped away more dirt and felt the corner of her nail tearing, a sharp pain that stung through her hands. She would probably have felt it more if her hands weren’t starting to go numb from the cold and the rain. As it was, it barely registered. It wasn’t until her fingers jammed up against something hard and smooth that she paused, her breath rasping hard in her lungs as she shook her stinging hand. She’d hit whatever it was hard… She looked down at the spot where her fingers had struck and she saw the gleam of the dim daylight against something shiny. Could it be?

She ignored the pain of her broken nail and her jammed fingers, reaching down to scrape the mud aside. Yes, it was. There was glass beneath her. It was too muddy and smeared to see into, but she let out a yelp of triumph that got Luci’s immediate attention. The demon quit his scrambling at the other end of their newly dug pit and dashed over in a spray of mud droplets. He went for the same point, that small bit of glass that spelled hope for their attempts, tearing away more clumps of mud with a desperate snarl. 

“I can’t hear him…” Luci panted, and it made her aware of the fact that she’d never actually seen him breathe before. He couldn’t possibly need to… Maybe he’d been around humans too long, or maybe it was more a testament to his panic, but he was gasping hard, drawing in air in great huffs that shook his tiny frame. His claws scraped the glass beneath them with a high pitched shriek of sound. He pounded the palm of his paw against it, his ears back as he tried to get some response from within. “I don’t think…” he froze, his tail drooping momentarily, his eye wide with alarm as he darted a gaze up at Bean. For a moment, he looked lost.

“He’s in there,” Bean said the only affirmation she could manage. Elfo had to be in there or this was for nothing. The possibility that they’d been digging up his grave for no reason did strike her for a second and she pushed it to the back of her mind. They wouldn’t be just pulling up his rotting corpse, damn it. It wasn’t going to end like this because they’d already gone through so much.

And… the woman… she’d promised, hadn’t she? Luci had told Bean to secure that promise, that an immortal creature couldn’t go back on their word once given. So this had to work.   
  
“We have to get him out…” she muttered, more to herself than to Luci. The wind was picking up more, the rain hitting harder, stinging lashes of cold water on her skin. She wouldn’t have cared, except that the worsening conditions were only going to make it harder. She already wasn’t sure how they could possibly excavate the entire aquarium before Elfo ran out of air -

_if he hadn’t already..._

“We need to…” She stuttered out the words, not sure what should follow, leaving it hanging in the air. Luci’s eye narrowed as he looked up at her and he seemed to be having the same thought because his claws scraped again at the glass beneath them, determination in his gaze.

“We need to just fucking get him out.” They both heard it then, the creak from beneath them. It was a subtle sound that they might have missed if they weren’t both straining as much as possible to hear any hint of life that might have been coming from below them. The glass of the aquarium, already fragile and strained from being buried under three and a half feet of dirt, was starting to give way.

If it collapsed… well, Bean had a mental image of Elfo’s small form being crushed beneath the two of them, their full weight atop him. Even if he survived - and he was a tough little thing, admittedly - it might not have been possible for them to dig him out very quickly if the entire hole were to collapse in on itself. They might have had difficulty even getting themselves out.

Bean’s mind froze, refusing to process what they could possibly do at this point that wouldn’t make it worse or be somehow futile. While she was struggling, Luci was already taking action. He shoved her hand aside with a growl and she let him, looking down at him dumbly while he pressed his paws against the glass for a second, eyes narrowed into thin slits. He then reared himself up onto his feet again, his tail curling high into the air, sinuous and lashing, before he drove his entire weight down, putting the force of his full, small body against the tip of his spaded tail as he drove it down toward the glass.

It struck like an icepick, with all the force a demon could manage, and it slipped right through the glass. A weblike spread of cracks emerged from all around it, spreading further out. The sound of the blow came a few seconds later, as Bean watched in morbid fascination. Luci shifted with a grunt, looking at her. “Get ready!” She wasn’t sure what he meant, but she nodded anyway, her hands clenching on the air as she leaned in.

A second later, Luci pulled his tail, straight up, and it came out, tearing through the glass. The spiderweb of cracks split along each seam and she could hear it giving at last. Panic seized her and she wasn’t thinking about the logic of it as she moved. Her hand followed the line of Luci’s tail, plunging through the opening in the glass. There was a sting across her knuckles and she ignored it. Her focus was entirely on the feeling of wet fabric beneath her hand as she plunged it into the darkness.

Was it warm? Was there movement? She wasn’t sure. She just fisted her fingers in the front of Elfo’s shirt, grabbing tight. Luci moved beside her, his small black paws curling around her lower arm, holding to her as if he could somehow lend his aid in pulling the elf out. From an actual physical standpoint, there was little he could offer, but his presence sent a jolt of energy through her and she bit at her lip hard enough to break the skin, as she yanked upward with every ounce of force she could manage. 

The sound of the glass finally shattering reached her ears even as she pulled a muddy weight up, dredged from the depths of the makeshift grave and covered in glass and muck. Even as she yanked Elfo’s small form free of the ground, she could feel it collapsing beneath her, the formerly occupied space giving way under their combined weight. She barely had the presence of mind to grab for the edge of their hole, her fingers sliding slickly until she managed to curl them tightly enough in the wet dirt and grass that she could brace herself.

She shuffled then, still holding the sodden form in her arms pressed close to her chest as she struggled to her feet amidst the sliding wetness of the earth around her. Their hole was filling with water, and as she surged to her feet, she was ankle-deep in brown water. It churned around her as she pulled herself up, her upper body braced against the grass around the edge of the grave. Luci moved with more ease than she did and he was already perched on the ground beside the grave, reaching out to grab hold of her arm, claws scraping at her already scratched skin. It did little to help other than galvanizing her. Her feet kicked, bracing in the mud as she gave a last heave of her powerful legs to shove herself up and over.

The ground was still precarious. She could feel it shifting under her weight. The newly grown grass wasn’t rooted deep enough to hold the earth together with the weight of their bodies and the sodden mud sliding away underneath it. Bean pushed herself to her knees with one hand, the other gripping tight in a small but surprisingly heavy mass in her arms as she shuffled forward several more steps, away from the water-and-glass-filled hole they’d made.

Only when she was sure that she wasn’t likely to slide back into the watery pit, did she pause, sprawled out on the ground on her side and gasping. The water kept hitting her, a steady downpour now. It washed streaks of mud down her cheeks as she lay there. Luci was crouched beside her head, his paws brushing at her hair for a second, pulling through the wet strands as he shook slightly. She could feel sympathetic vibrations running through her own soaked form. It took a moment for it to sink in, what they’d done. It was crazy, honestly. There was a large portion of her brain that was rising to berate her for this. She was going to be in so much trouble with her dad if he found out.

_Not that she cared what he thought, honestly though._

More relevant was the fact that she wasn’t sure herself if she’d done the right thing and she was almost afraid to look down, to confirm one way or another. She could feel Elfo against her chest and she couldn’t tell if he was breathing. He felt still and heavy… almost as much as he’d been in her arms when he’d died in the forest. What had she done? She was dragging a wet muddy corpse around… her best friend’s corpse. It was fucked up, was what it was. she closed her eyes tightly, grimacing.

Luci was easing away from her head to stand beside her shoulder, she could feel the weight of him just barely brushing her upper arm. She didn’t have to look to see the way he reached out an uncertain paw. It was like she could see it somehow… sense it over their bond… everything he was doing and thinking. She shuddered as much as he did when his paw touched the muddy fabric of Elfo’s shirt. Bean’s body went tense at the touch. It would confirm things, one way or another…

The demon nudged at the elf’s upper arm, very lightly at first, then again, more firmly. His tail lashed behind him and Bean could sense his mounting anxiety, it radiated across their bond and she felt the same surge of despair at the lack of response. Her grip loosened finally, letting Elfo’s small heavy form slide from her arms to rest on the ground as she opened her eyes to bear witness to the truth.

Luci moved in as soon as she finally released the elf, his paws pressed against Elfo’s chest, shaking the small green body. “Come on, god damn you!” Luci gritted the words out between his teeth, his ears pressed flat into the dark wet fur plastered to his head. 

Bean was already so keyed up that it was hard for her tension to get any higher. She found herself sitting there numb, watching as Luci struggled with their friend’s dead body. There was steam on the air and she couldn’t tell if it was because the rain hitting Luci’s body was attempting to evaporate due to his demonic body heat or if he was actually crying again. She didn’t ask because she knew he wouldn’t appreciate the concern, even if it was well-intentioned. Besides, she could feel the wetness on her cheeks and she pretended it was just the rain. Who would know the difference?

“It’s over.” She said at last, her voice a hoarse croak that she barely recognized. “Luci. It’s over.” All this work for nothing. In some way, she wondered if the burgeoning emptiness she felt was relief. She’d been sad for so long that she thought she might welcome this numbness spreading through her chest.

They’d confirmed it. Their effort had been wasted and they were no better than they had been before. Knowing it for sure made her feel better in some ways and worse in others. At least there was no uncertainty anymore... Not that it brought Elfo back…

“No,” Luci growled up at her. He didn’t turn to meet her gaze, his ears flicking. “I heard something! You heard it too!” She didn’t nod, not certain she wanted to confirm. She was mostly convinced that it had been thunder, or some other sound and that she’d just deluded herself by hoping. Luci was more determined than she was, somehow. When just poking and prodding at Elfo’s middle didn’t do anything, he raised up to bring his entire weight down on Elfo’s chest with a leap. Even in her numb state, Bean couldn’t help but register how very catlike that maneuver was and it brought a twitch of a smile to her lips at the absurdity of it.

As the demon’s entire body came down on Elfo’s middle, there was a faint sound, a small rush of moving air, like an escaping breath. Bean sat there, braced on her knees and watching with a sense of remove. Actually seeing Elfo’s lifeless body again had cemented what she’d already known, that he was dead, that there was nothing else to fight for at this point. Luci’s further attempts were not only futile but kind of sad. As Bean turned her gaze away, she reached up, running hands through the wet strands of her hair and tried to jumpstart her brain. She had no idea what to do now. Perhaps they should have just stuck Elfo back, but given the rain and the muddy mess… it was hardly feasible.

On the other hand, taking Elfo back to the castle was not the best option either. It was bound to bring up questions about what the two of them had been up to and she was probably still in trouble for taking the horse and leaving in the first place. “Luci…” She began, softly, the words barely hitting the air before they were drowned out by the patter of the rain. She sat in tableau, a wet mess, watching Luci curl where he sat on Elfo’s chest, his head down and drooping. Her fingers itched to reach out and gather him in her arms, to take some comfort from his warmth and perhaps extend some of her own in turn. When she touched him, she felt him flinch, his small dark hand coming up as though he would push her fingers away. Instead his paw just rested there for a few seconds. “We should… go inside.”

“Not yet…” Luci said softly. He lowered his paws again, resting them on Elfo’s chest, pressing down again with his weight, but slowly this time. It wasn’t a motion that showed the effort and desperation of earlier and she felt her own chest ache in response. It was easy to discount how much Luci had also cared about their elf companion, especially given their tendency to bicker, but she knew that he missed Elfo as much as she did… even if it was in a different way. “Come on…” Luci muttered and Bean almost spoke before she realized that he wasn’t talking to her, he was talking to Elfo’s body. “Come on you sugary little bastard… come back god damn you…”

The flash of light in the distance caught Bean’s attention, her head snapping up. As she watched, she could see more lightning jumping from cloud to cloud. It was getting closer, as evidenced by the electric crackle on the air that tried to make her plastered hair stand on end. “Luci… we really need to go inside… There’s nothing else we can do here-”

The next part happened in a blur. Bean reached out, moving to grab hold of Luci, to drag him away physically if she had to. At the same time, the demon raised his hands high again, swinging them down toward the elf’s chest. A bolt of lightning lit the sky just behind them, right off the edge of the overlook they were crouched on. It struck the top of the abandoned tower and sparks flew in the air, coming down around them in slow motion. 

While Bean was still recoiling from the strike, she heard it. This time the sound was obvious, a sharp, wheezing gasp of air that tore through the surprise gripping her and yanked her gaze down to where Luci was sitting on Elfo. The demon was dumbstruck, his eye wide and his hands braced on Elfo’s chest. It was that motion that she could follow, the sharp rise of the flesh and cloth under Luci’s hands in a jerking breath.

She waited, watched, her own breath caught in her throat as she waited for some confirmation of what she’d just seen. The danger they were facing by staying up here didn’t cross her mind, she was too focused on her companions.

And there it was, again, another shuddering rise of that thin green chest, a sound like a groan as the elf twitched under Luci’s paws. Bean moved without thinking, skidding forward on her knees to wrap her arms around the both of them and dragging them to her chest. She buried her face against Elfo’s muddy hat, one hand pressed to the center of his back. She could just barely feel the pulse of his heartbeat beneath her fingers. Luci was crushed between their bodies but he didn’t move to push away, instead reaching up a paw to tangle into her hair, the other one still clinging to Elfo’s shirt.

“What…” That voice. She’d never expected to hear it again… She wasn’t sure if Elfo would be aware of what had happened, if he remembered anything about his time in the Underworld or their rescue of him. He was moving in her grasp, but weakly still. “Bean? ...Luci?”

“Shut up.” Luci snapped, voice low and croaking. “Just shut the fuck up okay.”

Bean agreed with him silently, letting her hand slide up and down the length of Elfo’s back, just reassuring herself of his solidity and presence. He was here. They hadn’t failed, after all. It was enough to almost completely make her oblivious to the hazardous conditions and the discomfort of her wet body. But then the clap of thunder came, a loud sound that vibrated through her entire body and made her jump, her heart pounding with the realization that yes, they just had almost been hit by a giant bolt of lightning.

She could see Luci’s fur starting to stand on end and she could feel the crackling in her own hair, even as wet as it was, plastered to her head and cheeks. 

“Fuck!” Luci yelped out in response, then dipped his head in embarrassment at the response before managing to get himself together enough to say something. “Let’s get the fuck out of this… before we all wind up getting zapped.” Now that he wasn’t caught up in his attempts to awaken their companion, he was showing some self-preservation… even if he wasn’t the one who actually needed it. She wasn’t sure he could be damaged by lightning any more than he could be seriously hurt by any amount of physical pain she - or anyone else - had inflicted on him before.

Nodding, Bean gathered the two up against her as close as she could hold them, lurching to her feet and making her way toward the castle. The rain struck her in the back the entire way and though the storm raged, they made it safely inside, leaving a trail of mud and water through the stone hallways of the castle.

-


	38. Chapter 38

  
  
  
  
  
-  
  


Bean didn’t normally go down to the baths unless it was necessary for some kind of formal event - or on occasion when Luci managed to convince her to steal her step mom’s stash - so she was surprised to find that the tubs didn’t just fill themselves. She was still holding Elfo’s sodden body to her chest, his heavy head on her shoulder. The fact that he was barely moving didn’t matter since she could still brush him and feel the slight rise and fall of his chest. As they stood on the tiles, she stared down at the empty tub in dismay.

“This should be full.” She said, dumbly, when Luci stared up at her.

“You realize someone does that right?” Luci sighed. “God damn, I’m starting to sound like Elfo.” His ears went flat as he looked down at his own wet and muddy paws. A couple of his claws were broken and he shook one paw out with a grimace. “Fine. You are so useless, I swear.” He made his way over to one of the tubs, peering into it before looking over at the buckets nearby. “I’ll handle this. HEY, YOU!” Luci peered his head out the door and screeched at the first passing servant. The woman hesitated, then saw Bean standing there looking like something the demon had dragged in. If it wasn’t for the fact that her white hair was so recognizable, the servant woman would probably still have passed by without stopping. As it was, she did a double-take and then cautiously entered the room.

What they must have looked like to the woman… Bean didn’t even want to know. She was soaked and muddy and carrying what looked like the dead body of her former friend - or… pet, if they were going by what most people thought of Elfo. The woman shuffled nervously from foot to foot and Bean sighed. Her voice was soft, though she was giving an order. “Can you fill the tub?” When the woman hesitated a second longer, Bean added, “Please.”

The servant girl’s eyes got wide and then she nodded frantically, rushing to grab the bucket and fill the tub. As splash after splash filled the tiled tub, Bean felt a sense of calm settling over her at last. Her hand rose, petting at Elfo’s shoulder. She could feel him twitch in her arms, though he didn’t actually wake up. Bean didn’t even bother getting undressed other than kicking off her boots, stepping into the tub when it was still half full. Luci lingered on the rim of the tub for a second before hopping in as well, just in time to get a full bucket of hot water dumped across his head. Steam rose from his fur and he grumbled but started running his paws over himself to dislodge the clinging mud.

Bean let herself sink into the warm water with a sigh, Elfo braced across her lap. The servant poured in a few more buckets before returning to the side of the tub, fiddling her fingers. “Did… did you want me to wash your hair, ma’am?” Bean looked up at the girl who was shuffling from foot to foot, and gave her head a slow shake. “It’s okay. We’ve got this.” As soon as the words had left her mouth, the woman immediately made for the door, obviously weirded out by the fact that the princess was electing to take a fully dressed bath with a cat and a corpse.

It was fine. Bean shuffled, moving to rub her hand along Elfo’s arm, idly brushing away the dirt and mud and watching it dissolve into the bubbles. Luci eased up beside her, finally done with his own grooming. “Here. Let me.” He said, and when her gaze darted to him, eyes wide, he growled. “It’s more effective. Besides, you’re a mess. You should have let that girl wash your hair. I’m not doing it.”

The princess nodded, her grip finally loosening. Elfo was bigger than Luci and fairly heavy when he was a limp lump like this, but Luci handled him easily enough, pulling him away from Bean and dunking him for a few seconds, unceremoniously. Bean shook her head but it wasn’t like it wasn’t an effective tactic. She sank lower into the water, raising both hands and scooping water, splashing it across her face. She ran her fingers through her hair, missing the way Bunty was so effective at dealing with baths, even if she was occasionally rougher than necessary. Still, the act of washing her own hair was oddly soothing and she watched as Luci continued to manhandle the unconscious elf, hands stroking rhythmically through her own hair. It gave her time to think, to try and process what they’d been through.

What had happened, really? The way things had gone down when they’d stepped out of the underworld, she’d thought they’d simply failed… but the candy figure had been there in her pocket at Elfo’s grave… for a few seconds at least.

Luci was getting too rough with Elfo and she leaned over, catching hold of the back of Elfo’s shirt and pulling him back toward her. “Easy. You’re going to drown him at that rate…” Given everything they’d been through to get him back, having Luci accidentally off him again wasn’t ideal. But she had to admit, his ministrations had been effective, Elfo was mostly mud-free. As she held him braced across her knees, she looked at Luci. Her searching gaze got his attention and he raised his head to look up at her, his ears tilting sideways slightly. 

“You’re thinking.” He accused and she could only nod. He grumbled low, easing through the water toward her to slap at her arm. “Well stop it. It’s annoying! Your thoughts are so loud…”

She knew what he meant. Sometimes she felt like that too, when the demon was preoccupied by something. It was like a pressure headache, just sitting in her temples and making it impossible to focus. “I can’t help it. I’m just…” She looked down at Elfo, flicking her thumb across his cheek to capture a last bit of lingering dirt. “I don’t understand what happened.”

The demon was silent for a second longer, looking for all the world like he was gearing up to hit her again, but instead he shuffled closer, leaning his head against her knee. “I know.” He said and when Bean’s full attention snapped to him, he clarified. “I think I know.” He waved a dismissive paw. “Souls don’t exist very well out in the mortal world. Not without something to… contain them, I guess. Something magic.” He’d been thinking about it more than he wanted to admit, to have finally come to this reasoned conclusion. She wondered if he’d been wondering as much as she had on what had gone wrong. 

“So, you think his soul was in the candy?” She asked, though she knew the answer. A slight tip of his head was confirmation of what she had guessed already.

“And when you brought it close enough to his body, it tried to rejoin. And since he was buried… well, it was lucky my ears are so good.” Or they wouldn’t have heard. They might have just walked away. She was grateful for Luci’s supernaturally good senses.

Bean let out a sigh, shuffling in the water. “I don’t know why she didn’t just _tell_ us.” It would have saved her a lot of bad moments and stress to know what was going on.

Luci had been as angry as she had, just as upset, but now he just shrugged in the face of this kind of underworld bureaucracy, like someone who’d dealt with it often. “It’s the afterlife, Bean. Nothing is as universal as bureaucrats… except for taxes.”

She shuffled. The water was only lukewarm now and distinctly dingy with the bubbles mostly disappeared. All of a sudden it didn’t feel appealing anymore and she pushed herself to her feet. “Let’s go to the room.” She said. In her arms, Elfo twitched, a small noise escaping his throat. “It’s probably better if he wakes up somewhere familiar. Besides, she preferred the comfort of her own room, where there weren’t likely to be random gawkers.

Luci leaped out of the water, a bit clumsily, and clambered up Bean’s side to sit on her shoulder. Unlike the princess and elf, the demon’s fur was already starting to dry out, fluffing as the heat of his body burned away any lingering water. He pressed himself against her cheek in a way that would have come across as affectionate if she hadn’t known better.

_But it was, and she did._

Now that she’d cleaned off and the mud and grime had been washed away, she could feel the spike of energy from earlier starting to wear off. The ascent to her room was more difficult than she expected, her feet stumbling on a few of the steps before she reached the top. She had to pause at one point, leaning her shoulder against the wall and just looking down at the elf in her arms. He was more active now, sort of. He shifted and made small noises in his throat that drew a slight smile from her. It was kind of ridiculous looking, especially when he briefly brought his hand up to his mouth and started sucking on the side of it like a nursing kitten. What was he thinking of? It seemed peaceful, at least.

She was going to fall asleep on her feet if she didn’t keep going so she forced her legs to respond, dragging herself and her two companions up the remainder of the stairs and nudging the door open with a clumsy shove of her hip. Once she was inside, it took only a cursory kick to shut it again before she eased toward the bed. She paused before putting Elfo down. He was still soaking wet. 

On her shoulder, Luci sensed her concern and reached out a paw to tug at a strand of her hair. “Just set him on the rug and get a towel. I’ll see what I can do.” She nodded, dropping to a knee to set the elf’s small wet body down. Luci jumped off her shoulder as soon as she was crouched and he made a slow circle around Elfo, appraising.

As Bean shuffled through her clothing, unsorted because apparently, Bunty hadn’t been in while she was gone, she could hear the slight rustling from behind her. She had no idea what Luci was doing until she emerged from her hamper with a wrinkled towel. After a moment of consideration, she pulled out some dry clothing for herself, tossing her own wet shirt and pants aside and giving herself a quick once over with the terrycloth before slipping into the loose-fitting garments.

When she came back to them, Luci was sitting on the elf again, half curled across his chest. His tail was glowing faintly and she could feel the heat of his body as she drew close. She dropped the towel on top of him, earning a soft sputter from the demon. But other than shuffling so the fabric wasn’t covering his head, he didn’t protest. Bean sat beside the two of them for a second, her arm braced on her bed as she watched through half-lidded eyes. Luci kneaded his paws against Elfo’s chest and the fabric of the towel and she could see wisps of steam rising from beneath his paws.

She reached out, touching a spot where he’d just been pressing the pads of his paws and found it to be mostly dry. “Wow… you make a pretty effective dryer.”

Luci smirked. “I’m effective at most things. It comes with being an awesome magical demon. We’re not bound by your silly mortal limitations on stuff. Also, we’re just naturally hot.” She was sure there was some kind of joke in the way he was saying that, but she shrugged it off because it was also true as a simple fact.

Besides, with everything else put behind her and some actual time to just think, it was inevitable that her thoughts would wander to trying to figure out what had happened. Their brief conversation earlier had given her no real answers, but she was far from the expert anyway. She sighed, running her fingertips across Luci’s head and scratching idly behind one of his ears. “I guess coming back to life wears someone out, huh?” She was bone-tired herself and she hadn’t even been the one who’d died. Still, the more time passed without Elfo waking up, the more she worried about whether they’d messed things up somehow. What if bringing someone back just didn’t work the way she’d expected? If his soul had been separated from his body too long, would he ever be able to go back to normal?

She didn’t say it out loud, but Luci was on the same page as her. “Well, I mean we did kind of drag his soul through the underworld… not to mention he’s been dead for like a week and a half.” He shifted, sitting cross-legged on Elfo’s middle and pulling a cigar out of nowhere, lighting it with the glowing tip of his tail and taking a leisurely puff. “Though I gotta say… given everything else about Dreamland… whatever they use to preserve bodies is pretty good.” He dipped his head down again, close to Elfo’s face and took a few breaths. “I mean he barely smells at all.” 

At Bean’s blank look, the demon groaned. “It’s a joke, damn it.” He nudged his tail against Elfo’s ribcage in frustration. “He actually just smells like candy, which… weird but I guess normal for these elves. He always smells like that.” Bean hadn’t noticed it, but she hadn’t exactly spent a lot of time trying to smell Elfo either. She was briefly tempted but she knew that trying to give Elfo a good sniff herself would have earned some ridicule from Luci, so she didn’t.

“I’m not sure what happened.” She admitted, then blinked as Luci nodded in response. “What? You don’t either? Isn’t it kind of a demon thing? You work with souls?”

“We corrupt souls so people go to Hell. That doesn’t mean we worry too much about what happens to them after they die, unless they wind up there. Otherwise, they’re not in our jurisdiction.” As much as kingdom politics were a boring pain in Bean’s ass to listen to, this whole heaven and Hell afterlife thing was somehow even worse. “But even if I was an expert on it, I don’t know that it would help. This seems pretty out there to me. Living creatures don’t usually go into the underworld, whether it’s Hell or the more nondenominational kind. And bringing people back is mostly just stories.”

Stories or not, it had proven to be factual for them. They had all the proof they needed right here. Bean reached out, leaning forward as she brushed the pads of her fingers across Elfo’s cheek. It was just a flicker of a touch, enough to verify that he was still warm and solid and _there_. She kept expecting to wake up and find that this had all been some dream, or a drunken hallucination that she’d been having after passing out at the bar. Her finger traded up to flick gently through the strands of his hair and she jolted as she heard Luci laugh. She pulled her hand back, fingers clenching as she looked at him. She wasn’t sure where the clench in her chest came from, or the sudden desire to justify touching her best friend to reassure herself of his presence. But the look Luci was giving her, a kind of narrow-eyed, knowing stare, made her defensiveness rise for some reason. 

Luci shifted at last, wiggling out from under the towel and padding a few steps closer so he could lean against Bean’s knee. His too-casual pose set off alarm bells. Her concern was justified as the demon climbed up onto her knee, settling himself against her. “So… got it bad, huh?”

“What?” Bean froze, her mind blanking for a second. She knew what it sounded like he was asking, but surely he couldn’t have been… But at the same time, it was something that had been at the back of her mind since the Underworld. Hell, as far back as Elfo’s death… or even before, if one counted trying to avoid thinking about something. Her feelings for her best friend were complicated at best and she wasn’t sure she was ready to consider sorting them out. Maybe later, she’d been telling herself over and over at every step of this whole process. She’d think on later… There had never been a good time for some quiet contemplation with all the craziness going on.

But now there was nothing in the way of pondering the matter. She just… didn’t want to.

“I don’t know what you mean…” she said, her voice small and unconvincing.

She knew he wouldn’t buy it, he was far too smart for that, and that suspicion was verified when he shook his head. “You do.” He chuckled softly, settling his weight more easily on her knee and looking down at the elf. From this angle, she could just barely see his expression, but the slight smile on his lips was almost fond. “You mortals… you suck on so many levels.” It was a familiar diatribe, a mantra that Luci never hesitated to repeat for them whenever the situation presented itself. Mortals were weak. They were stupid and useless and a waste of space. There was a list of ways that demons were far superior to them. She expected more of the same and was braced for it, but the words that came after that long silence were not the criticism she’d expected. 

“You have all these stupid ‘emotions’ that you claim to value so much… you make up bad cheesy sayings and even worse poetry about how great said emotions are… you put so much stake into it. But when it comes right down to it, you don’t understand them at all.”

It wasn’t wrong, really. One thing about Luci that was both great but also annoying, was the way he was so good at cutting through stupid human bullshit and getting to the heart of the matter. She reached up, covering her eyes with her hand for a second, her breath emerging in a soft huff of sound, faint amusement.

“Yeah.” She said, dropping her hand again and meeting his steady gaze. “Yeah, that’s not wrong. We don’t know what’s up with our emotions a lot of the time. That’s why things can get so frustrating and why we annoy each other a lot… but…” she shook her head a little. “It’s not that simple though. It would be great if it was. But you can feel one way about something-” _or someone_ “-and then also feel something else about them too. Or maybe you feel something and you’re just… not used to that feeling, so how do you know what it really is? Feelings are complicated. She turned her head a little, though she kept looking at him through the corner of her eye. “Don’t you know what that’s like? Is it really that straightforward for demons?”

“Yes.” His voice was flat, though his ears went back for a second in a twitch that was almost a flinch and it made her wonder for a second. He didn’t give her a chance to pursue that line of thought though. “You make a big deal over it, but it’s not that complicated. You either like someone or you don’t.” As if.

Still, who knew. He might have had some point if she was willing to consider it. How did she feel about Elfo? She liked him, she knew that much. But was it… that kind of liking? She couldn’t know because she’d never actually been in love as far as she knew. But it seemed like something that should have been bigger and more all-encompassing than whatever this tight small feeling in her chest was. It should have been something that hit her hard… and she would just _know_ right? Like in the stories.

But nothing in her life had ever been like anything out of a story…

Somehow she was a princess with a demon and an elf as friends. She’d been all over her kingdom and to a few others in various crazy tasks without any bigger mission or goal than to simply get by day to day and keep herself and her friends safe. “Maybe.” She said. It was all she could commit to. “I guess… I have some kind of feeling. I just don’t know what it is.” She looked at Elfo again, as if it would help her to make some sense of the things she was thinking. It didn’t, but at least the sight of him made some of that uncomfortable knot in her belly loosen up. She didn’t feel like she was going to choke on her own breath from loneliness anymore. It wasn’t something earth-shattering like in the stories, but more of a warm glow that settled under her skin. It made her happy.

Like that feeling back in the forest the night they’d met. Hope. He’d brought hope into her life and she couldn’t discount just how valuable that was or how much it had given her. But was that love? She didn’t know.

She reached out without thinking, her fingertips drawing up short just before touching Elfo’s cheek, lingering in the air above his skin as she bit her lip. “Maybe.” She could feel Luci’s gaze on her, cool and assessing, and she didn’t turn to look at him. “It’s more than just… friendship type feelings…” As much as she doesn’t want to admit even that much, it’s true. It’s definitely a different feeling than what she has with Luci, who she considers a friend.

_Her best friend, honestly… She remembered telling Zog that Elfo was her best friend but the words hadn’t really sat right in her mouth. She’d known why, but hadn’t wanted to admit it then any more than she did now._

Luci would usually have been prodding her for more, or outright harassing her or haranguing her about how she was really just a dumb gooey human underneath her seemingly tough exterior, but instead, he was quiet. She wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not, but felt a spark of gratitude toward him for it. He was waiting for her to continue at her own pace. It occurred to her, again, just how much he’d changed in the time they’d known each other too. She wasn’t about to tell him so because she knew he’d be annoyed if she brought it up and it would just lead to him being a bastard afterward just to prove she was wrong.

She swallowed, her lips quirking at the corners before finally settling into a smile. She gave in and let her fingers brush Elfo’s silky cheek. “Maybe it is love. I don’t know. Is this what love feels like?” She mused aloud. She wasn’t expecting any kind of answer and Luci didn’t give her one. He just reached out and brushed his paw against the side of her hand before letting out a small snort of amusement.

“What? You think I’d know? Demons don’t have weird weak emotions like you humans do.” He snorted, tapping at his cigar so the ash sifts down onto Bean’s bedsheet. “But… yeah. Probably. It’s not just friendship, anyway. You dorks seem like you can barely manage that much though, so good luck.”

Bean sighs, stretching out on the bed herself and staring at the ceiling. “What am I going to tell him?” She doesn’t want to think about it. She knows he has - or had, at least - feelings for her. He’d tried to kiss her that one time… and she’d kissed him not knowing what it meant or what to expect. Things would be different if she actually said that word out loud. It would be more than just one of the many quick flings or cheap lays she’d had over the years. It seemed like something too big and frightening to think about.

“You’ll figure something out.” Luci reclined against her leg, his tail flicking. “You’ve always managed to muddle through before.”

It was true. They muddled through a lot of things, the three of them. They could get through this. Hell, if Elfo dying couldn’t mess things up, maybe having some weird possibly-romantic feelings wouldn’t either. She could hope.

-

She zoned out at some point. Elfo hadn’t woken up since that first initial jolt back in the pit and if she thought too much about it, she knew she’d worry at the lack of response. She was exhausted though and she wasn’t sure just when, but at some point she’d stretched herself out on the bed beside her elf companion and fallen asleep. She woke, fuzzy and unsure of where she was. 

There had been some kind of weird dream… she could barely remember the details of it. Elfo had been dead…

No. The realization crept in around the edges as she woke a bit more. No, it hadn’t been a dream. She jolted upright with a gasp, turning on the bed to look beside her. For a moment she expected to find nothing beside her and that their trip to the underworld had been the part that was a dream. Her hand brushed Elfo’s small form and he was warm beneath her fingers and she couldn’t contain the surge of relief. She pulled him forward, yanking his heavy little body into a hug. “Oh, Elfo…”

“Hmm… what…?” The sound of Elfo’s sleep-fogged voice was at once unfamiliar and welcome. She hadn’t heard him in so long… but as soon as he spoke, it was like no time had passed between them at all. She wanted to squish his cheeks and just look him over endlessly but she knew that the elf tried to have some semblance of dignity, even if he mostly failed. Considering he’d been dead, she could at least offer him that.

“You’re back. I missed you so much!” The words tumbled off her tongue in a muddled rush and she watched as the realization crept into his eyes. He looked up at her, his hands lingering hesitantly in the air as though he wasn’t sure what to do with them. Then he rested his palms on her arms and swallowed hard.

“Bean..?” His chest hitched, a sharp breath rasping in his lungs as his eyes went wide and his grip tightened. His voice hit a high note. “Bean!”

Fuck it. Any sense of decorum could wait. Bean hugged Elfo tight and felt him clinging to her in return. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Luci entering the room again, cigarette in hand. He stayed there for a moment, taking a slow puff, before stepping outside again and leaving the two of them to each other’s company.

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. Every time she thought she was done, breaking away from the hug with some intention to talk with Elfo instead of just this needful embrace, she took one look at his sweet face and just felt the need to squish him again. He wasn’t complaining, fortunately. Finally, she flopped onto her side on the bed, her grip on him loose enough that he could have wiggled free if he’d wanted to. He didn’t move away, though his expression grew distant for a second.

What was he thinking? She couldn’t be sure, but she could hazard a guess from the way his eyes went down to his own chest, one small green hand reaching up, brushing against himself. She wasn’t sure how much he remembered but had no doubt that he was thinking about that day when he’d died. She didn’t want to interrupt him, but she had so many questions of her own…

“Bean?” Elfo was the first to speak, breaking the silence and leaving Bean grateful that she didn’t have to be the one to start what would surely be a difficult conversation. “I…” he shook his head, looking down at his own hands. “How did I get here? I was…” He didn’t finish, but he looked up at her and they both knew what he was thinking of. “I shouldn’t be here…?”

Something about the way he said that sent a wash of frustration and panic through her. “You should be here!” She said before she could stop herself. As true as the words were, she knew her tone left something to be desired, coming out desperate and sharp. She saw a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes and she doubled down, her hands grabbing at his upper arms in demonstration of her point. “Hey… listen to me.” she gave him a gentle shake, even in her intensity she was aware that he’d been through a lot. “You belong here with me… with us.” She stumbled over the word, correcting herself out loud though internally she wasn’t sure she needed to. “You didn’t belong there.”

Elfo’s gaze locked on her face for a few seconds before he tore his eyes away to look down at her hands against his arms, and for just a second a hint of colour crept into his cheeks. She wasn’t sure why he was flustered, wondered if she was giving away some hint of her own emotion in her moment of weakness but she took a deep breath and tried not to let herself fall prey to any awkwardness. She was making a point here, damn it. “I… I guess not.” He conceded her point, at last. 

Bean nodded at that, finally letting her hands loosen against him. Her voice softened in a slight apology for the roughhousing she’d given him. “We’re glad to have you back.” The understatement of the year. Her gaze darted away for a second. “We needed you.” She gave in to impulse for a second, pressing her palms to his cheeks and squishing them in that familiar way she’d missed for weeks now. “I needed you.” She said the words softly enough that she hoped he didn’t hear them.

Elfo looked up at her, hesitant, then he smiled, his hands moving to rest atop hers. He didn’t protest the touch, just letting her squish him for as long as she needed to.

-

Luci came back after a while and he got hugs as well, with Elfo squishing his small dark form close with enthusiasm. Even though Luci swore like a sailor, he didn’t shove the elf away. “Yeah, I get it, you missed me.” He tilted his head in for ear scritches and Bean smirked a little at this gesture, even after Luci’s dark eyes fixed on her, daring her to laugh. “So, now that we’ve established that I’m awesome, I should let you know that we’re not going to be able to keep this ‘back from the dead’ thing a secret for long. Your dad is already griping about you sleeping in… as if he has room to talk.”

Bean grimaced at the thought of having to go down and deal with her ‘duties’ for the day, but at least it wasn’t as bad now that she wasn’t having to slog through a day without anything to look forward to. Besides, she was planning to bring Elfo along as much as possible. Luci might have been joking about them hiding Elfo’s return, but it had been tempting to not say anything. “He’s not going to take this well.”

“Oh, he’ll blow a gasket.” Luci waved his paw in the air. “But that’s part of the fun.”

Elfo looked between the two of them, a bit hesitant. Maybe he didn’t want to be paraded around right after coming back from the dead. Bean could understand that. She didn’t usually enjoy being shown off for her status either. “You can stay here if you want.” She said, softly, and he smiled tightly at her in gratitude.

“It’s okay, Bean. I’ll have to appear sooner or later.”

His hand slid into hers and held tight. 

-

It could have gone worse, she supposed. For all their talk about her dad’s reaction, it had been less potentially traumatizing than she’d anticipated. She hadn’t mentioned the fact that they’d gone to the underworld to fetch Elfo and Sorcerio had sputtered, trying to find some explanation for the previously dead elf now being alive that didn’t reveal the depth of his ignorance. Zog had bought whatever his explanation was and it seemed like Bean and Luci were in the clear.

Elfo had stuck close to Bean’s side throughout the day and she’d been fine with that, even encouraging it by scooping Elfo up in one arm when Sorcerio had been looking in her elf companion’s direction with a bit too much interest.

When she was finally able to excuse herself and head back to her room with her demon and elf in tow, she was less frustrated with her actual family and kingdom than she was simply relieved to have some alone time with the people she actually wanted to spend it with.

She sat on the bed, legs crossed while Elfo stretched out and dozed off. As much as she’d hoped for more time talking and being in each others’ company, she couldn’t blame him for being worn out. He was less than a day out from being brought back to life. She stretched out alongside him. The relative quiet lured her to doze off for a while.

When she woke, it was dark. She reached out a hand and there was nothing beneath her fingers. Her eyes snapped open and she sat up, looking around in a near-panic until she heard a demonic grumble from beside her ear. 

“Settle down,” Luci mumbled low. “He just got up for a second.”

“Where is he?” She was in the middle of asking when she caught sight of something moving. Elfo was outside on the balcony, with his hands braced against the stone, and looking out over the ocean. He was partly illuminated by the moonlight in a way that made him look slightly blurred and washed out, like a ghost. She wanted to rush over and hug him, to remind herself of his solidness and his presence. Seeing him like that only made the ache in her chest hurt more, whatever feeling it was that she was reluctant to voice was swelling strong in her.

She wasn’t sure what he was thinking, or if it would be selfish of her to put her own feelings in the forefront right now… but she couldn’t help it. She was remembering their conversation from before, when she’d cut him off in his attempt to talk to her about their feelings and what that moment between them had meant. It was a discussion they’d never had because she’d been too afraid to examine the possibilities. She was still afraid. But losing Elfo like that, the possibility that he’d been gone and out of her reach for good, had made her reconsider how important it might be to figure out these feelings.

As for what the end result of delving into her own emotions could be… she wasn’t sure. Maybe it’d lead to something… maybe it wouldn’t. But at least there’d be some honesty between them and it was something she needed now more than ever. Before anything else, they were friends and she could only trust that nothing would change that.

She eased to her feet and Luci didn’t join her, remaining sitting on her pillow as she walked slowly toward Elfo. She cleared her throat as she approached, trying not to startle him.

“Hey.” Bean stood there in the doorway, her voice a bit hesitant as she looked out at Elfo. She could see his ears twitch, the slight duck of his head before he turned his head to look over his shoulder at her. 

“Bean… hey.” He let out a soft sound, a not-laugh, and she gave him a smile that didn’t quite touch her eyes yet. Now that she was here, presumably ready to start addressing all the big scary feelings that had been the bane of her existence for a while now… to be like a _real_ adult, she found that she was reluctant to say anything. Not scared, exactly, but with the panic gone, there was also a bit less urgency to just blurt it out.

There wasn’t a right time, she knew that. But there probably was a wrong time. She wondered what Elfo was thinking and it occurred to her that maybe there was an easy way to find out.

“You okay?” She moved to lean against the parapet beside him, looking at him out of the corner of her eye so she didn’t seem too pushy. It was just an offer to listen, no judgement. “I know we’ve been through a lot, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want-”

“No.” He breathed hard for a second, seemingly as surprised as she was at how quickly the word had come out. “I mean… I’m not. Exactly.” He reached up a hand toward his own chest, lined up with the spot on his back where the arrow had hit him. She hadn’t pulled it out when he’d been hit. She distinctly remembered the snap of the wood as she tore off the shaft and threw it aside. “I died.”

Bean gave him as reassuring a look as she could manage. She didn’t understand. She knew she couldn’t because nothing like that had ever happened to her. What would it be like? Dying and coming back like that. The closest she’d come was actually being in the land of the dead and even that had only given her some insight into the afterlife, not the actual process of dying. “Yeah. I mean… that’s gonna be hard on anyone.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes widening for a second at her words. He bit his lip for a second as his brows furrowed a little. He looked down at his own hand as though he was only seeing it for the first time. “I guess so. I just feel... “ Elfo let out a small sound, like a whimper, high pitched and cut-off partway through. “I feel _different_. Like I don’t belong in my body anymore.”

She had no answer for that. Nothing to offer but her sympathy and support. “Maybe it’ll fade. You only just got back and… well you were dead for a bit.” She almost kicked herself at the words because there was no way they could help. “I know it’s weird but… I mean… I’m glad to have you back. I missed you so much.”

The reminder that they’d been separated struck Elfo then, she could tell by the way his attention turned from himself to her. Maybe he’d forgotten that his being dead had affected his friends as well, because there was a bit of horror and guilt creeping into his gaze. He gaped at her, then his fists clenched for a moment and he bit his lip, trembling for a second before surging to his feet in a green flash. His arms wrapped around her and with her leaning against the ledge and him standing on it, they were just about face to face. Her head was shoved briefly between his neck and his shoulder as she returned his embrace. “I missed you too.” He mumbled into her hair.

They held on like that, she wasn’t sure how long. She let her hand rub at his back, idle strokes of motion as she let herself gradually relax into the embrace. This was what she’d been missing for a while now. Heck, when it came right down to it, it was the sort of thing she’d been missing all her life. This kind of simple affection was unheard of in her relationship with her dad, and definitely not to be found in her various hookups. This was definitely a her-and-Elfo thing. 

Sometimes Luci… when Elfo could drag him into it.

Bean drew back finally, looking down at the elf with a genuine smile. She couldn’t resist the urge to brush her fingers across his cheek, ruffling at the softness of the fluff there. She wasn’t sure what Elfo saw in her expression, but his eyes were searching and slightly confused. “Bean?”

She had a stupid smile on her face right now, she knew it. She wasn’t sure she really cared though. Her other hand rose and she gave his cheeks a brief squish between her palms. “It’s okay. It’s fine.” She said the words and for the first time since Elfo had died, she actually felt they were true. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.” She leaned in, without thinking about it, and had the presence of mind this time to avoid kissing him on the lips. There was already too much going on in her head - and in his, she was sure - to worry about confusing either of them more with such a display. Instead, she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

When she pulled back from the soft peck, Elfo’s cheeks had darkened noticeably and he fumbled for something to say. Fortunately for both of them, Luci chose that moment to show up. 

“I’m not interrupting anything, right losers?” Luci’s tone was a bit gruff, but Bean ignored it, reaching down to pick him up by the nape of his neck, despite the way he gave a kick of his legs and a slight snarl in her direction. She set him down on the ledge beside Elfo. “I’m not a cat!” He brushed himself off with offended dignity, smoothing down his fur meticulously even though there wasn’t a single ruffled strand. 

“No. We were just talking.” Elfo demurred and Bean darted a glance at him, wondering how he managed to sound mostly sincere. 

Luci’s eyes narrowed. “Talking. Right.” He sat down on the ledge, legs dangling. His tail swept in a smooth loop, curling around Elfo’s leg and giving a tug. “Well, let’s all pretend I believe you’re not awkward sad sacks dancing around your feelings. I demand some attention, damn it. I didn’t help Bean march all the way to the underworld to rescue your sorry ass just out of the goodness of my heart.”

That was a lie and Bean knew it. She could tell Elfo knew too, since he only gave a soft snort and then wrapped his arms around Luci’s body and pulled him into an embrace he verbally protested but made no effort to pull away from. The demon grumbled low in his throat but he eventually lifted his paws to press against them, one paw for each of his companions.

As he finally got tired of being held and wiggled out of their grasp, he gave his tail a slight swish, looking up at them. “So, you two are just sitting out here in the dark like this? Don’t you have anything better to do? I mean…. We could be getting wasted right now.” It was a fair point, but somehow Bean didn’t actually feel much like getting wasted… It was strange because she was so used to having a lot of alcohol in her system that the lack of it normally had her feeling that pull to drink. It was what she needed to drown out all the negatives, all the things about her life that sucked.

But this moment didn’t suck… and she didn’t want to forget about it. “I’m not thirsty, I guess.” She smiled in the face of Luci’s slight outrage at the very thought, but the demon was smart enough not to push it. “I’m enjoying this.” There was something about the open air and their presence that calmed her. It took her all the way back to that first night after they’d met and the strange feeling in her chest in the presence of two total strangers. 

Hope. That was it.

Bean hummed softly, a little noise of surprise and delight as she braced her hand on the stone overhang and climbed up onto it, sitting with her legs dangling down. She sat above a precipice but there was nothing to worry about. “Come on.” She looked from Elfo to Luci, patting the spots beside her. “Let’s watch the sunrise.” It was close, she could tell from the way that the edge of the horizon was starting to be touched with a lighter blue and streaks of pale yellow. 

It was rare that she watched the sunrise over the ocean. The last time had been that disastrous party. It had been the three of them then too.

Elfo shuffled over until their sides were touching, looking up at her quizzically, an unspoken question on his lips. Bean just snorted and reached an arm around him, pulling him so his head was leaning against her side, tucking him against herself, safe and warm.

Luci lingered on the ground for a moment, looking between the two of them with a slight sideways tilt on his ears. Then he threw his hands to the air with a groan. “Fine. We’ll do your stupid thing.” He hopped up with all the grace of the cat he definitely wasn’t, sitting beside Bean and crossing his arms. “But you owe me after this.”

“Of course.” Bean smiled down at him, her hand moving to brush at his ears, idly scratching behind one of them and watching him lean into the touch.

“And don’t get all sappy on me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Bean let out a short breath, glancing at Elfo who had a strange look on his face, his gaze fixed far away, out across the water where the sun was just starting to touch the horizon. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was a soft look. Longing, maybe? She wondered, for just a few terrifying seconds, if she hadn’t made a mistake in all of this. Bringing him back. Maybe he would have preferred to be at peace somewhere else. Had she been selfish?

She had to shake that thought off because the implications were more than she could bear. She bit her lip, the hand settled against his shoulder hesitating for a few seconds, fingers pulling away enough to linger over his skin without touching, just hovering a few inches from his body. Uncertain.

“It’s okay, Bean.” He said, as if he could read her thoughts. The tone of his voice was almost the same as the one he’d held back in the forest clearing where he’d died. He’d been trying to reassure her then and she wasn’t entirely sure that this time wasn’t as much of an act, a brave face for her benefit, as the previous time had been.

“I… I’m not sure.” She said, her fingers twitching in mid-air, aching to touch him. Her breath escaped, long and slow. Before Elfo and Luci had come into her life, she wouldn’t have elaborated. Doing so would have been useless at best and actively have negative consequences more likely than not. But now, she had people to listen to her problems who wouldn’t just dismiss her as a woman or a princess. “I feel like maybe I took something away from you.” From the slight widening of Elfo’s eyes, she could tell he had no idea what she was talking about. 

“Bullshit,” Luci grumbled from where he was sitting beside her. His tail flicked out to poke at her. “There’s nothing you can do after you die that you’re not gonna get around to sooner or later anyway. It’s not like any of you losers are going to live forever.”

Elfo nodded slightly, though his expression was still one of slight wonderment. “I guess that’s true.” He gave himself a slight shake, then raised his hand to rest it on top of Bean’s. “Don’t worry about it, Bean. I’m happy to be here.” When Bean just looked at him for a long time, unsure what to say, he repeated himself, softer. “It’s okay.”

“If you say so.” Bean ran a hand through her hair, tipping her head to the sky and letting out a slow breath. Then a few more. Slowly some of the tension in her body eased, helped - in part - by the warm presence of the elf and demon on either side of her. “I just wish it was… easier… y’know? Less complicated.”

“If it was less complicated, you mortals would be a boring lot,” Luci said, leaning on Bean’s leg, smoking a cigar he’d pulled from nowhere. “Trust me. You’d get bored if things were perfect.”

“Life’s messy.” Elfo agreed, more quickly than Bean would have anticipated. “Sometimes things are sad and sometimes it makes you miserable, but that’s okay.” His small green hand squeezed at Bean’s where it sat on his shoulder. “Messy can be fun.” This time his smile was a lot more genuine, almost like the looks he’d given her any number of times. “I’d rather have messy times with you than being tired of being happy.” He laughed a little to himself, as if at some personal joke that Bean didn’t quite get.

Still, she couldn’t help it. The sound of this small mirth did make her feel a little lighter, even as her mind tried to chase that ‘messy’ remark to a strange place for a second before she shut down that line of thought. Later. Anything feelings-related that didn’t have to do with just being happy about being together, she would think about later. They had time.

It struck her then that yes, they did have time. Luci’s point made sense. Maybe they’d taken Elfo away from an afterlife that might have been one of eternal peace - though she wasn’t sure of that either - and dragged him right back into their whole mess of a life, but in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t it such a short time? They had so little time to be together that she didn’t want to lose any of it if she could help it. 

“Carpe Diem,” Luci said beside her and she blinked. The words were a little familiar from the attempts that had been made to educate her by various tutors - and Bunty - but they weren’t quite ringing a bell. 

“What is that?”

“It’s French,” Luci said, letting the words roll from his lips along with the cigar smoke, but infuriatingly he made no effort to clear up the actual point of confusion.

“It’s Latin, actually.” Elfo corrected him, only to get immediately rewarded with a hard smack of Luci’s tail. “Ow!” The elf ducked behind Bean as much as possible to get himself out of the range of the demon’s whiplike tail. Despite one warning from Luci, Elfo still insisted on continuing. “It means seize the day.” Bean could see the slight furrow of Elfo’s brows and the way his chin rose in petty defiance and she couldn’t help a smile.

“I’m not sure the language matters,” Bean said, stretching her legs out in front of her, slow and languid. 

Luci was busy trying to glare around her at Elfo, but paused at her words, looking up with a flick of his ears. “Yeah. You’re right. Only a moron like an elf would worry about what language it is.” As if he hadn’t been the one to bring it up. “What it _means_ is that you mortals are stupid and you don’t stick around long so you should just enjoy it while you can. Live in the moment! It’s what I do and I’m not even a dumb nutbag like you two.” He looked down across the expanse of Dreamland below their dangling feet and tossed his cigar into the air. Bean didn’t have to ask to know that he was hoping it would hit someone.

Despite the hypocrisy of his ‘advice’ to them, Bean had to admit that Luci had a point. One thing Elfo’s death had taught her was just how easy it was to lose someone or something. She’d gone through life knowing that - barring some unforeseeable illness - her future would probably be a long and dull one because of her status as a princess. But death was around them all the time. “Yeah. I guess we should.” 

Her hand rose to ruffle Luci’s ears and he grumbled again but he leaned into her touch. As she ran her fingers through his dark fur, her gaze travelled to Elfo, who now had a speculative expression on his face, biting his lip as his gaze went out over the slightly brightening horizon. 

“Hey, uh…” Elfo’s hands went down to fiddle in his shirt, tugging at it. His gaze flitted away from Bean and she could see the hint of a dark flush on his cheeks. She didn’t need to guess. She knew what he was trying to say. It was the conversation they’d almost had the morning he’d been kidnapped. Had it been only a few weeks? It felt like a lifetime ago. “Bean… I had something…” He hesitated, fumbled and she felt a surge of sympathy. Talking about feelings was harder than it should have been. 

Maybe it wouldn’t always be, she thought. Maybe there would be a day when it would be normal and easy. Maybe that part just came with being an adult.

Of course, her dad was an adult and he wasn’t good at talking about stuff like that, despite being twice her age. So maybe it wasn’t an adult thing. But that didn’t mean it couldn’t be a thing that she - Princess Tiabeanie Mariebeanie de la Rochambeaux Grunkwitz wasn’t able to do. In fact, she was going to do it now, just to prove she could.

“Elfo.” She cut off his words because she had the feeling his fumbling would just make things harder for both of them. “It’s okay. I know what you’re going to say.”

“You do?” He froze, caught in her gaze like a butterfly pinned to a corkboard. His hands trembled a little. On the other side of her, Bean could feel Luci moving, peering slightly around her to look in Elfo’s direction with an amused flick of his tail. “I…” Elfo’s gaze darted to his hands where they were mauling at the front of his shirt. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Bean asked before she could think better of it. Her mouth was going faster than her brain and it was fine, really. “I’m not upset.” She let out a soft snort, a smile quirking at her lips. “I mean… okay, I was a bit… at first. I didn’t know what to think.”

“And…?” Elfo fiddled his fingers before raising his gaze like he was expecting the hammer to drop.

“And now…” Bean paused, more because it was something that she didn’t really know the answer to. She’d been hoping for a bit more time to think about her own feelings before she had to have this conversation. “I’m not sure.” She said, at last. Honestly. When she saw the way he was starting to say something - likely another attempt to apologize - she cut him off. Her hand slid under his chin so he couldn’t look away and his eyes immediately locked on hers, flustered. “Hey. I didn’t say I was upset. It’s just…” She searched her mind for the right word and came up short.

“Confusing?” Elfo supplied, helpfully. It was definitely one right word but she wasn’t sure it was the one she was thinking of. Still, it helped a little, creating some attempt to define this confusing mash of feelings she was experiencing. 

“Yeah. Confusing. But not bad.” Her hand moved, ruffling the fuzz along his cheek. “It’s just something we’ll have to figure out, I guess.” She was the one who looked away for a second with a slight sigh. “I didn’t think…” She paused, swallowed. “When you died-” She’d been trying hard not to think of that specific moment and all the things she’d been struggling through at the moment, too many feelings and too many what-ifs. “-I didn’t know what… I mean I meant to talk with you about that-”

The kiss.

“-but it just never felt like a good time.” To be fair to her, things had kind of gone to hell when Elfo had been kidnapped and she’d never had the time to really process anything in their attempt to rescue him from Big Jo. But it had been the sort of frantic activity she’d welcomed, it was easier to just do than it was to think. “And then you were gone and I thought…” Her voice went soft. “I thought that was it… I’d never have the chance to know what that was all about.”

Elfo nodded slightly, in understanding. “Yeah. But now I’m here.”

“Now you’re here.” Bean agreed. She let her hand slide down to where his rested, fingers still gripping in the fabric of his shirt. They slid away from their death grip as she tugged at his wrist, his hand turning slightly, automatically, so his hand to curl with hers, their palms pressed together. His skin was warm and soft, a far contrast from the instance in her memory when she’d held him before and he’d been cool and lifeless. “I’d like to know…” She nodded down at their hands and his gaze flicked there as well. 

They could figure out what this was. She had faith in that much, at least. They were all better at figuring things out together than they were on their own. Elfo’s eyes locked on hers for a moment and then he nodded slowly.

“Yeah.” He said, soft, then let out a breath, a soft noise of uncertainty but perhaps amusement too. “We’re good at figuring things out.”

Bean leaned over slightly as she felt Elfo finally relax against her side, his head settling against her arm. She shifted, arm coiling around his shoulders again, pulling him close. This time instead of the stiff uncertainty, she could feel him melting against her as easily as he’d done in weeks leading up to that awkward kiss, back when things had been a little easier.

They’d get it. They had time. And while Bean had no intention of wasting said time, it didn’t mean that this moment - the two of them warm and enjoying a sunrise in each others’ company - was a waste.

They’d be fine now. More than fine.

_ Carpe Diem.  _

It was a beautiful sunrise.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, other than the missing piece I forgot to compile into the document, this particular story is done.
> 
> However! It's not the only story and I'm already in the middle of writing the sequel. I know this one was a bit light on the actual romance, but I really wound up getting into Bean's head a lot more and man, it's a messy place!
> 
> Anyway, the upcoming sequel is called "Binding Persephone" and it should be coming out once I finish getting a couple of other multiparts cleaned up for uploading!
> 
> If you have thoughts or things you'd like to see, always feel free to let me know here or on my tumblr (same name as here!).


End file.
